You and I just endlessly play
tug of war

and I know that I'll wind up on
the floor


But my pride won't stop my hands from tugging
and when asked if I care I find myself shrugging

As we struggle and struggle
I know


How easy it'd be for you to just
let go

Dancing round the fire pit
As you cut and burn your hair
Casting stars and spirits a flame
With your amber coloured braid
Thicken the air with talk
Bash rocks and sharpen spears
Crossed legs under a withered night sky
A game of meteorites
Fireflies and mosquito bites
The shine of rain
Your smile coarse in my veins

You cannot say you truly love her.

Not until you've seen the demons
she fought or still fighting to keep
her sanity, nor the monsters that
fuelled her nightmares.

Not until you've had an idea about
the storms she had to face bravely,
yet still managed to share her light
and warmth with you.

It's not always warm coffee and
blanket shared on cold mornings.

It's not always sunshine and butterflies.

It's not only her light that needs to be
cherished.

When you say you truly love her,
you gotta love her dark, too.

You tell me everything I want to hear
And I want it, I want your words so bad

Every fiber of my insecurities tell me
That You're selling me snake oil
And I'm buying in bulk

Everything tells me that no matter
How honest I am with you,
I still feel like I'm lying.
Is it wrong to enjoy someone
Thinking You're beautiful?

My head tells me humility
Is the same as cutting something
Out entirely even though it'll save
Your life
Because it's not worth saving.

My head tells me that It's
Impossible for someone to
Give me a compliment
Because they simply only see
What I'm showing them.

My head tells me I'm not
A good person, I'm just pretending.

I still need to find this off switch.

I'm sorry I'm so ****** up and
Overall just complicated
I know my feelings
But sometimes I don't feel them
And that's terrifying
I know they're there but
They get shoved under
By the waves of anxiety and fear
I want to give you everything
But I don't know what that means
I get trapped within myself
And it feels like I can't breathe
These thoughts thrash through my mind
Tearing up everything they touch but
I love you entirely
And I don't want this darkness to touch you
So I'll probably always question
Why you make the active choice to be with me
I'll never understand
How someone as amazing as you
Could ever love someone this broken
For that, I am the luckiest person
Because you do love me
And you're with me
And you're the most loving and supportive person I know
And you remind me constantly
As exhausting as that might be
So thank you for being you
And for being here
I love you
Always