my mind tends to ooze with a negativity

that leaks out & into my already searing

and prolonged wounds;

within this ragged & treacherous steam of consistency

I find myself laid out upon the very gravelish grounds

that I goofishly juggle with on a lazen basis

sometimes there

sometimes here

but a lot of times just nowhere at all.

where I disappear to I couldn’t be sure,

the empty screen in front of & behind me

don’t speak of much

but they do tend to catch my demiseful falls

every now & then;

seems these cavernous valleys have a soothing touch

to them,

a loosely held comfort that I know

better than I seem to know myself at times

and at times I wonder

what I am supposed to be protesting

within these grotesqueful lines

of a beautifully laid out tragedy,

for even here I do not feel

within the bounds of my own mental safety nets

but maybe an unthoughtful falling & tumbling

will do me some good?

to be comfortable with my own deathly summons,

I write to edge the demons within

to a borderline of both peace & content,

for truthfully no set of letters

can taint me as much as I might allow them too

although I can tend to lean towards the waywards

of an apathetic crustacean

through my own carelessness & ill suited

self brought upon lonesomeness

…

sometimes I cannot tell what is right,

or maybe best is a better way to put it.

for I long for a connection of connections

and equally equivalent siphonings,

but many a times I seem to find

that my end of the line has gone stale,

quiet, a desperate yet eerie monotoned scale

of solemn notes left to ring in the ears

of those who are strongly enough

to take the time to hear,

and for those that are not afraid to stare

deeply into their own darkened & blazeful caverns,

I am forever grateful.

Thou said I'd killed thee-then haunt me! The murdered do look for their murderers. Do find me, capture me, and seize me-until I am no more! Until all t'ose resentments are conquered; and th' due satisfaction is approached! How I am but ready for 'tis-for I now can see even t'ose roaring flames in thy *****-thy lifeless, inanimate *****-o, thy ghost! My poor-dreary love! But why doth thou hath just to release it right now? Thou wert no more than a vapour. A silence! An undreamed thought-yes, despite how I sobbed over thy ignorance, thy blandness towards me! I who was unjustly a piece of willful visage in thy mind-a fracture on th' soil thou mercilessly cracked-a wailing fragment, unheard by t'ose passers-by, unrecognised by th' wind! Terrified in t' steepness I could look around-but insignificant as I was, I hath no right to claim any attention-I was by birth a stone to t'ose young buds-leaning against their flower mothers so tightly, so scared and petrified were their looks-upon my gently-but alarming, steps! How I was a crust to warmth, unbinding and unyielding in every step, glowered at by t'ose thirsty stems-and their green abodes! How crushed I was by my own nature-and to my despondency, by my own fiery passion! Thou wert so distant to me-thou wert a prince from a faraway castle-unreachable to my loveless realm-I could only, in t'ose wakeful jests-dream of thee! T'ose solitary walks we took, as part of our serene perambulations, but in every retrospect, also part of my wildest dreams! At those silent, barbaric hours! And how I regretted when which wert admonished! How my waves of anger would be roused against me-and my lilac-scented pillow-I wanted, in those wraths-grasped my little gun-t'at very kind, and sometimes sweaty-lil' gun, with t'ose uncomprehending steel layers, and strangle th' neck of each of th' intruder: I was glowing with fury! Insidious and pernicious my soul was-but inevitable as to the love I nurtured. The love that would be adequate to me, and its loss hath left me in 'tis shameful, disgraceful, and unpardonable lifelong longing, and incarceration. How isolated I hath been now-for t'ose unimaginable y'rs-how unfair! Resentful ist my heart-grudge is th' only will it can beareth! O my lost love! My prince! My young, mirthful treasure! But I recall how solemn thou wert to me-and cold-tempered in thy redolent sophistication-thou neglected me! Thou killed the flame that had been lighting up my mindth-thou wert the one who fled from me! Aye! Thou wert the one who relented-who adversely tore t'ose flo'ers of my heart; thy quietness sent them into a hurried, mysterious death! Like an earthquake flitting apart th' moons at a blissful night-and enduing th' soil with bursts of cold horror-thou passivity in t'ose very moments-wert but tragic yet unmistakably obscure! O my soul that was ripped apart-just as thine! How dead we became-and still, areth now-how inanimate! Of bliss have our languid joys have been deprived, its remains doth we have no more-no, in our but only dying embers. And how their momentary torch mocks us! How bashful, and unlovable! O but my love is torn. Wholly torn. As how a pool of blood is th' produce of a sword of honour-that is how it is now-and was it swerved astray from its cherry, back then-its very own romance-which hath been so full of ****** youth, to taste agony! Agony as it was-but th' only reward to my suffered love, when I could feed on thy sight no more-thy movements were a nameless leave-threatened by the glaring autumn, and killed by th' ragged winter-my holy love was slaughtered! Now that thou hath known how dead I am-and my feelings are, how I am unseen by most of yon ingress and egress of t' others-t'ose vile, and reprehensive b'ings-with t'ose unthoughtful, and abhorred shortcomings-pallidness and sickly merriment in t'ose eyes-o, what falsehood, what falsehood! I despise th' sight o' 'em-daemons they are, hellish are their souls! **** me, my darling, slander me now, and bring me back into thy world! For th' world I belong to is th' one with thee, my dearest-I do not mind being a ghost, and am unafraid of its vagueness-I'm not! And together shall we traverse th' earth-enjoy but only our keenly desired brambles-t'ose ones we could not partake of, as healthy refreshments to our souls-in t'ose sickly, tumultuous lifetimes-t'ose brazen years! I am thus indebted to thee-t'ese guilt and pleasure, as both thy own'th remorse and treasure-I declare as thine, only thine! Be with me always, since we'll occupy ourselves together-and taking any form, we'll drive each other mad by our passioneth-and grasp all 'ose happiness we've always wanly desired! Love me back, o love me back, my prince! Only don't leave me alone in 'tis abyss, where I cannot find thee...'

