She is sitting on the table...
Turning on the lamp and then switching it off

on!.....off!


on!.....off!


on!......off!


off...........­..........off


It's been 5 minutes and the lamp is still off
She can hear someone...
Oh! It's her heart screaming for an adventure...

Friday                                                           ­                11:45a.m
Earth's oldest band: Thunder was having a concert on clouds
And raindrops wearing anklets
danced in her verandah
The wayward wind tickeled the branches
of Gulmohar tree,
And the newborn leaves wondered who it was?
There she was...in the warmth of moment
listening to the untold stories of faraway lands.

They say," change is the only constant thing..."
And she changed...
As her soul danced between the four seasons
From feeling powerful to the most miserable person
She felt everything...everytime.

There were times when summer flourished
When she took dips in the ocean of stars
And danced the nights away with the fireflies.

But she enjoyed the winter more
Where the winter rains calmed her
And the Dark and Cold felt as her own people.

But before she met them...the maple tree in her garden
was changing colors...from green to orange
She picked up the fallen maple leaves
and played among them.
As she saw everything around her fading away...
She felt autumns were beautiful,
Because she had to be dead to feel live again.

The time passed by...
I remember her sitting...eating her cake
Waiting for the winter to end and spring to come
Waiting to sing songs under her cherry blossom.

Some days I do wonder about love
A poison people drink happily
They say the dopamine and oxytocin flood the brain
And a person goes all weird…
Well, is that true?
I hate love…and those kids of my generation
Acting all in love
How are they mature enough to name it love?

But I have seen love…
from the balcony of my dark room
Between that man and lady...
living in their own rainbow world...
The old man, above 6ft…
loves a lady, below 5ft…
Sharing the same room and life from past 50 years...
You see...they are not a necessity but a habit...
The radio plays...while he reads the newspaper...
and she knits a sweater...
Not even a single word is said...
But the air is filled with their love for each other...
There is something about the old lady that makes old man fall for her more every day…
The king himself...treats her like a queen...
It's funny to see the laws of physics come true...
As they said...opposites attract...
If he is an ocean filled with composure...
then she is the tide...
If she is the sun...
then he is the warmth...
As they sit together in their dazzling love...
The flowers they planted in name of each other...
Bloom fresh to this day...
The restlessness in his walk...the sadness in his eyes
when she is not around...says it all...
It was a gloomy November, when she got sick...
Only for him to get sick too in the coming week...
It felt like a connection of souls...
A fire burns in his heart...with a promise on his lips...
never to leave her side...

I wonder...the love I hate...
Can it really be this pure?
Nothing to expect...but just give endlessly...
A love so deep...that other's existence becomes a norm...
In this world of 14 billion faces...
Will I love someone this way?
The way my grandpa loves my granny.

I met a man like moonflower...
The air was filled with his vintage aroma
But the petals bloomed fresh....
I looked at him in an awe.
As I had a history of meeting sunflowers...
I told him with a smile...
I had never seen one like him before.
There were questions in my head for his town's soil
With some painful happiness in his eyes...
A satisfaction in his heart...
and a smile on his lips...
He said," We grew like wild vines...
My gardener forgot my location..."
Through his hazel eyes...I saw his seed soul...
standing all strong...
"How you turned out so well then?"
I asked him.
"I didn't have the sun, but the moon
never left me alone..."

The wind had begun to whisper...
As I saw his white petals bloom
under the moonlight.

They say," You learn from your mistakes..."
But, what to do if mistakes are done on every edge...
I packed my bags...and went back to my island...
once I saw how crowded the city was...
filled with bright faces and black hearts...
I completely reject...that my heart is all red...
But not all black...
I gave them my treasure...for them to feel good...
But...look at them...trying to crush me with their heels...
They think...they know it all...
and I won't deny...
They know me...but they don't know me...
I am always at that same place...
They call me out as...boring...lazy...the list goes on...
Giving me...advices...on socializing
But do they really know?
Where I go...or where I went...
There are millions of secrets inside me...
With the fire burning higher and higher...
My heart turns darker...
But there is a difference between us...
I am my own treasure...
I am my own graveyard...
And yes...I do have a black heart...with a red door...
behind which...I save the love...for the handful...I trust...
They tell me...things about myself as if they own me...
A smile comes on my lips...
A smile full of pity... for them
as they continue to think...they know me...

