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15.3k · Jun 2018
He Writes Poetry
Raven Jun 2018
He writes poetry
But no one knows

He writes poetry
He writes about love
And loss

He writes about smiles
And frowns

He writes about sorrow
And forgotten towns

He writes about how lost he gets
Caught up in his own mind

He writes poetry to
And about others

But no one knows

Know one knows the depth of his soul
Because they all choose to see the exterior
And that exterior screams

And preppy
Don't have souls

Or so they thought
Until the day he was consumed
By his own poetry
9.4k · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
No food
No sleep
I can't let these things reach out and speak sweet lies
I can't let food call my name
I can't let sleep drown my thoughts

I shouldn't eat
I can't sleep

This is me

I am broken girl
Who can't eat
In fear I weigh too much

I am a broken girl who can't sleep
For my thoughts and memories
Haunt me too much

I am a broken girl who answers 'how are you?'
With 'I'm alright' even when I'm not even close
Because I don't want you to worry
I don't want you to fret
Over a broken soul

I am a broken girl who says 'I have been busy'
when someone asks me why I haven't done something
I have been busy just not in the way they think
I have been busy trying not to give into hunger
I have been busy fixating on how I'm broken
I have been busy
But not in the way they think

I am a broken girl who has let her demons
creep up on her too much

I am a broken girl who has surrendered
her soul

I am a broken girl who dates so she feels
worth something because I don't when I'm alone

I date because I need to depend on someone
Because I am not dependable for anyone
Let alone myself

I date so I can hear someone say I love you
So I can hear someone call me beautiful
And so many other things
Even if I don't believe it

I am a broken girl who has lost so many relationships
Five to death
And so many others just because they left
I was no longer good enough
No longer happy enough
No longer

I am a broken girl who pretends
And when I stop people leave

Because I am too broken

I am too clingy

I am too demanding

I'm just not enough

Or I'm too much


But no one sees
Until I let them

And when I do they worry

But please don't worry
Because you didn't when you didn't know
So why worry now?

I'm still the same me
You just couldn't see all the flaws that my eyes do

You don't see the way I do

I see a girl who's eyes are too big

I see a girl who isn't thin enough

I see a girl who's hair doesn't suit her no matter what

I see a girl with too many scars

I see a girl
But I don't

For all I can see now is a walking flaw

And no one knows that
April/ 19/ 2018/ 10:19 AM
6.4k · Aug 2018
Cookies And Wine bottles
Raven Aug 2018
Are seen as sweet
As something
For a child to enjoy
Or at least that's the stereotype

And normally
Is seen as bitter
And something
For grown ups to enjoy
Or at least that's the stereotype

Children are now drinking wine
Adults are eating cookies

Adults look the other way about the children
With wine

And children look the other way about parents
Eating cookies they can't have

Why have things turned around?

Why have things changed?

Maybe because the children saw adults
Using wine
To dull pain
And so they tried it
Even though the aftermath
Was also painful
It was less painful than the rest of the world

And maybe because parents realized that if they put *** in their cookies
The children would stop stealing
And sneaking them

But both have backfired

Because now the children have more problems than before
1.8k · Apr 2018
I Sing
Raven Apr 2018
I sing a lonely song
I sing it for the people who feel they have no one that cares
I sing it for the people with no place to call home
I sing it to the people who are surrounded but with no love

I sing an angry song
I sing it to all the people left to cry
I sing it to the people who got left with no warning or goodbye
I sing it for the betrayed
And I sing it to the played

I sing a sad song
I sing it to the people who have lost all hope
I sing it to the people who have cried more then a thousand tears
I sing it to the people with no will left to give
I sing it to the heartbroken
And I sing it to the shattered

I sing a happy song
I sing it to the people with no pain left to feel
I sing it to the people who have been given a break
I sing it to the innocent to advise them not to look deep

I sing a song about love
I sing it to the people who have someone to hold
I sing it for the people who have someone to call their own
I sing it for the careless
And i sing it for the careful
I sing it for the captivated
And for those who only seek

I sing one last desperate song
I sing it for those who want to give up
I sing it to those who feel like they've had enough
I sing it to those who feel worthless and lost
And most of all I song it to those who can no longer think of a because
January/ 7/ 2018/ 12:22PM/ 14 yrs old
1.6k · Jun 2020
Falling To No Destination
Raven Jun 2020
I feel as though I'm falling
With no real destination

I feel as though I'm falling
With no plan on where to land

I feel as though I'm falling
In mind
And it heart

I'm falling for you
And I'm falling out of this
But into that

I'm falling with no real destination
But away
And forward

I'm falling away
From the things
You say

I'm falling away
From the things
You do

I'm falling away
From the I love yous

I'm falling away
Because you tell me you love me
Even though your faith fell away

I'm falling away
Because even though you tell me you care
You're efforts have gone astray

I'm falling away
Because I feel as though
You're falling away
From me

On the other hand

I'm falling for him
For the things he says

I'm falling for him
For the things he does

I'm falling toward
A possible I love you

I'm Falling for him
Because even though there's no love
The faith seems to be there
and hopefully will stay

I'm falling for him
Because he shows me he cares
Even without the words

I'm falling for him
Because when he holds me tight
My heart feels warm

I'm falling for him
Because when he looks in my eyes
I feel seen

I'm falling for him
Because I feel as though
He's falling towards me

I'm falling
With no real destination
But up and away
Down and forward
Around and around

