I guess I wanted you to know
this heart
this storm
the way pen and paper does.
I wanted my lips to be yours like morning coffee.
I wanted you to feel what a single song could do to sadness,
what I could do to sadness...
I can’t take it away,
but I could give you a break.
I don’t know why I keep writing about you,
wanting about you,
sleeping about you,
when you don’t have the love want...
maybe not for me.

...trying to take this heart,
this healing,
all this fragile,
day by day
task by task.
a new getting out of bed.

some days I am still healing,
others...
the wound has just
opened back up for me
and I’m stitching,
I’m breathing,
I’m moving always,
but standing still.
...one does not negate the other for me.
but I am here
and I love you.

I want to dance alongside the trees and feel free... not just look beautiful.

"… I have all this red wine
and no you to share it with.
I wish you were here...
I'd hold you and
taste wine off your lips
until we needed more
from each other. "

I’m not ok
And I’m done letting that break my heart.
I’m going to forgive myself first this time.
I’m not going to add my disappointment to my situation.
I don’t want to add lightning to dark skies anymore.

And some days it’s ok to put makeup over it and dance.

And I will not let anyone make me feel bad about it.
About being pretty and broken.
About having a big heart but not enough to keep the beating steady.
About wanting your lips as clean up of this mess.
And your hands for grounding.
For needing the sun and coffee just as much as the moon and my pen.
About smiling and breaking at the same time.
About breathing and coming back together at the hands of myself again.

I hope you learn to love a woman in her naked, in her ****, in her sad. On top of you or standing next to you. I hope you dream of holding her hand, kissing the curve in her neck. I hope you learn to love and hold love close. I hope she makes you find the moment. I hope she gathers you there and holds you. I hope her lips make you forget and remember. I hope you love you so you can build with her. I hope she kisses you when she wants to. I hope you want her to show you.

i could plan a vacation in the crook of your neck. in the curve of your hand. in the softness of your lips. i’d never need to rent out a home again. never have to sit still in a car. i’d move when you’d move. i’d inhale at your exhale. bury my heart in yours. you’d become a book to me... another way to travel without leaving.