You must forgive me for avoiding eye contact,
it's hard to stare into the eyes of a world I want to experience,
it's hard to be so close, yet so far.

You must forgive me for avoiding you,
it's difficult to pretend I feel nothing
especially when your hand brushes against my skin;
if I'm not near you, that can't happen.

You must forgive me,
I want so badly to find a way into your heart,
but you're just planting more roses around the door
and the thorns are ripping way too deep.

Pardon me if I walk away.

(NJ2014) (All Rights Reserved)

I had to look up
the word
'dating'
on Urban Dictionary
because I didn't know
what we were,
what we are.

And it said things like
'a socially acceptable
form of prostitution' and
'feelings of
puppy love that usually
dissolve
in a few weeks'.

But this is
not
puppy love.
This is not going to
dissolve or
fizzle out or
whatever,
you're not a
fizzle
you're a *******
fireworks display.

And you turn
everything in my head
into this
multi-coloured
turbulence and
I can't keep up with
how much I
adore you.

But the thing is
I don't know
if your view
is as good as mine.
What if you're
looking at something
a little less
beautiful.

What if I'm your
fizzle.

What if I'm as
temporary
as the flame you use
to light the
cigarettes
you find more
addictive
than my touch.

If that's the case
I'd rather
I left you
craving.

Because
if I'm your flame
you're my
forest fire
and you're burning
it all down until
the only thing left
standing is
you.

And I'll walk for
miles across this
carpet of ashes
just to feel the
softness of your skin
against mine.

And I'll cough
and I'll splutter
on toxic smoke
but you'll just
breathe it in because
you never realised anything
was even
lost.

You don't see me
crawl
you just know that
I'm here,
I'm here
I made it
I'm yours
I'll always be yours
because there's
nothing else
left.

And maybe
I can be
content with that
if only
you will see
that
you could burn down
everything
and I still
wouldn't put you
out.

And you can never see
You can never be
Everything that they are
Anything that is not
A word
Or a phrase
They can never be
And you can never become
What you cannot see
You have blinded your eyes
You have cut your ears
And you have sewed your mouth
And I cannot unsee
I cannot unknow
I cannot help
But be
Everything I flee
Everything I hate

*Would I ever be something more?

I want to say I'm an unopened novel on your bookshelf,
but that would mean I'm the Harry Potter series
(if I remember correctly)
and I might be, I wouldn't know -I've never read them,
but I've been in your hands enough to be a bit worn,
and there could've been so many chapters of us
if you had just opened the first book.

I'm an encyclopedia of a subject
you never got interested enough to read;
so much information, so much to learn
but my cover is plain, and my words are complicated
and there's magazines on your brother's dresser
of beautiful girls and little words,
so why would you ever waste time on me?

But I'm a wine-box full of scripted letters never sent,
and you're downing liquor as if to forget something,
and I hope you never try to forget me.

I wish you downed me like you did of that bottle,
but like old-wine, my cork was tight
and you didn't have the patience to open me.
Old wine has more flavour,
at the surface I'm sober;
at the core, I'm drunk.

We could've fallen in love
if we had taken the time to learn each-other;
but we started as strangers, and ended as strangers,
except now I'm left collecting dust on my own shelf.

I've been writing letters to a stranger
I swear I could have loved.

(NJ2014) (© All Rights Reserved)

so often I start things and don't finish them
it's humiliating
i've learned to stop telling people I am doing things
but frequently i forget
and tell them I am doing something exciting
then I stop doing it,
when they ask me about it
I have to sheepishly tell them i'm not doing it,
or avoid the question entirely
finishing things
seems to be the main thing required
in getting things done,
yet so many of us, myself very much included,
start things and don't finish them:
books
paintings
education
diets
savings plans
marriages
we stop when it gets hard,
or when we doubt ourselves
and return to the place we were before,
the comfortable place
but doing this, this stopping, is what ***** up our lives,
all the stopping ruins our dreams
eventually we learn our lesson
we wake up and realise we don't have the things we wanted:
career success
too much money
a healthy body
somebody to love us
whatever you want,
and we realise we've done something wrong
that's when we change.
that's when we start things and stick to them:
when we're really ******* unhappy with our situation,
when we don't want to go back to where we were
when our only choice is to keep going.
that's when so we stop giving up on things
that's when we keep going,
when we are desperate to get away from our ****** situation
then we persevere
through all the pain, setbacks and difficulties
until one day, however many years away, we succeed.
Then the pattern starts all over again
we start something but quit
because we're too comfortable where we are.

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you'd like to win, but think you can't,
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you're lost,
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a person's faith;
It's all in the state of mind.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster hand;
They go to the one who trusts in Life
And always thinks, "I can."