name: grace
age: seventeen
grade: high school junior
social security number: 6- wait

when you first meet someone,
they'll ask tons of questions.
but what's too personal
you'll have to decide for yourself.

what will I own up to?
a lot.
I give the straight out truth.
staying private isn't a concern of mine.
what's one of my truths?
I've been on medication-
a lot of it.

Zoloft, Prozac, Xanax...
you name it.
depression wasn't a choice
but I chose to get help
and for me that meant medicine.
am I dependent on it?
I fear so

I lost my dad before he died.
drugs are a scary thing.
my mom didn't want to see me taken away
so we left before I could remember.
do I know what really happened?
barely.
he died when I was six.
when I uncovered a sliver of the reality
I made that promise.
I'll never do drugs

I'm in control of my life.
chemicals aren't going to affect how I act.
except they do.
every day.
I can't get through my day without them.
I learned what happens when I do.

the dizziness
nauseousness
headache
horrifying nightmares
did someone just call me or am i hallucinating?
why is my foot tingling
reality of not having it one day.

it's called withdrawal.
I get it from missing a dose.
some get it when they can't find-- whatever they want.
is this going to be my life?
constant medication or I'm back to depression?
who am I without those prescriptions?
I can't remember- it's been three years.

why do I need this to function?
am I dependent?
I'm just the same as the rest of them
maybe I am doing drugs.

It's not just music, it's a vibe
And when that bass drops, we come alive
With the synth and the snare
We are all transported there
Our minds are in the DJ's hands
Our bodies are slave to his beats demands
This is our one true escape
And it's entwined with his soul into a mixtape.

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body.  i like what it does,
i like its hows.  i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

Put me in a chokehold and press my face into goose feather
Pillows
stained with mascara tears, acid rain rolling down translucent
Cheeks
glowing and painted with rouge the color of
Fire
hot in my heart and pumping to the furthest reaches of my
Limbs
bound and held captive by smooth black ropes leaving me
Helpless
to go against your will, I am at the mercy of games we
Play
rough and don't treat me like I'm fragile I'm not meant to
Break
down barriers and ascend stairs toward the gates of
Heaven
Is found in leather and lace, cuffs, safe words and
Submission
resonates with angel wings beating as drums

I've been smoking a lot of cigarettes and kissing a lot of bottles since you've been gone.
I just don't know what to do with my lips when they aren't crashing into yours.