And there's beauty braided through today
Can't deal, never been too good with feels

Last night I had dreams of earthquakes
It was raining, the planet went up in smoke like a cupcake
I was rollerblading, then I was skating
I was alone but I was free
I felt that contradictory cord that bonds you with me
Chaos all around me, life was so pretty

It showed me so much of me and how scared you are to be free
Then it displayed how that's a terrifying reflection of me
Is this simply nonfiction within what I subjectively see?

~ BREATHE ~

I saw a sign that said,
I spent all my money on scotch, women and guitars. The rest  I just wasted
My life will probably be the same way
Except knowing my luck I'll **** around and have the strings misplaced

Men never really grow up our toys just get more expensive
As a guy I can attest to this
I went from being content with action figures Legos and my N64
To guitars cars and rollerblading on the Riverwalk under the bridges

It's funny how that happens
How materialism changes how we see the world
But pursuing all the finer things
Wanting champagne wishes and caviar dreams
Makes you forget the madness that truly comprises the earth

“Are you OK?” “Yeah.”
Not really, but you wouldn't understand

“How are you feeling?” “Great.”
Terrible but I can’t tell you because you’d ask why

“Where’d you get that cut?” “Rollerblading accident.”
That’s always the perfect excuse

“Is there anything you’d like to confess to?” “No.”
Yes

“Do you regret anything?” “Yeah, going ice skating.”
Being born.

“Have you felt sad lately?” “No, I’m really happy.”
I feel sad all the time

“Why were you crying?” “Just finished a sad book.”
You don’t want to know

“What book?” “Looking For Alaska.”
The book that told the story of my life

“Are you sure you’re OK?” “Definetly.”
*Definitely not

Senseless
Palm trees wrapped with barbed wire.
I like gingerbread cookies of pillsbury dough, of that you already know.
Frappuccinos without whipped.
Like a dream

Y.M.C.A.

Rollerblading the past is fading.
Summer camps horseback riding, rock climbing, arts & crafts.
Friends confiding, connections binding, lots of laughs.
Swimming, smores, canouing, & row boats.

Gemini Loved Scorpio

Solar system of a higher altitude.
Astrology to set the mood.
A date which is charming & not rude. Greek or mexican? My favorite food.

The world is moving
Watch as it speeds along
Singing it's favorite song
Rollerblading past
Houses, families, stores all fly by so fast
Spinning round and round
Whistling to the sound of the town
Down alleyways, past street signs, racing cars
Slipping between bars
Left, right, hop, spin, slide, repeat
Everyone else catching up with the beat
Dancing across the globe
Lights shining,
Illuminating the halls where everyone is gliding
Slip and sliding across the floor
Watch them all soar
Smiles dancing around faces
Nodding heads to the bases.
With another
With each other
With yourself
Ecstatic as an elf
Calm and cool
Or a dancing fool
Do the jig and the jag
Disco and tag
Sprinkler or twerking
Whatever you wanna be working
Cha cha cha down avenues and lanes
Who cares if you all look insane
Following the beat of the world
Rollerblading, biking, dancing, running, skating, walking, strolling along
Whistling the same old tune, humming to the comforting song
Wrapping yourselves up in love
Lost in the sea of doves
Holding hands,
Making plans
Watch what you can be and what you can do
Join us, you're already there, look at you already singing to the tune
Your own words in our intermingling song.
Mixing and changing syllables as you come along
Hear the music in your heart
Share your art, come play your part
Grab an outstretched hand
Wiggle your toes in the sand
Shop for hours
Climb up towers
Sing like a dove
Close your eyes fall in love
Dance wherever
Never say never
Read upside down
Sightsee in your own town
Follow your hearts desires
Until your body tires.
Then take a rest
And wake up to leave the nest
To be yourself
Better than anyone else.
Welcome to the tune
Come with us over seas and trees and dunes.
Don't just watch and wait
Join in on making fate.
Follow the tune
You'll make your fate soon
Come along
Sing a song
Moving and grooving
Dancing and prancing
Chasing after our dreams
No matter how silly it seems
Aha! There! See them flow?
C'mon, it's off we go!!