Until eventually my thoughts
Have me drowned
1.5k · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
When I was three I thought there were monsters in my closet and under my bed
When I was three I had a dog and a dad, mom and brother who I loved and who loved me back

When I was six the monsters were no longer in my closet or under my bed
For now they were at the side of my bed in the crack between mattress and wall
When I was six my dog died and I cried for many many nights
My dad would yell and hit not only me but mostly my brother
My mom still loved him, my brother and me and I loved her and my brother

When I was eight we moved to a new town and now the monsters in the cracks had started talking to me and whispering sweet truth
When I was eight my dad no longer worked and now stayed at home
My mom worked two jobs and wasn’t there for me when I cried
If she was there when he hit us or yelled she would sit and watch in painful silence as warm tears cascaded our cheeks
My brother tried to do his best to be strong and nice but sometimes he would start fights
I wasn’t sure who my dad loved anymore if he loved anyone at all
My mom loved my dad, my brother and me
And I loved my brother and the cat we now had who adopted our family

When I was nine I started telling myself the demons were whispering lies
When I was nine my dad finally told me he loved me one night
But not in the way I thought he meant
So I thought everything would be alright
My mom now worked more hours and was barely home
My brother still tried his best but played with me less
My dad loved me, or so I thought
My mom loved my dad, my brother, me and our cat
I loved them all for that short little while

When I was ten the monsters were no longer just at the side of my bed, for now they were also in my head
When I was ten I realized what my dad did was wrong
School was now my favourite place even though I had no friends and the teachers weren’t fond of me
When I was ten I started to hurt myself in places no one would notice, for it was my only sweet relief in a life of horror and chaos
My dad now yelled and hit more but that was nothing compared to the showers and poisonous nights
My mom was barely home but if she got home soon enough, would bring us treats
I didn’t know how my brother was or how hard he was trying to be strong for I no longer cared very much
My cat or so I liked to call her was the only one who I thought loved me
My dad was heartless and a walking lie so I didn’t know if he was capable of love
My mom loved my dad, my brother, me and our cat
I loved the cat and all animals for I no longer knew how to love a person

When I was eleven I thought love was touch so I did things I shouldn’t

When I was twelve the demons were now only in my head
My dad still touched me and poisoned my mind
So much happened when I was twelve I can’t even begin to describe
My mom was now tired more often than not
I never showed anyone the real me for I was scared to let them see the broken girl I had come to be
I no longer accepted hugs and pushed everyone away eventually
My mom loved my dad, my brother, the cat, the dog we now owned and me
I loved nothing and no one for now I was too broke

Let’s skip a few years and lots of tears until we end up here at fourteen where I am now
I no longer live at home but with a friend
I still cut but less often for I am trying to stop
I don’t eat very much because I don’t like my body
My dad is dead to me
My mom is still with him and so is my brother
My mom loves my dad, my brother, the dog and me
No longer the cat cause she left not too long after me
I love shiloh and jordyn but I don’t yet love me
For I have been too scared throughout my ages.
1.3k · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
Your heart is shattered with broken faith
So you don't let people close

Your soul is shattered with fallen tears
So you don't let people close

Your home is shattered with unspoken words
So you don't let people close

Your love is shattered by unforgiving goodbyes
So you don't let people close

Your mind is shattered with stolen innocence
So you don't let people close

Your touch is shattered by poisonous skin
So you don't let others close

Your sight was shattered by unfaithful sin
So you no longer let people close

Your body was shattered by forceful scenes
So you no longer let people close

Your hope was shattered by hopeless nights
So you no longer let people close

Your happiness was shattered long ago
So you no longer let people close

You worry you might be hurting others
But you're hurting yourself most
April/ 5/ 2018/ 12:20/ 14 yrs old
1.1k · May 2018
Raven May 2018
You have now left me

As I sit here fighting away more tears
I wonder
Do you remember all the things I wrote about you?
Do you remember the poem called You that I wrote?

You probably don't

Even though you left me today it feels like it was forever ago
For you seem so far away from me

Did you think about the fact that you come over early every thursday so you can get to youth?
Wether I'm coming or not?

You probably didn't

Now every time you come over
I will retreat
I will retreat to my bedroom
To the bathroom
Or out the door
So I can find somewhere quite to cry

Because your smile gave me life
Your gaze gave me butterflies

You are utterly beautiful in my eyes
But you don't see yourself that way

So you break
And then you leave me
Because 'you can't handle a relationship'
I understand
But my heart still shattered when I read those words

Tears instantly swelled my eyes and started to pour
Just like rain on a lonely night

Now tonight as I go lay in my bed
I will stare out my window
At the wall
Or the roof

Remembering your smile
Remembering your laugh
Remembering how safe I felt next to you
Pressed into you
And just near you

I will lay there as tears streak my cheeks
As I remember the way my heart would beat just at the sight of you
As I remember the way my heart would break when I saw the smile falter from your face

For I didn't want you to feel broken like me
Because you deserve to be happy

You are beautiful to me
And you always will be

Now as I sit here my thoughts will not leave you

If anyone asks for me to be theirs I will probably say no
And I probably will for many years

But if I say yes I will not truly love them
For I will forever remember when you were my puppy
And I was your kitten
May/ 25/ 8:45PM/ 2018/ 14 years old
916 · Jun 2018
Raven Jun 2018
Forgotten wishes
When we turn