feeling like an endless and gruesome winter,

you eventually left me;

leaving a gaping hole of nothingness
in what i used to call my heart.

i remember you telling me
that i was like a flower;

you pulled me from my roots and placed me in a vase of water,

keeping me safe and alive.

but flowers eventually die

when the careless and unthoughtful rip them from their thoughts.

because there are other things to worry about;

because there are many more flowers to be picked.

Dear R,
I hope you are doing well. I hope you are safe and happy and find all of the best things in life (i'd name them, but I haven't yet found them myself). I hope german life is treating you better than ever. I hope you make a million more friends there, though i don't really need to hope for, as you're sure to do it anyway. I hope you don't get too cold in winter. Make sure you have thick warm socks and sturdy boots. Sometimes it's best to walk on untrampled snow as it's less icy. I hope when you return here, or to Aus, you have a safe flight and get plenty of sleep. And that you don't get very jet lagged once you're home. I hope you read this. I hope you have a long happy and healthy life and you never want to die. I hope you wake up every morning smiling and go to sleep contented every night. I hope you feel full and content with everything you have in your life, and everything that is yet to come. I hope you stop feeling anxious. I hope you begin to understand how loved you are, by every person that has come in contact with your soul. I hope you realise how special you are, how unique, how kind and how loving. I hope you see how much you have to offer the world, and how happy you are able to make others. I hope every venture you undertake in life is successful. I hope i can visit your bakery one day. I hope you meet the most lovely girl, just like you, with an open heart and mind. I hope you fall deeply in love and reach a new level of happiness. I hope you spend many happy years together, perhaps marry, raise children and love them more than yourselves. I hope she is stable and has a good mind. I hope she is able to let herself be happy. I hope she doesn't doubt herself, hate anything or ever want to die. I hope you two never cry again. I hope she understands herself and her desires and her emotions. I hope she has feelings that never waver and are rational and make sense. I hope she is beautiful. I hope she never does anything to hurt or upset you, nothing silly or rash or unthoughtful. I hope she can plan a future with you that you both believe in, and that comes true. I hope she loves you unconditionally. I hope she holds your hand in public, and likes to play with your hair and that she's really good at video games. I hope you are happy. I hope she never lets you down.      All my love.

