I love you
Yeah
I said it
And I know I've said it before
But I no longer say it to you
Because
You aren't sure you want to be more than a thing
Ever
So I'll just keep it in my head

Everytime I text you I feel my heart constrict
I love you
And loving you hurts me

But
I'm going to fight
For you
And I'm not giving up
Not until you find someone else

I wanna see every smile that crosses your face
I wanna hear every laugh that passes your lips
I wanna help with every tear
Every sad thought that passes your way

I want to make you happy
But I'm not sure I'll be the one to do that

But I won't give up
Not yet

You set me free but at the same time I hold back

Every time I see you smile I wanna say I love you
Everytime I make you laugh I wanna say I love you
Everytime you frown I wanna say I love you
Everytime I look into your eyes that hold all the emotions I wanna understand
I wanna whisper I love you

But I can't say it out loud
So I'll say it silently

I'll say it to myself before I fall asleep
I'll say it to myself when I wake up
I'll say it to myself on those lonely nights when I stare up at the moon
Wishing you could hear me
And maybe say it back

But for now
I'll wait

You hurt me
But I love you
So I'll fight

I am running

I am running away from my past
For I'm tired of dwelling there

I am running away from my feelings
Yet I always end up circling back

I am running away from from most thoughts
For they remind me of too much

I am trying to run away from many things

But my heart
Is running
Towards you

I sing a lonely song
I sing it for the people who feel they have no one that cares
I sing it for the people with no place to call home
I sing it to the people who are surrounded but with no love

I sing an angry song
I sing it to all the people left to cry
I sing it to the people who got left with no warning or goodbye
I sing it for the betrayed
And I sing it to the played

I sing a sad song
I sing it to the people who have lost all hope
I sing it to the people who have cried more then a thousand tears
I sing it to the people with no will left to give
I sing it to the heartbroken
And I sing it to the shattered

I sing a happy song
I sing it to the people with no pain left to feel
I sing it to the people who have been given a break
I sing it to the innocent to advise them not to look deep

I sing a song about love
I sing it to the people who have someone to hold
I sing it for the people who have someone to call their own
I sing it for the careless
And i sing it for the careful
I sing it for the captivated
And for those who only seek

I sing one last desperate song
I sing it for those who want to give up
I sing it to those who feel like they've had enough
I sing it to those who feel worthless and lost
And most of all I song it to those who can no longer think of a because

I thought
I would be lonely
Much longer

But then
You came along

Soft eyes
Fluffy hair

Cute smile
Attractive stare

I thought
I would be lonely
Much longer

But now I have you

Hey brother how are you?
What have you been up to?

Always simple never deep

You should listen to this song
Wanna hear a poem I wrote?

I attempt to share a piece of me but somehow you never seem to see

You ask me how I am
I say fine
I'm attempting to get you to ask me why
But you always seem to brush that question aside

When I ask
Hey brother, how are you?
I'm asking for the truth
Not a lie, for I wanna know before a final goodbye

I wanna hurt myself
Worse then ever before
I wanna do it until
All I can see from my legs
Is the blood all over the floor

I wanna hurt myself
Worse then ever before
So that I can see the blood
That makes me feel calmer
Than anything more

Its pretty
Mesmorizing
And so easy to focus on

When the rest of the world feels
Ugly
Repulsing
And so hard to cope with

The way it feels is so nice
The way it flows is so soothing
The way it warms me up is so calming

Its warm and cozy
And makes me feel
Less lonely
And empty

No one understands it fully
Other than me
For I've never met another person
Who cuts for the purpose
Of seeing themselves bleed

Its concerning and dangerous
I know this
But its soothing
And freeing
So how bad can it be

Unfortunately I fear
That one day
No amount of blood
Will be enough

And on that day
I'll end up
With none
Left to bleed

If I was a guy would people like me the same?
Hate me the same?

Would they treat me the same?
Or would they like me more?

Would they treat me the same?
Or would they hate me more?

If I was a guy would I be as lost?
Would I be as broken?
Would my past no longer be the past that it is?

If I was a guy would my dad have ever touched me?

If I was a guy would I still be just as used?
Just as worthless?
Just as lonely?

Or would I have somebody to hold?
Would I have somebody to call my own?

If I was a guy
Would I still be me?
Or have an entirely different reality

I have had many houses
But never a home
Until I found you

When I was younger I didn't have a home
In the sense that
My heart was alone

When I was younger I didn't have a home
In the sense that
I couldn't drop the fake smile
Until I was on my own

I didn't have a home
Just a house or two
But then
My heart led itself to you

I no longer feel alone
Because now my heart is yours
And yours mine

I no longer feel alone
Because now I know I can be myself
Even when around you

I no longer feel alone
Because now I live with you
For the time being
And you have made this place feel like a home

So
I'm no longer alone with only a house

For now I have you
And you come with a home

And I know that even when I leave
I won't be alone

The wait starts to fade

You may be asking
The wait for what?

