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Natasha Bailey May 2019
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Why do I play this fools game?

The rush of the steel to the vain

Does in no way, outweigh the withdrawals, the pain

The quick fix of the crimson- reinserted heals the shame

I feel borderline insane, self-inflicted yet again

As I suffer in dismay, crying out the Lords name

Please, please take away this addiction, this pain


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-LetterGoddess
Natasha Bailey May 2019
I compete at top speed,
Like Suzan bolt,
Athlete.
Always complete,
Get victory,
With or without an injury,
Nothing can stop me defeat,
Do it all again, battle then repeat.

The experiences of trauma and terror,
Released the my strength and will to be clever.
Had a few falls, even rode off the circuit,
Being nocturnal,
Can lead to events that are incidental.
Got trapped in dark walls,
My dearest trait plummeting to extinction,
Being energetic.

Got me consulting a professional,
Praying it’s as easy as connecting wires,
Electrical.
Please be hypothetical.
I should of asked nicer, but I thought it was theoretical.
A diagnose one day I will say I have beat,
With only my fire-signs heat.

With elements on my side,
Fire, wind, earth and water,
I could no longer hide.
I had to possess these powers,
In order to rejuvenate my dying flowers.
Natasha Bailey May 2019
RELAPSE


The time when it feels like life is throwing you fire

That moment when you decide to temporary mentally retire

In hopes to repair and recover

Before you got to get your thoughts together

A timer ticking, with less than four days.

Then you realise 2 days have slipped in a foggy haze

Another 12 hours disappear in a blink while I’m stuck in this maze

Mind jammed on repeat, running same old relays

Life on the brink, Useless skits stuck on replay.


Disaster strikes it’s second hit,

With the bowel empty, out of ****,

tired and wired

In some serious need.

Next door possesses my ****,

clock strikes 2am,

no hope for the action called- boomerang

thoughts doing laps- thinking-

Why did I leave it there for so long?

Drug-enduced thoughts shift the blame,

How could they do me so wrong?


By not returning Billson after borrowing,

Leads to plan B’s decease.

The creation of black death to ease the worrying.

Now in search for some other sweet release.

Should have prepared a stash of sleepers

But I’ve used them all up,

Option C – A pill with effects like ******,

Zanexe don’t stand a chance anymore,

Immune to those dowsers, always needing a top-up.

The familiar stench of the chemicals on my skin,

Reminds me of all the times I swore I hated this sin.

Yet here I am again, where on earth do I begin?

Perhaps when I had my first lapse,

6 days ago, 2 points and didn’t collapse.

Which fertilised the seed planted by an addict

1 month off a year clean…

I was truly recovering

Then hell froze over turning my skies unclear,

That tickle got me thoughtful with the unspoken words - ‘I gotta have more’.

For of cause tomorrow I know I will be sore,

With that familiar dismantling pain,

For I have walked this road before.



For it I search, an act previously well-rehearsed

Found and purchase ordered,

I reach into my purse,

And as easy as that, transaction recorded.




- LetterGoddess
Natasha Bailey May 2019
When the seas, all seven, align and combine,
To form one tide, do you believe we have a selection, to
Reside, hide and remain alive?
Or is that our mind tryna confide,
In our own made lie, afraid to die?
If the angels rein down a path to heaven,
I wish to accept, find, listen and abide,
Until I arrive.
Once I’ve arrived at my final destination,
Only then will I quit the investigation,
Quit the pacing,
Where thoughts are constantly racing.
End of days where I communicate,
Debate and question every nation.
An owl of silent observation,
Mixed with a perfection I can imagination,
To relate,
To create,
And modulate,
An exhilarating answer to the allegation,
Fact or fiction,
Which is resurrection?
Such unbelievers, who claim afterlife is an illusion,
Unaware that they are too, just bait,
Heading straight,
Into the great,
Hands of fate.
The weight of the truth,
And proof,
In representation of resurrection,
Cannot be ignored, just like an antique china plate,
Or a mate,
Who’s at times, difficult to tolerate.
It’s inevitable,
So renumerate,
Your pure self, and reinstate,
Circumnavigate,
To the Golden Slate Gate.
Enter your new estate,
Where you are enchanted with the power of illumination.
Before you can await,
The glorious one who turns death into rebirth,
Giving your soul a chance to resurrect,
Recreate, and once again illuminate.
  

-me, myself and I
Natasha Bailey May 2019
authority, a position unknown to minority...


Military will only help temporarily,

Until the repetition

Becomes addiction

To violence.

Then like a sheep to its Sheppard,

Follows the police.

Diminishing the quality,

Of equality.

As chaos doesn’t subside.

Authority turns ruthless,

dressed in weapons everywhere they ride.

Contradicting by disrupting ‘world peace’.


Desperately in need of headgear and a mouthpiece,

Praying to reach a pleasant release,

Before hitting solitary, on the edge of madness,

With fear of fatality,

That could have you permanently resting in the cemetery.

How is deprivation of freedom correcting one’s behaviours?

Is gaining the ability to fend for your nation now classed as an act of superiority?
Natasha Bailey May 2019
COATS OF RED

I thought I put my demons to dead,
drowned them in coats of red,
but really I just put them to rest, in bed,
I guess the real battle begins once you've gone sober,
cold stone, another day older..
Natasha Bailey May 2019
Past says final farewell,

To all things that make me unwell,

To all the hate I ever felt,

To all the love I never (held)

Goodbye,
and Farewell
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