My body is the makeup of both hard and softness
The reds, browns, golds...
The light and darkness of all my ancestors.
Some men have lost themselves here,
Some men have found themselves here
Most women stand stronger next to this.

I am both war grounds and silent cities.
I am both girl trying not to drown in all this sadness, all this loss...
And woman trying not to drown in all this sadness, all this loss.
I am your blonde roast that starts a riot in you first thing in the morning
And your dark roast that goes down smooth, leaving you to want for a little more...

I am both the scab healing over bruised skin
And the area surrounding it.
I am both strong legs and soft lips
...Brown skin deep enough to hide flaws still.

I am the softness in light...
And the softness of honey, but still thick enough to swim in.
I am the hardness of knees on ground, praying to the man or woman who has made me both hard and soft.

I am the woman who cannot forget enough to truly forgive,
But human enough to help you if the light goes out.
I am consistent no's and the yes that matters,
I am shattered glass and spilled milk.

This skin mirrors both the earth and everything you give the universe on a new moon .
I am both woman dancing in nothing, but a skirt to the rhythm of the ocean ...
And the ocean kissing the shore wishing to be as free as that woman.

Sometimes this mouth...
Sometimes my words bite,
Creating harsh weather,
But I am tired of making storms of people, storms of my relations.

I am both soft belly and strong back.
Something you can count on,
A woman you can be sure of.
You can bet on me,
You can stand near me,
You can fall in my presence.
...You can be both hard and soft with me.

Forgive yourself
Perfect was never a word suited for you
Love yourself
Everything comes back to this
Love your sister
She has been picked apart, degraded, and has an internal war eating her from the inside out
Love your brother
He has a time stamp of deliverance to a life of incarceration, bullets released from an absence of sense, lack of educated, blind ambitious followers.
Raise your head
You are a Goddess created
with disarming beauty in mind.
Continue to place one foot in front of the other
You are meant and strongly designed for forward movement.
Take no steps back, do not bow down your head, do not close your mouth
In fear that judgment will fall
It will, but you must speak anyways.
Your voice is imperative
to the growth of lost girls who are unsure what real women are made of.
Your voice is imperative to the peaking of the minds of men unsure what to look for in a Queen, show him.
Your voice is imperative to the readjustment of the image of
Black Women with large voices
Black Women with high diction
Black Women with love language
Black Women with literary genius
Black Women filled with nothing less than the peace & love God has manifested within us.
Black Women
Black Women
Black Women
Who love Black men like double chocolate moist bliss
Who love White men like dark roast coffee filled with cream
Who love Latino men like Butterscotch candy dipped in chocolate
The list goes on
Black Women who love like we are bound to implode if we don't give the universe what it is that we need back.
Black Women
Your Mother
Black Women
Your Sister
Black Women
Your Friend
Black Women
Your Lover
Black Woman
Love Her.

Try and swim
Focus on not drowning

Catch and release this breath
Take in your hands
Try not to bite too ******* that bottom lip
Hold on to your hands
Grip something to match your grip on me
Your rhythm in these legs
Your body in these legs
Your face between these legs

Try and swim
Focus on not drowning

Inside but everywhere
You are inside but everywhere
I can only be here
Keep up here
Slow down here
Lie down here

Try and swim
Focus on not drowning

You are touching me
You keep coming up to look at me
You keep coming back to watch yourself indulge in me

Try and swim
Focus on not drowning

I can’t stop this crash
I don’t want to stop this crash
I’m trying to hold on
But you keep pushing through for me to let go
And we let go
High at the same time ...
I can swim now
I’ve let go and I’m not drowning....

And I want to say how irrevocably sorry I am…
That I did not open myself to the thought that you were a beacon of beautiful.
I did not love you enough to share you.
I did not give you anything to stand on.
I created a world for you that deterred love,
To deter pain.
Fought happiness to remain unscathed of disappointment.
You have created a black hole of your heart,
Nothing for anyone to fall into,
Grab hold of…
You have created a wall of your heart,
That slows down anything that could give it meaning …
Nothing means anything unless it is in relation to something else, someone else.
It is what matters here,
What we leave here,
For someone else to hold on to…
And you have given just enough to leave remnants of …
someone almost here
Almost alive
Almost open,
But nothing to hold on to.
I am sorry.
You are saddened.
You have created nothing to leave here,
And I never gave you the hope to hold on, that someone might stay here
Share here
Think gold
Of the sun adorning your
Being.
I am sorry that I didn’t see it,
They could have
They would have …
It was up to me
To let you feel…
To share you
//An Apology To Myself…

I am not woman still healing
from scars,
from wars,
from lives,
I’m not yet ready to talk about.

