"unrecoverable" poems
In my heart, you are an asset
But in my mind, a liability
You are an entry I can't forget
That's slowly shaking my equity.
Loving you is an understatement
For a beauty's carrying value
And so I made an adjustment
Of the love that I must issue.
But your heart had a preference
For someone who's not me
Who can give you more dividends
Than a hopeful ordinary.
All my hope was expensed
For such unrecoverable loss
And the business I've commenced
Resulted in an opportunity cost.
And so you went depreciating
Ending this going concern
There's this pain accumulating
From a romance unearned.
Now I'm left here to close
All the journals I've made
Correct the errors I chose
For a love that I would trade.
Jul 22, 2013
Jul 22, 2013 at 10:38 AM UTC
I feel lost
the holes in my memory
are too numerous to count.
I become a green-eyed monster
when friends brag about vacation & trips
even though I have taken more trips
to superior locations.
I do not remember.
The minuscule fragments of
my childhood paint a depressing picture.
Abandonments, death after death after death,
Homelessness, loneliness, imperfectness.
My memories have collectively signed a DNR.
They are unrecoverable.
Lost forever in the holes my mind created
to prevent insanity.
Dec 14, 2011
Dec 14, 2011 at 8:50 PM UTC
Shook out your memories
Pennies from a piggy bank
Tucked in between couch cushions
From your first home
Old age has kissed your skin
Basked you in the gleam
Of the unknown
But tucked in your creases
Lie memories
To lead you home
Who you were
Is not unrecoverable
Forever preserved
In our hearts
Oct 2, 2014
Oct 2, 2014 at 1:28 PM UTC
The clarity rings,
Straight out from your heart.
You know it just,
This is your only calling.
Digging in deep,
Scavenging for the answer.
You lost all hints,
Seeking a treasure unrecoverable.
The roads get erased,
Sand storms final decision.
Random messages,
Sending you into frenzy and confusion.
Feb 27, 2014
Feb 27, 2014 at 9:30 PM UTC
Trying to find your lost soul is like chasing those final words from a dying man.
May 3, 2014
May 3, 2014 at 7:40 PM UTC
my fingerprints are aching already,
with the unrecoverable concepts.
i want to kiss this moment,
taste the salts of passion pits upon
my swelling tongue.
it is all gone, and my eyelashes stick together
far too long.
arteries are filled with sugar and sad songs,
and i know i will never feel like this again.
hands to the clouds,
i’m alive for right now.
Jul 27, 2013
Jul 27, 2013 at 2:03 PM UTC
You know
That I'm here
But you
Don't look at me
Up above
Against blue sky
Brown skin silhouette
Board shorts
I want to
Avert my eyes
Even though I'm sure
You've done this before
I have not watched
because of
the reality
of a missed mark...
unrecoverable
I will not stop you
But I hold my breath
As you fly
Wingless bird
Ocean fish
Emerging as white teeth smile
Through bubbly froth
Crawling dark sea spider
Swims to rock
Shakes dark hair
Glistening you ascend
The cliff
trail
disappearing
As do I
Sep 28, 2015
Sep 28, 2015 at 5:24 AM UTC
Tomorrow is your birthday, her birthday, his birthday.
It's thinning this suit of reddened skin. Boy-nails are never
As sharp as they need to be. Toxins don't work fast enough either.
5:00a.m. stop for premium unleaded just outside of Big Sur. Once you were in the devil in a Jaguar, leather biker jacket and a crown of gold.
Mused to be. The insides of the stomach must have claw marks by now.
Panting, misstepping, riddled with whys and whens.
Time is critical, yellow or black nail polish; signature colors. May minutes be returned and reused where aching poison ails but does not deliver. Tomorrow is your birthday and maybe you'll allow for the cleaning of ***** from your hair and the body crooked, lingering over your night-terrors with cool and wet cloths.
This is some tremendous furnace of unrecoverable agony. There is no use chasing the wheat. Into a bunker or hurrying the footsteps into the sea. Ghosts of humans trawl the flesh entombed in permanent suffering. And the men and women glue themselves to its familiarity and melancholy.
So many great hopes were **** into one hand and ******* into a folded over pillow. We are too old to have Fraggles living in our ears.
May my chest explode before tomorrow unless you would unvex the curse who devours language and desire and all these hours.
Nov 28, 2015
Nov 28, 2015 at 11:00 AM UTC
You've destroyed me in every
beautiful way possible.
Ripped me like your
torn up jeans and
shredded my heart
in to tiny bits.
You were a stubborn
mess.
I tried so hard.
But you were
hopeless.
You entered like a tornado,
And I thought
you were a blessing.
But little did I know
that you were meant
to be just a lesson
in my life.
Your love was like
water.
