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May 2020 · 154
F*ck, I loved you.
FreeMind May 2020
I'd like to say that I never loved you, but the truth is, I didn't know what love was.
We create our own concept of love
based on our thoughts of what it is and what it should be.
We learn from our parents, from the books we read, from the movies we watch, and decide for ourselves what we want to receive.
I thought that to keep you happy I had to endure the emotional and physical pain you caused me. And in return you would buy me flowers, teddy bears, chocolates.
That was love.

But that's not what it is anymore.
May 25, 2020
#111
May 2020 · 245
Thanks for nothing
FreeMind May 2020
I look at you and I see myself.
a sad, lonely, naive
version of myself
May 24, 2020
#110
FreeMind May 2020
I talk to him once a day, for a mere few minutes
but our conversations are empty
boring
blunt
it makes me think about the conversation i had with you
all those years ago
talking for hours on Skype
not wanting to end the call
falling asleep to the sound of each others breath
and waking up to each others alarms

What did we talk about?
Why was it so important?



-FreeMind
May 10, 2020
#109
May 2020 · 190
praying for wholeness
FreeMind May 2020
i lost a piece of me in you
that i try to find in every boy i meet
reading them like books
i give the boring ones away
hoping to exchange them for something
that will bring me back to you


-FreeMind
May 3, 2020
#108
FreeMind Apr 2020
I have read many books about military veterans
How they get war flashbacks
Stuck in a loop of PTSD
Consuming them

I too have PTSD
Flashbacks, but not of war
Of things You did to me, over and over again
And its consuming me... and I will fight it no more



-FreeMind
April 8, 2020
#107
Apr 2020 · 286
A Planet at Peace
FreeMind Apr 2020
Trees are whispering to the plants and to the flowers,
the secrets of the night.
Clouds are dancing, with the moonlight,
to the soothing symphony of the night.


-FreeMind
March 22, 2020
#106
Mar 2020 · 186
Eight days too Late
FreeMind Mar 2020
When you left, I made a decision to get rid of everything you gave me
everything you touched, everything you looked at, everything you liked.
I burned the poems and tore the pictures and chopped off all my hair
But the essence of you was still surrounding me
I searched for your presence in all the object I owned but realized too late that you have merged our souls
with all the jokes, and all the memories, and all the unspoken words

When you left, you left a part of you behind.
You left a part of you in me.
So I cut my wrists, and thighs, and stomach.
And I cut more and I cut deeper.
Hoping that one of these many cuts would **** you before it got to
me



-FreeMind
March 21, 2020
#105
FreeMind Mar 2020
How long until I stop writing about you? Seeing you in my dreams?
Another year? Another month? Another day?
Or perhaps this is the last time...
That's a lie.
Even in death, you would be on my mind,
Lurking.
My biggest regret, and my biggest achievement.



-FreeMind
March 13, 2020
#104
FreeMind Feb 2020
Heat infused the atmosphere with the rapid movement of our bodies.
Kinetic energy that we created melted glaciers and moved mountains.
Inextricable even by saw, Our lips were constantly interlocked tightly,
Breathing each other in, because air became entirely negligible to us.



-FreeMind
February 5, 2020
#103
Jan 2020 · 225
Where are you?
FreeMind Jan 2020
A boy was mean to me today
And you weren't there to stick up for me
So I put on a brave face and laughed his comments away
But deep down inside, I'm dying to be wrapped in your arms

To feel safe
To feel protected


-FreeMind
January 23, 2020
#102
Jan 2020 · 130
Eyes don't lie
FreeMind Jan 2020
There was always
something different
in the way
You looked at
Me

But I still
can't tell
if it was something in
You, or something in
Me


-FreeMind
January 4, 2020
#101
FreeMind Dec 2019
I want to cut out the fat from my thighs,
Carve my body into the sculpture that would make Michelangelo jealous of my skills

Except that it wouldn't.
Because most don't find skeletons appealing to the eye...


By : FreeMind
December 22, 2019
#100

MY 100s POEM PUBLISHED!
Nov 2019 · 349
Healing
FreeMind Nov 2019
I spent years of my life waiting for someone that would  
love me
care for me
respect me...

But no one did.

