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Wake.
Shower.
Eat.
In the car.
Find a seat.
On the train.
At work.
Make a sale.
Tuck in your shirt.
Eat.
Drink.
Laugh.
Stop - No time for games.
Make a sale.
Again.
And again.
Belittled.
Not recognised.
Meet your targets.
Don't get fired.
Work after work - No pay.
At the station.
Back on the train.
Find a seat .
None found - Must stand.
What's that smell.
Feeling cramped.
At your Destination.
Back in the car.
Meet every red light.
Home feels so far.
Finely there.
Eat. Shower. Sleep.
**Life is not fair.
 Apr 2014 OldManAtHeart
Zaynub
it was 9 pm
I opted to go to sleep.
you asked, “why?”

honey,
what good is it
to be awake
at time where
I’d like nothing more
than to die?

it was 9 am.
I stayed in bed.
you asked “why?”

darling,
why hurry
to be somewhere
you’re not wanted?

it was the weekend.
I remained in bed.
you asked “why?”

sweetie,
i’ve had enough.
i just need some rest.

i never woke up after that.

you stopped asking why.
 Apr 2014 OldManAtHeart
KA
Suicide comes in array of colors
Some are more obvious
A gun,drug, jumping , etc
The norm

Or the subtle...
Sitting down to wait
A lifetime of waiting
Drinking coffee in a diner
Sitting around waiting to die
Waiting waiting
Not living
Just slow death
Waiting for the messiah
Waiting for happiness
Bones getting old
Liver giving up
Love growing mold
No foot prints
No verse


KT Mar 31, 2014
 Apr 2014 OldManAtHeart
KA
Universe
 Apr 2014 OldManAtHeart
KA
Its about all of you and its about none of you,
that is the beauty of the universe.




KT April 2, 2014
#universe #you #beauty
this room
a room with a view
towering coasters littered with fireworks
a suburban landscape that grew
eighteen years
for a while I thought there was no view beyond these walls
these four barriers that hold
all of me
where I g r e w
eighteen years
from a stumbling child
with pink bows and sturdy white iron
so small in a space so large
I couldn’t fill it
I couldn’t find myself within it yet
this sea of pink frills
but
I curled up with a book every night from what I remember
and I wrote in my first every diary on this bed
and I listened to that prized stereo over and over and over
and as I blossomed this pink palace faded
change
i
changed
so that pink was torn down
and replaced with blue
and green
and purple
and for a while it remained bare
I remained bare
but as I g r e w I was marked
graffiitied
plastered
a rejection here
a death there
I was no longer solid; plain
like these walls, images appeared stuck
who I should be
where I should go
what I should wear
and soon all I saw were these walls
and myself within them
they spoke to me
sometimes in pain
other times in anger; frustration
this cave and sanctuary was my only retreat
writing on the same desk from my childhood about love lost and dreams unfulfilled
I sat in a closet covered in fabric and lost myself in stories
I dance alone facing a mirror, scrutinizing every angle

who was I?

within these walls I found a path
an acceptance
a moment well received and earned
I finally cried tears of joy
new steps, new space
new paint, remove old
images stripped away
from these barriers
red, white, brown
calm
these “barriers” slowly became
arms
they held me
during times of struggle and self-doubt and stress and fear
and I still looked in that mirror and scrutinized
and I still yearned for more of a view
and I still lay broken and heaving in this bed
but I also
g r e w
I left and came back changed one irreplaceable July summer
and
I spoke freely and bravely through the mouth of my pen
and I
smiled brightly at his face on that screen
I g r e w
eighteen years
these arms, once barriers, once only walls
hold everything
all of me
and to leave is bittersweet
for I want to stay
and curl up in this bed
and see my past selves
sitting there with me
to remind me of where I’ve come
I want to sit at that desk and hear
the incessant drumming underneath my floors
I want to hear my mother call me down for dinner
and my father’s hearty laugh
but although these arms hold me
I know they are letting me go
eighteen years
letting me go
to keep on
g r o w i n g
to return changed
but to still see
myself.
Summers ago when he was ten
his first blush was born from her glance
on his yard fell the first rain
he had but met her only once.

Most precious gift gave her tiny hand
one that he kept in a matchbox
no ring it was a red rubber band
long lost still at his heart knocks.

How can stop time by a girl's whim
stales never a moment of closeness
when love was an unripened dream
lust was an unknown address.

The boy soon grew to become a man
the girl went to some faraway land
they come but once in one lifespan
his first blush her hand's rubber band.
this poem waited for over forty years to be born.
Sometimes poems take
forever to pass by
like fishing for the big one
hook, line, sinker,

Sitting, watching the water
ripple as they tease
saying "we're just below
the surface of what you see."
 Mar 2014 OldManAtHeart
JM
You will not be meeting me
at the train station,
wearing nothing but a sundress and
the warm scents of
wet desire rising as
a lustful fog
from your steaming forest,
anytime soon.

The heat would **** the sun.

I will not be showing up
on your doorstep,
rigid and pulsing
with the blood of
centuries coursing through
my thick roots,
in the nearest future.

The pressure would crush the moon.

Instead,
I swim in your teacup
and warm baths
while you roam in
the smoke at the edge
of my shadow.

I feel your soft whispers
across the ocean of time
as they float on broken
spiderwebs of memory.

Our love is in the words
between the worlds;
resting in the
wet soil of
an afternoon nap,
we bloom as one.

As the fire of night
descends, destroying
the boundaries of time
and space,
we transcend all that
is cold and unforgiving,
leaving behind only
echos of wanting.
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