I am not beautiful nor broken
I am not a poet trying to stitch together my mind in a way that makes sense...

I am not a doctor
I am not birthed as healer,
As nurturer
I am not the light,
The darkness.

I am not black woman who leads
Black woman who dances for hearts that are too afraid to beat a little unruly
I am not at all dripping lonely
Or mimicking the sun when morning comes again
I am not both enamored by life and saddened by it

I am not the lighthouse
The storm
The final destination

I am not everything you’ve ever wanted
I am not the woman who got away
I am not what you stole from you.
I am not waiting to be whole here.

Tell the truth about the way we loved.
Savagely
Fervidly
Passionately
Wildy
We burned down the walls of our own bedroom
We gave the stars a show
The shore something to grab hold of...
We were endless
Brilliant in our together
Innovators in our type of beautiful.
We inspired...
Men to love women whose mind's were worth
kneeling for,
And women who loved men with respect worth
submitting to...
Tell them how we loved
Tell them
Their was love
in the  way our feet moved
in relation to the other
The way our eyes danced through
all of these people
Till their was something worth settling on...
For me it was you...
For you it will forever be me...
I will tell them...
because sometimes the things that burn
the brightest tend to leave one breathless...
In a world so self contained...
We could not burn down these walls for our beautiful...

...What does love look like today?

Love today looks like brown butter bourbon ice cream and sunlight
Like body oil on soft legs
And smoothie cream in even softer hair
Like breathing and disappearing in sheets
Like breast free of cups that don't hold me like the universe does
Like lips that taste of caramel
And a bedroom that heals in lavender
Like woman done waiting
Like woman simply being
Like body untouched, un-tethered.

"I want to taste the literature
Within you
Let me show you how to be free...
Your mind is the most beautiful combination of
McEwan sprinkled with a little Palahniuk, throw in some James
It is **** to me the way your feet stay on the ground,
No matter how high they lift you up.
Sometimes I watch you while you read
And I wonder what could possibly be
Slayed across that page so wondrously
As to grant the room with the parting
Of your lips..."

And I'm not ready to have you...
touch me
hold me
enamor me
because once I do,
Once I let you in
I don't think that I will
ever be able to let go,
To let you leave  me.
As leaving is inevitable.


-Indigo Morrison

" I am my first love
I have let few men love me since
I don't want to ruin this heart
I can't afford to let go
I've never been the girl that breaks
I shatter
And I can't shatter for you

You don't even see what you have here
You are the type of boy
Who overlooks the moon
And never wakes for the sun .

I am so full of wanting
So full of honey
But you are worried about keeping your hands dry
And I am scared
That I will fill you up
And have nothing to come back to

See...
You are my second love
You smiled out of nowhere
I wasn't ready for you
But you lit everything in me
I felt it in your gaze
Your stare
You were deliberate
With me
I took a chance on you.

And I have let few men love me since
Because it always comes back to this
Just me
My first love.

I've scheduled an appointment about 3 different times but, cancelled for each.
I didn't think there was any purpose in laying down the voices in my head for a stranger
When I've spent so much time building cement walls of silence between anyone who has ever gotten too close to me.
I have spent this lifetime creating sound proof dream catchers of my screams.
I am not known to grab hold of clingy hearts
Because, it's hard to hold on to things that are trying to do more than grasp me.
I say goodbye or pass them along as often as the tide comes into the shore.
But, I do not come back as it does.
But, the voices in my head do.
The doubts they hit me like teeth to concrete
The anxiety hits me like 10 ft deep waters with no air to breathe in
And I am not the swimming kind.
I am a runner, so it is hard for me to live in water deep enough to drown in.
I have created water deep enough to drown in.
I have become so controlled that I am numb to hands
And I fall to words so easily.
I scare me
My voice scares me
My thoughts scare me .
Night hits like the sun after a storm
And I can't figure out which one I am or which I want to be.
I have created a tornado of this mind
A wildfire of this heart
And a tomb of this body
And I don't know if I have self-shattered too profusely
And too quietly to fix it.
So I am here now,
You ask me why,
                              And I am here because now
The broken pieces can't be ignored anymore,
It's not getting easier in the morning anymore.
It's getting harder to wake
And I don't know how many more days I can be here
Like this...
This is my last chance to fix it
                                          fix her
                                          fix me.