That is when I learned the power of
Self-love
Self-care
Self-respect


-FreeMind
November 26, 2019
#99
Nov 2019 · 174
A**hat
FreeMind Nov 2019
You didn't go away when I begged you to leave me alone
You stayed and ****** up all my dynamism
You got me hooked on your abuse
And when I needed you most you abandoned me, got up and
Left
Me the **** alone
Buried under layers of self-pity and guilt for pushing you away


By : FreeMind
November 8, 2019 (cuz nov 7 was too hard to write)
#98
Oct 2019 · 142
Water For The Soul
FreeMind Oct 2019
In a room full of people, I meet your gaze and wonder:
Do they all feel the tension rise in the room?
Can they smell the fire burning inside me?
Will they silence the voices murmuring in my head?

No one notices.
No one knows.

Intensity is a form of distraction you use to send my mind into microgravity where you can ****** my clarity away from me and pull me towards you like a magnet as you have become the center of gravity but my thoughts have already vanished into outer space and the only thing I have left is my feelings that push me towards You

They notice.
They know.

Judgement is a subjective way of knowing, but they know, when they see your clear blue eyes, your sharp jaw, your muscular frame. They see what they want to see, they always have. And I can't judge them. Hypocrisy is the enemy of Truth, and I too have once saw God in You

You see me, stripped of my armor.
I see You, but my tears make you so blurry...

For years, I tried my best to forget you. To replace you. With food. With exercise. And if there was a patch, I swear to God I would wear it. But right now. I want to forget about the pain. Because I miss You.



-FreeMind
October 25, 2019
#97
(first draft got deleted.. :( )
FreeMind Oct 2019
I spent far too long worrying about my past mistakes
That I forgot to live in the present

I worried about what others thought of me
That I forgot to think my own thoughts

I worried about the calories in the meals I had
That I forgot to enjoy the food I love most

I worried that you wouldn't like me back
That I forgot to cherish the fun we had

I worried that I wasn't smart enough
That I forgot to appreciate the resources I had to learn

I worried,
I stressed,
I was upset,
I was unhappy.

But to focus on the worst is to dream a nightmare by choice
And I simply don't have enough sand in the hourglass for such silliness, I am no longer a girl You can kick around and dismiss as you please.

I am a gemini, I shall explain myself to no one
I am a witch, I shall protect myself with my own power
I am a woman, and I will enjoy every single moment of my life

Because life has no meaning if you let it pass right by you


By : FreeMind
October 25, 2019
#96
FreeMind Oct 2019
I wish I knew before it was too late
That she was the ****** in a book left unfinished
Because I, the author, had my mind busy writing the wrong story


-FreeMind
October 07, 2019
#95
'Heaven'
Sep 2019 · 198
Followed By Blue Eyes
FreeMind Sep 2019
Did I see you?
Was it you walking behind me today?
Or have I gone completely insane?

I'm painting your face on strangers
Seeing you in the eyes of other men
Visioning you like a ghost in a haunted house.

I let your presence surround me
Invade me.
And yet it isn't even you, just a dream, just an illusion


-FreeMind
I don't want you to stay. Please leave me alone.
September 16, 2019
#94
Sep 2019 · 171
First Flower of Spring
FreeMind Sep 2019
There is a mole on your cheek
Right on the side of your lips
It wrinkles when you smile
Is that why you cover your face with your palm when you laugh?
Or are you just trying to seem polite?
You wipe your face with a napkin even before the food arrives
You stay at home on rainy days in fear of water
That could magically wash away all your make up
You sit in the dark corner of the restaurant afraid of too much light
That could draw too much attention to you
What are you afraid of?
You hide yourself behind the covers of books in public places
Staying a few steps too far from the general crowd
Hoping that the person looking your way forgot their glasses at home
And all for what?
Why are you terrified of exposure
When in my eyes you look like the first flower of spring?


-FreeMind
September 14, 2019
#93
Sep 2019 · 248
Blind
FreeMind Sep 2019
and what else is there for me to see
in a world in which i am no longer free


-FreeMind
September 10, 2019
#92
FreeMind Sep 2019
My thighs and wrists were painted red
but the paint would not stop dripping
So I drank medicine for my head
but it still would not stop spinning
That's when I made myself a choker necklace
but it was way too loose around my neck.

