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Jul 2019 · 232
4:18 12/07/19
sat on my ones in the dark
earphones blastin some peep
i always was a sheep
its time to live by me
he who bleeds
thinking about all my life's misdeeds
anger pain happyness all speeds through my mind
i'm one of a kind
left everyone and everything behind
but this cloud above me is silver lined
this road i walk is unsigned
one direction to go
down cause
i aint gonna see the pearly white gates
at this rate im going straight to hell
or a cell cant you tell
im ****** up
Feb 2019 · 196
Untitled
Sitting alone wondering why
I am so down
Why do i wear this frown
Wondering why im on my own
But that is already known
From what i have shown
I like to be unkown
Feb 2019 · 318
Rap V2
They said rap didn't want me
My light skin and this bottle of gin
thats whats gon help me win
my life full its of sin  my kin are full of doubt
that aint gonna help me out
**** screaming and shouting
lyrics are what im about
expressing my feelings through words
depressing rhymes
those are my crimes
sentence me to death
let me get some **** off my chest
my dad we laid to rest
he was the ******* best

life it closes in exposing me for my sin
wishing i was thin
life hits you like a slug to the heart
the rap game im now apart
im not in this for fame
or the money
lets not be funny but
in my past i used to cut
i was stuck in a rut
i had one foot in hell
the other was in a cell

x in a coffin
there ain't nothing worse that loosing an idol
soon ill be in a hearse
listen to my verse take it in
don't just throw me to the bin
thats it im finished
i haven't wrote in a while but life is getting tough again but this time im ready for it
Feb 2019 · 144
Family
Yeah you know me by PA!N
Three letters and a exclamation
That’s ***** on point
Been through some **** it my time
**** my time ain’t been to long barley seventeen years
But I’ve cried too many tears
Carrying my fears like burdens
I can’t loose my peers
Family is all I got left
I need the few I have left
I gotta thank them for all they have done for me
Feb 2019 · 318
Rap V2
They said rap didn't want me
My light skin and this bottle of gin
thats whats gon help me win
my life full its of sin  my kin are full of doubt
that aint gonna help me out
**** screaming and shouting
lyrics are what im about
expressing my feelings through words
depressing rhymes
those are my crimes
sentence me to death
let me get some **** off my chest
my dad we laid to rest
he was the ******* best

life it closes in exposing me for my sin
wishing i was thin
life hits you like a slug to the heart
the rap game im now apart
im not in this for fame
or the money
lets not be funny but
in my past i used to cut
i was stuck in a rut
i had one foot in hell
the other was in a cell

x in a coffin
there ain't nothing worse that loodsing an idol
soon ill be in a hearse
listen to my verse take it in
don't just throw me to the bin
thats it im finished
i haven't wrote in a while but life is getting tough again but this time im ready for it
Jan 2019 · 125
Alone
Think about you everyday
Can you even remember my name
Yeah you were my dame
Now you with someone else
Left me on the shelf
****** up my health
Wanting to **** myself
Fronting to everyone
Smile on My face

I was a moth to your flame
Losing my game
Wishing
Wrote this a while ago not In That place anymore
Dec 2018 · 145
Try me
Yeah I’m the kid that you used to bully at school for acting like a fool

Who knew that you would be looking up to me now

But ima leave you laying on the ground blood pumping out your crown

***** you are the clown at the circus we all laughing at you now

Raise your brow at me
Questioning what happened
She happened life is a *****
Brings you up just to let you fall back down