I am terrorized by the thought of your hands
And what storms they may cause
What doors they may open
The trail they may leave.
I am scared that they will grab hold
Real tight when I am too scared to allow them to,
They may learn me
They may let themselves devour my flesh
And surround my eyes when falls become of them.
I am scared that they will be able to catch things mid-air
That I was counting on them to lose.
I am scared that they will kiss my heart with warmth
Dance across my lips
Massage my spine with the courage I need to dance through sun dried desserts
Create a welcome mat to a home that I am trying not to fall into.
I am scared that they will be brilliant and beautiful
Skilled and flexible
Everything I need and want…
All I can fathom is terrible things
My own hands shake
Because you keep giving me beautiful…

You have taken the lovely bits of me and compiled them into this beautiful being. You have forgotten the ***** bits, or detached them from your perception of me... and that isn't fair. With this, you are saying that the whole of me cannot be loved ...Please take me down from your pedestal.
Please let me breathe on level ground.
I am still quite busy ascending from ashes into something that could put out the marvel, the adoration you have for the sun.


-Indigo Morrison

love today looks like
yoga right out of bed
and coffee.

...deep breathing,
with only that and this body in mind.
it looks like wanting,
wanting more for myself
wanting more of myself
wanting it all for myself
wanting everything I deserve that makes me more than myself.
...wanting myself.

working though this tension
and realizing this pain is trying to tell me something.
my body has been communicating and it has taken me 27 years to become intelligent enough to listen.

"i think I lost my halo
trying to make sure you were breathing
trying to attach you to the sun
i know i lost some of my energy
my vibe aint high like before
but i was trying to bring you with me
i was trying to build a silver lining
out of the breaks within your heart
but you wouldn't forget the pain
you wouldn't let go of her
and she does not love you
and holding on doesn't make it real baby
i. am. real. baby.

you saw me bending for you
and you couldn't even hold me
you shattered my heart
and you took so much light with you when you did

i was a vacation to you
something you could indulge in
something you allow yourself out of curiosity but never stay long enough to work for
but i am no Vegas
               no Miami
               no Jamaica
               no Puerto Rico
I am the ******* moon
someplace
someone
you always come back to
I am not the train baby
I am the station
and I'm not only darkness;
a place to hide
I am light
something you open for
and give back to

so next time you find
you can't take your eyes off the sun
give in because you are ready
because you are whole
and you have something to give back
to this universe
not because you are scared
and you need  
                        all this gold
                        all this honey
                                                 to fill you.

I want to hold your arms
Warm and breathe life into them
They are so strong and easy to let myself go in
I want to grant your back the grace to stand up tall and feel no pain in planting your feet in the ground
I want to kiss your hands
As you do mine
You don’t understand the life you put back into them when you do.
I want to warm your heart
Enough so that I can be the person you calm yourself for
I want to be your calm
Your crazy
Your beautiful
I want to be stable, insatiable ground for you
I want to reflect nature for you,
Something beautiful that outshines anything man made.
I want to reflect the consistency of the moon
The illumination of the sun
The sweetness in planting feet to soil
Body in ocean
I want to be what beaches are to northerners, to you
I want to be who you kiss Sunday morning
Who you want to come home to Friday night
I want to be your whiskey
I want to be a part of why you feel blessed
I want you… to be able to see me in my true essence
And I want you to know what your compliment,
Your genuine appreciation and respect means to me.
I want to do what hearts do, with you
I want to do what bodies come together for, with you.
I want to appreciate every muscle, every vein
From top to bottom and push you into ecstasies of pure bliss
As we will fall into exhaustion
Only to wake and create a scene all over again .
I want to be here, someday with you
I want to watch you leave out for work
And know that this is the home you will always come back to
I want to create different ways to mimic hearts with you
I want to blaze the trail to greatness with you
I will celebrate you
I do celebrate you
I see “we” in your eyes
And I feel the distance we put behind us when you hug me.
You match my need to keep moving
I want to bind “unlimited”, to your success
And passion to everything you do.
I want us to be wonders in our separation
And a force not to be countered in our together
I want to believe in “forever’s” with you.
I’d love… for the first time with you
I promise I would…
I’d bind myself to moving forward with you
Next to you
And forever do things just to catch the sun you have caught between your teeth
And the glimmer of the moon you have sprinkled in your deep chocolate eyes
I’d like to be bold enough to tell you what I could be
For you
With you
Behind you
Next to you
But, I am a flourish of nerves wrapped up in a facade of confidence
Trying to mimic the sea
Peaking back to see if you have caught a glimpse of my beautiful.