Some little girls should not be left alone...


-FreeMind
September 6
#91
FreeMind Jul 2019
An hour before the sunrise I went for a run
But I pulled a muscle and decided to walk slowly instead
As the sun started to rise
I decided to take a different path
A path that led me closer to the colors
I walked until I could not walk any further
But there was absolutely no need
The ocean was already in front of me
If I was an artist I would have painted that beautiful scenery, but I am not, so I just watched
Suddenly remembering the girl I met at the library
Every time she sneezed the librarian would shush her - "shhh" - and she would blush because everyone would stare at her
She seemed worried so I sat by her and comforted her the best I could
It felt the same way right now
Everything still and completely silent as if the world has ended
And yet the girl was the ocean, and the waves were the sneeze that brought me back from my day dreams to concentrate on here and now
So it made sense to swim
I ran, still dressed in my running attire
I jumped, into the cold water
I swam, until I could not swim any longer
Until the muscle that I pulled could not take it any longer
Until my lunges could not breathe fast enough
Until my whole body decided to shut down
And even though I started drowning
I could not stop admiring the beauty around me
Which I held onto as an anchor until my body became numb and my heart stopped beating


-FreeMind
July 16, 2019
#90
FreeMind Jul 2019
After 2 years 5 months and 6 days
She left him
"Go have some fun"
He had all the fun with her
"Do what you love"
She was the only one he loved
"Find yourself!"
He already did
He found himself in her laugh
In her soft palms and smooth hands
In her wrinkles right by her eyes
In her mole on her left shoulder
In her scar above the belly button
In her toes that were always painted black
In her hair that smelled of daisies
He found himself in her worst fears
In her pet peeves
In her favorite books
In her day dreams
In her habits and in her confidence
In her
He found himself,
Or better yet,
His better self
When he was surrounded by her

So why did she do it?
Why did she leave?
It was to torture him
No
It was because she could not get used to his silly hair
No
It was because she never loved him
No
She did.
She loved him.
But that was not enough for her.

She wanted to love herself.


-FreeMind
June 30, 2019
#89
Jun 2019 · 272
June 18, 2019
FreeMind Jun 2019
The hour hand, the minute hand, the second hand
All move in unison
Forming the ultimate
18:00
It is time
I whisper "Happy Birthday" to myself
18
After all these years
I have finally gained enough courage
To cut my arm with the blade
Vertically
Leaving no words
no memories
no stories
Behind
Just warm blood, yet to turn cold
With my corpse
Already dressed black
For the funeral


-FreeMind
June 18, 2019
#88
Jun 2019 · 527
Basic Instinct
FreeMind Jun 2019
I promised him I would stop cutting, and I did
Because what I hated most was inside
And he was hurting it just fine without my help



By : FreeMind
June 17, 2019
#87
Jun 2019 · 283
Pride
FreeMind Jun 2019
I wish I could tell you how wonderful you look in that dress
Or maybe compliment your heartfelt laugh
Perhaps I could mention your ability to make everyone feel loved
There is so much to say about your wonders
But I know your response will be the same, "Thank you"

Well how could it be any different?
I don't expect you to push me against the wall and kiss me
Although that would be great
And yet, I want you to know these aren't just compliments
They are words of truth, of love

I wish things could all be simple in this complicated world
But I am a girl
Who likes a girl, Who may or may not feel the same way
But how should I know?
We are good friends. And I want more. But I can't just ask.

Because life is not simple and I am afraid.




-FreeMind
But seriously, how can you tell if a girl likes you or if she is just being friendly?
Happy Pride Month
June 9, 2019
#86
Jun 2019 · 883
Begging you to notice me
FreeMind Jun 2019
"They only read me because I'm short and simple..."

-Struggles of a Poem


-FreeMind
Still wondering why the poems that mean so much to me mean so little to everyone else... can people not relate, or do they just refuse to read them?
June 4, 2019
#85
May 2019 · 251
JUNE
FreeMind May 2019
I bade farewell to the memories,
the joy, the laughter, the tears, the fears,
the forever-lasting-friendships
Without whom this journey would be dreadful

I bade farewell to all these years
of restless work, of struggles, of accomplishments,
of day-and-night stress
That never seemed to end, but did.