Forgotten dreams
When we turn

Forgotten friendships
When we turn

Forgotten imagination
When we turn

Forgotten smiles
When we turn

Forgotten crushes
When we turn

Forgotten love
When we turn

Forgotten stories
When we turn

Forgotten family
When we turn

We forget
And we remember

Every new memory comes at a cost
For every memory gained
A memory is lost
857 · Aug 2018
Raven Aug 2018
I have an obsession with
And playful
I have an obsession
With pandas

I have an obsession with
And flow
I have an obsession
With music

I have an obsession with
And rhyme
I have an obsession
With poetry

I have an obsession with
And heart-felt
I have an obsession
With anime

I have an obsession with
And caring
I have an obsession
With auguste
His love
749 · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
I'm sorry I pushed you too far
That last night

You were hurting
And so was I
But I hurt you more
And pushed you too far

You couldn't take it anymore
Everyone mad
Everyone leaving
Everyone disappointed
You just couldn't take it anymore

So on that last night
You told me you did it again
I thought you had stopped
But that night you relapsed
I got mad
I was sad

I yelled at you
Over text of course
For it was long distance
So I couldn't really be there for you in the way you needed

You told me you wanted to die

I was mad

I said go ahead

I ended the skype call

I cried myself to sleep

Then I woke up and said sorry
But all I got in reply was
'He's no longer here'

So now I sit here
Remembering you
Fighting away tears

I don't want people to ask why I'm crying
For I pushed you over the edge
I pushed you a little too far
And now every once in awhile
I wake up in tears

For I remember your fears
They were losing everyone you loved

One of them was losing me or me bring mad at you

That last night I ignored your fears
And pushed you too far

Now I sit here fighting away tears
Whispering silently in my thoughts
'I'm sorry'
April/ 23/ 2018/ 10:23PM/ 14 yrs old.
This is about one of my ex's who committed suicide when I was twelve.
675 · Jun 2018
My Heart Whispers
Raven Jun 2018
Every time I see a couple
My heart whisper

Every time I see people cuddling
My heart whispers

Every time I see people holding hands
My heart whispers

Every time I hear people say I love you to each other
My heart whispers

Every time I see people kissing
My heart whispers

Every night as I lay awake
Wishing I had someone to hold me
My heart whispers

Every time I listen to music
No matter the song
My mind wanders
And my heart whispers

My heart whispers his name
Day in
Day out

It whispers his name
And it doesn't let me forget it

It will never allow me to forget
569 · Mar 2021
Raven Mar 2021
You weren't toxic
For once I found someone healthy
But of course the way I am ruins it
558 · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
Maybe if I write I can escape this reality

Maybe if I sing I can drown out the comments

Maybe if I draw I won't want to cut

Maybe if I listen to music I can drown out my thoughts

Maybe if I make you mad at me I don't have to be mad at myself

Maybe if I read I can escape this world

Maybe if you touch me you can replace some bad memories

Maybe if you hug me I'll fall apart

Maybe if you love me I'll push you away

Maybe if you leave me I'll be right

Maybe if we fight I'll become silent

Maybe if I'm crowded I'll slowly shrink away

Maybe if I crawl into a small place he can't get me

Maybe if you kiss me I'll kiss you back

Maybe if you avoid me my love will finally go away

Maybe if you keep talking I don't have to listen to my thoughts

Maybe if its cold I can freeze my emotions

Maybe if it's cold my emotions will run free

Maybe in a year I'll have cried a thousand tears

Maybe one day my demons will let my soul rest

Maybe one day the world will stop giving me tests

Maybe one day I will smile again

Maybe one day my laugh will ring loudly

Maybe one day I'll sing a song about joy

Maybe one day my memories won't haunt me

Maybe one day I'll sing one last song

Maybe one day I'll say a final goodbye

Maybe one day I'll write my last words

Maybe one day my cries will be heard

Maybe one day I'll fade away
January/ 6/ 2018/ 10:42PM/ 14 years old
518 · May 2019
Consume Me Within You
Raven May 2019
Consume me within you

As I walk through the dark
Through the gate of another world
Consume me within you

Wrap me in your pain
And consume me within your rage

You are my companion
And my worst fear

You whisper to me the lies people tell
Then turn around and whisper your own

You whisper to me the hate in peoples hearts
Then turn around and consume me within your own

Sometimes I wish for you to let me go
But without you
I feel as if I'm no one


Like the smallest whisper carried by the wind
Could wisp my will away

So no
Don't go

Wrap me in the dark
And pull me into the darkest corners of reality
As you consume me
Within you
498 · Feb 2022
Is This Okay?
Raven Feb 2022
"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"How are you?"

"What are you doing?"
(Fading away)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(How are you?)
"I'm fine"

(What are you doing)
"Listening to music"

"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"What makes you want to die?"
(The constant people who use me)

"What makes you want to live?"
(John and his love)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(What make you want to die?)
"Lots I guess"

(What makes you want to live?)
"My stuffies"

"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"How do you feel right now"
(I want to go away. Forever)

"What do you want?"
(Actual consistent love)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(How do you feel right now?)
"I'm okay. Listening to music"

(What do you want?)

(Don't lie to me)
"I'm not"

(What do you want?)


"I want to be free"

(I want to die please)
"I want to die please"

As you may see
They are both me
But the difference is
One is who you see
494 · Feb 2019
Raven Feb 2019
Questions here

Questions there

Questions in my head

Questions in my heart

Questions tearing me apart

About john

Then Paxton

Then others

Why don't you love me?
Why dont you want me?
Have I ever hurt you?
Am I too much?
Do you like them?
Why do you wanna do stuff with me?
Are you moving on?

