You say you don't want me
yet in your eyes that you need me
yet know my love
I carry the sequences of silents

Like a doll floating on the oceans wide
here with you I do reside
a floating icon
of times gone by

Hush my children
my bond is word
let them know
the sequence in silents

I am here to claim another land
to claim another array of arts
for I am worlds apart
in the sequence of silents

I was an engineer
building before your kingdom
and died for you
in the time I did place


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

I sat on the white sand
seeing the blue sky surrounded with clouds
feel the breeze gently moving my hair touches my face
feel the water wet my feet
feel the light of sun warm my skin

now, i'm walking on the sand near by the ocean with left traces but then erased by the water
the day i met you has left memory that can not be erase

talked with you is enough for me to cheer my soul
to see the way you laughed
the way your eyes while looking at me
to start to kiss me
the way you hold me warmed and tenderly
the way you walked beside me
deep in my silents i kept what i have felt inside
wish i could give you more
but silents i could only gives to you

My apologize to touched your heart
precious memories will be a part of my life
But if you come back
you realize something has unfinish between us
but silents i could only gives to you

I'm moving forward
deep in my silents i kept what i have felt inside to you
so i'm looking that blue sky and grateful to God
I still have chances to met you
from a distance i wish you all the best
as my pray to you.

~xoxo~

No words can describe my feelings for you.
You know how to make me happy.
Put a smile on my face.
I don't know what it is.
Something about you is just so
addicting.
Is it your smile that melts me.
Your nose that fits perfectly next to mine,
as you plant a kiss upon my lips.
The wonderful kisses you give me,
randomly, passionately, but delightful.
Your perfect eyes that just look into mine.
The way they look when I catch you
staring at me.
You say so many word
in silents.
Could it be my heart
pounding rapidly
every time I see you.
Or is it your cute bear hugs
I just cant get over.
Squeezing you tightly is just amazing.
Having you by my side,
feels like heaven on earth.
Your personality is on the dot.
No word can describe my feeling for you.
You know how to make me happy.
Put a smile on my face.
I don't know what it is.
Something about you is just so
addicting.

In the glow of the August moon
when silents falls upon the city
as the chapel bell does chime midnight
I stand by your graveside waiting for you

I hear you pounding within the coffin
hear you're rage, the screams to get out
come my love arise, I call in a dominating tone
and do uncover soil to get to your wooden prison

Lifting the lid of your casket
you just leap into my arms
my love, we will be married soon
in the glow of the August moon

By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

Silents beats.
In rythem of slow dazed clock
Ticking back and forth.
As time frezzes
Every thing motion less
Nothing moving
Except tears with crystal blured reflection
In the gloomed dim sky
The cloock sticks the empty room that
Onced filled with light and life
Now laid the soul of silence to this room
And never had one
Voice
Ever to this room again
Not in
Every in life time
That rebon each year

I've always wanted to hear the bells
Although they never came

Their majestic calming sounds
cuts through the silents, and echos

Waiting and wanting is the hardest
But it's for whom the bell tolls

Why're you just laying in bed?
Contemplating and wishing you were dead?
What ever happened to you?
You used to be someone worth looking up too.
You used to believe in so many things
your morals have changed
now you're such a worthless being..
Do you even care what I'm saying?
Cant you see that I've been praying?
Hoping for you to change
but you never will...
you'll always be a loser
and that's how you lose the girl...
Cant you see?
I'm the one who's stuck having to see this
most nights I just feel so defeated!
As if this life were a game that's been cheated!
I just wanted you to do your best
but, it's all not good enough
so you lay your head to rest.
You know..
I've given up on you
and I don't care what you've been through
nobody cares
not your family
not your friends
but you can end it all tonight
probably the best way to avoid another fight.
You know this is true,
all these things I say to you.
Just bite the bullet
let it go through
because we both know
you're better off dead...

"God. grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Honestly I feel so alone.
I don't really know what to say
I get chocked up from this feeling
its like taking the worst of a beating
a feeling inside you
that you only wish would die
like a fire that just keeps on going
you need to put it out
but it only rises higher
burning everything around
and you just watch your whole world
burn to the ground.
So I'm sorry if I'm not okay!
what would you know anyway?!
you're the one making me feel this way!
wanting me to take my own life!
wanting me to give up on this fight!
wanting me to push everyone away!
you're the one who's given up
I'm trying to find the strength just to get up!
so why don't you leave me alone?
you're the one who's destroying my soul!
you're the one blaming it all on me!
you're the one who's causing the scenes!
you're the one putting this **** in my head!
you're the one thinking I'm better off dead!
while I maybe in the shadows
my heart and soul swing under the gallows.
But I'm not going to let you take my life!
I'm going to find a way to make this right..
you've taken everything out of me
but I will find a way to see this light.
because I know there's a bigger reason to fight
It's bigger then you!
It's bigger then me!
and one day I know
I'll truly be happy.

