Beneath the surface, boiling blood,
A calloused, hardened soul,
Fragile hands of sticks and mud,
Still fighting for control,

On more hour, up in flames,
Another runaway train of thought,
Burn the pictures, sell the frames,
Pretend that I forgot,

Ashes, ashes, falling stars,
A prayer for reverie,
Concealed bruises, hidden scars,
Faded from skin, not memory.

Cautious creators,
Captivating with care,
Surviving safety,
But going nowhere.

Another night spent drowning, downing fuel for apathy,
Trying to forget all the great things we planned to be,
She was listing off my scars, stacking them up like cords of wood,
But it was the loneliness that burned me more than any fire could,
She said that she was homesick, I told her I was sick of home,
Sifting through these ashes of cigarettes and Styrofoam,
So this is where we stand, stranded here amongst the weeds,
Fighting for the place everyone seeks but no one needs,
I was choking on fresh air, collecting wrongs to put things right,
Drinking in despair under some desperate shade of light,
And maybe I took it on the nose, but baby I took it all to heart,
She said “tell me how it ends,” and I said “tell me where to start,”
I’ve been climbing up the walls, so tired of sleeping on the floor,
Still dependent on addictions that don’t need me anymore,
So come on let’s make a change, come on it’s time to move,
We’ve got a thousand dollars and a million prayers to prove,
And I know it’s never easy to see the battle through the war,
They’ll never build us statues, but we’re still worth fighting for,
In time, we may miss the safety of our backs against the wall,
But if we don’t run right now, we might never move at all.

One more minute, one last smile,
Eyes on fire, heart on trial,
On the road and lost at sea,
A slow dance of complacency,
Burning embers, thaw and melt,
Still couldn’t tell you how I felt,
Dressed a mess in borrowed blue,
And all I did was think of you,
Faded flowers, lunar eclipse,
Warning shots from tired lips,
I fell apart, got lost and hid,
I tried. I swear to God I did,
But all in all we all forgot,
Here I come, ready for naught,
Too far to hear, too big to fail,
Let unrequited love prevail,
As I become more lost than gone,
Listening for an unplayed song,
From the only voice I ever heard,
One more second, one last word.

Now that we’ve been here before,
Distinguished lion from shark,
Learned all of fortune and greed,
And slept alone in the dark.

Now that we’re fathers of sons,
Nomads and lonely old men,
We know how far we must go,
So we know where to begin.

Now that the drunks never sing,
Sleep under bridges and coats,
The words we never could say,
Slowly suffocate in our throats.

Now that the oceans are warm,
Concealing currents so strong,
Will we still die hero’s deaths,
Or just admit we were wrong?

Now that we’ve lost all we found,
With only hope to conceal,
Placing our lives in a box,
All to make living less real.

Now that we’ve been here before,
And did it all just the same,
We’re better knowing we’re not,
And still never sorry we came.

It all comes cloudy, far away,
And naked as the storm,
In costumes to keep us quiet,
And stranger’s beds to keep us warm.

A lack of answers begs the question,
Would I still be standing here,
If there was no such thing as failure,
If there was no such thing as fear?

Would I see the open road tonight,
Passing cities, hills and farms?
Or would I wait here until the end,
Dreaming of your arms?

I can only flicker until I burn out, can’t move on until I’m gone,
But you can never let it go if you still leave the porch light on,
Burn the forest down, the wedding gown, those drunken dreamers eyes,
Idolize each pretty failure, speak in riddles, believe in lies,
Another night of hesitation, across the room and sideways stares,
There’s only static on the station, but no one hears or no one cares,
Unblinking eyes along the ceiling, watching the voices in the walls,
Along a path now cracked and peeling, fire burns but engine stalls,
And there was never any way out, only places left to leave,
Shards of moonlight on the water, and a tear on sailor’s sleeve,
So drain a glass to faces we forgot, or friends we never knew,
Sail by the ash breeze of another, or become whatever’s left of you.