As the blur of my eyes clear
I spot the greatest of wonders
Lying next to you in our bed
I awake happily at dawn's nascency
Feeling the blessing of your touch
Is as caressive as a cloud's hug
Just your sweet fulgent smile alone
Vivifies my every forthcoming day
Each time we dance pelvis to pelvis
And you rest your head on my chest
It surely calms my jovial soul
When you listen to my heartbeat
It pleases me to make you blush
Making your scarlet cheeks show
As you look into my eyes and gaze
I gently rub my nose against yours
Then apply slow succulent kisses
Together we create perfection
We have everything in common
Even the smallest of things
I love to laugh with you
Enjoying lovey dovey humor
Springing out adorable chuckles
Being out and about with you
Painting the city with our ambiance
Comforts my very existence
I'm blessed to be within your planet
The way you make me feel is...
Unorthodox, uncannily beautiful as,
Rollerblading on Saturn's rings
It gets no better than this
Me and you connected as one being
At first sight, I was graced by you
And ever since then, I've changed
Happier than happy can become
Upon the darkest of nights
Our love will shine
Lighting the light
Since meeting you my queen
My format has been switched
It will now be you and I til the end
I'm honored you chose me
To multiply and grow old with
Now to me, that's love's essence...

© Michael P. Smith

Young and Naive Poem
2/18/2014

I'm feeling trapped in these walls.
Ready to fall
through the floor.
Don't wanna sleep in my bed no more.
I can't see in the dark,
but unsure - I could feel more secure.
_
I ran home when I was a kid.

You picture a sad child running away from their family.
But I ran home to tear off my clothes.
To stand in the shower and numb my brain
with senseless waste of water.
Drops smashing violently against my face.
Distracted me from the real storm approaching.

If I could wet the air
I draw in for breath,
maybe the heavy gravity of things
would become more apparent.

If those violent water drops soaked into my pores,
maybe they could sink into my thoughts.
If I could do that,
then I could be somewhere else.

I was worried I would have to disappear
from a world that I loved too much.
A world I loved too much
for it to love me back and yet still have me hate it.

I could not accept the things that just could not change.
Luckily, if you want to call it luck,
there was still too much I needed to say,
…. yet too much wanting to remain the same...
And all the same, it's all the same,
just maybe with another name.

Or another person,
and in another year,
their acting will worsen.

For shame I blame.
My steps scorched the Earth,
burning up under the pressure
Of a body bloated heavy with burden.
A ****** buddy without a body - its called a thought that you don’t want.
With the heavy weight, and my boots quake
My resolve, it shakes.
So settle down.

Listen…

The little boy who went running through the streets.
No he was rollerblading.
No it was me, as a child.
I was strolling, so carefree.

A long ago day,
before I became me.
He said, “I resolve to be drug free.”

...
To be so young and naive.

roses peek through the cracks in your soul, your heart is overflowing with peace but your eyes remain dark brown in the sunset, is it because your flight to italy was cancelled in the middle of your worst year or because the constellations that you kept shining in your right palm; the hand with the zigzag scar from your last rollerblading accident, were given to someone who didn't even know that thorns came with soft petals too

twenty minutes to write a poem
to stop and think and scribe
to create an etude, a vignette
from daily life,
minutea



teapot sits
still warm
rendolent
of terraces
of camelias
in foreign lands

crumbs sit in clusters
on the worn pine table
survivors of the toast and jam war

underneath the tuxedo cat
basks in a sliver of stainedglassgreen sunlight
hopeful of something wonderful


the clattering of the boychild
can be heard, akin to rollerblading rhino's
as he prepares for another day of learning