-Indigo Morrison

I’m not ok
And I’m done letting that break my heart.
I’m going to forgive myself first this time.
I’m not going to add my disappointment to my situation.
I don’t want to add lightning to dark skies anymore.

And some days it’s ok to put makeup over it and dance.

And I will not let anyone make me feel bad about it.
About being pretty and broken.
About having a big heart but not enough to keep the beating steady.
About wanting your lips as clean up of this mess.
And your hands for grounding.
For needing the sun and coffee just as much as the moon and my pen.
About smiling and breaking at the same time.
About breathing and coming back together at the hands of myself again.

They fear for their children,
Their things when our black men come near.
But do they forget that it was the pale faces who were the cruel ones?
They shipped and trapped our brown for sugar, molasses...
For things.
They inspected
Destructed
Degraded
Detained
Stripped naked our black men for money.
They stole much more than our black men today.
Beat, broke, and chained our black men
Only to incriminate the black body
Only to create fear of skin that has been kissed by something not man made.
So forgive me if I say "*******" to the police in their attempts at racial profiling rationalizations.
Have you no education?
Have you no intellect?
Have you forgotten OUR history?
You cannot cancel violence by enacting violence.
You cannot stop a cycle that you have began if you cannot even look at yourself .
LOOK AT YOURSELF.
It must be hard being so **** stupid.
Being so detached
And having the good graces to ignore and not to teach OUR history.
The black body isn't what you should lock your doors from at night.
Are you scared you wont be able to see it?
Are you?
It is the ignorance of our society of the simple fact
That what starts here
Ends here.
And we are doomed to continue
This cycle of shedding the blood of each other
If you refuse to educate on where the violence
                                                        ­the cruelty
                                                        t­he ownership
                                                       ­ the belittling
                                                        of the human body began.

I want you to choose me
choose me every time.
I want you to love me like I love me
And see me how I want to be seen
I want to stop picking up the pieces
and putting me back together again.
I don't understand why it can't be you this time.
Or why I can't stop shattering

Why I can't just feel until it feels wrong and turn back around.
I want to stop getting ready for flight
I want to stop looking for the green light
saying "run already tiara"

I am tired
the type of tired that sleep wont help.
the type of tired that wants a nap soon after waking
the type of tired that wakes depression
the type of anxiety that gives way to exhaustion.
I want to focus on me without having to constantly hold the pieces together when the sun comes up
just to drown myself in river come night.

I want to stop being scared when I feel happy with him...
like his heart is going to leave
I want to stop being scared of love
because you gave yours to me and that's not something I'd ever want again ...
because it brought me back here
cleaning up this mess again
words running through my head again
almost lovers to let go of
almost truths that I can't hold onto.
all those whispers leaving cracks within something that I built strength into.
I am so tired of shattering.
And trying to stay strong so that no one knows that I want you to hold  me.

I have been begging you to stay here since you landed.
I have seen the hole you've kept hidden,
the sadness that you keep at bay in the daytime.

I have felt the nights devouring you,
Some nights the moon can't tame your sorry's,
when you are too tired  to exist here...
I understand the hardship of placing feet on ground when you wake,
and to not stop moving.
You are still unsure if you will be able to keep going if you pause too long.

No one knows you are lonely,
and sweetie you are far too lovely...
Share yourself with someone.
Give yourself over to being here, feeling something.
Pain and happiness are necessary to sharpen and soften the best parts of you.
The sun will not always rise for you,
but we can pretend.
I'd let you see the world however you want to
if you
stay here.

P.S. Thank you for staying here.
No one knows why, but the ones who love you sighed in relief when they knew you stayed to join the morning.
As did I.
As did I.

