Pools of anguish overflow
   a solemn, silent dirge
From the opaqueness of my soul
   all my fears converge
Pretty lights on the horizon
   blotted out by rain
Is this desolation
   or could lucidity be so plain?

I,
Though constant, bitter fear
And lack of death
Become living emptiness
Replete in dissonance
A lost cause-
For in my mind
I just can't be enough

Can you feel the empty?
   It hangs thick in the air
      palpable
         tangible
Pressing; it feels like malevolent intention
   in the eyes of a killer
Quietly stalking, biding time
    preying upon those who are weak enough to submit
      and stupid enough to venture alone

Who cares if you're crying by yourself-
No one's there
   because no one knows
But who shares the tragic things
   that shred the shattered seams
      of a tattered soul?

Nothing scares me now
    not pain, or fear, or doubt
Once you see your worst fears
   made flesh and bone
      right before your eyes
It sears into your mind
   leaving nothing inside
Someday, everything's supposed to be fine
   but someday takes forever sometimes

I never knew how stupid I was
Until I was lying in bed
   for hours on end
Trying to cry myself to sleep for the hundredth time
Praying for sleep to come
   And to not wake up
Knowing **** well neither are gonna come true
So I'll just lie here
   letting my mind torture itself
      through the best of memories
         and the worst of truths
Until finally it gives out
   and silent tranquility takes hold

I don't dream anymore
   that's not true
      but when I do
         it's always
            of you
So I don't call them dreams
Because dreams are supposed to be...
Well, they shouldn't make you fall apart at the seams

Am I supposed to find correlation
   in your eccentricity?
Or was this confusion your intention all along?
Are you afraid that if I find truth
   that I'll lose interest in you?
Maybe it's my own insecurity that fuels this doubt
Maybe
   It's really not you
      It's me

You used to make me feel like Halloween
I can't listen to those old clichéd
   90's songs without reminiscing
Once the moment solidifies
   into a memory
It's as tangible as this liquor's hold on me

cuts don't hurt too much
   it's more of a cool slice
and if you use a sharp knife
   there's not much blood.

Blood. Hate. Fire. Steel. Control.
The ill intent of Zionist pigs lead the masses over a cliff labeled as a zenith of industry and freedom
Lives taken in exchange for false honor, awarded medals in the eye of bloodthirsty media ******
   but neglected by the country for which they laid down life and limb
How long can this house of cards hold before imploding upon the innocent at no expense of the same warmongers that catalyzed the casualty of a nation of sheep

If we could control our dreams
   we'd only ever sleep
Without disdain, without grief
Why wake up if we have everything?

I find my only solice in dreams
   I feel so alive when I sleep

I don't know why
   I'm so ******* myself
I know I'm not ugly or anything
Not to other people, at least
And although I may have talent,
ambition left me a long time ago
It feels like I'm being buried alive

Even things, songs- moments that have nothing to do with you-
things that you wouldn't even like;
         that have no correlation
            besides connotation,
                make my mind, eventually,
                betray me

I miss what you meant to me.

through discarded dreams
   nothing here is as it seems
Warmth and love vague memories
    corroded by this lust disease
What did you leave behind for me?
Did you decide to take everything?
I wish I couldn't feel a thing
   but the emptiness feels
      it burns and stings
Cut myself on my own debris
  you've diluted me too much to see
      all the things I used to be
I used to have the most beautiful dreams

How can you honestly
   come to me
presuming that I'm that kind of man
When I only told the truth
   to avoid this very situation
And then when your table is turned
you so vehemently squirm
   under the spotlight
Am I that ignorant to you?
**** your so-called *truth

Am I to find correlation
   in your seeming eccentricity?
You love me, but we can't be
   so what am I supposed to think?
This is the most childishly drug out *******, and, yes, I understand
But I don't know what to do
   although, you always knew:
Keeping me tethered to a memory
   through both letters and my insecurities.
Giving me just enough
to question your intentions
      but not your love
Nevertheless...  
   Regardless...
      Endless...
         I need this.

I just,
got too tired, I guess
Some people aren't meant to be
         temporary
Don't stop shining.
   you always were a better part of me
and when I'm not there
   don't pretend like I did
If something hurts
tell mom how much it does
Talk to your friends
   and not just when you're drunk
It's hard to explain
   how precious you are
When it's coming from someone
   whose prerogative
      is done

But I think I can try
Always remember to be confident
Don't let people's opinions
   make you falter
**** alcohol
**** will **** inhibitions
Speed seems like the best drug around,
   until you watch it **** ambitions

Sorry, again. I'm no poet.
This is for each and every one that I've ever loved
   I can only hope
      that it's enough.

Words escape,
   elusive things;
      they never want to stay
   unless preceding a bitter taste
then, they won't go away:

   "The best of memories
      always hurt the worst,
   nostalgia lingers
      like a curse"

Here in this old glass house
   bound in blood and tears
The emptiness is thick
   Palpable
      Suffocating
Is there Truth at the altar of naught?
Thousands of thought fragments
   clouding the essence of decay slow my descent into obscurity
But only enough that the husk holds firm
   whilst the core slips into oblivion

how some people can be so talented
   loved, and looked up to
Yet still feel so hollow inside
   when they're alone

and I'll be able to rest
      these tired bones
Maybe if I'm lucky
   my next host will be able to handle
      this tortured soul
I'm falling apart,
   faster than I ever
      would have thought
Good thing I always picked myself up
   before I ever got caught

They said it'd all be better
   we just have to give it time
But I don't think it'll ever,
   ever be alright
The sun has set forever
The moon refuses to shine;
somewhere off in the distance
I hear the wind's soft cries
Desolation sets in,
   the will to live has died
You know, I can't remember
   If we even said goodbye

I don't need
your ******* help
   I dug this grave
      I can bury myself

I never thought that life would give me a second chance
Although, I'm not sure why;
   I've ****** up again and again
      only to take every advantage for granted
I'm not even sure how I feel about that
How is everything ever changing,
    yet our history is stuck on repeat?
Is it just me?

I'm ready to drown in the fires
   of the bridges I've burned down
This feeling is exhilaration
   no remorse
     no regrets

Not many achieve this level of freedom
Restraint is for the contrived
Complacency is to live in denial

I've been completely infatuated
   for how many years now?
You keep me just close enough
   that I can't get over it

How long did I tell you the truth
that I love you
   just to be ****** by your inability to accept it?

How long?
I can't stress enough
How long?
Before you believe?

Or do you-
   is that why?
You think that I
   won't see through this?

Because I'm not as stupid as you think
I let you get away with it
because I really do love you, you know
   and that's apparently my downfall

I never speak in my dreams
But I always wake up to screams

I swear this should hurt
   but it doesn't
Not like it should, at least-
   you're not who you used to be
      though you coursed through
         my veins enough
      to dilute every drop
Purging toxicity
      feels oddly
            subtle

I'm still waiting
   for us to wake up
      and realize that it was all
   just a vivid,
****** up dream

This loneliness feels more like abandonment
   hell, I still don't know what you meant
      Although, you know,
I should be used to it
   you always used to do this

During the first few hours
It didn't fully register
For the first few weeks
It was so surreal
After a month or two
I tried to convince myself it
   didn't bother me
that lasted about a week before telling myself it's not real

A year later, and I'm perfectly fine
I don't even stay up thinking
   if I take pills
Now here I am wondering...

Manic dependency renders our potential listless
Loneliness incites a lapse in rational elation
   to the point of annoying excitement
      over similarities in our situations
along with the naive belief that dreams
   and Deja Vu mean anything
My wrists are starting to itch
I'm overreacting again