Will you always love me?
Are you losing feelings?
Why do you talk about others so much now?
Am I too clingy?
Am I too jealous?
Are you lying?
Why are you less honest?

To the others
Did you ever like me?
Why don't you ever talk to me anymore?
Now that I've left am I just a memory?
Do you see me or just my broken?
Am I a person or a scar and a cut?
Why don't you notice?

To myself
Why do you do this?
Why can't I eat?
Why can't I feel?
Why do I switch?
Why do I smile when I cry inside?
Why am I always pretending?
Why do I love so easily?
Whats wrong with me?
Leave me be
485 · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
Maybe I deserve to go back

Maybe I don't deserve you

Maybe I deserve the bad
But not the good

Maybe I deserve to be yelled at and for everyone to leave

Maybe I deserve for no one to love me
And for no one to care

Maybe I deserve to be hurt
And have no on there to help me

Maybe I deserve to be left behind
And not even looked back upon

But no matter what I deserve I won't stop fighting and I won't stop trying to deserve something more
Jan/ 29/ 2018/ 10:30 PM/ 14 yrs old
425 · Sep 2018
Raven Sep 2018
You tell me
You won't ever leave

But that's what everyone else said too
But then I ended up losing them
The way I don't ever wanna lose you

But hey if I do lose you
I'll be okay
Or at least that's what I'll tell myself
Before I fade away

So hey
You tell me you won't ever leave me
And you ask me to never leave you

But one day
I'll be afraid
Your drifting away

So I'll say goodbye
Before you can
Then I'll cry
Because of me
And not because of you

If it's my fault
It'll hurt less

But if it's your fault
I'll wanna put you through a test

What test?
Let's just say

If you leave I'm gonna test
How long can you last?
How long can you withstand my words?
How long until you falter under the words I speak?
How long until you can't stand me repeating the lies you said?
How long until you break?

Because I know just the right things to say
To make you fade away
The way you made me

So please don't leave me
Cause I don't wanna hurt you
But if you do
That's what I'll have to do
419 · Feb 2022
Cuddle to Fuck
Raven Feb 2022
I smile the most
When I want to

I laugh the most
When I want to

I sit here
And I act playful
As we text

But deep down inside
My heart
And my hope
Have failed
And I lay here
Stuck in my head
Unable to leave this bed

I miss having more people
To hold me close
And cuddle
For now everyone
Makes it ******

I miss holding hands
With people
And going on adventures
But now everyone
Assumes that means
I want them

I do want love
And I do want someone to hold
But just because I cuddled you
Or held your hand
Or was goofy with you
It doesn't mean
You're the one I choose

A cuddle
Shouldn't turn
Into a ****

Holding a hand
Shouldn't turn
Into love

So why is that
What I always
Run into?
415 · May 2018
Raven May 2018
I make jokes

I don't make normal jokes though

The jokes I make are self deprecating

I call them jokes
But in reality they are how I really feel
They are my secret truth
The truth I have hidden away

You joke and say you are trash
I disagree then I say I am recycling
You don't get it
You ask me to explain
I say
"I am recycling because I get re-used"
You laugh and say good one
I laugh but on the inside
I know it's not really a joke
May/24/2:49PM/2018/14 years old
414 · Aug 2021
Alone At 3AM
Raven Aug 2021
At 3AM
Under a bridge
Contemplating what life
Means to me

At 3AM
Under a bridge
Wondering why
It always has to be

At 3AM
Laying on a swing
Wondering why
I cant just eat

At 3AM
Laying on a swing
Just thinking why
Did he have to touch

At 3AM
Under a bridge
Hoping that you
Can make me feel

At 3AM
Hoping one day
You say you love

In my thoughts
Getting dragged down
And drowned

Why cant I eat?
Why cant I imagine anyone wanting me?
Why cant I sleep?
Why cant I stop thinking about what they did to me?

I want to fade away
Dissappear at 3AM
Somewhere far away
Somewhere I dont have to be
406 · Apr 2018
Maybe Again
Raven Apr 2018
Maybe if you love me I'll love you