-Indigo Morrison

today love looks like
closing out a chapter
and starting brand new.
love looks like dancing into happy
and taking the necessary
deep breaths to get there,
like leaving you beautiful,
but knowing there is more than that
waiting for me.
knowing that I am more than that and I am waiting for me.
love today looks like legs for days
gracing this earth.
vocals for miles hitting all the wrong notes in the worst beautiful way.
but nothing is more freeing than dancing in t-shirt and *******
singing songs with words both made for feeling high and simply feeling.
i’m singing through this chapter and i won’t come back to wait for you.

I have shed layers underneath layers of hiding
To give you my undoing.
I have saved myself for you to witness this.
I have been waiting to bare my truths, no more than once,
But just for you.
I have been saving my yes… for you.
And locking away my vulnerable for the man who would not destroy me in it.
It is your lips, your hands, and your body letting down its bullet proof.
There are no walls here,
No mountains to separate my hands
From your back, your lips, your chest,
All skin, on skin, on skin.
I have been building on my freedom,
And I am here now
Ready now… to revel in it,
With you.
Only you.
Always you.
I trust you not to ruin me,
But do not be scared to break me… down in this room,
Break down in this room
Let go inside me,
Fall slowly beside me.
I am no judge
There are no rules.
My body was crafted with you in mind,
Your hands were skilled in prelude to my pleasure.
There is no stopping here,
No moving too fast,
No going to slow.
I am meant for you, now.
You are safe in me.
Say the word,
Say it,
We can die a million times together here in this room.


-Indigo Morrison

I am just a boat in your harbor
and I wish you hadn't made it...
not ok to think about you
not ok to love you
not ok to miss you.

its a struggle to not want
to not want to be by the ocean
to not want to move by what's warm
out of fear drowning
out of fear of fire.

i take time everyday to list 3 things I've fallen in love with
and it can never again include you
you and i will never exist in the same context
there is no blue ocean floor for us
there is no thinking too far ahead for you and i
you have left nothing but drowning here
leaving me to learn to swim alone
again .

...trying to take this heart,
this healing,
all this fragile,
day by day
task by task.
a new getting out of bed.

some days I am still healing,
others...
the wound has just
opened back up for me
and I’m stitching,
I’m breathing,
I’m moving always,
but standing still.
...one does not negate the other for me.
but I am here
and I love you.

You increase me.
You bring me quiet.
Your presence is peace.
You are what I meditate to embody.
You are river not beating down land.
Your lips are water caressing shore.
And still you are so full of fire.
You are all red room ...
And rich, smooth chocolate.
You are fresh earth
And bonfire.
I always want to end with you
Start with you
Give into you...
Coat your wounds with my laughter.
You deserve the calm you give to me.
... Please lie down your burdens,
Share your energy with me.
I'll lay it all out for you...
Forever will never be here
But this moment
Right here ...
Today ... with me is .
-Indigo Morrison

I am not the girl that you settle yourself for.
I am the woman that you solicit ***** words to but never touch.
The woman that you kiss but never wed.
That you dance with but never share home.

I am not "welcome mats"
Or "family dinners"
Nothing about me will ever settle you.
I am full lips,
And soft hands,
Dangerous mind,
And beautiful goodbyes"
I am pleasant "good mornings"
But only because I leave it there.
I am not see you later.

I am the after thought of beautiful,
Something elegant but,
not sensual enough to give into,
smart but, not notable enough to settle for,
I am heaven sent but not suited for marriage,
And I am wet dreams, not yet solid enough to build on.

I am too long, heart on sleeve
But not steady enough to keep you there.
I am kisses too far overdue,
But not striking enough to linger after in your morning.

I am sorry that I cannot be your sun
And I love myself too much to be your moon.
I am sorry,
I have to leave you here,
I am sorry,
I took up so much space in the aftermath,
The in between,
Of you and the one girl who will settle you.


-Indigo Morrison

And to be here is to truly leave.
I sound like madness,
But touch me and you will feel it too
Breathe me in and you will smell the desperation
in my goodbye.
I am goodbye
I will never be "come home"
I will never be safe
More flight risk
than shore
More star than moon

You will never find yourself here.
I will never find myself here.
And I'm starting to think "here" is everywhere
And happy is gone as soon as I stepped foot here,
When I first put down book for friends
When I became scared of men.
Maybe it was when he died
Maybe it was when he left
Maybe it was when you said you loved me as you cradled her...
Maybe leaving is my "hello"
And goodbye is my "I love you"

Maybe I am confused
Maybe I am terrified
I don't know how to be here
In this extrovert, overzealous world.
And I hate the way the sun hides everything
And I can only come at night.

