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Falling Up May 2021
Honestly, I don’t know what I’m acting for
I thought I could be true to myself
Because the cameras aren’t there anymore
But is my acting who I am now?
Have I permanently become my role?
I swear I got rid of the script
But it still feels like I’m in the show
Don’t be who people want you to be. Don’t follow their script. You’re the director of your life, so act like it.
Falling Up Apr 16
I simmer in the anger
It surrounds me and
Brings life to a boil
Stretches the rubber band
Pulls back on the string of the bow
Hits the bottom of the bungee jump
Gets ready to fire the catapult

And SNAP

It leaves in red hot flashes burning with built up resentment
It snaps and cuts and hurts the innocent
Rather than the stokers of the fire
It slashes and leaves hollow emptiness
In a space once burning with the desire to
Scream
Yell
Lash
Hate
Thunder

A space burning to let go.
Falling Up Aug 2023
Close your eyes
The butterflies flutter
Heartbeat starts racing
The butterflies flutter
Hands shake, but just barely
A smile finds its way to my lips
You bring the butterflies to life
And you don't even know it
Falling Up Oct 2023
An angry woman


            Is a dangerous woman


Never underestimate the damage she can cause
Falling Up Nov 2021
Careful.
Choose your words carefully
Caution.
Tread with caution around me
I'm a soda bottle about to explode
A grenade about to blow you to smithereens

Listen.
I'm done listening to you
Stay.
Stay away from me
You shook the soda bottle
You pulled the pin on the grenade

Don't leave.
I want you to go away
Hold me.
You held me back
I pretended that you were helping
While you made my world go dark

Know.
Do you know just how successful I'd be
If you hadn't chained me down and
Held me back
Falling Up Oct 2023
If she was empty
Would she still be there?
If she was empty,
would anyone care?
If she lost the passion
Lost the drive and the will
Who would she tell?
Who would see her through all that,
And accept her still?
Is she good enough?
Has she worked hard enough?
There's still a long way to climb
from the bottom of the well
There's still a long way to climb
But it's because she fell
If she can keep her head afloat
She can survive
But if she gives up and drowns,
Who will know that she was even alive?
Falling Up Dec 2023
You don’t understand how precious life is
until you’re in a room filled with the
strongest people you know,
and they’re
all
crying
over a life lost.

The tears are contagious and the hurt
never goes away
as you feel the loss radiating around
the room,
trying to fill the once lively
emptiness

Life is fleeting so always
make sure to email your grandma back
go on that lunch date with your best friend
tell the world how beautiful it is
and never
ever
waste your time away.
Falling Up Nov 2023
“FOREVER”, he promised,
A small smile on his lips

Finite
Over
Restless
Exhausted
Virulent
Expired
Repudiated

Yes, my dear,
We are forever.
Falling Up Jan 2022
You need to stop lowering your standards,
I tell myself
Don't fall down to their level.
I look up at the podium I once stood on and reply,
It's too late. I've already fallen.

I look myself in the eye and say,
Stop refusing to dream in the clouds,
just because you're afraid of tumbling back down to earth.
Stop thinking that you're not good enough,
just because they can't see it
Stop looking for the shells at your feet,
and look out at the ocean instead
Pick up your head and
face the challenges head on

No. Stop. What are you doing?
Why are you backing away?
Why are you constantly standing down?
What are you afraid of? Failure?
When are you going to stop talking the talk,
and start walking the walk?

No one's going to remember all the times you messed up, ok?
And if they do,
then ***** them.
You don't want to be around people who
make you doubt yourself.

Listen to me.
You need to stop slacking off.
You're never going to make any progress
if you refuse to try and move forward.

Now, go.
Falling Up Aug 2023
It's my life
So I'll live it how I want
I'll make the rules
And you most definitely will not.

I'll read the stories the stars tell with you
And come up with a different ending
I'll walk on the same road with you
But my steps will be mind bending

So I may not see the same ending
And I may walk with different steps
But that doesn't mean
You should dismiss all I know
And make me see the letters your way
That doesn't mean
You should bring me to my knees
And force me to walk the same
Don’t let them bring you down to their level
Falling Up Nov 2023
how much of our beautiful kingdom is built on lies
how many bricks would fall and crumble under the light of the truth
how many floors are only solid when we don’t think about what’s hiding underneath them
how much of you is just a story I’ve written in my head
to distract myself from the reality of this failing situation

So much of our beautiful kingdom is made up of lies
The towers are collapsing and we are falling apart
The floors are disappearing and the darkness of the dungeon is creeping in
The sea is flooding and there is bloodshed on our shores

Our beautiful kingdom is a lie
A façade

and oh
it would feel so good to be free
Falling Up Apr 2021
Shards are scattered
The ticking hourglass has run out of sand
It was bound to happen
And this time there’s no turning the clock back again
The crack was eventually going to shatter the mirror
Leaving behind pieces
That make up something unclear
A broken reflection
Of what used to be so whole
Maybe it can be put back together
Maybe
But I just don’t know
To all those bonds that have broken
Falling Up Dec 2020
No.