You got me trusting no one
So I gotta keep my hands curled into fists
Nov 2018 · 180
Family
Yeah you know me by PA!N
Three letters and a exclamation
That’s ***** on point
Been through some **** it my time
**** my time ain’t been to long barley seventeen years
But I’ve cried too many tears
Carrying my fears like burdens
I can’t loose my peers
Family is all I got left
i need the few family members i have
i gotta thank them for all that they have done for me
Oct 2018 · 110
SAD
SAD
My dad he’s dead
A couple week later I was taken in by the fed
And now Im without money to buy bread
Man ***** been going through my head
Making me wanna fill it with lead
Laying on my bed
Wrists running red
Won’t be too long until I am dead
I’m out of my mind
Oct 2018 · 127
Shame
Suicide crosses my mind
If you ******* with me you are in for a ride
My Happiness is like the tide coming and going
Feeling like I’m in a canoe rowing up ***** creek
Yeah I know I’m a freak
I can’t go a week without takin a blade to my skin
Man I’m sat here wishing I was thin
Soon I will be rushing to hang
Take a gun and bang filled my head with lead
Let them shed fake tears for me

Nothing would be better than laying in my own coffin
Useless writings
Sep 2018 · 293
Untitled
Back to normality
I have suffered a casualty
What has happened to me
Me he who bleeds from his wrists

I am the mascot of my PA!N
But i am without gain
Ever day is the same

More pain
No gain

darkness and depression
Raining down on me
I started writing this the day my dad passed away, I haven’t been able to get into the right mind space to finish it
Sep 2018 · 229
Alone again
Sitting here wrists scarred
Legs cut, shut away
scared as the noose starts to fray
Who’s coming to help me
No one, I am left on the shelf
Alone, because my feelings are unknown, trying to keep myself to myself, smoking **** to make myself feel free, He is gone, the I **** I have done is wrong
It won’t be long until I return to my blades
I am struggling without my dad
Sep 2018 · 312
?Question mark?
**** man why am I here
....
**** looks like we doin it
yeah ..
***** they ain't no writ out for me
but I owe you
yeah I know you got me out of that hole I was diggin
I got all the people I need around me so don't come Wiggin
grew up singing em that wigga got me thru hell
...
Hell marshals the one who got me here writing this ****
so sit the **** down and listen to this white kid rapping
man I done my fair share or crime
But I'll always find time to make another rhyme
...
Yeah I was kicked out at 16
left to fend for myself
I'm ******* young but my mind is numb
actin dumb Leaving all the snakes in my rear view
the people round me be new
but who the **** are you to say boo
if only you knew where I have been
and the **** I've seen
I wouldnt wish the **** I been through on no one
Where am I in life?
Aug 2018 · 185
Sick in the head
Smoking dope to feel a smile on my face
Living numb
I can't ******* smile
And that **** makes me feel dumb
Leaving him cheating
What else can I do wrong
My chest is heaving
Sat here tryna be weaving these words
To try and release some hurt

Release somthing I know oh to well
the way I'm going I'm heading for rehab or worse death
Numb in the head
drugs are my butter n bread
**** looks like I'm sick in the head
Cuting myself just to feel somthing
maybe I will end up ******
Dead
Well I'm living in a hostel now
got kicked out
locked inside my own head
Jul 2018 · 260
I'm ...
I'm trying
I'm dying
I'm lying
I'm crying

I'm trying to fight my mind
I'm dying to let you know how I feel
I'm lying about being ok
I'm crying alone

I'm trying to help myself
I'm dying to save you
I'm lying I don't want to be here
I'm crying because I'm scared

I'm trying to fight back the tears
I'm dying with the thoughts
I'm lying I'm not trying
I'm crying out for help

I'm trying
I'm dying
I'm lying
I'm crying
I'm alone my grandfather died a few weeks ago my father has 24 hours to live.
Jul 2018 · 338
Fake
A smile on my face
Fake
A real one i chase
True
My life is a race
from my problems i run
true
Im happy
fake
i am fake
Jul 2018 · 291
Unkown title
while my dad is not gettin better I'm trying to get my **** wetter

my father's headin for the coffin
Im tryna get my ****** **** in

I know I'm a ******
my past is set in stone
but my future is yet to be known

yeah I'm a rapper
I love to rhyme

but it's time to wash out the black not to back to that young D but to become a brand new me

it's been a few months since he who bleeds from his wrists cut
But somthings afoot it didn't take a team to help me
be clean i did this alone

you should have know I Could do it on my own

writing raps it's me and my phone
my inspiration ain't gone its just unknown

how didnt you know I rapped
I'm not a violent guy but you **** wit me you might just get stabbed