Death, decay
Turning grey,
Fade away,
Unsaid.

Stay astray,
Betray today,
Fight anyway,
Instead.

I skipped town before the sun went down, I’ll run before I crawl,
I suppose I meant to matter more to you, or to anyone at all,
No apologies for the toll it took, for what we lost or we became,
The wine never turned back into water, but it drowned us all the same,
You never believed a single word you said, I never say quite what I mean,
You weren’t who you were in photographs, and I wasn’t Steve McQueen,
Still you leave my toes clinging to wires, my stomach tossing in the breeze,
But I can’t turn parking lots to prairie, I can’t compete with memories,
Now a silhouette on a stranger’s floor, still dressed in last night’s clothes,
Colored numb with hesitation, Brooklyn burning in my nose,
This city wears me like your mother’s ring, like the blues that I exhaust,
But maybe I’m home in empty spaces, maybe I’ve earned all that I lost,
I know I’ll never be the one who got away, simply the boy who disappeared,
I just hope you’ll think of me and smile someday, once all the smoke has cleared.

Another round, another story,
Sunset bleeding through the walls,

Still trying to be the hero,
No one needs and no one calls,

I was sleeping with the sirens,
And flashing lights that I call friends,

A decade living On the Road,
And I know how that story ends,

But tonight, we laugh like children,
Her eyes tell me I could belong,

Still I have soles left on my shoes,
A tank of gas that says she’s wrong,

All of these stars still burn so bright,
And I know I should have known,

If you’re the one that got away,
That just means you’re all alone.

A burning sensation bubbles under cold skin,
The excuse that we turn to again and again,
Left us pacing the ceiling, the walls and the stars,
Still ignoring those feelings, the close calls and the scars,
And maybe I know I knew I’d forget to let go,
Or maybe you saw you’d see what we lost long ago,
With such practiced decay, simply too weak to say,
You were who I used to be as you faded away,
Sung from sick rusty throat, make some hazy appeal,
Pretending synthetic swelter somehow makes us real,
Or at least leads us through another purposeless fight,
To find heat in the embers we can no longer ignite,
In a slow search for composure, hold back, contemplate,
But maybe we only lose more the longer we wait,
So make peace with the ashes, embrace this disarray,
Or become who you used to be as I fade away.

Wipe the mirror on the bathroom door,
So it’s clearer that you lost the war,
A longing look, a stubborn stare,
The pills you took to make them care,
And a stranger’s name that you call home,
In shoes you couldn’t make your own,
As you tiptoed through that cautious crime,
In a cold room where you sold your time,
Until those four walls became a maze,
Where you got lost for days and days,
Hoping footprints might leave uncovered,
A world to pretend that you discovered,
As everything you took for granted,
Became the place your flag was planted,
Still you long for all that isn’t there,
And seek purpose in the midnight air,
Hoping someday someone will recognize,
The scream behind your hollow eyes,
And realize that you are so much more,
Than the reflection on that bathroom door,
But for now, just hold your head up high,
Say you’re sorry, swear you’ll try,
Expect a feast, but be content with crumbs,
And dance until the music comes.

Come morning I awoke with you.
On my mind.
Alone.

Faded fingerprints upon my heart.
Your touch remains.
Unknown.

A reminder of everything I ever was.
Or could have.
Been.

I did just enough to make you fall in love.
With someone else.
Again.

With brick dust on my back,
And my chin in the air,

I had the sun in my eyes,
And you weren’t fighting fair,

It was a war of attrition,
12 years or 12 rounds,

The battle already lost,
But the bell never sounds,

So I stay on my toes,
Keep sharp, stick and move,

Feel that chip on my shoulder
I have something to prove,

The sweet taste of copper,
Blood dried out like rust,

Only me in my corner,
The only person I trust,

So I swing for the fences,
But prepare for the fall,

For you truly earn nothing,
Without risking it all.