I sit, running fingertip around teacup lip
as I contemplate procrastination
with regard to all things domestic

outside, the world reverberates
as some one begins to cut grass
and the the Beach Boys sing Kokomo

My best friend left his board at the skate park
Lost track after too many 720 attempts out the bowl on his bike
He likes to film me in my most embarrassing moments
We spent a day making a music video in goodwill
rollerblading through the aisles in jumpsuits
(it may never come out)

This is my body
Size 12, wiggle room
Jiggly thighs, 5’2
(And a quarter. It matters)
Overgrown roots blend
Into DIY blonde,
Somewhere in between
“Well kept” and “definitely depressed”
Acne scars, decently white teeth
Scar on my brow from that time I tried
Rollerblading into the sun, I swallowed the pavement on the way down. You can still see the cracks in my teeth, just underneath my laugh lines. I always tried to stay as positive as possible. No matter what.

This is my body, it holds memories like water weight.
Destined to burst, void of drains,
Man Made pores- formed from the inside out by cries for help that never surfaced.
Porous and calloused, found out that its purpose for a year straight was simply surviving.

This is my body. Flashbacks on a marquee, survivor’s hands painted nicely, so no one ever asked me why they were so *****, and broken, and ******.

This is my body
His dead skin under my nails,
Petrified.
Proof of a fight. scars on my arms
North of my elbow: survivor’s guilt in the shape of a Star, I spent last summer wishing night after night I wasn’t alive- I was so tired from pretending.

This is my body.
Latches like a leech to anything warm.
****** dry all of my loved ones in the year I spent spiraling,
searching for solace or sanity-
even safety. Found nothing but panic.
Nervous bird in a cage.
Narrow shoulders.
Boxer’s stance.
Dancing on the front line where I should have been to fight
Using my fists never worked.  
Neither did screaming “no, no, no”
Present until that very day. And now I lay silent.
Absent like a soldier, staring into space.
Trying to make sense of the shaking.


This is my body.
I have my mother’s eyes, her mother’s brain.
Black and white, strict like law,
Cemented in place for weeks at a time,
Then Moving at the speed of light, I cannot stop or I will die.
Creaky chest upside down, my stomach clings to my ribs.
Stand still until the room stops spinning
Or until my head stops hurting
And my legs stop shaking
And you stop when I ask you to stop
“This is my body” I whisper behind your hands as you steal all autonomy
I am left with nothing


This is my body.
He took it from me,
Did not even have to try to ruin my insides,
Did not blink an eye in the year I spent unraveling in front of everyone I loved,
Pulled out every lash I had, lost my job because of panic attacks,
But I am commanding it back.
I spent the last 6 months building from the ground up.
Spent the last 12 taking up the space I did not before.
The last 3 learning that it’s okay to.
I stopped apologizing in January.
I started yelling again in February.
It took that long to think anyone would ever hear me,
No one ever had.
This year I took my body back.
This is my body. Size 12, 5’2. Wiggle room.
Sometimes it can’t breathe right and shuts down in big crowds.
But this is my body and it is big and it is loud.
It takes up space, it is strong, it is pretty.
This is my body and for absolutely none if it, am I sorry.
Not a single part.

I had a dream that I was rollerblading
in quick sand,
on a treadmill,
down a never ending tunnel,

Saturday
Mid September
Clear blue sky
Warm air
Jean shorts
Orange t shirt
Flip flops
Two braids in my hair
Rollerblading
Round my neighborhood
Singing
Country songs
Checking
The still growing
Pumpkin garden
Cinnamon waffles for breakfast
Finish my
Way too drawn out book
Playing a few chords
On guitar
Mouth a few verses
Walk back outside
Take a deep breath
Ahhhhh
This feels good

This is my body
Size 12, wiggle room
Jiggly thighs, 5’2
(And a quarter. It matters)
Overgrown roots blend
Into DIY blonde,
Somewhere in between
“Well kept” and “definitely depressed”
Acne scars, decently white teeth
Scar on my brow from that time I tried
Rollerblading into the sun, I swallowed the pavement on the way down. You can still see the cracks in my teeth, just underneath my laugh lines. I always tried to stay as positive as possible. No matter what.

