It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you, even longer since I’ve seen you,
And although I miss you I’m glad you’re not around,

I’m relieved my phones not ringing at three am, cause every time I thought it’d be someone telling me your body has been found,

My heart breaks every time I see a recent photo of you, the sunken cheeks, the dark circles under your eyes,
Every time I think of how you’ve hurt your body, with every pill that touched your mouth came another string of lies,

I can’t stand the person you’ve become,
I wonder how something so tiny could bring along so much pain,
What Id give to wash away all your sins with a little bit of rain,

The last time you were at my house you promised you were clean,
But your words were slurred, and I could tell reality was less serene,

You fell asleep on my bed within minutes of arriving, I desperately wanted to believe that you were just tired, that this was a result of a year long battle finally won,

I told you I was proud of you,that I loved you, sent you on your way, but in my heart I knew, this war wasn’t done,

Two days later your aunt flushed a bag of pills down the toilet while you cried in the garage,
She gave you your life savings and told you to get lost,
Not because she doesn’t love you, but because she’s tired of the lies,
She doesn’t want to see the child she raised, slowly die in front of her eyes,

That day I knew I’d truly lost my best friend,
You’re living on borrowed time,
I pray every day that you overcome this,
All while knowing it’s close to the end,
If only the judge had ordered you into rehab when you got that DUI,
Maybe then we’d be celebrating your 90 days,
Instead of drying our eyes,

Opioids stole our friendship,
Please don’t let it steal your life,
I don’t have room in my closet for another black dress,
I don’t have room in my heart to fit the grief of another overdosed friend,
Please if there is a god, send her a helping hand,
Because I’ve tried everything I can think of to keep her from ending up in your land,
And honestly I think you have enough angels right now,
don’t take her from us yet,
I promise we will make it up some how,
And lord if you can lend us strength while you’re at it I’d appreciate the gesture,
I don’t know if I can take another broken promise or another “ I don’t need to go to rehab lecture”,

If only getting clean was as easy popping pills,
If only loving someone with an addiction didn’t leave me with constant chills,
If you’d have told me that by my mid 20’s half my friends would be dead or dying,
I’d have rolled my eyes and told you to stop lying,
But I guess we are all dying- you’re just dying faster than I am.

A pointed finger,
A shaking head,
A loud voice,
A thought of dread;

Chattering teeth, bleeding finger beds,
A thousand scars, a strangers treads;

It’s time to sleep, so shut your eyes,
But be careful, he’s always watching,
He knows your insides;

All your secrets, all your lies, all your misgivings, there’s nothing you can hide;

Your souls exposed, your gut and heart,
And if you look to close, he’ll steal your parts;

So cry silently, swallow your fear,
Cause if you don’t, you’re next my dear.

I should have paid more attention to the things you threw away;
If I had, maybe I’d still have my broken heart today.

I see you drowning while I’m breathing,
Tell me how to save you,
I swear I’ll give you everything~

Percocet
*******
Xanax
OxyNEO

And god knows what else.
You keep telling me “I’m not high I swear! I’m just tired”
But your lips are tinged blue, you have saliva in the creases of your mouth, your body is frail and sickly looking, your skin so white it’s almost transparent. Your eyes are swollen, glossy, and gaunt, your cheeks are sunken, your hair is tangled and unwashed.

“I’m not high I swear!”

But I don’t believe you. How many times have you said that to me only to confess later that you were, that you found a pill and didn’t have the self control not to take it.

“I’m not high I swear”

Yet you randomly smack your head, blurt out random words and nonsense, forget entire conversations, fall asleep mid sentence.

You said you were clean. But the very next day I get a call telling me that you’ve been arrested for a DUI, you had Xanax and Oxyneos in your toxicology report.

I’m afraid to answer my phone when it rings, I always fear it will be the call that tells me you’ve overdosed.

You said “I don’t need to go to rehab, I can quit myself”
But if that were true, you’d be clean by now. It’s been over a year since you told me you were addicted to pills.
At first it was just a perc or two, and now you are a full blown opioid abuser.

You’ve become the thing you hated most. An addict that can’t admit that they have a problem.

“Im not high I swear”

I can’t count how many times you’ve said that, how many times you lied to my face. So many times I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again.
But I know I will, and I know I’ll go home and cry after and pray to god you wake up tomorrow.

I just want my best friend back, the kind and honest loving girl you use to be.
I’m tired of the you you’ve become.
The girl that lies, that steals, that is wasting away.

If only you never took that first pill.

The road is long,
The wait is short.