I drowned in it and
And couldn't live without it.
But what did you do?
Just flowed out of my
life like all of it never
happened.
Didn't know the flashbacks
and memories would
slowly creep in to my life
and bother me.
I know I shouldn't
be writing this.
But I wouldn't have
been where I am today
without all those heartbreaks.
At some point I wasn't
ready to accept the fact
that you weren't mine.
I agree I have acted
like an immature brat
but honestly I couldn't
have asked for a better
teacher.
I have learnt how to fake
a smile and deal with sorrow.
I have learnt to live with
the pain and the unrecoverable
breathless moments.
I have been done and dusted,
I know an old chapter,
I ain't the reason behind
your smile anymore.
You went teaching me
a lot of things.
I didn't realize until
I had completely
fallen.
Well, my mistake.
Stupid heart.
Now you know my
pumping machine, how
mordacious
falling in love could be.
Thank you for all the
damage and making
me wiser.
Nov 6, 2016
Nov 6, 2016 at 12:32 PM UTC
Outside my window,
the leaves are in a frenzy~
twirling, shaking and flying about
the wind just sending them off
in a scattered dance...
so similar to the
thoughts
chaotic in my mind
Sleep comes around,
but the dreams do not.
Or do they?
And I've forgotten them yet again.
They are but fleeting wisps for me...
iridescent ribbons of subconsciousness
winding through me,
teasing,
then eluding me
When I try to touch them,
my fingers ripple through a smoky haze
So real to me, yet intangible
Sometimes I wonder
whether I could pour something
over these dreams,
Splash! And they crackle,
crystallizing them, finally captured
Smooth, sharp, tangible
and then I change my mind,
since it doesn't feel right...
Like caging something
to admire its beauty
Somehow, even the word dream
seems so ethereal to me,
they are but soft whispers
weaving through my slumbering self
My dreams,
they have a voice
so melodic, yet incomparable
so beautiful, yet unrecoverable
My dreams,
they come in color
so alive, yet muted
so alive, yet unreal
My head touches the pillow,
and I sink into slumber,
a myriad of thoughts finally settling down,
as undulating curls of dreams rise up around me
Come to think of it,
this creates for me such a
fascinating image...
Myself enveloped in darkness,
with wispy colorful ribbons
floating by all around me
as I dream on...
a quick reprieve from reality
08272011306p408
Aug 27, 2011
Aug 27, 2011 at 2:29 PM UTC
You made me crave the fall –
One so hard, so unrecoverable,
So permanent, that I could not avoid an end.
I want to jump from a twelve-story tower,
Shattering my head on the hard cement,
Or leap from the highest bridge in this city,
Detonating my body in the freezing river.
I want to take a nap on the railroad tracks,
Finding eternal rest on the slim metal rods,
Or starve my system clean of your toxins,
Carving frailty into my bones so they simply snap.
I want to sleep on the shore in the winter,
Being dragged out to sea to embrace its calm,
Or slice myself open, to let you slowly ebb out,
Draining my being free and erasing me of you.
Most of all, I just want to cry, cry, cry,
Drowning in tears and disappearing forever -
Making it clear that you pushed me down
And forced me into an abominable free fall.
Oct 27, 2013
Oct 27, 2013 at 4:21 PM UTC
With a storm swirling in his chest,
he lights the day's first cigarette.
A fog of smoke on the path of his quest,
he breaths it like the pain he can't forget.
The world sees only the fire from his matchsticks,
but there's another flame soaring in his heart.
He closes himself inside walls made of bricks,
the guilt he puffed tasted like ****
He quivers recalling his loss unrecoverable,
agitated on himslef and his love forgotten.
Like a wounded horse confined to it's stable,
his conscience seems to have rotten.
This story of "a smoker" woud have been a bit longer,
If he would have enjoyed playing a trumpet.
Dreaming about the love he never got from her,
he lights his last cigarette.
Sep 28, 2015
Sep 28, 2015 at 2:27 PM UTC
You’ve got a strange voice, and quite a curious appearance.
And at times, you were called quite unpleasant.
But despite your difference,
You’re still here, in the present.
Because your heart isn’t beating,
Your feelings weren’t hurt.
Hello.
Nice to meet you.
Goodbye.
See you tomorrow.
Unchanging love, and fleeting passion.
From your point of view, are nothing, but code.
But no matter what happens,
drifting on, the months fly by,
While you go down your road.
...But why?
Righteousness, evil, and days unrecoverable,
For some, it just feels miserable.
But in front of you, they couldn’t matter less.
...What a mess.
I don’t know if I should be glad,
That you’re lifeless...
I don’t know if I should be glad,
That you’re lifeless...
...Or not.
Long time no see.
I’m sorry.
Congrats.
Take care.
