i loved you.
i wanted nothing more than to be with you,

so am i really okay breaking your heart like this?
intentionally playing the villain is just so much easier,
than having to explain a loss.

sometimes i think that i still do.

i felt miserable,
the crushing self rejection,
that a lover cannot fix,
the acceptance of being what broke you before.

but,
i stopped,
and realized i wasn’t alone,
for i was surrounded by garnets.
Twinkling, beautiful, crimson friends.

maybe it’s not so bad after all

i can’t commit to anything
can i?

not people,
not plans,
not schedules,
nor times,
i can’t even do a daily write daily.

i have everything i could have ever wanted..

so why won’t this aching feeling go away?
why do i still drag my feet along?

when the bridge i am walking on is made of solid gold?

did i push myself too far?
the shaking post workout?
the moons rise after the suns char,
is this what they call burnout?

if i want to get big,
my goals have to get bigger

if i “love him so much”,
i have to be the best for him

so i’m going to be the best
<3

How am I supposed to sleep
When every move you make,
Makes me scream?

How am I supposed to sleep
When every breath you take,
Makes me shake?

How am I supposed to sleep
When you’re here on the phone,
Right next to me?