The word
                 fell
                        like a boulder.

And shattered
                         the shining
                    glass.
Falling Up Aug 2023
The poison in your voice as you give me an answer
The feeling that you snicker behind my back
They way you try to be helpful
But your words just feel like a smack
The ground looks awfully nice right now
It's the only thing I can see
Anywhere but here right now
That's where I wish I could be
If they talk to you like you are dumb, go learn and come back even smarter than them
Falling Up Dec 2020
I can’t find the words
For anything.
They don’t just flow out of my mouth,
All rhythmic and smooth like everyone else.
They come out all choppy,
Unintelligible,
Incomprehensible.
So that’s why I sealed my lips.
I closed my mouth and hid my voice.
Not one word will slip
Out.
Speechless.
Falling Up Nov 2023
crystal tears turned to dust
i’m done crying
unless I must
i’m done buying
our time back like it will revive our lust
i’m sick of the late nights and the I love yous
i’m tired of looking at you and not knowing who
you are now

but then I will think about the beautiful crystals
that formed through our years
beautiful
but sharp
painful to look at
it is beauty to love
but it is pain to lose it
We are drowning in pain. What happened to our beauty?
Falling Up Aug 2023
A graceful vase
Just flowers with a pretty face
A body made to desire
But bearing fruits too sour to taste
Hot and bright, a burning fire
Sweet words, but a sour liar
Blown glass container filled with hate
And the greed of everyone's desire
Should I stand or should I break?
The center question in her debate

So there the vase stands
Perfect in shape
Up so high above the ground
Waiting for someone to push her
So she can finally fall

And break
Falling Up Feb 2022
Time passes slowly
The pendulum barely swinging
I loathe and I love the feeling of being lonely
But I hate being stuck in here instead of being
out there living
Falling Up Jan 2022
Control Z
Undo this,
Please
I want to reset the last few days
I want to hear you laugh
Not glance at me and look away
Backspace
Delete
I was too engaged in winning this race
I was focused on the reward at the end
Without noticing you weren't matching my pace
Undo
Take back
I left you behind and we grew distant
I wish I never had
I hurt our friendship and I miss it
But it might be hard to get it back
I made some mistakes and forgot that my best friend is the most important person in my life
Falling Up Aug 2023
Sitting here, waiting
Which is basically the equivalent
Of grating
My forehead
Against a cheese grater.
For seconds minutes hours.
Soon, there'll be nothing left,
I'll be an empty shell of myself.
My bored tired pieces scattered all across the floors
As I wait
and wait
and wait
For something that I really should've ignored.
Falling Up Nov 2023
You are the glass that I poured my heart and soul into
But oh,
you are much more fragile than glass

You are the bomb that I worked carefully to diffuse
But little did I know,
you just released tear gas

You are the salty stories that flow from my eyes
in the middle of the night
Stories of love, joy, and
despise

You are the burning anger I feel in my chest
The feeling pushed down and
repressed

You are so much of me
So how can I stand to lose you?
As we stand on ships drifting farther and farther apart on the open sea

The answer is as clear as the glass and as strong as the anger
I can’t stand to lose you
You’re the biggest part of me
It’s difficult
Falling Up Dec 2021
I look up at the stars
Because they are the only ones that will listen
I can hear them talking from afar
But the rest of you just see them glisten
They know so much
But you just go on and mind your business.
Maybe if you hush
If you let me spill my secrets
If I give you my heart
And you have the grace to keep it
Then you could be my star
But I know you'll never be it
Falling Up Feb 3
I miss the instant connection that we had

Why was it just you?
You,
who through all your drugs and alcohol could still write a paragraph of beauty.
You,
who hid your intelligence under a layer of nonchalance.
You didn’t know how happy I was then
You knew that we clicked like a lock.
But didn’t know that I’ve never felt that before.

You know what I miss?
I miss the ease of a smile around you
The lack of a guard.
The shared brainwave.
I don’t have that here

But the stars are here waiting for you to see
And the roads are open for us to run,
(even though we both despise it with a passion)
And we can sit at a table in the cafeteria and talk about the wildest things but it’s okay
Because they make sense to us.

You know what I miss?
I miss you.

— The End —