Neurons knit
I wake
a bit
sluggishly

slothlike to the kitchen
eyes twitching
kettle whistling.
too noisy,
he
backtracks to the bedroom.

Eventually,
brain In gear
dressed
ready to go out and
here
he hesitates

thinks

shall I
make another coffee?

I woke up from a nightmare
I could not stand to keep
to myself

you were stretched across the couch
coffee going cold on the table
a half finished cigarette
still burning

you wrapped me up
in kind words that
I could not bare
to hear

whispered into my ear
"one day we will go wandering
and this tiny house will overspill
with dreams'

you are not your memories, darling
you are not the bad things
that have been done to you
you are a fierce flame
that warms my heart

forget them, my love
they are nothing
and you, and you
are everything

You
Were the human embodiment
Of all my fears:
The manifestation
Of all my monsters.
Yet,
If you came knocking
I’d open the closet-
Pull up the bedcovers-
Turn back to the dark mirror-
And invite you back in.

i romanticize the things that **** me

He noticed that I hated avocados.
That I would push them to the
Edge of my plate of salad.
Every time I saw him he would ask, 

“Are you eating your avocados today?”
I would say, “maybe”.
Because, maybe they would taste better that day.

We played this game for 12 years.
On my 13th year I started to love avocados.
They became trendy.
I spread them on my toast,
They were the dip I loved the most!
But on my 13th year,
He wasn’t here
To ask about avocados.

overly educated
neurotic
uptight
high strung
feminist
soccer mom

you screamed
asked me
why i’d left
was a coward
for walking away

i got tired
of the nagging
petty fights
power struggles
emasculation

you aren’t feminine
nurturing
maternal
you have the body of a woman
but the mentality of a man

i was miserable
living with you
i left
to save my health
self respect
masculinity