A person with a turban and long hair
That is how people locate us
But we are lot more than that...
It's our values and the teachings of Guru Granth Sahib
that make us shine bright!
As Guru Nanak Dev Ji gave us the value of Vand Chakko,
We can't discriminate because
Guru gave us the value of Langar
where everyone sits together to have food in Gurudwaras
without consideration of caste, creed, race or gender.
All we know is that the blood of all humans is red
And that reason is enough for us to treat everyone equal.
We have been nurtured with the values of Kirt Karan and Naam Japan.
That keeps us on the right path of hard work.
Gurbani flows in our blood.
Our Guru made us strong!
As Guru gobind Singh ji said," The one who goes through injustice is wrong but the one who sees injustice is worst!"
So neither we take it nor we see it!
Everytime we say Waheguru...we believe God is one.
Our beautiful long hair are a symbol of our faith...
Which are covered by tubans that are not only mere
pieces of cloth...
But make us Kings and Queens.

This world is full of some people
who hide away from the truth like cowards
Do not have the guts to accept the reality.

She fell in the clutches of food disorder
because she wanted to be like the flawless instagram model.
He did not cry after the break up
because this world is in love with bad boys.
The mother did not complain about the backache
because this world believes in supermoms.
He didn't open up about liking his neighbour
because his love interest was not according to this world.

Unrealistic expectations are kept
from a person made of blood and flesh.
As they consider themselves to be in an application
where they can add filters and photoshop all the flaws.
But this world...is a flawed one!
Here people are full of imperfections
they laugh at wrong times
they wear same socks for many days
they are not pretty all the time
they are not strong all the time
and they do not smile all the time.
They cry...suffer from anxiety...
they fall...but get up!
Get up everyday to fight their battle.
So please...let us breathe
Let us embrace all our flaws...
because that's how we will fall in love with ourselves.

It feels like a graveyard inside...
Everything is dead...
But the demons...were still in hunger...
So, they dug up the graves...
They were feeding on my dead...
But these graveyards are good for nothing
So they are...on their way
to the forest...
But...here...I am...
I don't know...when I lost my way?
And ended up...in the middle of the ocean...
Everyone knows...I don't know how to swim...
I am drowning deeper and deeper...
But...it's been a while here...
so it's fine...to be breathless...
I have memories of the radio in my dark room...
It doesn't work any more...broken...
I thought...it would be safe in here...
deep down in the ocean...nobody would come...
But the spiders are everywhere....
Just like...they were across my room...the garden...everywhere!
They live all over my head...
Digging up...my mind...eating every piece of it...
I guess...the demons couldn't reach down here...
So these spiders make my mind rotten...
I don't know...where I am?
I just float around...deep down in the dark ocean...
with the my eyes wide open...
I can see the light disappearing.

The blue whale sat in a cornor of the ocean
As she had seen centuries change
Everyone came...evolved....and then withered away
But she was still there...
Her daughters were bigger than her
She couldn't believe her tiny whalies
had become responsible mother whales...just like her.
Did her mother feel the same way?
As she saw centuries change...as she saw her grow
As she saw her playing and singing songs across the ocean.
Did she feel the same?
The blue whale missed her mother
As I heard her singing supermarket flowers
sitting in my boat...counting stars.

Black is all I can see
Vacuum is all I can feel
This place feels like the universe
And I am...just floating around
Hiding away from the truths of the world
Going deaf...by increasing the volume of the music
So that I can't hear them
Going blind...by pretending to sleep
So that I can't see them...
Just trying to survive in this world of science and logic
Where I can see artists losing their worth
where poetry or painting should be taken just as a hobby
                                         O really!?
How will you survive with that empty bucket of emotions...
that lays inside your heart?
I am just tired!!
This world is nothing more...but a race
Where is the peace?
They ask you to feel...
'Peace!' (smirks)
Ask the kids who survived the war...
who still see missiles in their dreams...
the family who lost their son...why?
the dumb police officer couldn't stand his color...HIS LIFE MATTERED!!!
That depressed kid in the corner of the classroom...
Ask them about the peace...
and it would be a bird they heard centuries ago
Where is the love?
They write about....
Look at the ****! we are calling love these days
Teary eyes, broken hearts but smiling lips...
This is my generation...nothing more but just
SAD HEARTS WITH HAPPY PICTURES.
Where is the freedom?
when they say...follow your heart!
As they have got problems...serious problems
with your faith, color, body, sexuality and what not!
That they do not even hesitate once...while crossing limits!