Maybe if I disappear I will be forgotten

Maybe if I'm clingy you will leave

Maybe if it's dark you won't have to see me cry

Maybe if I break your heart you'll shatter mine

Maybe if it's loud I can finally scream

Maybe if you hold me I'll hold you

Maybe when I smile you'll think it's real

Maybe when I laugh it won't sound fake

Maybe when I cry my face will feel dry

Maybe in the morning my wrist'll be stained red

Maybe one day I'll actually stay in bed

Maybe one day I'll find a way

Maybe one day there will no longer be a tomorrow

Maybe one day won't end in sorrow

Maybe one day I won't miss you at night

Maybe one day I won't wake up in tears

Maybe one day I'll sleep my life away

Maybe one day I'll die in a peaceful way

Maybe one day I'll only be a memory

Maybe one day I'll be able to say I'm okay

Maybe one day I'll marry my past

Maybe one day I'll accept my reality

Maybe one day I'll wear colour again

Maybe one day I won't feel so numb

Maybe one day when I cut I'll feel the pain

Maybe one day I'll stop pushing people away

Maybe one day I'll let someone stay

Maybe one day I won't have to lie

Maybe one day I'll write one last poem

Maybe one day I'll face my fears

Maybe one day your smile will no longer dry my tears

Maybe one day you'll leave me behind

Maybe one day I'll be left to cry

Maybe one day I'll have heard a thousand goodbyes

Maybe one day I'll be able to look into your eyes

Maybe one day you'll stop feeding them lies

Maybe one day I'll hear your bark again

Maybe one day I'll stop missing you

Maybe one day I'll stop crying over you

Maybe one day you'll stop loving me

Maybe one day I won't miss you so much

Maybe one day I'll stop collecting

Maybe one day I'll only wear one

Maybe one day you'll leave me alone

Maybe one day I'll stop trying

Maybe one day I won't be able to cry

Maybe one day I'll burn them away

Maybe one day nothing will be the same

Maybe one day I'll be more careful

Maybe one day my memories of you will go away

Maybe one day there will no longer be a today

Maybe one day I'll officially declare you my forever and always

Maybe one day music won't be my only escape

Maybe one day I'll no longer want to die

Maybe one day you'll hold my tears at bay

Maybe one day I'll be led astray
January/ 29/ 2018/ 11:41PM/ 14 yrs old
378 · Nov 2018
Broke Me
Raven Nov 2018
You broke me

You broke me with your words
And you broke me with your gaze

You told me you loved me
Then became distant for days

You broke me with your habits
And addictions

You took my heart
And wrapped it in flames

Maybe you thought that
Would warm it back up
But all it did
Was burn it apart
And now it's in ashes
So I can't fix it


360 · May 2018
Darkened Mind
Raven May 2018
The darkness is seeping in
Into my mind
Into my heart
And into my soul

It's taking my thoughts
So now they are no longer whole

They are broken
Seeping into nothing

They are being consumed by the darkness
Along with me

One day I will no longer be able to pretend
And everyone will see
The me I have kept hidden away
May/24/2018/2:05PM/14 years old
325 · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
The time I had with you was the best I've had in awhile

You made me smile
Like no one else could

You made me laugh
Like no one else could

But soon it will be time for me to go
Time for us to part

I love you
More than anyone before

But soon it's time for us to part
Because long distance will tear us apart

It will ruin your heart
Because I'm not faithful in long distance

Because I will cheat
Not once
Not twice
But more than you would want to count

So it's time for us to part soon
Because long distance is too hard
And I don't want to shatter your heart

So I love you
And soon this will be goodbye
I am moving soon so this is a poem to the person I am currently dating.
316 · Mar 2021
Do you ever just
Raven Mar 2021
Do you ever just
Sit on the bathroom floor
Staring at the blades
Hoping someone will know
Maybe send a text that will save you
From bleeding tonight

Do you ever just
Lay in bed
Wondering where
Everything went so wrong
Wondering why you are so hard
To love

Do you ever just
Go for a walk
And wonder who else is
Walking around lonely
Wishing to run into another
So that maybe they can be the one
To save you from yourself

Do you ever just
Drown in music
Staring at the roof
The stars
Or the ground beneath your feet
And wonder how many others
Feel the way you do
Or if you're the only one
Whose at the limit tonight

Do you ever just
Wish to be on the moon
But with no air to breath
So that you can finally
Die in peace
313 · Apr 2018
Mental Health
Raven Apr 2018
That is my name
I watch you from the shadows
I befriend you when I can break you
And then I leave when you can no longer stand to live
There are very few people who can push me away
I’m tired more often than not
I can’t stand others or the things they do
I don’t sleep for I am always planning my next attack
I eat just enough to survive
Not much more
This world feels like a domain of pain
I don’t dress with style
I wear oversized hoodies and trashed jeans
I rarely comb my hair for the effort is too much
I hide in the shadows therefore no one knows my name
This world is so dull
The only reason I stay is to break others
I sit in my room day by day other than when I’m at school tearing myself apart
I have forgotten the things other people teach me and the names of the people I have shattered
I never concentrate on anything but the broken
I don’t care for the people I break for I have become too numb
Nor do I feel pain
I think mostly about the way I’ll disappear and die
For that’s how I pass the time that was created to torture lost souls

That is my name
You know my cousin paranoia
I don’t let others close except for the few I cling to for they keep me from flying apart
I dread any interactions with people I don’t know know and sometimes even with the people I do
I watch my surroundings constantly searching for danger
I expect the worst for every situation
I can’t focus nor concentrate on anything for more than half the time
I’m always tense and I jump at hello’s for they make me anxious
Almost everything is highly irritating for everything calls for change
More often than not my mind blanks and I’m ****** into a whole different world
My heart is constantly pounding at the anticipation of fear
I am constantly sweating with a paralyzing terror
I get extreme headaches from even the smallest noises
I get stomach aches more than twice a day
I’m dizzy every second of every hour
Every day I wish to escape

That is my name
No one can ever anticipate how I’ll feel other than me
If even I do therefore no one wants to be my friend
Sometimes I burst out in anger and become dangerously aggressive for reasons not even I can place
Sometimes I place myself up high high high
Way above others
Some say I become overconfident for no reason at all
I don’t like how easily I can be made to cry or how easily with no explanation I become sad
No matter how much I sleep I feel more awake than I should even if I only sleep half an hour
Others call me uncharacteristically impulsive
Yet I don’t understand
They also call me moody and it makes me upset with either sadness or anger
I often become confused at even the smallest things
Rarely anything captivates my attention

That is my nickname
I automatically trust and cling to everyone I know
I don’t ever make my own decisions
No matter how many times someone hurts me I still go back to them
I never am mad at others
I always let everyone else win an argument against me for I believe I’m the only one who's wrong
I always manage to avoid taking responsibility for anything at all
I am never on my own
I’m always with someone I know
If I’m in a relationship that ends I completely shut down for a month or two
I don’t speak when this happens and I spiral down
Until I hit bottom  
People say I never have and never will be able to meet the things life demands for survival
They say I’ll die at twenty-five

