And sometimes, sometimes the lack of tears is what's most frightening.

An impenetrable numbness that surrounds me.
Has molded around my being.
A hard shell that even a chisel cannot chip.

I am a stone. Cold, so cold.

When did I lose my heart?
When did I lose the ability to care and trust and feel?

Oh, to feel again.
The salty wet tears on hot rosy cheeks.
The rush of crisp fresh air filling my lungs, lifting me, enticing my smooth bare feet to take courageous steps on soft beds of grassy fields.

Where did that girl go? Carefree and whimsical. The girl who welcomed emotional instability. The ups and downs and all arounds are gone.

She has gone and I am here.
I am what's left.
I am the surviving soul.

My black, wretched soul.

I am in a constant cycle of make and remake.
Passion ebbs and flows from my core
Subjected to the company surrounding me.
Encircling, intertwining, tainting like a drop of black in an entire pale of white paint.

I have yet to find one person
That draws something from within my very being,
That entirely satisfies and satiates this gnawing in my stomach,
This unrelenting hunger.
What am I starving for?
What is it that I can not help but crave?

If only I knew, if only I knew.

My throat is a desert,
Scratched sore with sand.
My cheeks soaked and stained,
With tears that will not end.

My heart faintly beating,
Each pump proves a test.
It hurts to go on living,
Yet life continues in my chest.

My nights are sleepless,
My days a misty haze.
I feel so lost without you,
Each day an endless maze.

I search for all the words,
Though never even said.
They are mixed and jumbled,
All around inside my head.

Each day I face this war,
Between remember and forget.
It weighs me down, this endless chore,
I wake each morning with regret.

They say time is the only way to heal,
Fresh cuts soon fade to scars.
So why does this pain I feel,
Still leave me dizzy, seeing stars.

One step,
Bare feet.
Glance up,
Eyes meet.

Breath caught,
Dry lips.
Cheeks hot,
Stomach flips.

Throat clears,
Mouth parts.
Words catch,
Shiver starts.

Bright sun,
Sandy toes.
The ocean's words,
No one knows.

But you could hear,
Just like me,
Those salty waves,
That set us free.

We didn't speak,
Or make a sound.
You just took my hand,
Water bound.

There we stood,
Wet to our knees.
Closed our eyes,
And could finally breathe.