I'm not evil knevil **** the future let's get medieval you might just get hung drawn and quartered

nah man I don't take orders the only ones I will follow are the Lords ones
Trying to in a new direction
Jul 2018 · 503
DEAD
Walking into the room
My mind goes boom
There he lie
Dead
As I try
Not to cry
I realise he's
Dead
I'm calm
My mind feels no harm
am I sick in the head
my grandad lays
Dead
And I show no emotion
brewing inside me is a
Potion of feelings ready explode
it hits he again
oh **** he's
Dead
but instead of crying I
hold it in am
dying inside
my mind is on a rolercoaster ride
what do I do
should I hide from my
Dead
grandad instead of any upset
I feel glad he had
a great long life
but now he's
Dead
from this day on I will strive
to be alike my
Dead grandad
I'm not okay
I must stay strong
can't break
stay calm
Jun 2018 · 166
Untitled
my mind is a place you don't belong
all my life i have done so much wrong
trying to stay strong for my family
she has no idea how much she pains me
put your strain on me
let me carry your burdens
i always came third an alone
never number one
i just feel like i am done
i have forgot how to have fun
Jun 2018 · 197
She
She
We all have our fates
Put on my skates
On facebook asking for rates
Im with all my mates
But im the one she hates
Jun 2018 · 460
Working on a title
{intro}
This is just how im feeling in the moment i'm sorry to all those i have hurt

{Verse 1}
Yeah girl i admit i used you
But ***** all you did was abuse me
And for that you will loose me
Its a shame you had trust for me
And all that lust for me

{Chorus}
Yeah momma i ain't the son you remember
uhh yeah dad i aint the son you wanted
Im sorry sister i ain't the brother you needed

{Verse 2}
I get so high i'm in the apollo
Just want a hollow point in my brain
Leave a stain on the wall behind
Deaths rain calling my name
Yeah PA!N is my name but yours and mine isnt the same


{Chorus}

Yeah momma i am not the son you remember
Im sorry dad i was never the son you wanted
and sister i'm sorry i wasn't the brother you needed
First song  i have ever wrote so criticism WELCOMED so please feel free to tell what what you did/didn't like
May 2018 · 183
SICK
I am sick

sick of her ****
she makes me want to take a razor and slit

i am sick

sick in the head
Maybe i should be dead

i am sick

sick of being left out
or forgotten about

i am sick

sick of her ****
Its not my fault my dad has cancer why is she so sure it is?
May 2018 · 10.9k
Missed?
Cuts on my wrists
hands curled into fists
will i even be missed

Writing a note
i wrote
i love you and it wasn't your fault

That's a lie
i want to die and
its partly your fault

I can't tell you that so i
Sit and i cry

Why do i
Live like this

Will i even be missed
I am not in a good place anymore
I don't want to be here!
May 2018 · 353
Untitled
Trying to drown my explosive thoughts in liquor
May 2018 · 277
Save me
Save me from the thoughts in my head
Save me before i'm dead
Save me before im filled with lead
Save me from my dread
Save me from the thoughts in my head
Im not sure about writing poetry anymore
Apr 2018 · 287
TIME
Watching time go by
All i want is to get high
That's a lie
All i want is to die
sitting here staring at the clock

Watching time go by
While i cry
I try to lie
I am happy

Watching the time go by
This might be my final

Goodbye
Im ****** up a the moment my mind is broken my spirit is gone
No one is here for me
I dont need ya'll anyway
Apr 2018 · 541
I love you
I have been doing better lately
The man in the mirror doesn't hate me
it seems like my fate has changed or maybe its destiny
She brings a smile to my face
With such grace i laugh
i'm having a ball
I love you all
Its time to shove my depressive thoughts
Into a hall full of smiles