That is my name
I never talk to anyone other than the friends I was born with
People call me hostile and suspicious
They say I react way too extremely to criticism
I never bathe or do things anywhere close to that for clean things burn my soul
People say I’m expressionless and emotionless for I am never smiling or frowning or showing emotion at all
I sleep whenever I’m not at school
Sometimes even when I am
I don’t ever remember anything except my friends names nor do I concentrate on anything but them when I’m not required to focus on my movement to class or home
Everyone calls me insane

That is my name
My friends are the models in magazines
People think I’m creepy looking because of how thin I am
I’m constantly losing weight
The rare time I got my blood checked the doctor said I had an abnormally low amount
I always skip P.E. for if I don’t I end up fainting
I often am dizzy
I have seizures every once in awhile
People say my nails are extremely brittle
I may die before eighteen  

That is my name
I have no friends for everyone whispers freak behind my back
I often stay in my room
I am constantly worried that I weigh too much so I stay away from mirrors to the best of my ability
I hate the shape of my body
People never go near me anymore
Not even my family

That is my name
I have no friends nor do I approach others for my brain is always too tired for interaction
I never sleep for my soul is always restless
I am always tired but I am unable to rest
I am extremely easy to irritate
People say I never pay attention or focus on the task at hand nor do I remember very much of anything
People say I make way too many mistakes and errors
I no longer go to school because my grades were never anything more than f’s
People say I’ll die homeless

That is my nickname
I don’t talk to other people for everyone one way or another reminds me of my past
I often have extreme terrifying flashbacks of the things my soul has endured
I hate sleeping for all I ever have are nightmares that leave me paralyzed
I have become emotionally numb
I avoid a lot of places for most places are a reminder
I rarely am able to concentrate
I often feel extremely jumpy
Everything and everyone irritates me in one way or another and often anger me as well

Multiple personality disorder
That is my name
Sometimes people who I address as my friends call me Raven
Sometimes they call me acasia
Rarely they call me lilith
Although I can be all these people Raven is always waiting in the shadows whispering sweet truth
I often completely forget things and never remember them again
Sometimes I even forget my age
People say I am always severely distressed and don't function like a human
Maybe it’s cause my soul is a ghost

These people are far from repair and terrifying to most
But this is my circle of friends
Just so you guys know the end line. "But this is my circle of friends" is just added for creepy affect. I don't actually have all these.
311 · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
When you feel darkness creeping up on you and demons settling in you should push them away with all your might

Because if you give in they will haunt you all day and night

They will try and scare you any chance they get

When the demon named depression starts whispering in your ear I advise you to ignore every word no matter how taunting

When the demon named anxiety starts telling you stories to doubt every turn you take, anything you say, remind yourself they are just stories

If a demon named DPD starts telling you you're worthless unless someone is with you don't listen and remind yourself that what makes you worth it is you and not others

So no matter what never listen to the demons that may sneak up on you and don't take any steps into darkness because it is hell to try and get out.
January/ 2018/ 14 yrs old
285 · Apr 2018
I'm Okay
Raven Apr 2018
People will walk up to me and ask
Are you okay?
In reply I'll always either say "ya I'm fine" or "I'm alright"
Then I plaster on a fake smile
But they think it's real o they walk away satisfied even though inside I'm dying

Now people who I know will walk up and say "you look tired" and in reply I'll say "ya, I don't sleep very much" then they'll go silent and ignore anything else I say or they'll say "same" and walk away
Little do they know that it's because my demons chase all my dreams away

Now the few people that I can call friends don't really ever ask me how I am for they no longer want to hear the answer
Little do they know that the light is quickly fading from my eyes

I no longer have any friends
So no one asks me how I am
I also no longer have to pretend
Little do they know that tonight I'll say goodbye
Jan/ 10/ 2018/ 10:13 AM/ 14 yrs old
283 · May 2018
Raven May 2018
I harm my body

I can still hear the sound of my fist hitting metal
And I still remember the fleeting way I would look around making sure no one saw

I can still smell the sweetness of my blood as it drips
And feel my skin as it splits in two

I harm my self in many ways
Some that I can't even explain
May/ 25/ 8:23PM/ 2018/ 14 years old
275 · Aug 2018
Raven Aug 2018
"Father, why do you yell at me?"
"Because sometimes you're too much"

"Father,why do you hurt me?"
"So what you understand pain"

"Father, why won't you hug me?"
"Because I won't always be here"

"Father, when will you find help and get better?"
"When the time comes"

"Maria, why do you yell at yourself?"
"Because my own mind is too much"

"Maria, why do you hurt yourself?"
"So that I understand pain"

"Maria, why do you avoid me?"
"Because it'll hurt less when I'm gone"

"Maria, why won't you find help and get better?"
"Because you made me this way, father"
259 · Aug 2018
Raven Aug 2018
There's a forest in my soul
The leads to my heart

There is many things in the forest
If not all
Are hidden

To reach my heart you must make it through

You must make it past
The forgetting paths
They often forget where they are supposed to go

You must make it past
The clingy wolfs
Sometimes they forget how far
Is too far

You must make it past
The overthinking bears
For they'll pin you down in a death like grip
But then stay there
For they start to overthink