The wait for happiness
The wait for a real smile

The wait for these things
Is starting to fade

Soon I will no longer have to wait
And that's
Because of you

You have started gathering
The broken pieces of my heart
And so far
You have about half

And right now
I'm hoping
One day
You'll have them all

Then piece me back together

Currently
I am
In love

Not with just anybody
No

I am
In love
With someone amazing

But who also
Doesn't seem to see me
In the same way

They say to me
I need to figure things out

But what does that really mean?

Sometimes I overthink
And I ask myself
What if that really means I don't feel the same
Yet I don't want to hurt you?
What if that's what that means?

What would I do then?
Because I'm so completely committed
That if they turned me down
I wouldn't know where to run

What would I do then?
Because when I realized my love
My feeling for every other person
I used to like
Disappeared  

I can't explain why
But I fell for you

I fell for a person who I get reminded of
Every turn I take
Yet I doubt it's the same for him

You say you will try
Next time

But then
That next time comes
And what do you do?

You disregard the words you spoke
Then once again
I get upset
And once again
You say
Next time

But really
What does next time mean?

Does next time really mean never?
Because you have been telling me
Next time
Forever

But I still hold on to you
And this false hope
That next time
It'll be true

But hey
Now I'm mad
And now I'm sad
I tell you
And what do you do?

You say you will try to be better
You tell me sorry
Sorry for what?
Sorry for being a bad boyfriend

I forgive you
You say you'll try
And you ask me not to leave you like last time
Hoping there won't be a next time

But for all those nextimes of false hope
I give you the next time
You wouldn't give me

Dressed up in smiles
Dressed up in frowns

Dressed up in pride
Dressed up to hide

Dressed up for success
Dressed up to fail

Dressed up in love
Dressed up in lust

Dressed up in confidence
Dressed up in fear

I am one
But also both

I reach up
Up above my head
Further than I could get
My whole body to go

I feel nothing
For there is nothing there

I'm surrounded by darkness
By cold
And by silence
Like drowning
In an ocean wave

I can breath
But when there is nothing
To breath for
Why would I want
To breath at all?

I can move
And stumble around
But I make no progress
And go nowhere
For every step
Just leaves more darkness behind
And even more infront
So why move at all?

So I may aswel sit
And think away
The never ending time
That has no light
To guide me through
To tell me how long I've been
Lost in this darkness

I cannot escape
And I cannot die
For when there's nothing around
You cannot do anything
But lay on the ground

But I begin to ponder
And I begin to wonder
Is there even a ground
Beneath my feet at all?

For all I know there isnt
For all I know I'm just falling
But when there's nothing around
And no light to be found
You begin to assume
That you just float

So until I find a light
To guide me through
The never ending nothing

I shall just float
I shall just think
I shall just lay down
And give in
To nothing

Fly with wings of flame
Then maybe
You can withstand hr fiery eyes

Fly with wings of water
Then maybe
You won't drown in the depths of her soul

Fly with wings of earth
Then maybe
You won't be buried by her words

Fly with wings of air
Then maybe
You can glide the distance
To
Her heart

There is a girl
Her name is
Raven

She's beautiful

Ocean eyes
Fair skin
Short hair
Dim smile

Her presence
Sends shivers

She's beautiful
But her heart
Is dressed in thorns

Anyone who tries to take care of her heart
Gets hurt
And she uses those thorns
To mark her skin
For her many sins

She's beautiful
Yet untouchable

What's the point of making friends
When people just think
I'm always gonna fall for them

What's the point of liking people if I have to keep it a secret
Because if I don't I can't hang out with them without getting
'A talk'

What's the point of anything
If everything I do is wrong?

Tell me
What's the point

Let me go
Set me free

I'm tired
Of me
Of others
Of everything

I'm tired of being woken up by yelling
It's damaging my soul
And taking away my sanity

I'm tired of not getting any trust
It makes me feel as if all I do is wrong
And it's making me restrain all that is me

I'm tired of craving touch
All it ever does is remind me of the thing's he's done
And it's stealing my innocence over
And over
Again
And again
Day in and day out

Let me be
Set me free
Stop everything from continuing to
Damage me

Broken
Then shattered

Shattered
Then glued back together

Glued
Then shattered again

Round and round we go
Until our hearts make it home

I lay in bed
And I fade away
Into thoughts
And memories

I lay in bed
As I drown
From within
Hoping that maybe I'll be pulled back
And be free from this reality

