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I remembered how to handle your moods
When you didn’t remember my middle name
I lay down at night in my bed all alone and my thoughts turn to you
Your bones were worn and your flesh a bit marked, certainly not brand new

And sometimes you creaked as I found my place between your shoulder and your arm
I remember feeling like we were all that exists and that I could never be harmed

Your rhythmic breath soon turned into a roar that rumbled up from the deep
And it comforted me with its familiar sound and lulled me right to sleep

Now as I lay wide eyed on a pillow top that may as well be cement
And crisp new sheets that rough up my skin I wonder where you went

Those days are long gone and I know it's my fault as I toss and turn all night
And a flowering quilt that came out of a box is all that holds me tight
It’s funny really
How I know the names of my poisons
Most people never know what they drank
Until it’s too late
But I take mine with food twice a day
Maybe that means I’m mad
abrupt start
sort of head rush?
lump in throat
tingling, almost like leg falling asleep
but pleasant
moves slow and deliberate
sometimes gets stuck, pauses in thighs and upper arms

like drinking ginger ale on and air plane
Was happy to see me floating,
little did I know I floated cause I was dead.
I sit in stillness,
My soul scrapping at my skin trying to break through.
No matter the self care or the nourishment I feed my soul,
It still resides.
My flesh just a blanket for what lies within.
I sweat,
I eat,
I smoke,
But I will never be able to escape the forever sugar rush.
pull me up
i’m tired of living within the cusp of greatness
my visions of grandeur are getting stronger

would it be out of line
if i wish to ask you
to stay a little longer?
it’s what’s done
that can’t be said
stupidity you can see
it’s just me
can’t tell you all the things i see
cause i don’t really know it all
i cry and lament of whats uncanny
sensibilities for unnecessary
points of grandeur
don’t help me
all they do is keep me awake
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