But not least

You must make it across
Lust lake
For sometimes
Depending on the way I act
It can drown you
In temptation
250 · Feb 2022
Raven Feb 2022
I watch it flow
Off of my arm
Onto the floor
Or onto me

I watch it flow
As it mesmorizes me
And drowns out
The memories

Its beautifully red
Sweetly warm
And bitterly tasting

It soothes me deep within
Like no other person or thing
Could possibly match

It may be bad for me physically
But mentally its soothing

It calms me
Soothes my mind
And soothes my soul


I want to drown in it

I want to make sure there's enough
To make a pool
A puddle
Or to drain me
From within

I wanna be stained crimson
As I fade away
From this house
Where safety
Never existed
248 · Sep 2020
Set my heart on fire
Raven Sep 2020

That's all I can think about
morning and day


Set my heart on fire


Make me feel warm everywhere


Ignite my feelings that I hid away


Are all that I can think about

You set my mind
My heart
My soul
And everything within
On fire

I sit here and I read old messages
And it sparks feelings
I never wanted to feel again

I'm scared of what you do to me
Cause the last time
The person completely broke me

I sit here and think of
And I smile
And I squeal
And my heart sets itself on fire

Whenever you cross my mind
My whole body feels ignited

Whenever you cross my mind
I can't think of anything else


And nothing else
Until the fire goes out
247 · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
I am now fourteen

I am at the age where boys high five each other for no longer being a ******

I am at the age where girls gossip about *** and squeal about the details

I am now at the age where people will ask me if I am still pure

But when they ask me I don't know what to say

For if I say no they will ask me how I lost it
But I don't want to say
For I didn't lose it to someone I love
I didn't lose it to a cute guy or girl like you
I lost it on several occasions in the darkness of my room
I lost it in the shower of my own home
I lost it over and over again for four years
I lost it to my father

I didn't lose it the way others did
For I lost it on nights where my mom and dad fought
I first lost it at nine

Every time he would touch me
Or **** me
I would pretend to be asleep
Unless it happened in the shower

I would pretend to be asleep because I didn't know what else to do
For I was afraid to go against him
Because he yelled and hit me and my brother if he even suspected we did something wrong
So every night after he would leave my room I would open my eyes as tears cascaded my cheeks
My heart overflowing with nothing but misery
And my mind filled with nothing but fear

When he would touch me in the shower I would go along with it for I couldn't do anything else
I lived in fear for many many years
Even before he started to touch me

So when people ask me if I am a ****** I don't know what to say
For if I say yes I am lying
And if I say yes I have to explain

And every night I lay awake in fear of sleep
For if I sleep he will once again haunt me in my dreams
So I only sleep during the early morning when the sun first starts shining

And when I have to shower I stand in the water
Fighting away tears
Fighting away fear
Fighting away the memories

I didn't lose it the way others do
I didn't lose it to someone I love

I lost it to the person who was supposed to protect me

I lose it to the person who was supposed to love me
But not in that way

I lost it to my own father
And over
And again

Until I finally told someone

Until I finally left him behind

But he still haunts my thoughts every hour
Every day

For ever and ever

Because even though he's no longer physically there
He still haunts me

So no
I am not a ******
For my innocence was stolen long ago
Along with my heart and soul
April/ 24/ 2018/ 2:28PM/ 14 yrs old
244 · Aug 2021
Come With Me
Raven Aug 2021
Come with me at midnight
Traverse an obstacle course
Leading to my heart
And into my soul

Come with me at 1
Run through the park
With no care in the world
But your hand in mine

Come with me at 2
Dance with me
In the middle of a field
Like only we exist

Come with me at 3
Tell me all the secrets
Your heart carries
And I'll tell you mine

Come with me at 4
Let me pour out my soul
As you hold me close
And I hide in your warmth

Come with me at 5
Look at me with weary eyes
And kiss me in disguise
As I melt from the look in your eye

Come with me at 6
As we return to reality
With me in your arms
And you mine
237 · May 2019
Find myself
Raven May 2019
I find myself missing you

I wake up to our memories calling my name
I fall asleep to my forbidden fantasies
Pulling me away

I find myself missing you
And day

I'm happy
With who I'm with now
So why does my heart remind me of you
Whenever I take a break
From the smile on my face
236 · Mar 2019
Beyond Repair
Raven Mar 2019
You broke me
Beyond repair
Beyond help

Because now my heart isn't just shattered
But also torn
And fractured
If its even there at all

You took my trust
Then threw it to the wolves

You took my love
Then through it into flames

You took my fear
And magnified it

You took my pain
And watered it whole

You broke me
Beyond repair
233 · May 2018
Raven May 2018
You make my life livable

You make my smile believable

You make my laugh true

You make me happy

But the thought of you one day being gone makes me sad

But based on my reputation I'll be fine

Based on my reputation I'll move on soon

Based on my reputation you won't matter after a few days

But reputations lie

Because if you were gone my life will be less bearable

Because if you were gone my smile would always be fake

Because if you were gone I would never be able to truly laugh

Because if you were gone my smile would disappear

I love you more than anyone before
So if you were gone my heart would shatter completely

It would forever be in pieces
May/ 8/ 2018/ 4:01 PM/ 14 yrs old
228 · Sep 2018
Raven Sep 2018
I say

Two hours later
Or maybe even more
You reply
You say
I was busy
I say ok
We talk for maybe thirty mins
Then once again
You say you have to go

Where have you been going?
That's what I wanna ask
But I don't wanna be one of those clingy *** girlfriends
That no one wants

But that's who I am
So why don't I show it?
Because I mean I already have
But even so I still try to hide it

But please
Tell me why
And tell me where
You have been going
Cause you have been distant lately

Youre getting
And further
And further

We used to hang out almost every day
But it was two weeks before friday
So how long will the wait be
This time?

