I almost loved you once.

Either I wasn’t brave enough

or you weren’t worth enough.

You just don't know if you are just being critical or judgemental. Careless or stupid. You got excited and bored at the same time. Loving the moments but still want to go home. Laughing and feel condescended at the same time. Feel pity but have no courage to help. You think before you said something but sometimes you just rambling nonstop. You feel motivated as **** and then you wondering if you could just vanished. You pray, pray, and pray but you still feel not content about yourself. God will guide you when you lost. But you are not lost. You are on clear paths. Gun on your sleeve. But you just high. High of hurly burly of life. Cause you unintentionally took the wrong pills and then your life suddenly change.

I saw stars, people laughing and pretty books cover. I heard the sound of wave, crashing on each other, the sound of my mother called me over the kitchen and the quite ticking sound of my clock in the middle of the night. I touched hot cup of coffee, I sensed heavy rain until it hurts, I hold some babies hand. I tasted sweetness of cheap ice cream, bitterness of unknown food and confusing flavor of my own chapstick. I breathed nature, smelled strangers perfume and your perfume maybe. What am I waiting for?

I've lost far too much to care
From afar, you touch the tear
Feelings marred, I clutch your stare
I've lost far too much to bear

Cigarettes begin my day
Better yet, they singe me grey
I could bet on what you'd say
Please just make it go away

Can't you see that I'm in pain?
Don't you hear me call your name?
You've just got to stake your claim
On the boy that never came

When the sun returns, my dear
Don't question what I'm doing here
You knew that I would one day steer
My way back to your jagged spear

So on the day that neither know
Be sunny, grey or white with snow
I'll deal out the fatal blow
And on our separate paths we go

Hot air blows on your face
Radio plays on the background
You on your balcony,
Looking at the streets below you
Watching people passing by,
carrying excitement in their steps.

And suddenly you remember
Remember your old friends from your old life
Your old parents in your old house
Your old books in your old bedroom
And your old journal with your old feelings

I am afraid of your gaze

You afraid of my words

Maybe we are just afraid of each other

or maybe we are just shileding our own hearts