Thinking of thee makes me feel love;
Love so sweet and deeper than mine.
Unlike the winds, I cannot move;
Unlike the sun, I cannot shine.

To be thy own love is my dream;
no more my past, nor but of him.
He once filled my heart and destroyed;
He lent me an unthoughtful joy.

To dream of him is but a pain;
Thoughts that shall fray in feeble rain.
Shall never I want him again;
Only my curses, shall remain.

Like butterflies in the garden
Thy images flirt 'bout like heaven
Thou art handsomer than glosses;
Even more p'rilous than roses.

Thou shall cure me of all torments;
Thou shall be my real gentleman.
Best of the stories I invent,
A tame hero; a loyal friend.

He is a past too far away;
He whose worries are past dismay;
He traced my path last September;
out of autumn fogs and winter.

He lured me into his foresight;
let me astray in memory.
He knows nothing of wrong and right;
He is too blind to say sorry.

Far I'd wandered past cliffs and beaches;
Until thy heart came into view.
Thou turned backwards within my reach;
Bringing me fresh feelings and clues.

Thou found me 'gain in summer's bliss,
Thou stole my love from heart of his.
I saw in thy bright complexion,
Neither lies nor trepidations.

Thou art worth all salutations,
The ringing joys of fond prayers.
Thou art the fruit of all seasons,
Son of truth and a fast healer.

Thou art the song of morn and night;
Thou art Lantern to all delight.
To be with thee is'a great blessing;
As are t'ese crazes, and love feelings.

And being with thee feels just right;
To breathe by thee at a holy night.
Thou art profuse, like yon foliage;
Good as my dreams, of marriage.

Discovery can lead to hurt feelings.

This isn't the first time it's happened to me
but for some reason it hurts more than the other incidents.

It's how a baby must feel,
breathing in second hand smoke
from an unthoughtful,
yet seemingly loving,
father, to discover
that one who is held by me
is simultaneously enough
being held by another.

Color me selfish,
but when I hold a beautiful body
in my arms
and I kiss them for who they are
and I kiss them for their soul
I wish for the feeling to be mutual.
I wish for it to have meaning
and I wish for it to be
a singular couple.

This poem was birthed by two things:
My own distaste for confrontation
and you're lack of judgement
to fool around with him,
while fooling around with me.

And you're gone now,
you're opening a new chapter in your life,
but you get away with selfish ******* too much
and it's time you heard about it.



Hold on my dearest friend,
I'm not done yet.
I never knew you to be selfish,
but before I kissed you,
I wish you would have stopped me
and told me you were being kissed by another.

I guess that's all I really want to say.
Although it may not be all that should be said,
and it may be more than what's right.

Who art thou
to pass judgment so?
Harsh and unthoughtful,
what do ye know?

I have wiped
the tears you gave.
Gods ye are, if
live by thine name.

For dishonor
is what you are mourning.
While it is her name I
set on mine lips each morning.

Haveth you not,
Created ample distance?
Haveth I, the fool
not displayed resistance?

Cursed are ye,
in blessed disguises.
Ye, who laugheth at
thine Ungodly surprises.

Why? I needeth ask
why must i be subjected?
To these plays of
Satan your mate-in-bed.

Blind me, ye Cruel Ones,
for I, if ever stray,
thine throats shall
be mine prey.

Pariahs, Messiahs,
will not deliver.
The Absolution of thine name
as your hatred I shall utter.

Giveth my beloved,
surrender her unto me.
Unless thine aim,
is to faceth a lover's fury.