No...no...no...it won't happen!
The doors to peace, love and freedom are locked
in this world...
But...today...I heard it...I saw it...
And may be...you did too.
So...let's just find the lost keys...to open these doors...
I will begin first.

It was an idle evening
And I was sitting in the lap of Past
Resting my head on her chest
As she slightly moved her hands through my hair.

I told her about....when I painted
With colours and brushes....a colourful world of mine
When canvas and sheets were drenched with bright colours
Bright colours like red, yellow, green, orange and so on.

But now...I can't even recognize them
They are lost in some dusty drawers
Somewhere I can't even remember
Now I live in a world of black and white
White pages drenched with black ink...

Did I lose my bright colours?
Or am I just homing in this black and white world of mine?

Some people are used to goodbyes
And I am one of them...
Believe me! I know it really well.

But some of them did not even say a goodbye
They just banged the door while leaving
And messed up my home.
By breaking all those moments in frames...
Painting my red door black...
And smashing the radio...
Now I have these walls
Really long blue walls...around my home
Allowing noone to enter.

There is nothing like good or bad,
I guess this world is something above that.
The things which were repulsive
and horified me as a child
are conventional in this world.
It was just me...a kid, splitting up
this world into good and bad.

All the memories float in front his tear blind eyes
As his father steps in heaven.

I listen to these songs
one after the other
playing on my playlist
But each of these songs
hold tags of memories
The memories I live everyday through them
Well, there is a memory of a boy
Not a man
whom I liked
Not loved
And that one song looks like him
The song I played
As I passed through those corridors
to get a glimpse of him
But here I am humming ' Heather '
As I see his girl
laughing by his side
I never imagined myself at 'her' place
But he looked beautiful from a distance
It gave that restless heart a kiss
It felt good...
So now I don't look at the boy I liked
But his lover
What 'she' wears
How 'she' talks
Her demeanor, that attracted him
I am not jealous
But 'she' makes me curious
And I feel like learning about 'her'
Turns out, Khaab was better than her
But still not in 'her' place...
I can't get jealous
I never had that right
Because I liked him
from a distance
He is not my moon
But he looked charming
'She' loves him
And sees his flaws
They love each other everyday...
And that can not be me
As loving is tiring
I do not love everyday
But I do hate this flesh everyday
How could I be 'her'?
When I don't love myself

And I get back to those songs
Where I feel like the protagonist
The unloved one
The one, some call ' The villain'.

It's getting difficult day by day
To cope up with this species
Even though I am one of them
I still don't want to be the one
I feel like being the dust or a blue whale...
Rather than being a human.

The reality is lost under the masks
Masks that cover evil smiles
Smiles that can break you...
into millions and millions of  pieces.

Please be kind to me...
I am learning...
learning to suffocate the voice of my feelings...
I am learning ******* them slowly and steadily...
I had dug the first grave last night...
And today morning...I put them in the coffin...
My eyes were empty...as tears laughed at me...
I was told," expectations hurt..."
But why does it feel like this everytime?
I am there...always there...
prepared with my shoulders...
the shoulders, whom I have been teaching
that they are here just for others...
The shoulders I am trying to make stronger
with each coming day...
I want them to be so firm...
that no matter how heavy the head is...
they don't break down...
Then, where did I go wrong?
May be it's my tounge...who is to be blamed...
The words laying on it...may be hurt them...
But why can't they...for once...
understand the intentions of my soul
A soul which not tired...living behind this bark skeleton
This is where it is...
How can I even expect this ?
May be...I am the one to blame...
So...Please be kind to me
Because I am still learning...
learning to make the grounds of heart fertile...
Because a forest holding secrets is supposed
to grow there in the future.