You are more than 2am
You are breakfast in bed
And daydreams in classrooms
If I ever decided to be here
I would need you next to me...
You could be my nature
My near by Tintern Abbey...
I'll show you my hurricane.

... And I keep wishing that
I knew your hands
like body knows bed
like body feels sun
like body knows coffee at 6am.
...And I'd venture to say
I'd like to create a masterpiece
of your being, with my lips
                               my mouth
                               my hands
                               thighs wrapped
around your strength .
I am beyond enamored,
No cigarette could chase these nerves.
No distance could put out this light-house
awaiting the arrival of you
               the pleasure of you
my ears ache to hear what
moans will make of you.
I want to render you
incapable of any feeling,
but longing and elation
only in relation
to me,
to us,
to you,
here in this bed
unbeknownst to the flow of life outside.
captivated
stimulated
by what's in here
                lies here
            naked here
              ready here
made and designed
to be adorned
and torn down
by you....

You are so important.
You are the concrete built to keep cars from traipsing off highways.
You are the talking down of man when jumping off bridge becomes salvation.
You are the last kiss in hospital rooms
You are the goodbye in airports.
You are exit wounds that go straight through,
You would never lodge yourself somewhere unwanted.
You are the sun after a night almost decisioned as last.
You are the mantra I repeat every morning feeding me to love myself.
You are the reason that today will not fall to the right of the dash sign on gravestone.
You are diaries filled with prayers to God
that I was too scared to voice for fear that he would not recognize me.
You are every foot forward when I was scared my blackness was too big to enter into classroom conversations.
You are wild eyes when everyone is too in trend to take off their cool.
You are naked heart when cold has caused frost bite of these  hands.
Body yearning to be touched but too scared to be honest.
You are the silent
"You are here"
when depression floods me with "you are nothing"
You are the
"This will pass"
when anxieties infiltrate my home without knocking.
You are the silent "I am here"
When I grow tired
with hurt from people
I would lie down what ever blessings God has on back order for me.
You are not the absence of fear but the courage of being scared and to keep moving anyways.
You are hello's too long overdue
from girl too often overlooked.
You are the seeing of Queen over seductress.
You are the man, not loyal to being loyal but, fiercely protecting what is human,
what is steady,
what foundations you have built upon.
You are the calm found in chaos by girl too enthralled by rain to run inside.
You are secrets whispered to the moon
with the ulterior motive of being heard by the stars.
You are everything.
You are so important.


-Indigo Morrison

I am scared that I am dying
I have fallen so far into fantasy
That I have forgotten how to come home
I have lost my way of being
I am so scared
So stitched and sealed
That I think I’ll bare my vulnerable
And you won’t remember how to see me
But I want to
****** I want to
I want to be here
I am trying so hard to be here
To stand here
Sit here
And feel something
But it isn't coming together for me
The shards are not piecing themselves together as they should
And I am busy remembering to forget the breakdown
I can’t pinpoint when it came to this
I don’t know how to relax enough to figure this out
I want to live in this life
Be in this lifetime
Find a reason to stay here
Because I am missing it
And it scares me
And I am sorry if you love me
But, it’s so hard to stay here.

I will not cover my breast as an apology for this body
I will not bow my head as an apology for being beautiful
I will not smile at your misogynistic jokes to massage your ego
I will not let liquor give you an excuse as to why it is okay for you to pin my arms
And take my lack of communication as me wanting it
Me wanting you
To take from me something you would not get from a more alert woman.
I will not purchase pants
In favor of dresses and skirts that do not ******* say "this is yours"
Nothing about even my bare body screams "this is yours"
Nothing about my passing glance says "take me" unless I tell you to.
I cannot submit to a man who doesn't fix his mouth to ask me if I want to.
I will not walk this life as a nun hoping you don't pound me to the pavement in your struggle to take control
And gain this power you feel should automatically be yours
To overrule my *****.
No matter
How bare my breast are
How high my skirt rises
How flirty my friendliness is
How my back slopes
How my hands move
How firm my no is
                 my stop
                 I can't
                please don't
                please leave
                not yours
                don't ****
                please stop
                not yours
                not yours
                no
                no
                no.
And with a mind a weak as yours
You shatter
You break
You tear through flesh.
You forget we are made of the same bones
That their is flesh here
That now holds taint here.
I will never find an ocean deep enough to drown myself of you
Absolve myself of sins I had no say in.
And no matter how brittle my bones are
How broken my spirit is
My lips will seal themselves,
Hollow out any lingering screams
Because, society will tell me that I made myself too pretty
That I showed too much skin
in contrast to the heated sun
That I swallowed too much liquor
And walked too ******* ****
And danced a bit too free
all in preparation for
                                   concrete, cold, hard, forced, penetrated
                                   remnants of you.