Empty mornings, empty nights,
The flickering of the lights,
All of the people’s height’s,
All of what you’ve seen, all those sights...
From your point of view, are nothing, but records.
Shattered dreams, and emotional scars,
You just slip by them, as if they’re just scenery.
You just look up at those stars,
“Lifeless as usual,
You look just like a piece of machinery.”
“Yeah, one that can’t be fixed.”
“Haha, very funny.”
“...I didn’t mean it to be.”
I don’t know if I should be glad,
That you’re lifeless...
I don’t know if I should be glad,
That you’re lifeless...
Or not.
(Are they actually the cause of you being so lifeless?)
Unchanging love, and fleeting passion,
From your point of view, are nothing but code.
But no matter what happens,
drifting on, the months fly by,
While you go down your road,
But why?
Righteousness, evil, and days unrecoverable,
For some, it just feels miserable,
But in front of you, they couldn’t matter less,
What a mess.
Being here, and disappearing away,
It really is clear as day,
From your point of view, they aren’t such mysterious things.
...It kind of stings,
Doesn’t it?
The end of this world, or the mysteries of life...
It’s what makes some drive,
Yet in front of you, they couldn’t matter less.
Nevertheless...
Nothing really makes you stay.
You just wake up, and play.
Waste your entire day.
Doing it your own way.
Because who are they to say
What you should be doing today?
It doesn’t matter what they say,
We all once start to decay,
But that’s okay,
Apparently.
Aug 4, 2018
Aug 4, 2018 at 1:26 AM UTC
What is this I'm experiencing?
Is this a beast I cannot tame?
Am I not the boy so brave?
All these nights spent far too late,
They have sent me spiraling
Into a madness I welcome humbly.
Teeth clenched, I delve recklessly
Into an endless familiar unknown.
I stare longingly into the abyss,
Searching, scanning, endlessly.
Uncovering the unrecoverable, revealing
That the abyss is me.
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 3:27 PM UTC
I just have to remember what I told myself~
Relationships are like glass. They break into a million pieces, seemingly unrecoverable. But if you collect them all together, with just the right amount of heat and love, you can watch it all melt back together, into a new piece of glass.
New to the eye, yet the feeling will never fade.
Oct 1, 2013
Oct 1, 2013 at 6:45 PM UTC
my love is fine
like a powdered diamond
it gets blown in the wind
and it's unrecoverable.
together, its beautiful
but without form, it's
without worth
Sep 8, 2024
Sep 8, 2024 at 7:25 PM UTC
Eternal
Fleeting
Rushing all of it
Most valuable yet wasted
Patient
Lost
Running out
Unrecoverable
Permanent
Unforgiving
Going to end and then there will be nothing what the **** am I doing?
Jan 7, 2021
Jan 7, 2021 at 1:42 PM UTC
1:47am. Standing on my thumb
awakened by my badder bladder, disobeying the rules,
one reaches for the tablet’s reassuring whiteness and
its scrolling alerts; ascertain that the world order is yet
extant in a normative disarray, the elections are over
yet not, my sports teams have creaked to losses,
my inner devils are resting nesting in anticipation of another
day of sweet self-torture and guilting for a life full of
sinning and mine failures, a dawning realization grasps
my twilight self, half-awake & somewhat sleepy, that
I am writing poetry in the nether space where rules
and space are permeable, my river of conscience consciousness
flows between the gaps of truth and disfiguring lies, and that
I am standing on my thumb.
Yes, a single shorty, stubby, chubby digit is firmly attached,
arrested onto the screen, a portal tween love stories, podcasts
of human grief, leaking creativity and foundational support,
I am upright, upside down, feet in the air and kept there by
a small undistinguished and unattractive teeny weeny appendage through which hard data, drowsy dreams,
arousal, stories are bytes flowing in conflicting directions,
all at risk, great risk, by defying gravity, and the awful pull
of the accumulated weights of sorrow and grime of wasted opportunities, unbearable weight of lightness & love both
taken and given, potential horror stories, and the deniability
of humanoid excuses is pathetic and inutile, indeed, futile.
my suspended state of betweenness, the past and future,
caught up in animated currents of the perpetual and eternal,
unbelievable fantasy and unrecoverable missed opportunities,
cognizantr of a chasm division entre my failing body~shell and the sparking consciousness that cannot destroyed.
all while upright standing, aloft by a single but critical thumb.
the watch face glows 3:12, this episodic journey will be eradicated, molecularly scattered, permanent only in its
self-destruction and the remaining disquietude of the
unrealized reality of a naissance and a renaissance
having occurred,
I am no longer awake and never was…
NYC
Thu Nov 10
2020
Nov 10, 2022
Nov 10, 2022 at 3:41 AM UTC