Quietly I sit here in this empty space.
Much like a waiting room.
I wonder if I'm going at too fast of a pace.
I wonder if I've caused my own doom.

It has been some time since we last spoke.
I know your life is hectic.
Occasionally I reach out, like a poke.
But I feel like it may be neglected.

I wonder how you're doing,
How have you been?
But I know you keep on going,
Not looking back on the past, the had been.

I know you need your time,
You need your space.
Its been two years in time.
I'm surprised you'd remember my face.

But I hope you're doing well,
It seems like you're doing fine.
Just focus on yourself,
I'll just watch the time...

I know you're out there, having fun.
While I sit here still thinking about what I've done.
You've already said you've forgiven me.
But... that was the old me.

Day by day I struggle with these changes.
Trying to grow and tend to these bandages.
The wounds will forever be fresh.
No healing can be do to this flesh.

I hope one day you can see these changes I've made.
I'll be waiting here in under this tree, in the shade.
While I watch the sun rise.
Maybe one day.. together we can fly.. , once more.

How do I do this?
How do I deal with this?
What to do I take?
How much do I take?

These medications being shoved down my throat.
"Take this! Try This! Have you done this yet?"
I see all these suggestions..
But all I see is time wasted.

I know what I need but I don't know how to get it.
The one who holds the cure is 1000's of miles away.

What is this silence that seems to remain in place?
The only thing I hear is the ringing of white noise surrounding me.
Its the only thing keeping me sane.

Slowly it fades away leaving complete emptiness.
I close my eyes and focus on my own sounds.
Breathing, Heartbeat; To keep myself in check.

None of it seems to really matter anymore though.
The one thing that  used to keep the silence away has faded into nothingness.
Leaving me with only myself to use as a weapon against it.

I must remain strong.
I must remain loud.
I must remain.

Stop it!
Just stop it all!
I don't want this anymore.
I don't want these tainted memories!

You're constantly there, even when you're not.
I can't seem to escape the madness in my mind.
Every time I close my eyes you're there. Grinning at me.
Why do you torture me so? What have I done to deserve this?!

I've done what you've asked and let you be yet here you are still plaguing me!
What more do you want?
I'm tired, drained and done with all of this.

I just want to lay in bed at night and sleep with no issue.
I just want to move on with my own life and be happy.
I just want to be me again.
But you're there... holding the half of me I need to be whole again.

Here we are yet again,
Nights that never seem to end.
I'm laying there wide awake.
Still wondering about what mistake,
I made.

Part of me wishes you'd return my texts.
Another wants to meet your face with my fists.
The struggle between whats right and wrong is so real.
I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to feel.

Anxiety, Depression and Emotional Distress.
Has all left me in such a mess.
I just want to know...
..where did I go wrong?