Drowning
Falling
Floating
Fleeing
Gone

I float on the maybes
Hoping they become solid

Floating makes me tired
I just want to lay down
On the ground
And rest

I drown in all the things
That fall through
And are no longer true

I drown in all the things
That you did
And that I did to you

I'm falling away
From reality
But I'm not even sure
If I even want to stay

I'm full now
Full of broken promises
And the lies people tell
Too full to take another bite

I'm wishing to be gone
To float away
Up into space
Where I can just be
In peace

My heart is yours
But yours is distant

Every day I fall for you a little more
And my heart flies a little further
Towards you

Yet every day you restrain your heart
Instead of letting it fly free

So your heart is as distant
As
The distance
Between us

So
I'll start building a bridge
That will one day reach you
And hopefully
You don't knock that bridge down

Hold me close
Hold me near

Don't hold me like you wanna touch me
Hold me like you wanna love me

Wrap your arms around my waist
Don't lead them any other place

Pull me close
Keep me safe

For your arms around me
Brings me peace

I
Think
I
Love
You

I was too broken for him
And too broken for her
Eventually you're gonna see
That I'm too broken for you

I say things are fine
When really they aren't

I do this because
I don't want you to leave
I don't want you to break my heart

But doing this tears me apart

But now you brought stuff up
That's started a fight
And it's pulling you
Away from me

I waited for you to say
I love you
And you finally have
But not in the setting I wanted
As you have now left me here
On my own
Because you need to think

But please
Don't be like everyone else

Don't leave me

I don't know what it is
But there's something different about you

When I'm with you I don't feel like
I have to pretend as much
As I do with everyone else

When you hold me I not only feel safe
I also feel calm

When you hold my hand
I feel free

There's something different about you
And I don't know what it is
But I love it

Theres a key to a room in a place I call home
Or a more fitting name
House

There's a key to a room
And that room is mine

I do not live alone
I am not old enough
I live with my parents
And my brother
And a pet
Although
I wish to have two

So why is there a key to your room?

Well because
You see

Once upon a time ago
My own father
Stole my soul

Will you leave me like the others?
Thats whats going through my mind

But
I dont want to lose you
Like I lost them

Because you treat me right
You dont just throw me to the side
And give me attention when its convenient for you

You dont want me for my body and you tell me no when I need to hear it
Even if I dont want to

But this all scares me
And today
I let it slip
And I told you the truth
I told you I love you

I didnt want to
Not because I dont want to love you
Because I do
You're a better person than alot

But
Now that I've told you
The urge to push tou away is much stronger
Because what if I get attached again?
What if I become completely infatuated?
But then you leave?

And that thought is scaring me

You push me
Day in
And day out

You expect me to never fall
But
I don't work that way

I can't stand on the edge of a cliff
And feel safe

Your words
Stand me on an edge
That I don't know
How to get away from

Stop pushing me
For if you don't
I'm gonna fall

It won't be
Too far a fall
But it will be
Far enough for me
That I won't be able
To get back up

She looks into his eyes
All she sees is a hazed over mist

He has been hurt many a time
But so has she

His eyes are misty
Hers are clear

Everyone knows he's broken
But no one sees her

He has never been able to hide
But she has mastered deception

So she goes on unoticed
Faking a smile
And the look in her eyes

He goes on noticed
But only by his brokeness

They may sound
Like they would be alone
But
They have eachother

He knows the truth she hides
And helps her express it

She makes him happy
And makes his eyes light

They have eachother
And each others enough

Away from here
Away from you

Away from that
Away from this

Every time I find someone I love
One of us leaves in one way or another and I'm left in need of repair

Missing you
And along with you
A part of me

You have a piece of my heart
And I have a piece of yours

We traded
So now we must keep the others piece safe

Otherwise me and you
Will both break

I’m falling
Not physically
But mentally

I know you want to catch me
I know you want to save me
But you can’t anymore

I have fallen too far
I have fallen
Past the ground
Past the clouds

Wait-
That’s up

I thought you said you were falling?
I am

I’m not falling down though
I’m falling up
Because I have fallen so far down
I have gone past the middle
And started falling up

Now
I am up
In space
And I can’t breath here

Physically I am still here
In my bed
At my house
With my dog

But mentally I’m in a void with just me
Nothing else
Just me and the darkness that holds me captive

Physically I can move
Mentally I’m stuck

Physically I can scream
But mentally I’m held back

Physically I can speak
But mentally all I can speak of
Is the easy
Never the true

Physically I’m alive
But mentally
I’m

LOST

His hand on my leg
On the back of my thigh
As I lay on my side

No
Please go
Bury the memory
Alongside all the others

He comes in my room
A place he shouldn't be
While I'm peacefully asleep

No
Please don't
But I've already forgotton
Because I didn't even know

He sneaks into the house
When he should be home at his own
Uninvited but unafraid

