It's so tiring
To be someone's first love
Over and over
The first person
To put light in their eyes
And the first person
To steal it back
The first fond memory
Tainted by
The first heartache
It is so tiring to be
Both the best
And the worst thing
To ever happen
To someone that
Isn't your first love,
But one of the many
You'll hate to see go

Washed a happy pill down
With three pain killers
And coffee laced with Jack
Slept through the night
But woke up low
Stayed there through the morning
Till the drugs set in
Only thing on my mind
*Here we go again

Maybe we all write about the same things
Because life is unfair to everyone
And we all know the same pain
Because we are the watchers
We are the feelers
We are the poets
And while some people go along
Completely oblivious to the hell around them
We're the ones condemned by it
Because we're the one who see it
And breathe it
And write it
So good luck to you
All of you who write away the same sorrows that I do
Because it doesn't get better from here
I wish for your sake that you had never noticed

We're all writing about the same things
Love and Pain and Loss
It´s like a record skipping
Over and over
Even I'm guilty
Pointless repetition
The same old sorrows
Yesterday and tomorrow
When will it ever end?
Every poet knows the pain
The release
Of fingers on keys
Typing instead of bleeding
Even though it's the same thing
But we just keep repeating
Again and again
When will it end?
*When will it end?

"This morning
I colored the sunrise
With my tears
And tonight
When my head
Hits the pillow
I'll dream of
The wrong person
And I guess . . .
That it just feels
Very lonely
Help me
Please help me
Because I . . .
I don't know
How to do it alone"

*The Suicide Diaries

I dreamt of you last night
With your long hair
And your crooked smile
I asked you when you lost hope
When you stopped believing that I love you
You never gave me an answer
You just kissed my lips
And stroked my hair
Just like you used to
Then disappeared
When I opened my eyes
I wasn't in your bed
Or wrapped in your arms
He was breathing slowly
Into the crook of my neck
And it felt wrong
But it felt right
And I just wanted you to know
That I miss you
And I love you still
But I'm not a child any longer
I don't want to play with you anymore
I'll let you go
To find better things
To forget me
And how I taste
The sounds I make when I sleep
The shudders I offered
When you kissed my neck
Just never stop believing
That I love you
Because I do
I promise you I do