I guess I like the way you smile at me when I say hello
I am always waiting to say it back to you
You are white chocolate
Mixed and blended at its finest
And you smell like heaven.
If only you’d be bold enough
To ask to share some conversation with me.
I could talk to you about my favorite teas
Or why coffee is the only reason growing is over for me…
If you ask me about literature, I swear I will light up like the sun
And I will never stop talking…
You may not believe me since silence crowds our space when you are near…
But all I know how to do is say hello back
To the beautiful man
Always waiting to smile at his local barista…

I hope you learn to love a woman in her naked, in her ****, in her sad. On top of you or standing next to you. I hope you dream of holding her hand, kissing the curve in her neck. I hope you learn to love and hold love close. I hope she makes you find the moment. I hope she gathers you there and holds you. I hope her lips make you forget and remember. I hope you love you so you can build with her. I hope she kisses you when she wants to. I hope you want her to show you.

today love looks like
a full body scrub.
lips
and face included.
all traces of anything not alive being removed.
all traces of anything not meant to be here gone.
feeling softer,
more free,
but no closer to ridding this body of you.
these lips
of you,
these legs
of you.
I’d clean this heart of you
if there were something made for messes there.

What does love look like today?

Today love looks like sweet, sultry music...
I feel myself a child of the moon,
Dancing with wine in her hands.
I feel like lavender and honey,
Sweet and attending to
Your breathing,
Your melting,
Your heavy...
Like skin on skin
Like oil on canvas
Like chocolate candles
Like running all over each other...

"I beg of you to tip toe on my lips
Dance beneath me
And when I fall short,
relax.
I am taking you
inside, outside
soft, rushing, hard.
Hands touching
            grazing
            grabbing
            holding ...onto
           slapping skin.
Melting.
And by melting, I mean you.
I can hear it in your moan
In the distraught face you make
Before you dance into me.
I taste you...
I crave you...
Just as much as I crave your release.
It relaxes me, it pleases me.
All due to your allowance
Of me making a monologue out of you.

My anxieties run through me like river
I am not all beautiful
But I am trying to be alive anyways
I drink coffee to join mornings
I take deep breaths to live inside of moments

I observe so I can see you without my presence as a distraction
I take in your lips so I know what coming together feels like
I dance with your hands to feel everything all at once
I leave the blinds open so I can move with nature

All of this is to say that I am working to be here
Please do not add to my mourning
I am human too
I am real
I have feeling in my chest
And I don’t want to shatter
So much so… that I never get to glow

... At least just once.

i'm a mess and i'm still untangling the strings
breaking down walls
breathing
being
building.
i've shed layers of dead skin,
repaired the broken
but never healing all at once...
never coming together the way i should
never falling apart when i'm ready to
never breaking at the right angles
that make it clean enough
to pick up after myself.

I can't be your half love...
I can't let you take the good parts and save the rest for later,
because I aim to love you whole,
whole heart,
whole soul,
even if you are the sum of your sins,
I will treasure the silver lining it has made of you.

Please put down your weapon,
I am knees to earth,
my being is open and sharing my light with you.
Wake up in the morning next to me,
get up to take walks with me at 5am.

I want you...
Not just this flesh that you blessed this earth with
but that soul you have built from shattered glass, tattered love, lonely hearts creating lonlier hearts...
You have assembled a masterpiece.
The universe is in awe of you.