It's already been two days
Which isn't bad
But the longer I wait
The more I get sad
Because the longer I wait
The more I feel you will leave
And find someone better
And I'll never know where you met her

But why?

You told me yesterday
And since then all I wanna do is cry

Because it's my fault
And now I don't know how to fix it
So im sorry
But im breaking my promise
Cause the only thing that'll make me calm
Is the splitting of skin
And the smell of sin
As blood drips down along and around my wrist

Along with every forgotten wish

I say

I get no reply
Because you're busy

One day
I'll saygoodbye
But once again
I'll get no reply
And you'll be too late
218 · Jul 2018
Dressed Up
Raven Jul 2018
Dressed up in smiles
Dressed up in frowns

Dressed up in pride
Dressed up to hide

Dressed up for success
Dressed up to fail

Dressed up in love
Dressed up in lust

Dressed up in confidence
Dressed up in fear

I am one
But also both
210 · Apr 2018
Goodnight and Sorry
Raven Apr 2018
Goodnight he whispers as he fades away

Goodnight she whispers as she falls down and hits the ground

Goodnight they whisper as they fade together

Sorry he whispered the day before
Sorry for leaving
Sorry for hurting you

Sorry she whispered the day before as she fell to her knees
Sorry for being a burden
Sorry for hurting

Sorry they whispered the day before
Sorry to the people who had to put up with us
Sorry to our foster parents who found us too much
Sorry to the orphanage for coming back

Sorry and goodnight they all whispered at the same time in different towns as they all fell to the ground.
210 · Apr 2018
I Am
Raven Apr 2018
I am the shadow you fear in the darkest corner of your dreams
Yet I am also the beauty of the haunted mysteries that draw you near

I am darkness
And I am light

I am a monster
And I am an angel

I am the memories you wish to erase
But I am also the ones you wish to keep

I am love
And I am hate

I am truth
And I am lies

I am you
But I am still me

I am your conscious
April/ 13/ 2018/ 9:05PM/ 14 yrs old
210 · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
Drowning in thought

Drowning in memories

Everyday I'm drowning
And no one seems to see
April/ 22/ 2018/ 14 yrs old
204 · Apr 2018
Raven Apr 2018
Finally leaving
Finally gone

My time has come
For me to leave

Not forever
For I shall visit

But not for awhile

The time has come for me to go

To go back to my mom
To go back to my brother

Finally leaving
Finally gone

Don't miss me for I shall visit
But instead stay in touch
And don't forget me

I will still need you time to time
Don't cry for my absence
Instead smile for hope of my next visit

I will not disappear
So do not fear
For I shall visit
Every once in awhile

So don't cry
April/ 15/ 2018/ 14 yrs old
203 · Feb 2019
Raven Feb 2019
They are
Yet abstract

The colour of death
Of pain
But also of mystery
Yet rare to find a rose
Of such a colour

The colour of love
But the colour of blood
And anger
Oh so common
But what does it mean
That these are in correlation
To one another

The colour of peace
The colour of emptiness
Is peace only reachable
By being empty?

The colour of playful
Of innocent
Yet also of the weak
What could this mean?

The colour of calmness
Yet also of sad
So is your sadness calming?
Or is the calming feeling sad?
203 · Apr 2019
Metaphorical Actuality
Raven Apr 2019
In reality
I'm alright
Theres a smile on my face
I say "I'm okay"
You see a person
Whose happy
And positive

The I'm alright screams help
The smile says save me
The I'm okay really says "see the truth"
I'm not a person anymore
I'm my own monster
I'm sad
And broken

In reality
I'm pretty
And cute
You see someone whose thin
You see someone with nice hair
You see someone with beautiful eyes
You see someone whose looks seem flawless

I'm ugly
And unappealing
I see someone whose overweight
I see someone whose hair needs to be changed alot to look okay
I look in my eyes and all I see is my demons
I look at my self and all I see is scars
The visible
And invisible

In reality
My mom seems happy
My dad is not as bad
My brother is nicer
My dog is less afraid
I have friends
I'm mentally alright
Theres nothing but the dark at night

My moms not alright
My dad is worse and gradually becoming more comfortable around me
My brother is always putting up an act
My dog is oblivious
My friends are the shadows
My mentality is destroying itself
And theres monsters that lurk in the night

This is my metaphorical actuality
The metaphors are the reality
And the reality is my metaphor
March/31/2019/11:55PM/15 years old
Raven Apr 2018
I know I self harm
And I know it's not the best

But hey what can I say when I'm depressed

It feels like the world is putting me through a test that makes you have to be dressed a certain way so that no one notices your scars

I hide under a fake smile because the real one has been gone for quite awhile
And the laugh I laugh every day is just another part of the game I play
The game of deception
And lost connection to the real world that I have been hurled away from
So now I truly don't know what I will become
193 · Nov 2018
Tired To Dying
Raven Nov 2018
You go from tired
To dying

You go from not wanting to eat
To not being able to

You go from not wanting to wake
To staying in bed all day

You go from skipping a shower every few days
To showering
Maybe once a month

You go from unmotivated
To incapable

You went from tired to dying
And no one noticed

Am going from tired to dying
And everyone around
Chooses to ignore
The look in my eyes
Or more so
The look that's not there
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