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Erwinism Sep 19
We spend so much time blinking and looking away,
we blink so much that we don’t realize our fuse is alight.
A turn of the dial,
into another scene,
never rooted in the moment,
as transient as everything mortal.
We blink, to erase the unpleasant,
we blink, to jump forward,
coil our bodies around rest,  
wrap paychecks inside our hands,
so, we can blink a little more.
We skip and jump out of the day,
when tomorrow is worse than today,
we blink it away,
as if we have unlimited blinks,
and soon enough we’ll hit a wall
and wish we could have kept our eyes open
more frequently.

—e.d. maramat | erwinism
Erwinism Sep 18
Run
Run, run while you can;
while your toes can spring from the asphalt;
while time is on your side
and the wind is behind you,
and the world is a trail of blur.

The cartilage of your joints,
fresh and oleaginous,
pliable as your young mind,
can take you to your destiny;
can satiate wanderlust,
a bitter aftertaste for a time long gone
of a weary spirit
tenant to a rigid flesh.

Breathe
the scent of life in.
Let your lungs and air,
like lovers who have folded
the distance between them,
savor the embrace
throbbing in their minds at night.
Breathe the scent in,
in time,
they grow stale,
planted in water by the bedside
wilting with apologies
and well wishes
dancing to the music
of beeping machines.

Up the hills if you must;
through mist,
yielding not an inch
to questions
doubt pours on the road.
Against the unwillingness
of your body,
defy,
and when its defiance ripens
in its season,
your spirit shall burden
it a heavy swathe of obstinacy.
So run,
for the loan of time digs deep in the pocket to claim interest,
pay your heart in full,
before foreclosure.
Time inevitably demands its due.

—e.d. maramat | erwinism
Erwinism Sep 18
Pulsating light
caught in the mirror,
what sin have you?

I see your hair prickling,
your skin bleached pale,
from rich in sun’s goodness
to a shade of despair.

Your hand had the warmth of a corpse,
as if an omen, as if to say,
your fate had been decided.

Something treads through the air,
no sudden movement, eyes down,
punctuate your sentences
with a resounding sir and ma’am.

Roll down your window,
wear a pageant smile,
serve who you are on a platter.

Swiftly, heavy thuds on the road,
on either side of this quivering wagon,
figure morphing into a sentinel with
glassy eyes.

Life flashes before our eyes,
dripping as if a cold maple syrup
over a cold and stale pancake
served at a cold table in winter.
    
Was it how we trotted?
Was it how we fared?
Emptied our pockets with
wrongs we had none.

Draw no pistols,
plant no bullet that shan’t grow
and swell into chaos,
we need none of those.
We prayed.

But came,
an honorable man,
a man unlike many,
he said fear not,
the bridge ahead is closed,
an apology was issued,
for the inconvenience.

We turned away,
the night ceased chasing us,
the light faded,
we were safe.  

—e.d. maramat | erwinism
Erwinism Sep 18
You’ve got a city pass in City of Uncertain Love,
walked through the door,
didn’t so much as flinch,
even after all the plasma drawn from this love,
you walked away hissing,
bared sharp fangs, jaundiced from all the scathing words that flowed,
pale as a vampire,
it was you after all and not me you said.
Enamored with the sights and sound, the 360 degree dining experience with a view of the future, complemented with vocabularies to match your mood, aged like wine in the vineyard of pick-up lines,
while I’m left here in a curiosity shop of brokenness:
kisses spat back into the bottomless void of yesterday;
thoughts of once newly-minted strangers we were scrawling notes and now smeared by tear stains;
a heart with no discernible shape, slapped for dragging beats on the snare;
A corpse of a phone you have murdered taking it off life support when you eloped with my charger;
mismatched pillows you left, still possessed with the ghosts of restlessness nights haunting the halls of my mind with echoing arguments of what to eat for dinner;
a spare key—a wedding ring for a keychain.
I fell apart.
Ring!Ring!Ring!
“So, everything didn’t work out for you?”
—inaudible—
“Do you know what time is?”
—inaudible—
—you missed me?”
—inaudible—
“Uh-huh….
Sorry to hear, but there are no refunds for your freedom ticket. Bye!”
Click!
Erwinism Sep 17
Hi Eddie,
look me in the eye and hold my hand.
Sip the air slowly and breathe.
Eddie, I see the weight you carry,  
The silence that lingers when you speak,  
How love, like wind, slips through your open hands  and leaves you wondering where you belong.  
You are the lyrics and melody to my song.

My dear friend,
I can sense
your brokenness.
A thousand years that lived in our days
is not enough for you to mend,
you did all you could to blend,
still you were an outsider to them.

I know you’ve given
more than you received,  
and every time you try,
the door stays shut.  
But hear me now,
you’re not alone in this,  
I’m here, beside you,
as the shadows swells.
But I need you to believe.

Though they may turn
their backs
or look away,  
their blindness
cannot dim
the light you hold.  

It’s themselves
they are leaving to decay,
I’m near you
through the aging of the cold.

How I knew your story.
For every page that was dog-eared
I ached with you.
How could a playground
as innocent as children can be,
be an ecosystem for the cruel?
We often went home with you
mottled in blue.