It would come for me...
When all the sand of my hourglass would
be completely on the other side...
May be...it would have a reason...may be not
Because...it doesn't need one to arrive.
Last night...when a pain arose in my chest
And my heartbeat was all I could hear...
My breath was like a storm...
and my mind was surrounded by agony.
I realised...it doesn't matter...if I leave.
What will happen when I die?
A funeral comes in my mind
Some people called the closed ones...would cry
But ask them...not to shed tears
It doesn't matter...as Rumi said," Death has nothing to do with going away..."
But would I be a hero or a villain...when it arrives?
Would Hades send Thanatos to take me or would I reach the Elysium fields of Zeus?

But still here I am...not able to welcome it warmly...
There are people I have hurt...I have to put aid on...
There are places I have to reach...
There is someone I have to meet...
And there are verses I have to write...
there are verses I have to write...

I feel like...
Blue whales are gods and goddesses of the ocean
As they make the ocean...complete as a heaven.
They harmonise in the ocean...singing their songs
And their heartbeat fills the void.
These huge peaceful mammals
make this world a better place.
They sprinkle out rainbows when breathe
And the flip of tail...makes the ocean dance.
I feel like...bowing down to them
And at night...giving them a goodnight hug.

They call me cruel and cold
But all wicked things start from the innocence
After the hell...that I lived in for years...all alone
I fell in love with you
I was a queen living in the world of monsters
You were just a prince living in a dreamy world of yours
I decided to **** those...who wanted you dead
All your enemies...obstacles...were mine
But...despite that...you decided to **** me in the end...
Because...you were in love with the princess...her voice...her beauty...her everything
I could be her...but your eyes were perfectly blind to see my beauty
Being kind to animals and sing for them was not that of a big deal..
But I asked myself  what kind of love it was...?
if you wanted me to change...
I realized I couldn't sacrifice myself for your happily ever after
I am not a princess...you could find wandering in your kingdom's jungle
I am a queen....ruling her kingdom
So...how dare you...decide to **** me...
to please your princess...to mark my death as a symbol of your bravery?
I got it.... I am a Queen...I deserved a King
Not a mere prince
And after living in hell for years
Dear, believe me...I am use to the beautiful screams
So I couldn't care more...and I killed you and your princess...
Remember...I was always a Queen...it was you who said me evil...
'The Evil Queen'...well...it flatters me!
But...when centuries will pass...they will narrate our tale...
They would **** me in the end...as you wanted...
And you'll be the brave prince!
And this was all because...
I couldn't sacrifice myself for your happily ever after...

There's this secret box under my bed...
It's for you...yes...for you
When you enter my room...
Please don't draw the curtains
The place holds my darkness and secrets...
It doesn't need the touch of light...
But the flame of the candle will support you...
Take the box and open it
You will find some stuff holding memories
of us from centuries...
Ignore them for a while
Take a look at that bundle of old yellow pages...
These are the poems I couldn't dare to complete
Do me a favor...complete them for me...please
I left spaces for your part
Write about yourself...
Write about us...
The typewriter is still on the table...
These pages do hold my soul and tears...
Do treasure it...it's the last of us
As for the secret box, take it or burn it
When you leave my place...with the poems, with our moments breathing alive in them...
Head towards that park with pink bougainvilleas...
which must be brown now...
Sit on that wooden bench under the banyan tree
And read all those poems containing us...
You will find me alive in those verses...
Give those pages your soul and tears too...
At least we'll be together there
Do not forget taking the last stroll in that park
Because...I have left the town forever.

She believes, there is always a shade of light
even in the darkest places.
She feels, even the darkest hearts
have light of love alive in them.
Even if it's itty bitty...
But it is always there.

I gave you space in my home
I gave you my bed to sleep
I gave you my food to eat
I did everything
But what did you do?
But you...Ugh!
You split all that water on my bed
And created a mess in my kitchen
And broke all the things
But! you know it's not your fault
That's how you are!

I was upset
So I packed your stuff
and kicked you out!
And now I hope, you
never try to come back
this way!