I noticed you at first day
But you didn't

First time we talked,
you thought that I was funny
We talked a lot from that day
And you recognized me as your friend
It was really a move,
because I started to liking you

You looked at me in the eyes,
with those brown iris.
You were sad that day,
and you said
that I am your best friend
Your sad eyes blinded me
I was drowning,
but you were too sad to see

Morning came
I realized your words
"best friend"
It was a sign
that I should stop my fight

When our knees touched
I didn't even know
to move my body or not.
Intoxicating,
and terrifying at the same time

It was December
We were close than ever
You wished me happy birthday
And I almost said
"I love you too"

I knew it from the start
this whole thing could really pained me
"you can't be friend with someone you love"
But still,
dumb girl, do the dumb things

Dear Brother,
I have missed you dearly.
I know I havent exactly been home often
Nor have we been spending some quality time
together.

My dear brother
You make me happy with your silly ways
With your cold jokes
You make me happy with the smallest trace
Of that cute smile on your face
You make me happy
Though I dont ever admit it
And you never knew.

My lovely brother
I have never said this out loud but
I think of you for more than half of a day
I am trying so hard to figure you out
I am trying so hard to find ways to help you
But it gets really exhausting for me when you
When you, my lovely brother,
When you are not helping yourself.

Please forgive me, brother.
I am not exactly there for you all the time
I dont exactly understand you as i should have
I dont fulfill my responsibility as an elder sister to you to the fullest
I neglect you quite a few times, if not more
I have said that i give up on you a little too many times
But i need you to know that i have NEVER
Never, my baby brother
never given up on you.
My mind is always running with thoughts
On how to help you
Because I dont want you
to be sent to the home
Because I love you more than anyone else in the world.
I would do anything for you, my baby brother.
I would protect you from everything in this world.
And I'll miss you so very much
If you were to be sent away from me.

Dear My Precious Brother,
Please let me in.
Let me help you.
Help yourself.
Please.
I beg you.