I bade farewell to the innocent girl I used to be
In the hopes of finding my new self amid the infinite possibilities
That are waiting to be explored
By Me

I bade farewell
As I step into the warm embrace of June


-FreeMind
#84
May 30, 2019
Farewell Class of 2019 <3
May 2019 · 1.3k
Affection
FreeMind May 2019
Sometimes I wish I could stop writing
About my affection

But my poems would become empty,
Meaningless

If they were no longer about You


By : FreeMind
May 25, 2019
#83
May 2019 · 638
Gone
FreeMind May 2019
Your soothing voice has lulled me to sleep
But I'm waking up alone


-FreeMind
May 25, 2019
#82
May 2019 · 283
Protected by the Sun
FreeMind May 2019
I close my eyes and try to think of something nice
Something that has made me smile
Something that has made me laugh

And I think about the days that weren't all that tough

When the sun rays danced lightly on my skin
When the wind whispered softly in my ears

When you sat by my side
Holding my body close to yours
Protecting me with your strong arms
Feeling the beating of my heart in your chest



-FreeMind
May 3, 2019
#81
Apr 2019 · 663
Cosmos
FreeMind Apr 2019
Some things were brought together by the universe

Sun and Moon
Sky and Sea
Fire and Water
You and Me

I suppose we were meant to be


-FreeMind
April 7, 2019
#80
FreeMind Mar 2019
'Forget him!'
These words are ringing in my mind
My skin still burns from the places where his hands were
The blue, the purple, and the red
A rainbow painted on my body

'Forget him!'
Oh! I could not agree more!
And yet I long his presence, desire his acceptance
I pray to God for his return
My savior, my angel

'Forget him!'
I am drowning, suffocating, and yet I need more rain
Because the freezing drops are soft kisses against my cheek
The kisses that you promised me
The kisses that were stolen by Time

'Forget him!'
I am on my knees. Crawling,
Through the garden of roses you named after me
My thighs are bleeding and yet the thorns feel pleasant,
They feel like home
They feel like you

'Forget him!'
But I cannot...
Because the cuts and tears and broken bones
Will not stop the warmth of sunshine that I feel
When I am wrapped in his Loving arms


By : FreeMind
March 21, 2019
Poem inspired by a painting.
#79
Mar 2019 · 178
You call it 'Love'
FreeMind Mar 2019
Red imprints of your hands are left on my neck
Purple kisses of your fists are left on my thighs
~
I lose my breath when we cuddle
My fingers go numb when we hold hand
~
As you decorate my body with your glance
I begin to find beauty in the unique designs of your creation



-FreeMind
March 20, 2019
#78
Feb 2019 · 583
Kisses from the Moon
FreeMind Feb 2019
I allow the darkness to fill my heart
Finally suffused with mystical energy.

I beam with joy,
As a wide smile spreads across my pale face.

I am charged with warmth,
Reflecting the sweet moonlight on my skin.


-FreeMind
February 27, 2019
#77
Kisses
FreeMind Feb 2019
I take off my skin
As if it is old, ***** clothes
That you damaged with your hands

I need to change.



-FreeMind
February 21, 2019
#76
Feb 2019 · 448
Witch
FreeMind Feb 2019
A mirror is placed in front of a mirror
And I stand in between.

I'm trapped in the devils portal
Cursed to see nothing but my sorrow.

I weep in fear but am too afraid to move
And before I know it, I become a part of the spirit world.



-FreeMind
February 14, 2019
#75
Feb 2019 · 1.2k
WOMAN
FreeMind Feb 2019
woman
The word rolls off your tongue like an insult.
You look down upon me,
Judge me for my desire to grow wings.
Your gaze is that of disgust and yet you draw me closer
With your filthy paws.