"i wish i was here"
i stay to myself.
eyes closed,
mind spinning through film.
i've watched this one so many times,
it's become distorted and worn.
my head hits the pillow.
my heads a cinema,
playing silents films.

What can I say?
I am floating in a cove of pain,
Of forgotten memories and lost quotes,
The silent sobbing no one hears.
Alone in my bed, I am silent.
No one hears the way I weep,
For me, for all of them.
I can no longer remember,
The way laughter truly feels.
I miss laughing until I cried.
Now I just start crying and keep crying.
My face can hold a smile for hours,
Just waiting until its safe to remove it.

What do I do?
I am drifting away from everything, everyone.
I am shutting off my heart,
Closing down my head.
Letting myself fall into the void,
That is easier than feeling.

What could I do?
The numbness keeps me alive.
The feelings would **** me.
Loss,
Misery,
Loneliness,
Suffering,
Regret,
Chaos,
Destructi­on,
That is all I have.
The numbness takes it away.
Silents the swirl of anxiety.

What do I say?
When asked why I never called,
Never texted,
Never replied.
My mind is complacent.
My phone unimportant,
My life irrelevant.
My soul withered.

Shhhh...
whisper with me.
lets break the silents
but respect the guidance it brings.
find the romance and dance together in remembrance of
souls with tiny feet that left our bodies for the times we must grow.

the blue
gray clouds
rolling
in and out of
royal blue sky
nor breaking
their silents
said i
before the
high tides

i hear a sound
i pull my blank over my head
i think to myself the monsters will get me

then mother walks in with a light
she shows me there's nothing there

its all in my head

7 years later

i sit in the back of the classroom
i pull my hoodie over my head
i sit in silents

kids through things at me
calls me names
push me around

and i think to myself
were's mother when i need her to scare away the monsters

Tells of a silent cry
who would that be
the children out there

mothers crying for the children
to come home

where are they
we are silent without a sound

we cannot speak
for they are quiet without a sound

they cannot speak
there is no voice to hear

they lay silent without knowing
who is in the room

yet they speak with their hands
different way
to unlock the silents
between the world who speaks
loud and clear

yet they are focus by view
seeing things that they can understand
who is silent around you

yet they can read your lips
as you sit with friends and family

gesture are there
we know the silence to who they are
they cry
for the deepness of themselves

yet courage is brave
yet they are silent when they sleep

who would protect them
they became brave on their own
knowing

tells of a silent cry
it change the world around
knowing they speak
with their hands

no one turns away from them
because they cannot hear
or voice out the cords

they are just like us
communication is the positive
out look they reach out
to point us

they are just normal
they can do what we can do

they focus on reality
and fought to believe
in themselves

tells of a silent cry
gave glory to the sun
that shines out their own
way of life

I am in a hissy ***** mood
burning bridges killing fishes
breaking barriers
killing the carriers

Singing to the silents of wisdom
making secure our gains and recovering our losses
making it all good and proper
as I have some war to dish out

Oh come on what do you think
that a child made for war can not resist
I was programmed for battle
and really in any and all dark wars

The academy did train me
I was a straight A student
and I worked so hard
to be the ace of spades card

Oh mighty are the words
and death I fear not
for in your eyes if you look hard
you will find I am already dead


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

its been a long time since i saw you
its been a longer time since we dated

i still look at you with all the love i still have for you
but know it can not be

i look away with sarrow in my eyes

but as turn away

i hear your voice cut through the silents and say
remember are plan

i turn around with shock and disbelief in my eyes
just to see you smiling

later that day you come to have lunch with me

and just before you walk out that door
you give me a kiss
and smile

Standing here in the silents of days
I remember all the tears
yet so much now has changed
and you Orkian deus
I mean to destroy you where you stand

I save most of true and hard
so you will not pass by me
no no my most hated nemesis
I mean to win my fighter
on my vow I will destroy you