Before confetti rained down from the sky,
And after all the days that spell goodbye,
I still wish upon those satellites,
And taste your breath in neon lights,
I swear I wanted to tell you everything,
In a song I never wrote and couldn’t sing,
But instead I became roads and miles,
As you wore fancy shoes and empty smiles,
And found truth between the words of liars,
While I found hope amongst a sea of tires,
But still I wonder, from time to time,
Do I still steal your thoughts in silent crime?
Some days I wish I could live it all again,
Shake a few words from this empty pen,
But I know it’s far too late to pay that cost,
We’ve already become the things we lost,
So tonight I’ll act someone else’s age,
As you find solace on that empty page,
Waiting to discover a love honest and true,
Someone worthy to write it down for you.

Arguing with tick-tock talking second hands,
In a language no one speaks or understands,
Losing hold of all the things I’ve never been,
As my whole life spins from the head of a pin,
It’s a piece to a puzzle of a subtle little stain,
The last gasping breath of a bubble in my brain,
We become love letters that nobody ever sends,
Or monsters in the closets of imaginary friends,
Still you sang forgiveness in that lonely lullaby,
Hidden under covers where nobody sees you cry,
Your cozy little rabbit hole, safety in the shade,
A quilted sanctuary, buried in the bed we made.

I was lost in the ether, subservient thrill,
Strong from the hunt, yet sick from the ****,
Give in and get over, sharp wits and clean swords,
One’s compass condemns what another’s good book rewards,
And all former rebellion, now practiced away,
I write all night long, but have nothing to say.

Wounded dog, scratch and bite,
I felt the toe of your shoe,

Saw it stand, saw it fall,
Before I believed it was true,

Marionette, trapeze wires,
I couldn’t live through your phone,

Times changed, changing time,
And progress left me alone,

Catching on, catching fire,
Won’t catch me on your hook,

Marching blind, toothless words,
A hero burning their book,

Wounded jaw, sharpened tongue,
Spinning those Ferris wheel lies,

Running through, running from,
Cling to that look in her eyes,

Lost souls, sold at cost,
Find safety under the dome,

Painted floors, picture frames,
Can’t turn walls into a home,

Turning back, turning on,
The road bled into the sea,

Salted earth, scattered ash,
Turn that book back to a tree,

Counting down, countless stars
And no more tigers to tame,

Can’t move on, can’t change,
Still nothing’s ever the same.

I felt the rain on my face and toes.
We were apples of eyes once, pride and second chances.
Now the paint has cracked and faded on the houses we grew up in.
Those days are boxed in closets, sealed away in cheap frames or forgotten.
I stare at a barely-recognized face in the mirror and realize that I never once thought this through.
The plans that carried me away now rest firmly on my shoulders.
I fear the day I will no longer be able to simply shrug it all away.
Still, I’d give my life to you if I had it to do over again.
Like I should have all along.

Neon exhales into the cold night air,
Just one more wounded sip,
A voice that never took her anywhere,
Still tugging at her lip,
Survive another day, let sight decay,
Move fast but never free,
Refuse to play, lose anyway,
For all the world to see.

A picture of Paris, that white wedding gown,
We lit one more candle and burned it all down,

Tangled in tightropes, deceived by our scars,
Serving our sentence behind faded bars,

A penchant for poison, a toast to good health,
And the voice that I hear when I talk to myself,

A dance with delusion, still playing our role,
Carving some shape out of that empty hole,

A lonely motel room, a twice-broken heart,
I was who you were back when you fell apart,

The sweet taste of surrender, a casket you built,
A road paved with ashes and blood-colored silt,

Of time and the river, a Manhattan sunset,
I write to remember what she drinks to forget,

Count on cold fingers, whittled down to the bone,
All the noise that I made to not feel so alone.

