I live in a world all my own
inside my head
through fantasy, I roam.

One of magic, heroes, and might.
One of darkness, clouds, and endless flight.

I could lay in bed and dream my life away
no wish or want for the reality of the day.

Realism pushes through my blinds at sunrise,
reminding me I need to wake,
and live my dull, mortal life.

I depart from my dreams with trembling breath, goodbye.

Until I return to dance with my thoughts at night.

My thoughts are like rain. They start off slowly like a drizzle, I feel the emptiness start to take its course through my body
The rain gets harder.
The terrible racing thoughts go through my brain like knives.
Being convinced I'm not good enough, That nobody wants me around, There is thunder rumbling through me. The tears start coming out of my eyes. I can't move, I can't breathe, I start to feel numb. Soon there is a hurricane going on in my head destroying everything in its path.
My confidence, my beliefs, my dreams.
Everything gets shattered.
My eyes are so filled up with water my vision is blurry
and I just want this storm to pass so I can experience the
sunshine once again.
To feel the warmth of happiness.
But every time I do the rain cloud immediately
comes and starts to pour on me and drowns me in these evil thoughts. Over and over again.
My head is pounding, I want to scream But I
feel like no one would hear me because of how
loud this storm is. This happens every night
and every day I try to get stronger to beat this rain
so I can have more sun.

today was a good day. i went to see the house i'm going to be living in next year. they have co-ed rooming, and i told my roommate that i wish i could have roomed with you instead. she wasn't hurt by it, she knows that you're always on the back of my mind. the rooms were nice, not too big but not too small. i think we would have been great roommates. anyways, i hope your day went well too. i know the weather's been getting warmer- do you remember the summer before last? that summer heat brought out the best (and the worst) in us. and when the electricity went out in the middle of the night and the room went dark in the midst of the summer heat. you told me not to worry because you know i'm afraid of the dark. i wasn't worried. i had you. the only thing worse than being single is not being yours.

i am in a haze today. it is cloudy and beautiful outside. it is also pressing down on my chest and i struggle for air. i wore your shirt to bed last night and it helped steady my oxygen supply. i wish you were here to say my name and speak to me in my native tongue to remind who i am and where i've come from. i'm forgetting everything, slowly. recreating yourself is only good when you haven't done it five thousand times over. i just want to be me now. but how do i become me if there is no you? pick me up from the library and walk me to class. hold my hand and tell me that you will stay with me no matter how grey the sky is or how cold my fingers feel.

Every day I think of you.
No matter what it's nothing but you.
You enter my mind when I don't want it.
You wander my thoughts aimlessly.
No matter what I can't get the thought of you out of my head.
I love you but you don't love me.
We hate each other But yet the feelings are still the same.
I long and wait for the moments I have talking to you.
But you hate those moments.
And you hate me.
But I still love you the same.
Even though your never coming back I still long for you.
I wait in silence holding on to the hope that you'll forgive me.
But alas I'll be waiting forever.
Because you won't forgive and you'll never forget.