My brothers and sisters are the faithful
and as proud warriors we mean to fight you
locked in war again
you turncoat
who I thought was a friend

Oh yes we are outnumbered
but sweet Jesus we have trained hard
and in faith will defeat you
for what is one more battle scare
this is vengeance for the children of the stars



By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

I See People smiling as colors dance around them
Trees bowing down to the wind with forceful  mercy
Shadows following everyone like a stalker always sneaking closely  

I Hear Water gracefully slamming into the crowded shore
Laugher erupting from the throats of nighbores called friends
Deep conversions running into sharp whispers cutting the silents

I Smell The fresh air run past me quickly
Sickly sweet perfume flow softly along the waterside
Children's sweat barely masked by wilting flowers they carry

I feel The hot sun beating on my back
Like a stalker watching their prey I shiver sorry
Alone even though everyone looks towards me with smiles

It Reminds me of when I was there, alive.

He’d never read him, understand,
At least not that he’d remembered;
Might have half-skimmed something in Look or Esquire,
But he certainly wasn’t much for novels,
And there were kids to raise to rise, a war to fight
(His platoon had been pinned down at Anzio,
Leaving him precious little time for dispatches from the front,
Save  for a  singular postcard
He’d bought in Netunno on a rainy April afternoon,
On which he’d scratched Babe, I’m still alive and kickin’,
Worth ten thousand words
To a harried, frightened seventeen-year-old,
With one in the cradle and one on the way),
But then all that was later on, or earlier
Depending on where you stood,
Time being a lazy, molasses-unhurried thing to him now,
Like the leisurely old Owasco Inlet which ran through town,
Seeming to go in no direction in particular,
Running north or south as it deemed fit at the moment.
Once, he’d worked at the typewriter plant on Spring Street,
Fashioning hammers and slugs for Standards and Silents
And, later on, the electric Coronets and Model 250s
Until he packed it in with forty-five years under his belt,
Though all that pretty much the stuff of memory as well:
The factory gone a couple years now,
Rubble carted away, leaving an angry brown patch of land,
The last generation who’d worked the plant
Having up and left, by and large,
In most cases taking his generation with it as well
(Factories tending to be family affairs,
So many of his contemporaries unwilling to be so distant
From children and grandchildren,
Such notions being unknown in company towns)
Leaving the place a touch foreign,
A bit alien to folks who stayed on,
Men without a country as it were, doing their level best
To navigate waters without landmarks, without buoys,
Trying to reach harbors of questionable refuge.

every moment of time so precious
all the memories the mind caresses
with deep textures and colors sheen
holds hope for love to believe

even the hallow echos of darken streets
or fading silents of forgotten screams
as sorrow drips from gutter seams
holds hope for love to believe

awaken now find what you seek
this journey never peeks
the brightest path that you see
holds hope for love to believe

awaken now find what to seek
for this journey never peeks
and brightest path you see
holds hope for love to believe

Staring at the static scream
Of the ******* box
And silently scream;
Trapped in this paradox

Because silents screams
Aren't heard, but seen
Repeating patterns erratic
I lose myself to static.

Do you really want to see
come closer and see
come on, don't be frightened
you are in safe hands with me

Now hush as I open the box
go on have a quick peek
here little one look
know now and be silent

Remember silents at all cost
for if they find my real name
my god , what disappointment
and I'd have you to blame

Now you know my worlds
know of the happening
let me show you one thing more
come closer and see


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

Saw you yesterday,
You are not the same,
I'm not the same.
Awkward silents
Never hurt until now...
Our excuses:
" long day", "I'm tired"
We are losing each other, and we might not have a way back...