Throw, I pray, throw
thine jests Earthways.
But then watch me at mine death,
when I climb your celestial pathways.

Upon waves of confusion
a bottle rides in
bounded and wrapped
with a tattered sleeve
dancing atop the white caps
and kissing anger good-bye

far from shore
maybe a month or so out
and apart for the text
written, sealed, and sent
neither can say it did something wrong

hurtful and unknown
the bottle rode the sea
letting the sleeve take the damage
ripped, shredded, and frayed
protecting the most dear

this bland bottle
though mean and unthoughtful
had a message
both a sentence and a feeling
to be unraveled by the owner
of this angel like cloth

these things i see they're so hard to find, peering into a glass of aged broken wine,
the thoughts aren't at all lost, i've found that souls belong in lake foss,
i've said before i haven't any feeling, but what i feel now it means to me: everything,
nothing lost inside of any of my will, but what i see are my dreams which will be fulfilled,
don't feel broken lost smitten or shattered, because i'll serve it to you on a silver but broken platter,
i want not to harm mislead or disfigure, but what i say to you are the thoughts that linger,
please let me lead you into this place of unthoughtful matter, maybe one day you'll see that my feelings are much better,
eventhough the silver i behold is broken, but like i said the thoughts to you are unspoken,
like love is a mystery that turns your heart true, i dont want the feeling of my thoughts to turn blue,
everything is anything that lies in your hands, i ask of you everything but yet i dont demand,
i want you to make your choice which is in your hands, but please take my mind upon it which this is very rare,
i wish for you to be wise on this so my soul you won't scare, all that i ever want is for you to know, there for without you my body will no longer be...there

I love you for you
or your hesitant
soft yearnings
to your slight grin,
there isn't anything
I wouldn't do for you.
For your eyes
like soft wood
for your thoughts
structured and respectful.
But I hesitate to say
you'd do anything for me.
For my quick
unthoughtful plans
and ever present smile
for my eyes
like sad clouded skies
of for my thoughts,
poetic.

Of the 364 un-birthdays, best occupied by your craziest , unthoughtful and refillable teaports, who rather like to celebrate year round with you, though uninvited, it would be wise you decline hosting the party too.

"Well, why not? What's wrong with a Thinking party everyday?" 
 
I hear you asking.  Is what they do best by default afterall -- one is naturally invited whether one likes it or not.  

My reply would be "Mad Unthinking does not a party make!"  

Unless you like going on hater shooting rampage.  Otherwise, battling the twinkle little tea trays hovering in your delusional sky is rather, shall I say, a pointless endeavor.  Far better you meditate on that.

Luckily too, the only day they wont be celebrating is that one day on your special birth date.   Since it's the single time of year you're more than likeliest the happiest by design, among friends and families!  

But why just limit it to a day in the entire calendar year?   You should "happily uncelebrate bad-everything " or "celebrate happily good-nothing" for the 364 days in your mind.  And all should be well.  

Just remember, lift the tall hat and check under the hood, you may discover mad party always get you plenty of room.   But they merely recycle as a visage.  Chances are, you'd love to gate-crash and bring your best butter and bread knife to spread it all over time.  There's no "while" as they "mean", so to speak.   Especially when you are hangry and you had "nothing" yet, taking less is far healthier than filling up a buffet of nutrionless bad food.    Like clouds in the sky, let them go.

About that Raven too.  They are just cryptic messenger going backward and forward with unintelligible riddles that will spin your too clever head to a nevar resting point.  The codename is analysis paralysis.  

Akin to a kite in the sky, you can break the thread.  

Otherwise, you may end up like Alice to steal time, beat time, pass time and may get lost in a treacle well with much surgarcoating and sentimentality. Only to wake up 2 hrs later than you should have, to reality around you.  

So let it be known, and shed light into, the unknown parts of the 364 unbirthdays.  If you manage to go out, have some social bake and cake among humans now and then, you'll soon forget to uncelebrate them and lose all the over-muchness anyway.  

