You don’t know what you have until it’s gone,
And I don’t know what planet I’m from,
But it’s a place where pain is forbid,
And I know this because I have hid
From broken hours where those I love are thrown
Away, from this fragile heart I have grown.

Will they remember when I am dead
Of this pain that runs through my head,
I question if they will mourn
This sorrowed existence I have torn,
And when that noose hangs around my throat,
Will those who taunt me still gloat?
And when that bullet flies through my brain,
They’ll realise what I meant when I said I was insane,
Will they whisper of forgotten youth,
Or view my death as the solemn truth,
That we all yearn for the silence of the grave,
At the end of the day, I just wish I’m forgave.

Did you hear their silent whispers?
Of broken cries and moans?
Dead behind the eyes as they walk,
Of all the sadness you have sown,
Leaving them to question the reason,
Your heart is full of villainous treason.

Did you look away as they bled?
From another youthful blade?
Forever questioning the reason why,
The hellish world that you have made,
As the streets turn a crimson red,
‘50,000 more nurses’ is what you said.

Did you taste their scared skin?
As they wept over fresh war wounds?
Children killing themselves for freedom,
Just wanting to write life saving tunes,
But you look at their skin choosing to hate,
Is that what you’re to be remembered for, mate?

Did you touch my screeching wail?
From the sorrow I have regained?
Searching for relief from this solemn pain,
As my selfish loneliness is now reframed,
Now lying on my deathbed I wonder,
How long until I’m called from down under.

Did you think it would be this way?
When the dust settled,
And I was stood there,
Bloodied, bruised and lost.
When you stood across from me,
Without seeing the projectiles
That found a home deep within
The fleshed out shell,
That was once human,
You tended to them,
Slowly tugging them out.
I did not flinch,
I did not hurt
As you carried out your delicate work.

I no longer bled for those lost,
I no longer bled for what I was,
I no longer bled,
As your careful, ignorant touch
Soothed,
Nursed,
The shell became body once more,
My wounds, though ever present, scared over,
Healed.
Did you think it would be this way?
When you saved a villain,
And created me.
Human again.

Stroking with delicate fingers
Over your temple and through
Your thick hair,
Brown as the wilted trees of winter days,
You cry to me.

“Who am I?”

Silenced by my inadequacy
To respond to your tears
And the disgust of your vulnerable
Weeping call,
Mountains of shame carried within.

“Do you love me?”

You wail softly to my rejecting ears,
But of course I do
But of course I don’t
Who could love you?
A fading light of which shone so bright.

“Help me get better?”

Naked
Vulnerable
You cry out for someone’s helping hand
But you only have me
And my snide plans to **** you.

“I’m going to **** myself?”

Good.
Go.
I’m sick of you.
Tired of fixing your mistakes
Only
For you to **** up again.

“Do you miss me?”

I did not hate you, lover,
I despised you
Every time I looked in the mirror
I saw
You,
Your whining face,
And moaning heart,
the figure of my torment,
The figure of your torment,
With thighs scraped and tortured,
I remembered what you were.
What I was.

And then you died,
And then I was born.
Better,
Stronger,
No longer defined by your mistakes,
A Phoenix from the ashes,
I could,
Breathe.

Goodbye, to the lover I left Behind

******* in a car,
Screaming Matty’s lyrics,
An angel placed before me,
With a voice not meant for the ears
Of mere mortals like myself,
The chocolate ocean of her glistening eyes,
Swallow me whole in a Marinas gaze,
But for once I can reach the floor,
Able to stay afloat and no longer
Battered by titanic waves of chaos,
The sweet glow she resonates
Illuminating every dark corner of
My mind,
Once an inescapable void,
Now filled with the fruitful warmth of love,
For the person who surely came from above.

Before me stands a towering figure
One that is doubtlessly divine,
Her shadow consumes me,
But it’s warmth is surely a sign,
That she is the one that all the hurt was for,
And how I just want her to be mine,
A single tear seeps from my eye,
Graced by your beauty,
Unable to make a sound
Out of my corrupt lungs,
Speechless until I force the words out,
“You really are the one, aren’t you?”