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Marri Apr 2020
For today, and one day only, limited edition!
I still love you.
And the crowd goes wild. (I’ve learned to tune out the boo’s too.)
But you heard it here first, for one day, and one day only.
I still love you.

My heart decided to come alive at the thought of you,
It got up and stretched, and let me tell you,
My heart has some serious arthritis.
It aches over you.

My butterflies came out of their cocoon at the thought of you,
They spread their wings, one by one, gaining momentum.
They’re bouncing off the walls in here!

My mind is quite cross with himself,
I flood the systems with memories of you,
Daydreams of you, and only thoughts of you.
My brain just might OD over the thought of you.
(But if that happens I know a guy that can help.)

Don’t even get me started on me.
That’s the crazy part.
I don’t think of you, I’m over you, I’m not in love with you anymore.
I thought I’d be fine.

But for one day!
And one day only!
Limited edition!
Half off!
Buy one, get two!
I still love you.
Marri Apr 2020
I’m ashamed,
I’m embarrassed,
I’m pathetic.
Aren’t I?

I want to be strong,
But I'm scared.
I’m absolutely terrified.

I don’t want to be alone anymore.

I feel weak for wanting someone.
I feel broken, I feel stupid.
I feel alone.

I want to be strong,
But I’m not.
I’m completely terrified.

I’m supposed to be ‘in love with myself’.
I’m supposed to ‘only need myself’.
I’m supposed to be independent.

I am independent,
I do love myself,
But I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of being alone.
Does that make me weak?

I’m sick of being alone,
Does that make me pathetic?

I don’t want to be alone anymore,
Does that make me lonely?

I’m so pathetic,
Aren’t I?
Marri Apr 2020
The reason I called at 12:14 am
Was not for casual small talk,
Or chit chat about the day,
Or even because I missed you.
It’s because I’m trying to fill my empty satisfactions.

The reason I text you back at any time in the day
Is not to check up on you,
Or to be with you,
Or even because I care about you.
It’s because I’m trying to fill my time.

I’m using you,
Sick, right?

The reason I reach out to you
Is not because “I still love you”,
Or to have and to hold you,
Or even because I, dare I say, miss you.
It’s because you’re so convenient.

Wanna know something even sicker than the latter?
I know that I’m using you,
I know that I’m some sadistic girl,
I know that I’m some kind of a messed up human.

The reason I lead you on
Is not because “I want you so bad”,
Or that I can only contract at the thought of you,
Or even because I desire only you.
It’s because you’re so easy.

The thing is:
I love it.

I love using you.
Frankly, It would be quite rude not to.

You’re just temporary,
Every breath you take is because I gave it to you,
Every step you take is because I showed it to you,
I created you.

I am your Goddess.
(When you think you’re a God.)
Silly me, silly you,
To think you would own me.

Silly us,
To think we’re in love.

But we know better than that.
We know that you’re just a temporary fix to a bigger appetite.
Let’s not think about that.

Let’s be silly,
Let’s be stupid,
Let’s be ignorant kids trying to love.
Marri Apr 2020
I hope that your every passing thought is of me and all we’ve lost.
I hope you lie awake thinking of the things we’ve done,
I hope you regret the monsters we’ve become.

I hope every wilting flower reminds you of me.
I hope I’m the only reflection in yours that you’ll see.

I hope you say my name in your sleep.
I hope you hold me in your heart like the secrets that you keep.

Eventually, hope dies.

But, this was a ******.
And your mouth is wet with lies.

Now my hope is dead,
And your hands are the bloodiest of red.
Marri Apr 2020
Today I told you I loved you.
I tried to be cool with it
And ease it into the conversation.

But those three words stuck out like a sore thumb:
I love you.

I wish I could say it again,
But I don’t want to overwhelm you.
I love you.

I can only hear those three words on repeat:
I love you.
Over and over.

I don’t really know what it means to love you,
But I know this.

I know that I think about you with every passing second,
I know that I always feel complete with you,
And I know that my day is never enough without you.

I love you.

I love you,
Every single piece,
I love you.

I love all your flaws,
In my eyes they create perfection.

I love your smile,
In my eyes they put heaven to shame.

I love your voice,
In my eyes symphonies could never compare.

I love you,
Every single part of you.

Can’t you see?
I care about you deeply,
I love you inevitably,
Is that wrong?

I confess that I love you,
And I don’t think I’ll ever stop.
Marri Apr 2020
My eyes close gently
Like butterflies finding peace.

My breathing is soft
Like the winds that move music.

On my back,
Covered with duvet,
I come alive.

Don’t you hear it?
The call to an ancient rhythm?

I start to dance.

My eyes clench shut
Like doors to an argument.

My breathing picks up pace
Like the smoke of heat in winter.

On my back,
Covered with sweat,
I come alive.

The dance begins:
It starts at my toes.

Clenching, curling,
Pirouette Princess.

Moves up my thighs,
Shaking, sliding,
Shimmy salsa.

My hands join in,
They create foreign mundras.

Massaging circles into soft flowers.
I’m blooming all over again.

The rhythm picks up pace,
The drum beats vibrations into my existence.

The process repeats,
Pirouette toes,
Salsa thighs,
And flowers blooming from fingertips.

Faster,
This time,
Faster.

My eyelids play movies I’ve never seen,
My breath hitches in my throat,
I’m coming alive.

Suddenly,
I feel everything all at once.

My head starts to spin,
The good kind of dizzy.

On my back,
Lifting up,
Soul leaving body in unspoken essence,
I’m coming undone.

In a estranged voice I’ve never known,
Your name leaves my parted lips.

The music stops,
The dance is complete,
And the petals wilt.

Fingertips sticky with nectar.
Or is it pollen?

Doesn’t matter—
It still tastes sweet.
Marri Mar 2020
I don’t want to pray about you.
Not because God and I are taking a break,
Not because I’m busy,
Not because I can’t close my eyes without blinking away tears.

But because I’m scared.
I admit it,
I’m scared.

I’m scared that God will take you from me,
I’m scared that he’ll smite me for loving you.

I’m scared that God will cast me out of your garden,
I’m scared that the snakes and I are tangled into each other.
(We’re unrecognizable. Who knows where slither starts and fingertips end.)

I’m terrified that God will tell me that you and I aren’t meant to be,
That we are abominations.
That this wasn’t a match made in heaven.

That we are slowly falling,
In love,
Back to earth,
With wings scorched black—

Please.
Don’t ask me to pray,
Or you just might catch me with my eyes wide open whispering sweet nothings to a God I’m fearful of.
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