There was a while when i couldn't smile
My eyes were full of tears
But i hope you hear me when i say
I love you
Don't ever forget YOU are beautiful and I love you for who you are
Apr 2018 · 438
PA!N
I wish that i didn't have a heart love you

But i played a part in breaking you down
Gave you that permanent frown
Left you on a permanent down
Promised you a wedding gown

But i just left town
On my own i sit here
Thinking of you
Who i hurt ever so much
Clutching at what i have left

why are you still so kind
After all i left you behind
All i am good at is whining
And hiding in my mind

Crying in the dark
Listening to the nightlark
With you i feel a spark
As sure as dogs bark
She loves me

And i owe her
I need to show her
I care
So i sit here and stare
Into the darkness
Feeling heartless

Looking for inspiration
Devastation is all i feel
When i read my writings

fighting my depression
What is your impression of me
Me he who bleeds from his wrists
The Mascot of Pain
once again i ruined someones life but i am back to save you
I will be there hero you dont want but need
Without you i wouldn't even be writing this
Apr 2018 · 280
MJU
MJU
To move on i go back
My thoughts are wack
My mind is full of black

Being kind to the one i say love
she is a pure white dove
Making light of the darkness of my mind
Helping me to find myself

In her arms
rest the scars i put there
From when i said i didn't care
My words are never fair

Marielle hurting her is hell
Fell into her heart
Tore her apart
**** why did i do it?
Apr 2018 · 212
Untitled
And now i am smiling
no more crying
but i am always lying
Thinking of dying
No longer trying to make it through
All the pain
Apr 2018 · 190
What have i done wrong
What have i done wrong
I must stay strong
It won't be too long

What have i done wrong
I don't want to prolong the time i have left
all along i blamed myself
When it was you causing me all this pain

What have I done wrong
Apr 2018 · 196
Simple
A simple smile or a laugh
A simple cut or a scratch
To make me feel alive again
To relieve some of my pain
No more gain from
A simple smile or a laugh
I am struggling today
Apr 2018 · 259
Dead
Ripping my arms to shreds
thoughts of suicide in my head
i am filled with dread
no one listened to what i said
a pull of a trigger and i am
DEAD
Help me
Mar 2018 · 176
Birthday
it was my birthday 26/03 i should have been happy
But i was feeling ******
Being snappy
feeling like ****
It is natural
for me
Holding on so desperately to what i have left of my life
Mar 2018 · 164
25/03/18
Im sick
Quick light the candle wick
Grab the handle of a knife
I HATE THE LIFE I LIVE
i feel like its time to give up

Or is it time to outlive the thoughts in my head
Being dead isn't the way
Mar 2018 · 237
Smiles
I am broken
But I still smile
I am still kind of heart
And yes i am smart
We may be apart
But i still look out for you
Don't come and **** my mood
And yeah im more than a little lewd
And i will always be belittled
But i could give a ****
I'm going to live life to the fullest
Grow old with a beautiful wife
And please know that you can't snow on my parade
At times i have strayed from the path
Of righteousness
And yeah i am a psychopath
And you don't want to feel my
WRATH
I hope this is a start of a path i am going down of creativeness
Mar 2018 · 217
Hope
I use my writings to cope
But i am sliding down this ***** of
Depression
Getting worse
Thoughts of that rope
Tied in a noose
To bleed away my youth
And that's the truth

but when i need you the most
You are nothing but a ghost
If you are ever down i do
The utmost to be there for you

You the one who is never there
for me


I see the tree
i planned to tie that rope to
That rope tied in a noose

You made me feel so used and abused
You whose initials are signed on my skin
But i will not let you win
**** im so ******* up mentaly
Mar 2018 · 194
HELP
Laying in my bed
Praying for help

