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  Nov 2014 InTheWorldOf Cyn
Just Melz
You,
who used to touch me where I didn't want you to, reaching inside me, where I'd *never
let anyone before, I was only eleven, I shouldn't of been treated like a *****...
   I hate you

You,
who took advantage of me, when I was just thirteen, taking what innocence and trust that I had left, breaking my spirit down to an empty shell...
   I hope you rot in H£LL

You,
who just watched what they did to me, judging me, saying it's my fault for dressing slutty. I was only fourteen...
I hope I'm never like you

You,
who made me believe I was not a used rag doll, gave me trust and hope, only to reach my sixteen year old core, then ripping it all to shreds like never before...
I'll never forgive you

You,
who said you loved me, made me think it was the real thing, helped me forget the past, at only eighteen, you gave me my wings and hope that it would last, then when you realized I just wasn't enough, you went and found some different lust, at twenty-five, you decided you wanted a new life,  but our kids mean the world to me, so I can't regret you, but I can erase your memory...
I hope she cheats on you

You,
who finally made me think I'd found the real thing, then broke me down, then picked me up just to throw me down again, over and over, then used the fragile remaining shards of my heart to cut out my soul and leave me falling apart...
I wish you nothing but pain and despair

You,
who I laugh and joke with now, who I wish to know more, who makes me scared I'll end up with a broken heart like before, who seems to truly care...
Please, don't forget how fragile I am
        
You,
who I may or may not have met yet, don't hurt me, don't make me regret. I won't be able to handle losing another, I wanna be happy with you, I wanna know forever...
**I hope you'll love me too
I've never written about a few of the things mentioned in this, it was quite difficult for me, Tbh.  Feedback would be greatly appreciated.  
Thank You.
InTheWorldOf Cyn Nov 2014
I want to move on.
But how can I move on when I owe you so much?
Pain
Tears.
Sleepless nights.
Heartaches.
Time.
Wouldnt it be selfish of me to not give it back?
I owe you that, payback.

-InTheWorldOfCyn
InTheWorldOf Cyn Nov 2014
When you speak I no longer feel anything.

I feel numb.
I feel empty to what you say.
It all just feels like lies.
I stare off into space.
Your words just seem irelevant.
I don't even feel pain.

But, why do I stay?
When I'm happier when you're away.

-InTheWorldOfCyn
InTheWorldOf Cyn Nov 2014
Addicted.

Every month.

This month it's been every week.

I can feel myself learning.

I've learned to rebuild.

Rebuild. Relapse. Rebuild. Relapse.

But when will I stop going back.

Relapse.

-InTheWorldOfCyn
InTheWorldOf Cyn Nov 2014
Isn't it funny how after everything is gone you can see it in a different light?

We use to argue and fight over things that now seem irrelevant.
If I would have known I would lose you to that, I would have let you win every fight.

I use to feel sick because, you wanted me with you all the time.
If I would have known you would be gone, I would have held you longer and more tight.

If I would have known all things come to an end, I would have cherished every moment in time.

-InTheWorldOfCyn
  Nov 2014 InTheWorldOf Cyn
Court
John. I haven't read one letter since you left. I'm scared to open an envelope and see the same note you left before you let your dreams, goals, days all hang from a rope. To be honest I don't know what it was that you needed to hear, what words could've saved your life. But I can say that old coffee shop feels emptier. My room feels colder. My eyes look darker. I don't smile at seasons changing anymore. I've been avoiding all mirrors because I can't bare to see myself without you.
    You were the best person I've ever met. It almost seemed unfair that I let such a perfect person be with a broken mess like me. You were so funny and the way your eyes lit up when you told a story...Oh God. I'm not religious but when you looked at me that way I thought we were both going to hell. Your laugh was all I needed to make a bad day better, oh what I would do to make you laugh.
   I know you hated long car rides and you knew I hated distance. Who knew 6 feet could feel longer than 100,000 miles.? Because now you're resting underground and I don't sleep without sleeping pills. I miss you so much. I miss you. I miss you.
I love you.
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