Woman
Is the one who gave you life.
And you dare to belittle her with you filthy mouth?
Why don't you compare her to the earth instead?
The ground that gives us food
Why don't you compare her to the air?
That lets us breathe
Why don't you compare her to water?
That can drench our thirst
Why don't you compare her to fire?
That keeps us warm

WOMAN
Is what I am
Is what I am proud to be
So don't touch me if I don't want to be touched
And don't stop me if I don't want to be stopped
But most importantly,
Don't feel pity for me because I was born a woman.
I can do what I please to do
And I will do it when I please to do it.
I am unstoppable.
I am a woman.



-FreeMind
February 8, 2019
#74
FreeMind Jan 2019
You watch movies about affairs between teachers and students
And wonder how that could be.
"Why would they form such a relationship?"
It frightens you, but you console yourself
"It's only a movie".

Until it's not.
Because it happens to you.
And you wonder how could your kindness be mistaken
While he says "we should keep this a professional relationship".

But when was it anything else?


By : FreeMind
January 25, 2019
#73
Jan 2019 · 439
Til Death Do Us Part
FreeMind Jan 2019
You've sewn your heart on mine
With a needle the size of a knife


-FreeMind
January 22, 2019
#72
FreeMind Jan 2019
I bury the thoughts of you deep, deep down
Into the emptiness that is now, simply, a ghost town

May these thoughts forever remain unharmed
Protected by the burst of emotions that shall keep them armed



-FreeMind
January 11, 2019
#71
FreeMind Jan 2019
Kiss me,
Kiss me,
And kiss me once more...

Shut the blinds, Close the door.
Touch my heart
And whisper my name
Can you tell that you are driving me insane?


-FreeMind
January 3, 2019
#70
Jan 2019 · 423
For the Moon
FreeMind Jan 2019
Tell me the lie Im dying to hear.
Tell me you love me.


-FreeMind
January 3, 2019
#69
Dec 2018 · 478
Christmas Miracle
FreeMind Dec 2018
The fireplace is keeping my hands warm
The smell of cinnamon is just starting to fill the room
The innocence of "Jingle Bells" brings pleasant comfort to my ears
And my tongue has just turned red from too much candy cane

But even though I'm standing under the mistletoe with the glaring lights of the Christmas tree accentuating the sparkles in my eyes
My heart remains cold.

Because I know where you are and what you are doing
Because I know that I am tied down to reality I can't seem to avoid

And I pray
I pray to anyone that might hear, to anyone that might help
That my heart be liberated

So it can finally feel the warmth of a snowy Christmas night


-FreeMind
December 22, 2018
#68
Dec 2018 · 8.1k
The Li(f)e You Live
FreeMind Dec 2018
You cant escape reality
When it hugs you like a casket
Ready to burry you deep into the ground


-FreeMind
December 1, 2018
#67
Nov 2018 · 2.7k
Fake Love
FreeMind Nov 2018
I still remember the day you took my hand,
Kissed my forehead,
And told me you didn't love me.


-FreeMind
November 13, 2018
#66
Oct 2018 · 192
Realm Of Fallen Souls
FreeMind Oct 2018
Did it mean nothing to you?
When I opened up the gates to the complex realm
Filled with broken, burning particles of stars
That never got their opportunity to shine.
It was open just for you. Just for those few seconds.
You did not come in. You did not leave either.
How ignorant of you to keep those gates open.
To dismiss those pieces as if they were dust,
Leaving me more empty handed and broken than before.

You are gone.
But you will never feel that pain, that emptiness -
The only feelings that are left in me.
As I slowly fade away into the dark deep realm of a greater creation.

The realm of fallen souls.




-FreeMind
October 23, 2018
#65
Oct 2018 · 444
Crawling back to you
FreeMind Oct 2018
I said I would not write about you
But here I am, once more.

It's all because I banned you from my heart
Yet you managed to stay in my mind
Crawling back every night
To steal my reasoning away from me
Leaving me blind
Making me follow my emotions
Until I reach you, once more.


-FreeMind
October 23, 2018
#64
Oct 2018 · 205
LOST
FreeMind Oct 2018
My mind is a maze
And I'm lost once again


-FreeMind
October 22, 2018
#63
Oct 2018 · 351
For Once, Just Listen.
FreeMind Oct 2018
I need you to save me
From the self induced harm
That I can no longer control


I know this isn't fair
But I beg you,
Please stay.


-FreeMind
October 22, 2018
#62
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