-Indigo Morrison

God has got to be angry
with the way I keep calling his name...
But, he some how isn't able to hear me
with the way I can't make myself keep breathing,
my eyes fill, but nothing leaks
I have nothing left to lose and he keeps missing my call...
Our schedules aren't matching up
And I can't find the heart to keep reaching for his...
My lips are swollen from all the biting,
my eyes are burning....
He wont answer me so I can rest,
So I can breathe ...
I just want to breathe.
....People create loneliness
So I keep trying to fill myself with myself
But its hard to love you when you keep forgetting to forgive yourself first.

-Indigo Morrison

I am your safe word
Say it however silent you need to
I am your calm when unsteady hands shake
We are too torn for the light we are trying to ignite in each other
I fancy your beautiful
I will soothe the trembles in your mind even when she is standing next to you
She can't see you
Stop trying to show her the broken bits that I have crafted for my silver lining
I see your scars
And I am trying to embody to you what it is they mean to me
I love you
It came, it came out
Like waterfalls, like rainstorms, like hearts leaking not yet ready for touch
You're fragile
And I love you
I am not sorry
I will never be sorry
I love you
I am where you are free, this here is your truth
And you are trying to run away from me
I am not scared of your light
You are made, crafted, pieced together from remnants of the sun
I did not mean to fly so close to you
I am not trying to end as Icarus does
I am not willing to let us ruin me.

We are meant to be Kings and Queens
Gods and Goddesses in Gods image
Women like you sadden me
How easily you shrink into him
How easily you strip yourself
Just to mirror his beautiful
Does it not hurt?
Does it not hurt?
Giving him the pieces of you that were simply meant to show…
Check the mirror without him and what do you see?
Have you seen the color of the corners of your mouth when they come together for you?
Have you seen the sun reflected off your skin
And appreciated walking this earth?
Do you see yourself reflected in his eyes?
Or is It simply a reflection of his reflection that he mirrors in you?
Why are you deliberately forgetting your beautiful
Who hurt you so bad that you stopped loving you?
Why have you stopped appreciating the collage of browns, nudes, and red in your skin?
Our many shades of BLACK are OUR BEAUTIFUL.
…Why are you ignoring them?
What happened to Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman”?
Did you forget that we were born with Fire in our eyes?
Meant to have stride in our steps?
That there is nothing wrong with being love and deliberately beautiful.
Stop settling for the man who tolerates you
Stop sticking with the luke warm souls
Open yourself to the man that deems life with you as a pure testament to God
And finds infinite amazing in your beautiful.

love today looks like
Balance & Composure
and a little bit of The Maine
some Jhene Aiko
and Jessie Ware.
it looks like letting myself feel everything,
but staying silent.
all these questions
that will never have answers.
all this holding when the middle is empty.
today I am dressed in red,
feeling blue.
wishing i tried to put on lipstick.

"You were a moment . You are not beautiful enough, you don't give back enough to interrupt my solitude. "

"I'm trying so hard not to feel so empty, but everything keeps falling through... "

-Indigo Morrison

“I’ve been carrying this body
Hoping that one day you render me weightless
And find something worth worship here…”

What does love look like today?

love today looks like mountains that I can’t make move or see over
like breaking and no space to sit down and put the pieces back together
love today looks like rain w/ no peace to lie down and enjoy the falling
like the sun building up its walls in reaction to me
like myself building up walls in reaction to me...

You hold me like the stars hold the moon and I am indebted to this.
2. Your lips seal secrets that only you and God know and I wasn't sure I could share these with someone that I wanted to love me.
3. Your eyes are deeper than any 5 stanzas that I spit my soul into.
4. Your hands are a blessing and sin wrapped in one being.
5. I kiss you at 4 am every morning because I can and make love to you anywhere, all the time because this is yours.
6. I say your name in my prayers to God instead of saying thank you.
7. If you were to ever leave I'd still thank God every night with your name because baby, to be loved by you...
8. I like to watch you work and watch you speak, God has outdone himself in the man that he has made of you.
9. I simply compliment your perfection.
10. Michelle Obama has inspired me to reach in and bring out the Presidential in you.
11. You need me.
12. I need you.
13. Come back here to this if you ever feel away from me.
14. You are the book that I go back into a million times over just to learn to ******* and touch you better.
15. Stand in this. Feel this. Take this. God has blessed you with me.
16. Chocolate is my favorite flavor.

-Indigo Morrison

"… I have all this red wine
and no you to share it with.
I wish you were here...
I'd hold you and
taste wine off your lips
until we needed more
from each other. "