I'm finding it hard to be
anything but myself,
I feel the waves of water lap at my wrists,
the ones where I carve out your name,
I'm sending you a letter,
a resignation of my life.
I want for it to end, but I long for it to live,
I want to sleep and forget you
and everything you do
but the more I wish to sleep,
the more I hear your voice,
and the more I wish to wake,
is the more I wish to drown.
To tumble down below the waves,
and choke to the sound of your voice,
it's muffled.

Your lips taste like you hate me again,
but your hands look comfy in mine.
You said that I smell of the Sunsets on Titan,
and my eyes are like our old VHS tapes.
My smile is like the evening sun,
hitting the patio of your old English home.
That my touch is a whisper,
and my heartbeat is irregular.
It doesn't mean I'm different,
it doesn't mean I'm sober.
Let me li(v)e my life away,
into the arms of our conscience,
don't stay in wait for me,
we won't meet again.

My forgiveness *** is a jar
That lives inside my heart
Filled with all the forgiveness I have
It looks like fairy dust, glittery and golden
When someone needs some of my forgiveness I take a little from the jar and give it to them
Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot,
Sometimes more than I feel they deserve

The jar is refilled by the forgiveness others give to me
For I too need forgiveness sometimes

Right now my jar is running low
I have given away far more than I should have done
And to people who I think should receive none at all
The cutting insults he made
The selfishness she showed
Were two this week alone which emptied over half my jar
But that's what we do, isn't it...Forgive?

I am now wondering what other peoples jars look like
What shape, what size, how empty, how full
And what colour is their forgiveness? Red, silver? Gold like mine?
Do some peoples jars never open?
Sealed forever, never giving, unable or unwilling to receive?
Do some people really not care about the importance of forgiveness?

I care
I take care of my jar
I hope that when it is almost empty it will fill back up with
The forgiveness others do not want
I like to think forgiveness isn't wasted
Finds a home, a jar somewhere.