I miss you
And you aren’t even gone yet
From experience
I know how this will end

One day you will find someone new
Meet someone funnier; prettier
You’ll slowly slip away
All while denying anything is wrong

When you look into her eyes
You will see a future
When you look in my eyes
You see lust and desire

There is no future for us here
so why do I let myself fall in love anyway?

With a heavy heart and a sinking feeling, I slowly realized that we would never have worked out, that we weren't good for each other. I wanted what she couldn't give me and she needed something that I didn't have – something she got used to, something she's familiar with. We lived in perhaps separate universes, and it was only through some mistake, some unfortunate collision we both shared that we had met and fallen in love – if it was even real love.

I knew what I saw in her and how I felt and somehow, despite my instinct that it would all end in tears and heartbreak, made me dive completely in, made me offer all my love and made me irrevocably careless. I knew. I had known. But that did not stop me.

If you knew her, you couldn't blame me.

A place for me to remember
i can call my home whenever
where we can say forever
always together

But it seems like the world has its own way
of making you and i away from each other
i can't deny you're pushing me away
and it's killing me harder

the place no longer mine
words are too deep
the feeling i can't keep
wishing our path will always intertwine

it's the goodbye that saying hello
and it's  hello that is saying goodbye
how can i undo this fate world had written
when there's only me now and then

i can see from where i stand
tomorrow will not be yesterday
and i can hear it saying
goodbye is saying hello

Love is patient love is kind
but love is fleeting
and love is blind
Love is a game
that’s too hard to win
and love is a pattern
of uncontrollable sin
Love is a flower
I can’t keep alive
Either thirsty or drowning
I can’t make it thrive
Love is a battle fought in vain
For it always seems to end in pain
Love in a poison you can't ignore
whose only cure is to love some more

it isn't until you let go
that you notice the blood
dropping from your palms
it isn't until you look down
that you notice how close
you are to the bottom
it isn't until I distanced myself
that I realized you were
slowly killing me

Isang gabi ika'y narinig
hikbi **** ni isa'y walang nakaririnig
tila luha mo'y di nila batid
bawat pag susumamo'y tainga nila'y nakapinid

bawat umaga mo'y kawalan ng pag-asa
kitilin sariling buhay lagi mo nang panata
paanong nangyari ika'y nakaalpas
sa mga mata ng mga mapanirang nilalang

sinong lumapastangan sa bata **** isip?
sinong lumason, dahilan ng iyong paghihirap?
sinong may pakana? isigaw mo at ituro!
ilantad at iluluklok sa trono ng kamatayan!

maghanda sila sapagkat araw nila'y darating na
mapapawi na rin yaring luha sa iyong mga mata
pagbabayaran ang pagka ganid sa mura **** katawan
itatarak ang kutsilyo ng kasamaan, pabalik sa lugar
na kanilang pinagmulan.

I believe there is
For it gives me strength and hope
And the will to stay
in our dream

There are a lot of things I can never put into words, phrases, sentences, analogies, a concluding statement things like the feeling of falling apart when you just can't close your eyes at night or the impetuous carvings of your name into my heart when there was no more room for you in my head. I search on the internet a synonym for angry I get cross, vexed, indignant, irked, galled; when there are things I cannot put into words like when I feel this ditch, cavity, trench big enough to fit in all my sorrow at the bottom, extremity, underpinning, base of my stomach which flips with every bus ride home. Home. Property. Abode. Domicile. A place I never really had or knew how to get to because I always got distant— Location. I close, shut, get rid off the tab on my computer and I close, shut, the laptop screen. There are no words to describe this feeling. The feeling of messy closets and not sleeping for three nights and finding meaning out of a life that had no value to me. So I wonder if things will ever change. If my hair will get shinier, if my worries fade away and I still ask myself if I will ever stop asking myself to do things I can't do. Do. Execute. Achieve, I have achieved nothing but let parts of myself descend deeper and deeper into a Tiffany and Co.'s box filled with dust that never catch the light and a Marc Jacob's bag of dimes that just weigh it down. A glass hammer, an inflatable dartboard. A helicopter eject seat, always throwing myself into situations— I can't fix with the same bare hands I've used to beat myself up. And still I try to make sense of the nothingness I am typing. Yet, I still take the train to school. I take showers. I listen to music on long walks. I try. Everyday, I try.