I can hear it slicing through my brain,
like a sharp, stray tune of imperfect melody.
It tampers with desolate whimpers
A cry for attention
My contoured skin is peeled away
by those words

"Never will I be,
Pretty."

If I could just cut it off
like excess skin
like layers of flabby fats

If there's a liposuction
for dark thoughts
If I can tuck it
away from my tummy

I'd do it in a heartbeat.

You're across the room.
With eyes that spread fire
throughout my body
and hands that devour
my eternal bliss
in a series of fingers,
clashing and tangling
like the jungle that once held
the most ferocious of beasts,
but is now corrupt with the
subjects he once ruled.

*and I don't know if I'm running to
or from you

I've been thinking a lot lately. About memories and how they seem to slowly slip away as the days go by. They never leave all at once. But one day you think you'll never forget this moment and this person and then months or years later you find yourself struggling to remember a simple name. Of course there are some memories we can't possibly forget. Some absolutely incredible, where we felt on top of the world; most of them haunting and excruciating, that have incinerated themselves onto our hearts and souls. And we'll carry these with us forever. But I've found that the key is not to think about how heavy they are, and how much they're weighing us down. But how strong they make us that we never stop making more. More mistakes, more reckless decisions. We are so brave to keep making promises and we are so brave to keep letting love in, over and over again. I know it's hard to give someone your love when it was handled so carelessly in the past. And you don't think you'll ever feel the same again. And you're absolutely right. Because it will keep getting better and you will keep getting braver and stronger and full of love. You are growing and your heart is expanding and you are learning every single day to forgive and never lose your hope. I beg you, please don't ever lose your hope. You have battle scars that tell the most heartbreaking and inspiring stories and that make you the beautiful human you are today. You have a smile that never ends and arms that are always open. You are the everything that I want to come home to - sweet coffee, warm bed, contagious laughter. You love with a heart overflowing with forgiveness and acceptance. You are the one who stays, when it's long past time to go. You are second chance after second chance and you deserve the entire universe. Don't let anyone give you any less.

“Who am i?” thinking about myself,
questioning the things i feel.
Trying to figure out who i’ve become,
and what is real.

I can feel it fading,
the person that i used to be.
Slowly losing all the memories,
that once defined me.

How can i be certain?,
of the things i think.
This unstable boat i’m on called life,
already starting to sink.

No one there to help me,
my forgotten despicable self.
Like an old dusty book,
thrown away on the unreachable top shelf.

A woman shouldn't be radiant outermost,
A woman should be dazzling intramural