That's my wish for you !

You said things -
because its easier to speak-
and gossip, and later forget.

Than it is to
follow a crazy butterfly of a dream,
when everyone asks you
to chase instead an angry bullfrog
of tradition.

To flick your fingers
and dismiss failures
as unthoughtful mistakes
and heartiness as an
an ugly carnival of
embarssing emotions.

Follies of other are good fodder
for two minute advice soliliquies
a distant critical review.

Dear friend,
or foe - as you like,
Come around to this side
of the window,
and wear the torn shoes
of his distress
or live through
her sorrow

And then tell me,
Would you again,
given a chance,
say the same ?

you love me
but you do not trust me
you make love to me
but you are distant
you embrace me
but you hide from me
you are gentle and kind
but you push me away
jackal and hyde
love and trust
an unthoughtful marriage

Whatever is that urge, that unthoughtful splurge, to annihilate every last thought of that day
to drink to kingdom come, conversations with anyone, and spend all that you have been paid

what ungodly flicker of thought, has you drinking that last drop that you bought
until the sun rises, awake on a bench, lessons that really cannot be taught

Rewind that human clock, until a time when all was once well
hindsight on a wrong word said, tripped in conversation, drink brings up its show and tell
that marriage that you could have had, now stalked each day on Facebook
sent them a drunk friend request, regrets in the morning, crazy thoughts that overtook

I love you man, a Tesco ban, for stealing ***** after the midnight hour of twelve
we laughed and sang, kebabs and dips, only here once so what the hell
the morning after, 12 cans and draught ale, anything that doesn’t touch the sides
your head is thumping, hair of the dog is calling, Round 2 of this stupid drunken ride

But at what point do we put the brakes on, man’s liver this wasn’t built for, the older the less wiser
you’ve tried the lagers, you’ve tried the ciders, lets knock it on the head, time for the Tizer
for the greyer the hair the less you can bare, as our bodies are not getting any younger
now I love to be merry, but it’s a weight I can’t carry, as drink is a thing I can’t do any longer

Drunk

JJB

I am,
a bad person
a coward
a failure
a fool

I apologies,
for the awful things I do,

I am,
an ***
an idiot
ashamed
at fault

I beg you,
to not take it as an assault,

I am,
atrocious
awful
careless
and childish

I am deeply sorry,
you cant handle what I dish out,

I am,
crazy
disgraceful
disgusting
dishonest

I am filled with regret,
I'm sorry I'm not modest,

I am,
distressed
disturbed
embarrassed
forgetful

I am filled with regret,
for not being careful.

I am,
guilt-ridden
guilty
horrible
humiliated

I am going to make this right,
no matter how much time I've wasted.

I am,
hurtful
idiotic
impulsive
in pain

I am in the wrong,
and the one to blame,

I am,
inadequate
irresponsible
lost
lousy

I am filled with regret,
for speaking so proudly,

I am,
mean
miserable
misguided
not perfect

I am genuinely sorry,
I make you so ticked,

I am,
out of my mind
out of sorts
out-of-control
out-of-line

I am regretful,
I complain and wine,

I am,
overly critical
pathetic
regretful
remorseful

I am responsible for this,
I am too forgetful,

I am,
ridiculous
rotten
sad
selfish

I am shameful,
I should be less careless,

I am,
stupid
terrible
troubled
unacceptable

I am unfair,
I should be more responsible,

I am
unthoughtful
unworthy
upset
wrong

I am willing to do anything,
willing to get help,

I am willing to make myself,
Gone.

