if a 13 year night
so deep and made of stars
could not save you

how could I

my nightmares
are now defined
within the history of us

some shadows stayed
long past midnight

It's too cloudy, again, to see the stars.
And if there's one thing about me
I can't say hello without a tremble
I can't say goodbye and reassemble
I don't know what that says about me.
But I still stare out the window hoping you really didn't leave.

i can still smell your cologne
on my fingertips
from when i held onto your neck
and touched your face
i can't tell what color your eyes are
between the subtle green and grey
glistening like worms on a sidewalk
after a rainy day
your eyes are like the sidewalk
there are literally worms in your eyes
hanging out of the empty sockets
you do not have eyes
you are a zombie
your rotting flesh drips in my direction
sallow arms reach for mine
and i'm just aching to know
why zombies wear cologne
and why i can't write
a ******* poem about my feelings
without resorting to zombies
out of fear of expressing myself
because in real life your eyes are still green
and they are so beautiful

I resemble the moon only when it's ******,
when it turns the night into
something else altogether,
an ode to the fallen stars.
I do not have the light it usually gives out,
so I sink into darkness ,
until my blood can drip again.

I called you at 2am
because i missed the way
your voice crackled
in the static
even at an unreachable distance.
I lay here,
eyes shut.
imagining countless scenarios
of how I might see you again.
however,
you look so much better in my mind.
and online.


c.m.
8-19-14

she waits for the day that she wakes up and doesn't hate herself

When I was younger, I never understood that you live on after you pass,
I thought it was a saying and not a fact,
But one day I was driving along,
Just me and my grandpa before he was gone,
I remember what he said like it was yesterday,
So as always I was interested in what he had to say,
When I was 13 and we were driving on the highway,
He said pay attention to not only the car in front of you but the one that's in his way,
Till this day I do that when I'm on the road,
So he carries on through me from all the advice that he told,
So you're never forgotten and will always live on,
Not only through me but through everyone.