Did you know?
In the state of Florida, you can do “same-day” divorce.
In one day, our marriage was dissolved.
8 months later and I am still trying to scrub you off my skin.

Dear You,

I guess I have to accept the fact that one day you'll kiss different lips. I guess I have to accept that one day, you'll meet someone new and I will fade from your mind. You'll unfollow me on Instagram, or some petty **** like that, and at that time, I'll know that you have forgotten about me. I know I should move on. I won't lie. I've kissed other men, but none compare to you. They don't care like you did. They don't ask me what my favorite pizza is or where my parents grew up. They don't ask me what I think about love or if I ate today. The good morning texts are now long gone and I just want things to go back to the way they were.  I'm sorry if I rushed things. I'm new to this whole single life and to be honest, life was so mundane before you entered into it. You became a gleam of hope and a ray of sunshine on my soft pale skin. Thank you for showing me what happiness is and can be. It was short-lived, but I will always remember you. I will always have a special place in my heart just for you. You created such high expectations for the next guy, that I am afraid I won't find anyone to meet them.
I wish it was you. I would've waited. I am patient. That's not putting my life on hold; you were worth it. I want to apologize for words that may have upset you or pushed too far. I want to stop crying. I want to get you off my mind. I don't know how. Can you tell me how you did it? Can you tell me how to move on like you did? Can you honestly say my name and see my face, and not feel an ounce of pain? I was falling for you. You kissed me and I felt electricity. You will always be the one that got away. It's true. You made me feel so beautiful.
I wish you so much happiness. You deserve the best. Please never settle. Find someone who loves everything about you. Find someone who supports your work and pushes you to do better. Find someone who has your sense of humor. Find someone who loves you just the way you are. I want that for you-more than anything, even if it can't be me. Find someone, that when you kiss her, you forget I even existed.
I'm forgetting what your voice sounds like and I miss your laugh the most. I still think about you before bed and when I wake. The sun doesn't seem so lovely to me right now. I don't smile on the drive to work anymore. It's not your fault. We met at the wrong time. You were always very open and honest with me. I'm just mad I guess. I'm mad at myself for allowing my heart to fall so deep.


And
I'm
Sorry.


Love,
Ash **

In a sudden whirlwind of emotion
I have to catch my breath.
My heart skips a beat and death is near.
A constant reflection of my mental state.
Unattainable.
Unlikeable.
Moody.
Despair.
Searching for home in random eyes.
Help me escape the world I’ve come to know.
I don’t live here anymore.

You're no longer the first thing I think about in the morning.
You're no longer the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.
He has replaced you.

He makes me feel things I never felt with you.
He is there when I need him, unlike you.
He touches my skin and explores my soul, unlike you.
He has patience.

Now that time has passed, I am not even sure why I fell for you so hard. You were selfish and had low self-esteem. I know those words are cruel, but I deserve the best, you know?

When he pushes me up against the wall of the elevator, with his hand resting on my throat, you don't cross my mind, because he is the only one I want to kiss.

I was 16. You were 18.
I was on top. You were on bottom.
The kind of love that is unbreakable.
Skipping school to nap and eat late breakfast.
Kissing by the railroad tracks.
You were the only one who really loved my short hair.
Watching you put on your skinny jeans became my new obsession.
Always grabbing the small of my back while kissing me.

We fought as hard as we loved.
Manipulative arguments with hurtful undertones.
Breaking photo frames just to keep me near.
Running down the stairs, grabbing my wrists.
I fell against the wall as you pushed yourself on me.
Here we go, falling again.
I was too young to be dealing with this adult criteria.

That day, I went to your bathroom.
I came out as you sat on the edge of your bed.
My palms sweating, in my hand, a pregnancy test.
I began to cry.
I couldn't be a mother-I couldn't even care for myself.
He looked at me and grabbed my waist.
"You being pregnant wouldn't be the worst thing..."
I started falling for him yet again.
"You'd be a great mom, Ash."

Beep. Beep.

Negative.