The beginning of inevitability, the aftermath of art,
Safe behind the iron walls that tore our house apart,
An apathetic shaking of the hand that you were dealt,
As my memory reminds me of a voice that I once felt,
Sand runs from the hourglass, heading for the coasts,
For empty-bottle sunsets and the holiest of ghosts,
Perfecting imperfection, maybe I never got it right,
I want to make a difference, but I’ll settle for a fight,
Traveling down the rabbit hole, marching single-file,
We were lost more than found in the fever of denial,
Makeshift medication makes it hurt less as it ends,
But shatters the illusion when nobody else pretends,
As I sit where you stood and hold on to what you lost,
Everything we earned becomes the never-ending cost.

I would gladly die a whisper
on the tip of your tongue.

As you faded out of focus in my eye, twisted and caught,
We watched our lives become an end to a means we both forgot,
It was a refracted reflection of a memory suppressed,
An imperfect imperfection, half-thought and second-guessed,
And so I focused on commotion, let the years pass me by,
I said that love was all I needed right before I said goodbye,
Now I know the dark side of desire like the back of my hand,
And you know the terror of a life that went exactly as planned,
Complacently counting down the hours till the days do us in,
We tiptoe through the flowers as the flames flicker and spin,
It slipped right through my fingers, ****** knuckles black and blue,
My life flashed past my eyes and all I thought about was you,
And the way we fit together in the shards of shattered dreams,
With souls lighter than feathers, yet still gnawing at our seams,
Desperately clinging to beliefs so we have something left to lose,
But I know we can’t call it fate if this is something that we choose,
So I stand here with no answers, only more unoffered prayers,
And a wound forever burning that no amount of time repairs.

We were either too young to believe in love,
Or too old to believe in anything else.

Merciful madness,
Beautiful blaze,
Stowaway starlight,
Gravity’s gaze,

Enduring embers,
Coffin cocoon,
Absolving ashes,
Mystical moon.

This little light of mine has lost its shine,
Turned grey and rotted on the vine,
And left no spark to light my way,
Just the sweet reward of slow decay,
And a coldness that I can’t embrace,
In this harsh and unforgiving place,
Where poets fight in search of cause,
And angels go to dull their claws,
Now shake and shiver, dance and spin,
On the grave of all the may have been,
As I seek new substance to console,
The absence of what made me whole,
With fingers warmed by sweet hindsight,
Clinging to memories still bathed in light,
Maybe I was too busy chopping firewood,
To see the fields where forests stood,
And so focused on stoking that blaze,
I lost tomorrow through the smoky haze,
Now left with only cautionary tales,
And ash beneath my fingernails,
I finally realize what I should have known,
That fire fights for itself alone.

The temptation that the Siren sings,
A slow wave back from shore,
The sorrow that tomorrow brings,
A hundred days, a thousand more,

Casting lines of smoke and steam,
In search of great white whale,
The tragedy with which we dream,
The grace with which we fail,

A map carved upon a liar’s tongue,
Teach us to speak, but never say,
White knuckled on bottom rung,
From which we swing and sway,

As laughter consumes the setting sun,
Those echoes keep us company,
The first regret tells us we’ve just begun,
The last reminds us we’re still free,

But we awake to find familiar coasts,
Ships still bottled on their shelves,
And we realize we’re all just ghosts,
That don’t believe in themselves.

We raise hell where mighty buildings fell,
Steal their bricks to build new walls,
As the silence that we heard so well,
Hangs with pride in empty halls,

Like photographs of those now lost,
We faded with the touch of time,
Arms outstretched with fingers crossed,
The only victims of this crime,

In the cool shade of complacency,
Where only distance grew,
Disaster came and went so patiently,
I’m just glad that it was you,

Now twilight toasts to yet another year,
That we’ll regret before it’s gone,
As the glory with which we disappear,
Become the price of moving on.

Not sure which left us more broken,
The first kiss, or the last words spoken,
Both stung our hearts, a phantom pain,
The stench of ghosts in morning rain,
Trapped in a game we didn’t choose,
That neither of us knew how to lose,
So we loaded dice to tip the scales,
Fought with fumes and fingernails,
As strain built up in small degrees,
And finally brought us to our knees.

