Today I sifted through hundreds of poems
Reading each one, letting the words seep into my heart
I breathed in the broken lines of broken souls

I long to tell these weary poets that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't much further
That despite their exhaustion, there is still hope
That the pain is all worth it in the end

So, dear poet, who has happened upon this,
I wish for you to feel peace, or at least I wish for you to feel something
I wish for you to keep fighting
I wish to tell you all of the secrets to finding love

But now I hesitate
Who am I to tell you to be strong
When I am simply quite the opposite
Who am I to tell you to keep walking
When I fell to my knees long ago
Who am I to tell you to leave your pain behind
When I am wallowing in grief
And guilt
And disdain for my own self

Dear poet, I may not know the secrets
Or life's purpose
Or the beauty you bring to the world
But I do understand
And even if I may not know you, or your story, I hold love for you

This love is pure and true and I reserve it in my heart for the day you may need it most
Which is perhaps today
For today
I sifted through hundreds of poems
For an hour or so
I scrolled through your words
And I felt nearly every one

I’ve been watching the waves for a while
Their rising, as the foam inches its way up the shore
And their falling, as the current seems to pull me in

The blue of the sea is enchanting
Its gentle whispers are inviting
The chill of the water prickles my skin
But I don’t mind it
The smooth sand washes over my feet with every footstep I take
The waves draw me further and further until my mouth is under water

I close my eyes and hold my breath
And I notice the silence now echoing around me
All I’m left with is my own thoughts, swirling in my head
Which is rather unnerving
In a comforting sort of way
I listen as my mind spills its heavy words
I hear voices I had never dared to acknowledge
I’m reminded of truths I was never willing to accept

I open my eyes to notice the light above me diminishing
I see blurred outlines of my friends and family
I strain to hear the muffles of their words
Are they peering down at me?
Do they notice my limp body sinking?
Will they dive in to save me?

I will not swim back up, I cannot
Despite my love for them, despite all the wonders of the world, I have no more strength to muster
I’ve sunk too far for them to rescue me
But I don’t mind

I don’t want to return to the chaos
I like it down here
It’s quiet, serene
As if time is standing still, no worries in sight
The eerie silence of the ocean as it swallows me whole

I feel a burning in my chest and my mouth bursts open
I inhale deeply and am met with salt as it fills my lungs
I do not sputter, nor do I cough
For it’s almost as if I’m breathing for the very first time

I let my eyes flutter to a close
And perhaps I am nearing death
But my lips curl into a smile as I feel something similar to peace swelling inside my heart
My heart which has been void of life for far too long

It hurts to remember
That I am alone
My hand reaches to feel your touch
But I’m met with nothing
Emptiness replaced you
Despite you never being here
Your eyes remind me you’re not mine
Nor will you ever be

Your heart may be hidden
But I hope one day I’ll find it
Your mind may be muffled
But I believe one day I’ll clear it
Your soul may be lost
But I dream one day
You and I
Can search for ours together
For I am lost too
I wish to find myself

And maybe
Just maybe
I wish our souls could intertwine
If only you could learn
To love me
As much as I love you

So much to say
Yet I can’t find the words

Or the will