Today being the day we focus on Love, I thought about the Great Loves of my Life that have transition on. Several of them, I didn't know they were Great Loves but in time with all they shared with me, taught me, gave me...I felt that unconditional Love that they left me with. The lessons that took some time for me to learn but open my heart.  Guides, teachers, friends/family they all were....is...and always will be.  In moments of silents today...I hear the voices, the laughter, felt the hugs, the kisses, saw the smiles and I realize that even though they are not here physically, they are truly here. They continue being a guiding light, a  teacher, a guide, always family/friends.
I remember today, when I was in elementary school, a friend was hit by a car and died.  I didn't understand and of course, I went to my Grandmother (Ms. Minerva) for answers.  She told me; "his work here was done.  He went on to bigger and better things but would always be there when I needed him."  Then she asked; " What is it that your remember about him?" It was his smile...whenever he saw me he gave me the Biggest Smile.  She than said; " every time you smile, he will be with you...to help you. A smile will always be a light for you." I guess that's when my smiling so much started...my friend, who's name I can't even remember, is always guiding me.  I see that little face with a big - o - smile.  
Then once during, what I call my dark days, I tried the suicide thing...after many pills and wine, I was ready to go but I heard Ms. Minerva say; "your work here is not done...remember to smile, that smile is your light!" Love...Unconditional, continuous, all powerful...coming our way...sit in silent every now and then and focus on the Love and you'll feel that Love for your Great Loves that have transition on, still guiding you, sharing things with you, Loving You...and smile for that smile, their smile is still that guiding light for you.  So, at least once a month, have a Valentine day for you, where you remember the Love, feel the Love and be guided by the Love, their Love.  It never stops and it will carry you forward.
Okay, I know to many this is cra-cra but it is who I am, right now in the present moment...I Am cra-cra Curtis C. and I Love You Unconditional, continuous, with all my Power.
I Am so Blessed...Thankful...Loved...and will continue to stand in Gratitude's Light!
And so it is.

talking optics with a cat:
**** me,
you inquire for a destination
point, and there's the cat:
darting-eyed not actually
"knowing"
                   where, but the fact
is: he's searching for a cuddling
place to sleep...
        hey! bed!
                        ******
scuttles away...
                       cats, dogs, children...
it's hardly a biology,
the nurture / nature argument...
petted a ******* monkey
and made a zoo?
      past media:
what the **** is fame?
                  there's a social
darwinism?
           what, the, jew who was broke
and was borrowing from others
has the current narrative?
      APPLAUSE!
            about talking optic with a cat,
first:
(a) placed an ice cube into her
vicinity,
   (b) poured a puddle of water
next to it,
(c) put the ice cube into the puddle
   (d) can a predator
make the comparison
to distrupt it's honing impetus
           on the basis of an aqua imperative?

      hard to allow petting and a study
of biology...
     there's are two strand of
darwinism: one of a biology
as freedom in the "abstract" form...
    but then there's the zoo...
      at want point does
biology and all studies
entwined, become zoology?

having studied chemistry i actually
romantise the proto-chemists:
i.e. alchemists...
         but i still rather bake a doughnut...
or rather: own a doughnut shop,
where i apply deep frying methods...
because the world "knew":
just around a corner,
   a picasso would become
a jack-in-a-box prop...

yes, but the aztecs are least
spectacular when compared
   to the egyptians...
one built a massive guillotine,
the other?
     known as death:
    a massive pile of rocks
rigid to fasten Δ
    (at any point, is there
a congestion narrative?)
mind you,
     the asians share the african trait
of a flattened:

                 nasal structure...
            whatever the melenin
argument...
                    return to the bronze age
tanning...
              and beaches
counter to looking at birch trees...
      why do i have a
protruding
        upper lateral catrilage,
that doesn't compensate the similarity
of asians and africans?

once compared to a rat,
  you start sniffing out "problems" like
a rat...

   don't know about Prometheus,
but the basis of myth to bypass
            history...
because what is time?
          upon this axis:
                                h
                         ­       i
                                s
                      ­          t o d a y
                                o
                             ­   r
                            m y t h o l o g y

scientia temporum...
                i just explained:
inanimate things congest the "bias"
for the basis of tomorrow...

because what is the modern myth
of revampt Prometheus?
        i.e. who stole
              Zeus' lightning bolt?
who brought down
               fire in the modern form
(revised) of electricity?

             the greeks are silents...
for all their worth,
    it's like watching a civilised
people acting as

then Bristol Pop says:
isambard kingdom brunel,
while i'm the one who wrote
an essay on
michael faraday
                 in primary school;

given this example...
   what, the, ****, is, pop?!

i mean pop: translated into trivia!
trivia shows!
             i haven't heard any
word on the matter of
the modern prometheus that was
                              michael faraday...

it's almost funny how
the people with the *******
surnames, have no nicknames,
but a holocaust signature.

i can almost sense
       an impeding desire
    to avert this modern cleptomania,
people are becoming more and
more "claustrophobic"...
           because history has
approached a zenith of hoarding...

and believe me when i say
that i've walked among many
      graveyards,
        and it would be great to achieve
a date-of-birth
         and a date-of-death
imprinted into stone,
     that wasn't a coroner's scribble
on papyrus.