They say time can heal, but rarely does,
Lost sight of who I thought I was,
A sea of hope left me marooned,
And sunrise only salts the wound,
Now counting walls as vision narrows,
Fighting sleep with slings and arrows,
Held hostage by a fraying thread,
That exists only inside my head,
I left it all to smoke and smolder,
Woke up alone and so much older.

It took a village to raze the child,
Maybe it takes a wolf to tame the wild,
Or a shark to truly know the sea,
So where then does that all leave me?
There is no peace in cheap perfumes,
And no full hearts in empty rooms,
Only dust and unforgiving shade,
Sweet blue lights to dull the blade,
Held hostage in this house of glass,
I tell myself, this too must pass.

Eyes wide open, seared with wonder,
Hold me close to pull me under,
And walk it off with head held high,
A clenched fist cannot wave goodbye,
Sic transit sunlight, pirouette,
Embrace all that you can’t forget,
That fading ember, tarnished gold,
The remnants of the soul you sold,
Shall rise from under ash and boot,
Unclean, less pure, but resolute.

Behind the shelter that you built so you could justify the storm,
You reinforce the walls, and burn your books to keep it warm,
Stacking manufactured facts so you can barricade the door,
Safe inside that padded room where they can’t hurt you anymore,
Without a war, our will to fight will set its sights upon a brother,
In the absence of opposition, it seems we’ll settle for each other,
It was an addiction to the motion that helped to justify the spin,
But maybe the world will come together as the walls cave in,
Just know that when you win you win, but you learn only in loss,
You could help shoulder the burden if you just put down that cross.

On the road to forgiveness,
With rocks in my shoes,
That same song in my head,
Those battered old blues.

And it’s true what you said,
We become what we choose,
I knew how this ended,
I knew that I’d lose.

Still I tuned out the chorus,
That choir of boos,
Such well-practiced anger,
Real blood from fake news.

But I was never your martyr,
Merely paying my dues,
Embracing each failure,
And earning each bruise.

There will always be hardships,
Some ghost to accuse,
But it’s your road to wander,
Carry on or refuse.

Flies in the ashtray, karmic demands,
Hope in your eyes and blood on your hands,
Lips taught as bowstrings, fingers sharpened to hooks,
So far from the heroes you read in your books,
Daydream dereliction, sweet spinning wheel sting,
A straw dog sunrise and stained-glass wedding ring,
That heretic’s halo, your sandcastle throne,
A superficial wound that cuts to the bone,
Such pretty perdition, a fresh-paved descent,
Perfectly cast for the role of satisfied malcontent,
Inhale those excuses, wear victimhood like a crown,
Place blame on the ocean for letting you drown,
Adrift on a tightrope, breathe twilight’s dull hue,
Expecting those same roads to lead someplace new,
Await the whispers of morning, awake and a wreck,
The first breath of spring on the back of your neck,
Search for sincerity’s semblance, some echo of truth,
A fragment of hope in the splinters of youth,
But you found only fractures, sins never confessed,
As some tiny voice claws deep inside of your chest,
Heard but unanswered, it calls out just to say,
That this place is your home. You built it this way.

Inside our starless little secret, the
darkness we embraced,
As we shiver in the shadow of the
carrot that we chased.

Worn-out welcome homesick, your
well-concealed black eye,
The accomplice and the victim of one
more long con goodbye.

It was just a symptom of a symbol, a
whisper wrapped in shame,
My hands forgot their purpose as my
tongue forgot your name.

The weight of all our fears became an
anchor, holding tight.
I told you that I loved you, just not here,
and not tonight.

Outside the sun is shining, but I can
feel it getting colder,
And they say the world is ending, but
I’m only getting older.

