Everyday at 6 o'clock I see you on the swings alone
You swing standing
Wearing your red headphones and your tiedye miniskirt
Not noticing the world pass by around you

From behind
As the sun begins to set
Your long hair resembles the golden curtain in my room
I watch you watch the changing colors of the sky

Wondering how anyone could have the bravery to disrupt your inner peace with an innocent hello

I talk to him once a day, for a mere few minutes
but our conversations are empty
boring
blunt
it makes me think about the conversation i had with you
all those years ago
talking for hours on Skype
not wanting to end the call
falling asleep to the sound of each others breath
and waking up to each others alarms

What did we talk about?
Why was it so important?



-FreeMind

A boy was mean to me today
And you weren't there to stick up for me
So I put on a brave face and laughed his comments away
But deep down inside, I'm dying to be wrapped in your arms

To feel safe
To feel protected


-FreeMind

There was always
something different
in the way
You looked at
Me

But I still
can't tell
if it was something in
You, or something in
Me


-FreeMind

I spent years of my life waiting for someone that would  
love me
care for me
respect me...

But no one did.

That is when I learned the power of
Self-love
Self-care
Self-respect


-FreeMind

You didn't go away when I begged you to leave me alone
You stayed and ****** up all my dynamism
You got me hooked on your abuse
And when I needed you most you abandoned me, got up and
Left
Me the **** alone
Buried under layers of self-pity and guilt for pushing you away


By : FreeMind

In a room full of people, I meet your gaze and wonder:
Do they all feel the tension rise in the room?
Can they smell the fire burning inside me?
Will they silence the voices murmuring in my head?

No one notices.
No one knows.

Intensity is a form of distraction you use to send my mind into microgravity where you can ****** my clarity away from me and pull me towards you like a magnet as you have become the center of gravity but my thoughts have already vanished into outer space and the only thing I have left is my feelings that push me towards You

They notice.
They know.

Judgement is a subjective way of knowing, but they know, when they see your clear blue eyes, your sharp jaw, your muscular frame. They see what they want to see, they always have. And I can't judge them. Hypocrisy is the enemy of Truth, and I too have once saw God in You

You see me, stripped of my armor.
I see You, but my tears make you so blurry...

For years, I tried my best to forget you. To replace you. With food. With exercise. And if there was a patch, I swear to God I would wear it. But right now. I want to forget about the pain. Because I miss You.



-FreeMind

I spent far too long worrying about my past mistakes
That I forgot to live in the present

I worried about what others thought of me
That I forgot to think my own thoughts

I worried about the calories in the meals I had
That I forgot to enjoy the food I love most

I worried that you wouldn't like me back
That I forgot to cherish the fun we had

I worried that I wasn't smart enough
That I forgot to appreciate the resources I had to learn

I worried,
I stressed,
I was upset,
I was unhappy.

But to focus on the worst is to dream a nightmare by choice
And I simply don't have enough sand in the hourglass for such silliness, I am no longer a girl You can kick around and dismiss as you please.

I am a gemini, I shall explain myself to no one
I am a witch, I shall protect myself with my own power
I am a woman, and I will enjoy every single moment of my life

Because life has no meaning if you let it pass right by you


By : FreeMind

I wish I knew before it was too late
That she was the ****** in a book left unfinished
Because I, the author, had my mind busy writing the wrong story


-FreeMind

Did I see you?
Was it you walking behind me today?
Or have I gone completely insane?

I'm painting your face on strangers
Seeing you in the eyes of other men
Visioning you like a ghost in a haunted house.

I let your presence surround me
Invade me.
And yet it isn't even you, just a dream, just an illusion


-FreeMind

There is a mole on your cheek
Right on the side of your lips
It wrinkles when you smile
Is that why you cover your face with your palm when you laugh?
Or are you just trying to seem polite?
You wipe your face with a napkin even before the food arrives
You stay at home on rainy days in fear of water
That could magically wash away all your make up
You sit in the dark corner of the restaurant afraid of too much light
That could draw too much attention to you
What are you afraid of?
You hide yourself behind the covers of books in public places
Staying a few steps too far from the general crowd
Hoping that the person looking your way forgot their glasses at home
And all for what?
Why are you terrified of exposure
When in my eyes you look like the first flower of spring?


-FreeMind

and what else is there for me to see
in a world in which i am no longer free


-FreeMind

My thighs and wrists were painted red
but the paint would not stop dripping
So I drank medicine for my head
but it still would not stop spinning
That's when I made myself a choker necklace
but it was way too loose around my neck.

Some little girls should not be left alone...


-FreeMind

An hour before the sunrise I went for a run
But I pulled a muscle and decided to walk slowly instead
As the sun started to rise
I decided to take a different path
A path that led me closer to the colors
I walked until I could not walk any further
But there was absolutely no need
The ocean was already in front of me
If I was an artist I would have painted that beautiful scenery, but I am not, so I just watched
Suddenly remembering the girl I met at the library
Every time she sneezed the librarian would shush her - "shhh" - and she would blush because everyone would stare at her
She seemed worried so I sat by her and comforted her the best I could
It felt the same way right now
Everything still and completely silent as if the world has ended
And yet the girl was the ocean, and the waves were the sneeze that brought me back from my day dreams to concentrate on here and now
So it made sense to swim
I ran, still dressed in my running attire
I jumped, into the cold water
I swam, until I could not swim any longer
Until the muscle that I pulled could not take it any longer
Until my lunges could not breathe fast enough
Until my whole body decided to shut down
And even though I started drowning
I could not stop admiring the beauty around me
Which I held onto as an anchor until my body became numb and my heart stopped beating


-FreeMind

After 2 years 5 months and 6 days
She left him
"Go have some fun"
He had all the fun with her
"Do what you love"
She was the only one he loved
"Find yourself!"
He already did
He found himself in her laugh
In her soft palms and smooth hands
In her wrinkles right by her eyes
In her mole on her left shoulder
In her scar above the belly button
In her toes that were always painted black
In her hair that smelled of daisies
He found himself in her worst fears
In her pet peeves
In her favorite books
In her day dreams
In her habits and in her confidence
In her
He found himself,
Or better yet,
His better self
When he was surrounded by her

So why did she do it?
Why did she leave?
It was to torture him
No
It was because she could not get used to his silly hair
No
It was because she never loved him
No
She did.
She loved him.
But that was not enough for her.

She wanted to love herself.


-FreeMind