You held your own and smiled,
but I knew deep inside
it is where
you were mostly bruised.

Behind those bright eyes,
are sustained notes on a string,
bent high enough then it
dove with an ululating vibrato.
I knew your soul was singing the blues.
But I was clueless about your truth.
Until time uprooted you.

I recall seeing you
hiding behind the bleachers
bawling your eyes,
wailing your inside out,
looking like a crumpled paper,
and you were.
As if you were a note
bearing tragic news
stinging the eyes of a reader
the way a coffee drinker
would burn his mouth
for being overly excited
to sip from an angry mug.
It was something you told
your mother and father.
“You were no child of theirs,”
is all they could utter
and while it left me bothered,
you tried brushing it off,
like those words didn’t matter.
Stood your ground,
against aches that could stain
you,
like you were a magic
eraser.

But you were a rogue moon,
pocked with millions and millions
of craters
drifting farther and father away
into deep space.
I recall sadness deeply
entrenched into your face.

Over time,
we grew taller;
not older.
How brazen of me to think
that just because our legs
grew longer
that they would be enough
to take us somewhere,
but I faltered to hear
you say that somehow the past
kept chasing you.
Fetters attached around
the feet of your heart
and it has been going on forever.
And in the mirror
is a stranger that you’ve
known longer
than you ever known yourself.
Seemingly stuck inside
of what was’ padded cell.
And how I wish I could help,
but to you swore not to tell.

So I must tell you.

But you are unbreakable.
I see it in you,
steady and untouched,
A quiet strength
that rises through the cracks.
You are enough,
even when they can’t see
The beauty of the soul
you show the world.
I’m here,
whenever you need to be heard,
when your heart aches
for words you’ll never hear.
Though I can’t make the
hurt disappear, I just wanted
to make it clear, I’m near. I’m here.

Lean into me
When like paper
the world feels too sharp,
that it seem to cut you in half.
When the silence is loud
and you feel unseen.
Know deep in my iris
you’ll see you in me.
Through storm
when the winds of doubt
snaps the sails
and you find yourself
cast away.
I’ll be your shore
throwing you a line,
Know that I see you, Eddie.

I’m sorry Eddie, but you’re not alone.
Erwinism Sep 15
Could you pawn enough courage to smile and pretend that everything is going to be fine? Just this time. One last time.

While the lines are blurred, and cries inside unheard, know that as the end unfurls it is that way by design.

As we cower like cowards in corners we run towards the cracks as the daylight chases us to remind us of the debt we owe for squandering every streak of light  on fights and afternoon delights, you and I knew somehow, we needed a place to hide. In an obscured sense, it is that of saying goodbye.

When I set the pen down and let ink bleed into the parchment, when I twiddle my thumbs cognizant of the things I meant, much is pondered about why the room in your heart I pay rent and as a tenant, I’m flagged delinquent.

And on your end, all along, you had all of me tucked in your hand. The silence too abstruse for one to comprehend and is unnerving.

Perhaps you found me undeserving of a love always teetering on the brink just waiting to succumb to gravity. Now the weight of unspoken truth bears down so heavily on us as we fall apart.

This throbbing anxiety seems to walk the road of eternity and in our insanity, we were two pyromaniacs playing fire with destiny, and destiny, a sadist as it may be, there is a horizon bordering its cruelty and honestly, we were vampires driving stakes in each other’s heart.

What I meant is speak your truth or forever hold your peace, for while we had our falling we loved nonetheless. No matter how we repress the past together you and I undressed and the future fraught with regrets, I must confess, though I detest, today we leave what we  had and we leave it to rest.
Erwinism Sep 14
Shoot for stars but take your world with you.

A space-lost man knows that he is trapped in his mask.

He blows breath onto the visor despite dwindling supply, creating a thin mist reminiscent of snow telling the world it’s December.

There he sees the past reflected on a soft, soggy patch.

There he momentarily lives, knowing the end has finally arrived to pick him up at the airport.

Through the glass he sees eternity falling and the stars gasping for breath and black holes falling on their knees.

The end is cold.
Like hearts devoid of love.
He clutches it by the arm.

In his solitude, he feels for once a king. Claims his stake in this lonely universe orphaned by reason.

Beyond nebulae bursting into light is a celestial villa where the forgotten lives tax free and there he shall retire. So, it seems.

He leaves his footprints in the coarse, sandy darkness, where most dread to follow. He drifts away with nothing but himself and his regrets talking back to him. Telling him of tales lost.

Too late, he could flood galaxies with tears but nothing can reconnect him with his harness. Communication slowly breaking down.

He hears a blanket rustling and heavy footsteps and creaking floorboards. A squeaking valve. Running water trickling down. Yes, a tub. Yesterday and Yesterday had enough of him. Got tired of his hollow eyes. Devoid of a soul. He hears the door groaning. The bells chiming. Door slamming. Engine revving and growing fainter.

Under a looking glass he plotted constellations. There is life somewhere he pondered, but there was life where he stood. He just didn’t have eyes for it.

He shot for the stars and lost his sun in the process.
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