No
Please leave
Wake her up so she notices you
And makes you leave once more

But thing's don't happen the way I wish
So instead I'm here
In bed
Trying to sleep for a little
When I no longer can

So I wake up and remember
Just a little snippet
Of that night
And I know once I remember more
I'll lay on the floor as I whisper

No
Please
Don't

Nik
Drown me in the memory
Of your touch
On my body

Drown me in the memory
Of when it was a yes
Not a no

Drown me in the memory
Of being high
In your arms
With lovely kisses

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
Your arm around my neck
And your leg between mine
Forcing submission
Without permission

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
My nails digging into
The back of your hand
Doing anything I can
To remove it from behind

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
The emotionless expression
And lack of remorse
When you look at me as I lay
Hitting myself and screaming
Mentally in too much pain
As you never even said
"I'm sorry"

Monster
Drown me in the memory
Of when you were gone
And I was free to just
Be me

Drown me in the memory
Of all days I was away
At a friends place
Or camping peacefully

Drown me in the memory
Of when all you did was yell
And hit me
But never said you love me

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the nights I lay awake in wait
Waiting for you to come in
And use me as you please

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the times I'd avoid the shower
Because when I didn't
You had to come with

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
All the times you'd ask me
To come watch a movie
Because that wasn't all it was

Zeke
Drown me in the thought
Of meeting you again
And being happy
That you know me

Drown me in the thought
Of the movie theater
And hoping no one sees
As you mess around with me

Drown me in the thought
Of sneaking glances
And passionate kisses
Full of love

Because I don't wanna drown
In the memories I have

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
My no's going unheard
And never noticed
As I push you back

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
The pain as you forced your way
Inside of me
Into places I never wanted you to be

I no longer wanna drown in the memory of
When I told you what happened
And all you said was
I'm sorry but that was a long time ago
And I never even heard you

To everyone else
Who ever touched me
When I never said yes
And even said no

LEAVE MY MEMORY
And please
Just let me
Live in peace

I want you to hold my hand
And along with it
Help hold my fears

I want you to hold me close
And keep me safe

I want you to kiss me
Like the minute I go
You'll miss me

I want you to make me smile
And make me laugh
Like I never have before

I want you to let me hold your hand
And help hold your fears

I want you to let me hold you close
And keep you safe

I want you to let me kiss you
Like the second you go I'll miss you

I want you to let me make you smile
And make you laugh
Like no one ever could
And no one else ever will

I want my heart to be yours
And yours to be mine
But maybe it's too soon

So I'll wait in the shadows of your smiles
And hope one day you fall for me
The way I have fallen for you

At ten years old you sit down at your desk
Your friend notices a scratch on your arm and asks
"What's that from?"
"I don't know. I must have scraped myself on something."

At twelve years old you sit down at your desk with scraped knuckles
Your friend notices and asks
"Whats that?"
"Oh, I fell. It's nothing."

At thirteen you sit down at your desk with three scratches
Your friend asks
"What's that from?"
"My cat scratched me a few days ago"

At fourteen you sit down at your desk with nail marks in your arm
Your friend asks
"What did you do?"
"I don't know. I did it in my sleep"

At fifteen you sit down at your desk with a really wide and deep cut
Your friend asks worried
"When did that happen?"
"It happened yesterday. I fell off my bike"

At sixteen you sit down at your desk with several wounds
Your friend doesn't ask you what happened

At seventeen you're not at school
Your friend gets told by the principal that you committed suicide on Saturday
On the next Saturday your friend 'falls off her bike' and has several cuts
Or so she tells her new friend
The story repeats and begins again

You ended things
Because you couldn't handle a relationship
At lest that's what you said

But really
It was because
You didn't love me

So stop with the lies
And tell me the truth

Because
I no longer
Want to hurt

Confused
That is what I am
About everything
That has to do with you

Because I know
You will never want me
Because I'm not your type
Nor am I a typical girl

But even so
I have to say this
Because if I don't
I'll end up telling you everything

Your smile is like a cold
It's contagious if you get too close
But unlike a cold
It draws you in

Your voice is like the sun
It fills me with warmth
But the minute it's gone
I become cold again

You hugged me one time
And it was like nothing before
Every bad feeling just flew out the door
That's when I knew I loved you
But I cant say a thing

So
I will observe you in painful silence
And cherish every word
Every gesture
Every glance
Every feeling
Hoping one day
It won't just be me
Feeling this way
But I know that's just a stupid fantasy

So every night
And every morning
I'll stay in silence
And put on a mask of false hope
And cover my mouth with restraining lies
Until one day I falter

Until that day I will lay awake
Every night
Thinking of you
Because you occupy my every thought
And keep me awake with thoughts of being called yours
And
Every morning
I'll wake up tired
But with hope that
Maybe I'll see you today
Maybe
Just maybe