Remember this madness,
The fault in our fears,
The scars in our stories,
The taste of our tears,

Remember those roses,
The color of rage,
The cost of tomorrow,
The broken birdcage,

Remember your story,
The taste of fall rain,
The glory of failure,
The beauty in pain,

Remember this longing,
The price of despair,
The touch of true love,
The dream we all share.

A tradewind transgression,
Cold dusk and despair,
Your cigarette slowdance,
Spring rain in your hair,

Fireflies in the moonlight,
Our parking lot kiss,
Still lost in that moment,
Sweet summertime bliss,

Found a home in my head,
And stars in your eyes,
We dreamed happy endings,
Fall leaves and goodbyes,

As the distance outgrew us,
Time froze us in place,
Snow fell come December,
And covered all trace.

Somewhere safe inside the silence
where I let my heartache roam,

Or the treetops where I hid when
I was scared to go back home,

I awake to find the nightmare,
demons perched upon the shelf,

And the truth I tried to tell you,
but hadn’t learned yet for myself.

Bloodthirsty fangs, the skyline gleams,
Promise thick upon its haunting breath,
It feeds on screams and drifter’s dreams,
Scarred with the stains of love and death,

Come sunrise, we offer daily sacrifice,
Wrapped up in glass, put on display,
Fearful of both the payment and the price,
As the beast digests its willing prey,

And by night, we practice our disease,
Inside this lonely place where all belong,
Grey veins pump street-lit symphonies,
As the monster gently hums along.

Let’s just pretend, the road won’t end, these greens won’t turn to greys,
No last last calls, no haunted walls, nothing’s settled and no one stays,
She said its been a year, it’s growing clear, this wasn’t meant to be,
And right or wrong, it’d been so long, since you’d given up on me,
Through tired teeth, from underneath, I scraped and clawed and swore,
If I settle here, it’s all too clear, that I’ll just find another war,
But a heart can mend, you told me again, before I walked away,
Still I knew it then, through luck or sin, I’d lose you either way,
So I turned around, returned to ground, neither beaten nor prevailed,
The pain of regret, it hasn’t killed me yet, and I won’t live as if I’ve failed.

I was lost in found forgiveness, in
the blood of autumn’s bite,
And the songs that couldn’t save me
as I drove off in the night,

In search of self-indulgent sacrifice,
and reasons not to pray,
Or just someone to understand all
that my silence tried to say.

Are there still roads left to wander, how much more can I take?
A weary mind left to wonder, how much more till I break?
The plan was always no plan, and the way out wasn’t through,
Maybe I deserved less than I wanted, but more than I knew,
As we lose hope where we place our faith, in souls we price to sell,
And seek solace in the warm embrace of lies we never tell,
So tell me what you told me then, I need to hear you say,
Come find me where I’ve always been, and make it all ok,
Because the words we left unspoken meant more than I ever knew,
And if it couldn’t have been heaven, then why couldn’t it be you?

Inhale that symptomatic silence,
with a martyr’s monstrous thirst,
Conducting symphonies of violence,
wish me well and do your worst.

Another monstrous machination,
summon me with dark decrees,
Flaunt your roadmap to salvation,
but I won’t walk there on my knees.

Seeking that softly-searing static,
sanitize stains that made us pure,
Hide from that demon in the attic,
hoping this pill conceals the cure.

Trapped atop this ****** tower,
Where our darlings fight and die,
I wish I had just one more hour,
I wish I could have said goodbye.

Another log upon the fire, a conclusion I could not accept,
A hand drawn map to Nashville, and the only key I kept,
One drink for the future, three or four more for my health,
The more you tell me that you’re proud, the less I recognize myself,
Each town another faded beauty, another name I can’t recall,
Or a vision in my head that I couldn’t recognize at all,
It was always all or nothing, the only way that I knew how,
Trying to convince myself it doesn’t hurt to think about you now,
Still I held you like a rumor deep in summer’s faded sigh,
I never told you that I loved you, and you never said goodbye,
There was always one more sunrise, there was always one more spring,
I’m not sure how that helps me now that I’ve lost everything.