This is my body, it holds memories like water weight.
Destined to burst, void of drains,
Man Made pores- formed from the inside out by cries for help that never surfaced.
Porous and calloused, found out that its purpose for a year straight was simply surviving.

This is my body. Flashbacks on a marquee, survivor’s hands painted nicely, so no one ever asked me why they were so *****, and broken, and ******.

This is my body
His dead skin under my nails,
Petrified.
Proof of a fight. scars on my arms
North of my elbow: survivor’s guilt in the shape of a Star, I spent last summer wishing night after night I wasn’t alive- I was so tired from pretending.

This is my body.
Latches like a leech to anything warm.
****** dry all of my loved ones in the year I spent spiraling,
searching for solace or sanity-
even safety. Found nothing but panic.
Nervous bird in a cage.
Narrow shoulders.
Boxer’s stance.
Dancing on the front line where I should have been to fight
Using my fists never worked.  
Neither did screaming “no, no, no”
Present until that very day. And now I lay silent.
Absent like a soldier, staring into space.
Trying to make sense of the shaking.


This is my body.
I have my mother’s eyes, her mother’s brain.
Black and white, strict like law,
Cemented in place for weeks at a time,
Then Moving at the speed of light, I cannot stop or I will die.
Creaky chest upside down, my stomach clings to my ribs.
Stand still until the room stops spinning
Or until my head stops hurting
And my legs stop shaking
And you stop when I ask you to stop
“This is my body” I whisper behind your hands as you steal all autonomy
I am left with nothing


This is my body.
He took it from me,
Did not even have to try to ruin my insides,
Did not blink an eye in the year I spent unraveling in front of everyone I loved,
Pulled out every lash I had, lost my job because of panic attacks,
But I am commanding it back.
I spent the last 6 months building from the ground up.
Spent the last 12 taking up the space I did not before.
The last 3 learning that it’s okay to.
I stopped apologizing in January.
I started yelling again in February.
It took that long to think anyone would ever hear me,
No one ever had.
This year I took my body back.
This is my body. Size 12, 5’2. Wiggle room.
Sometimes it can’t breathe right and shuts down in big crowds.
But this is my body and it is big and it is loud.
It takes up space, it is strong, it is pretty.
This is my body and for absolutely none if it, am I sorry.
Not a single part.

don’t forget how to dream.
how you felt when you were seven
ice-skating at the rink;
rollerblading through the ocean breeze
on the boardwalk;
screaming in a roller-coaster
skying high over disneyworld;
chasing joy and laughter round every corner
like heaven was right here on earth.

lock that feeling in your memory bank
like savings in a vault
at ally.
let it brew like fine wine
for the times life drags you
down
to your knees
and you need a drink.

think of that feeling
when you were seven
ice-skating at the rink
way back when...

and dream again.

ayo!
~ P

we went to the city and we walked
past the horses and the monuments in the dog parks
past the rollerblading dancers with their obnoxious boom box
and the people asking for change.



i wore a loose romper that afternoon and
you said my *** looked
wavy.

i like
homemade chocolate chip cookies
and my moms spaghetti
i like dead rappers (and some alive ones)
and rock music from the 2000's
i like boys with curly hair
and dancing with no music at all
i like the 90's
i like rollerblading and neon colors
i like safety pins and key chains
i like over-accessorizing
i like little plastic animals
i love my friends
i love my family
(no matter how wrong it is)
i like ap english class
and free t-shirts
i like running
and climbing trees
i like my bangs
and having my makeup done
i like my art
im proud of it
i like paint on my jeans
and not being bullied
i like compliments from pretty girls
i like pretending i'm the queen
i like thinking about you
i like my life
i love you
and i love me