Love is a suicide note
                        to the heart,
Paper cutting your emotions
                      till blood writes on it
           "I'm sorry but thoughts are cheap"

Love is a suicide note
                        to the mind
whispering sweet lullabies to sanity
                       till unthoughtful truths word
            "I'm sorry its not you, it's me,

Love is a suicide note,
and my love
          just hung itself on a tree of
reflection, static and lifeless..

today i wasnt happy i woke up.
in fact, my phone screamed ****** ****** and awoke me.
and so it brought me back to life
to my reality.
it wish it were my dreams that'd haunt me.
not a nightmare but beautiful lie.
M was with me, he kissed me
he was kind.
M was there, by my side, for some time
he was tender and loving
i missed him.
i though i had forgotten about him
i believed he had gone with the smoke
now that i am awake
it's apparent
he cannot go away for too long.
if you ask me what'd happened to trigger
these emotions and visions and pain
just a casual, unthoughtful question
by a curious, immature friend.
now i feel very disoriented
im uncertain about where to go
all directions've messed up on my map and
i keep stumbling on ******-white snow.

Illegitimate words that are owned
by no other, sitting on the page.

A ******* in there birth, no one loves them
for they were fathered by unknown seeds.

Now they  grow in unthoughtful words,
conceived in random homes of nothingness.

Once an old man asked me,
"What is art?",
Well, as an unthoughtful kid, i said "painting"
But then he laughed and left me thinking.

I traveled down the street trying to find what art really means,
I dived into the tub trying to think what art can be,
I jumped from above to fly to search art in the sky,
I asked my mom "ummi, what is art?"
She said "go Google it",
But still I can't understand;
I won't understand until someone stand up and tell me that the art is in them.

So I present myself and my humanity
To say it out loud and proud:
Art is my hated hair that the back always stand up,
Art is my dark circles under my eyes begging me to sleep,
Art is my acnes that surround my face and left me annoyed,
Art is the shirt that I bought from the thrift store that has a coffee stain,
Art is when I started to accept of who I truly am.
I tried to see art a little bit clearer
And now I understand that art is
The one that standing crooked in front of the mirror.

as a child, my parents’ comforting
words washed over me like
wave of the ocean, soothing
the wounds left by harsh,
immature names, and i marvelled
at the difference mere words
could make and how they
could change a life

as a teen, my parents’ grating
criticism and unthoughtful words
about the mistakes i make and
the grades i bring home
rub me the wrong way
like dry sand between my toes,
and i try to be the bigger person, i try
to walk away, but with every step
the blisters fester, and soon enough
the wound is too large
to be healed anymore

Anger is bubbling up through my veins.
How could you do this to a friend?
You careless,
Unthoughtful person.
You were trusted,
You had one goal,
To be a good person,
To be a good friend.
And I'm so angry and disappointed.

How did you sleep that night,
When you stole a kiss,
From the girl he desired.
How did you face him the next day,
Like nothing even happened.
Do you even give a ****,
About what you have done?

I can't look at you,
I can't speak to you,
I can't even think of you,
It would be bad for my health.