The voices in my head
Telling me to Die

Thoughts of suicide
Revolving rotating in my mind

Try my best to be kind to
everyone i meet

But i'm just some ofbeat
*******

Hit my walls with my fists
till i bleed

Blood dripping from my knuckles

I buckle under all this strain and pressure
Try to forget
But there's always a refresher
I treasure the few i have left
Suicide is preventable
There is never a need to harm yourself
Just remember i love you and there's always someone somewhere rooting for YOU
Mar 2018 · 327
Untitled
Obsessed with the thought of you
The one who hurt me so bad
But you have had your fun
You will no longer cause me pain
I have allot to regain
Its a shot in the dark but
I hope you never loved me
Mar 2018 · 214
07:12 15/03/18
i'm Sat here contemplating existence
waiting for my family to rise from bed
my heart pUlsating
stIll hating those in power
always stating my beliefs
thoughts of suiCide rotating In my minD
concEntrating on my poetry
Look deep
Mar 2018 · 167
HER
HER
Sat here smile on my face
Once in a while I don't have to force it
She is the source of my smile
Im not feeling ******
She is healing my broken heart
Putting me back together part by part
When i talk with her my pain is as light as a feather
Mar 2018 · 177
ONE MORE DAY
Dug my grave
Go to a rave
Have some fun
Find my gun
I am done
The end has begun
My mind is overrun
without my loved one
I no longer find fun
I ponder
if
Tomorrow will ever come
I will stride until tomorrow comes
Mar 2018 · 160
Deaths kiss
Its me the one who bleeds
From his wrists
Sweet bliss


Don't try to diss me
Your rhymes are ****
done some crimes
and i paid my time

when i wanna die
I turn to rhymes
And i will climb up
up To the top

No matter how many times i drop
I will just pop another pill

Don't try me
I will **** you
spill your guts
With zero *****
You can try to duck
but my left hook
Will ******* up

I will never grow up
Wont blow up
time to throw up My last meal
yeah that's the ******* deal
It's just how i feel
Mar 2018 · 167
Im fucking angry
I am angry
People shouting at me
why the **** are you doubting me
and outing me

And i don't want to eat my ******* meal
I no longer want to feel

THis **** got real
and its no big deal
That i don't appeal to you

I will not conceal
How i feel
and i know i am no big deal

no longer will i kneel to you
Get on your ******* knees and **** the cheese from my burmese
And i dont give a **** about your crews


And i will pleasure
Your ***** without measure
That **** for me is just leisure

This don't mean ****
I'm just having a seizure with a pen
Spazzing without you

I make do with what i have
i am no wordsmith
But i aint a ******* myth
Drink a fifth of *****

Tell my momma i love her
Before i throw her off a balcony
Expression of self
This means nothing
Im in a bad mood
I like angry writings
Mar 2018 · 132
Why
Why
Why do i cry
Tears falling from my eye
When they clear
I must smile
Mar 2018 · 153
I
I
I have a choice
I will make some noise
I have a voice
I will rejoice
I have a choice
Mar 2018 · 142
Lord
Laughing in the night
Fight the days away
Gaze at my life
Take a knife
Make a incision
Look to religion
Turn to god

Pray on my knees
Freeze look up to the sky
And i get no
Reply
Mar 2018 · 133
Pledge
My legs are dangling off the edge
Of this ledge
But i made a pledge to her
That i will no longer take this razors edge to my wrist
It's hard, but i insist i will not upset her
I am in her debt
I look at my arms and i can not forget
Made a promise i will not let her down
Will no longer wear a frown
No more feeling down
I have been around And i have been knocked down
And no you don't know what it's like
You haven't walked 10,000 miles in my shoes
Mar 2018 · 139
05:33
Early in the morning laying awake
Body aches
Clothes are fakes
All my friends are snakes
Every turn i take is a dead end
Last night i shed my tears
Unknown to my peers
I am still full of fears
Hear them chear
As i down these beers
Wasting my years
With these stupid affairs
I'm not sure who i am anymore
Mar 2018 · 147
Anxiety x Depression
Standing over me while i sleep
Handing me the pain i don't want
Commanding me to stay inside
Demanding i lay here alone
Branding me with these scars
Stranding me alone on an island of tears
Expanding darkness in my mind
Longstanding upset
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