Now you are gone I feel so alone I wish I wouldn't have said the things that I said because now I Walk alone depression inhales me in its lungs into the deep dark places of depression I have become I wishing for forgiveness or death could never get lucky because for me nothing but wickedness this way comes I feel death in these dark lungs and all I can do is start scratching claw to try to get my way out to find the light where I hope to find you and pray that you'll forgive me but it seems like it is not in my path now I have to see it over and over again I watched you walk through the door I thought it was going to be okay like it never happened that way but the next day I started to cry because I just know this time I have lost you for good and now I'm in my own prison cell trapped in My mind in this personal hell I know I am and I am doomed until you come and forgive me for my wicked ways until until then I am trapped in my own pennhurst asylum and I'll tell you why for the fact of what karma has in store for me she let some guy punch harder than I've ever been hit by any man in my life and gave me stitches in my eye I did not see it coming I have never let anyone get into my face like that and that's what I get for thinking like that just like I expected you to come back the next day that's what I get for arrogant thoughts like that I really and truly thought it was going to be and that's what I get for thinking that way I just though in a couple hours you would be home and it was going to be like always where it would just be okay but now it's been 3 weeks now I wish I would have never talked to you in such a way and now all I want to do is die everyday all because of my mind and the evil words it put to my lips and made me say those things and I don't know why I had those hateful words for you absolutely uncalled for and wasn't true no I'm lonely because I didn't think it through and now I wished I had never said that to you and I'll tell you whyin the year-and-a-half I have been with you I have never been away from you this long and now know I truly love you that's why Julia should have never let you walk out the door this is true I knew it was a mistake a life-altering one and you do not deserve it for you you're too kind and do timid to be out there alone without me I fear the worst has come upon you I hope you checked into a place of safe Haven and that the angels that look over you look after you better than my karma has that's all I wish for is for you to be okay I really do love you if you don't believe me I understand trust me I know why because the hurtful mindless unthoughtful things I say it's not your fault it's my past that haunts me I have new trust in a woman that is not your fault by far it's the life that I've lived and doing all the wrong things and trying to make it work for me instead of for the relationship and that's why the angels have pulled you away from the evil demons in me and now evil has caught up with me my karma is rotten my soul is tainted and now evil has wrapped its hands around it in choking the life out of my heart just when you put life back into it and now my heart is black once again that's why a few years back I've had all the heart attacks now I wish that the angel of death would have strangled my heart to its last beating step for some reason no one wants me to die I'm supposed to be here on this Earth and be miserable and I don't know why I tried to be kind and generous and act the way I'm supposed to act in society that's sometimes I wonder if I'm supposed to be part of and now that I know that I found my soulmate you have been taken from me by my own doing and all I can do is miss you Julia I miss you so much it makes me cry and you are on my mind so much that I really can't sleep I never thought I would lose you and I don't know why the evil that courses through my veins fills my brain full of pains and the memories of the cheating and abuse from the one that I'm supposed to trust the most I never wanted you to feel like you was not my friend because in all actuality you are my best friends not only my best friend but  the only true friend that I got I'm and I'm a fool for not seeing that sorry for what I've done I know why you're on the run I wish I would have never had the ability to speak because I brought you to Albuquerque to start all over again and start fresh with a new life in a new place where no one knew either of us and somewhere in the midst I put you in mental fits and when someone does that you can't think straight I don't think there's a person on Earth that can when someone comes at you with hands that crush you from the outside and a tongue that rips through the mind heart and soul like it doll Rusty sword I have hurt you I have put marks on your skin not just once but again and again why should you trust I would not trust me therefore I know I am a monster that deserves to be alone in this shallow place I call my home that isn't mine all alone it is yours just as well as mine I had no right to hold it over your head like a plane that's flying now I'm that plane has crashed into me bringing death and destruction and shame and putting  me to my knee I wish I wasn't the person now and I know why was hit so hard when I looked up from the floor as blood run down my face as that man walked out the door I asked him why I didn't know you from the next guy and you know me not really deep inside I knew not to ask I deserved every bit of it and it's in God's Divine task to make me feel the pain I unleashed on you now it's got me looking all over for you because I have lost my dove and doves mate for life and now that our doves have left our nest in different times and seasons I wanted us to have a little Dove of our own hope for a new beginning in a new light through such a crisis of the times that we are having my love all I want to do is hold you and look into your eyes and tell you that I love you.

THE ONLY HOPE
I sat at my own desk feeling great fear
of earthly life and where it would lead to.
I found nothing was sure about this life
which was an empty road towards a copse.

Around me l saw none that would give cheer,
not even those dumb, ruminating beasts.
Their food was queer; none else were there but rocks
that were unthoughtful and completely staunch.

Nothing except a puff of wind passed by.
It did not tell me what its purpose was.
From where it came to where it blew some leaves.
No glimpse it could unfold about that copse.

I walked towards that spot led by a bird
which was snow white and filled me with delight.
That bird could sing a song that was so strong
and had a tuneful sound that fit my mind.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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