When I die
I don't care what happens to my body
throw ashes in the air, scatter 'em in East River
bury an urn in Elizabeth New Jersey, B'nai Israel Cemetery
But l want a big funeral
St. Patrick's Cathedral, St. Mark's Church, the largest synagogue in
        Manhattan
First, there's family, brother, nephews, spry aged Edith stepmother
        96, Aunt Honey from old Newark,
Doctor Joel, cousin Mindy, brother Gene one eyed one ear'd, sister-
        in-law blonde Connie, five nephews, stepbrothers & sisters
        their grandchildren,
companion Peter Orlovsky, caretakers Rosenthal & Hale, Bill Morgan--
Next, teacher Trungpa Vajracharya's ghost mind, Gelek Rinpoche,
        there Sakyong Mipham, Dalai Lama alert, chance visiting
        America, Satchitananda Swami
Shivananda, Dehorahava Baba, Karmapa XVI, Dudjom Rinpoche,
        Katagiri & Suzuki Roshi's phantoms
Baker, Whalen, Daido Loorie, Qwong, Frail White-haired Kapleau
        Roshis, Lama Tarchen --
Then, most important, lovers over half-century
Dozens, a hundred, more, older fellows bald & rich
young boys met naked recently in bed, crowds surprised to see each
        other, innumerable, intimate, exchanging memories
"He taught me to meditate, now I'm an old veteran of the thousand
        day retreat --"
"I played music on subway platforms, I'm straight but loved him he
        loved me"
"I felt more love from him at 19 than ever from anyone"
"We'd lie under covers gossip, read my poetry, hug & kiss belly to belly
        arms round each other"
"I'd always get into his bed with underwear on & by morning my
        skivvies would be on the floor"
"Japanese, always wanted take it up my *** with a master"
"We'd talk all night about Kerouac & Cassady sit Buddhalike then
        sleep in his captain's bed."
"He seemed to need so much affection, a shame not to make him happy"
"I was lonely never in bed **** with anyone before, he was so gentle my
        stomach
shuddered when he traced his finger along my abdomen ****** to hips-- "
"All I did was lay back eyes closed, he'd bring me to come with mouth
        & fingers along my waist"
"He gave great head"
So there be gossip from loves of 1948, ghost of Neal Cassady commin-
        gling with flesh and youthful blood of 1997
and surprise -- "You too? But I thought you were straight!"
"I am but Ginsberg an exception, for some reason he pleased me."
"I forgot whether I was straight gay queer or funny, was myself, tender
        and affectionate to be kissed on the top of my head,
my forehead throat heart & solar plexus, mid-belly. on my *****,
        tickled with his tongue my behind"
"I loved the way he'd recite 'But at my back allways hear/ time's winged
        chariot hurrying near,' heads together, eye to eye, on a
        pillow --"
Among lovers one handsome youth straggling the rear
"I studied his poetry class, 17 year-old kid, ran some errands to his
        walk-up flat,
seduced me didn't want to, made me come, went home, never saw him
        again never wanted to... "
"He couldn't get it up but loved me," "A clean old man." "He made
        sure I came first"
This the crowd most surprised proud at ceremonial place of honor--
Then poets & musicians -- college boys' grunge bands -- age-old rock
        star Beatles, faithful guitar accompanists, gay classical con-
        ductors, unknown high Jazz music composers, funky trum-
        peters, bowed bass & french horn black geniuses, folksinger
        fiddlers with dobro tamborine harmonica mandolin auto-
        harp pennywhistles & kazoos
Next, artist Italian romantic realists schooled in mystic 60's India,
        Late fauve Tuscan painter-poets, Classic draftsman *****-
        chusets surreal jackanapes with continental wives, poverty
        sketchbook gesso oil watercolor masters from American
        provinces
Then highschool teachers, lonely Irish librarians, delicate biblio-
        philes, *** liberation troops nay armies, ladies of either ***
"I met him dozens of times he never remembered my name I loved
        him anyway, true artist"
"Nervous breakdown after menopause, his poetry humor saved me
        from suicide hospitals"
"Charmant, genius with modest manners, washed sink, dishes my
        studio guest a week in Budapest"
Thousands of readers, "Howl changed my life in Libertyville Illinois"
"I saw him read Montclair State Teachers College decided be a poet-- "
"He turned me on, I started with garage rock sang my songs in Kansas
        City"
"Kaddish made me weep for myself & father alive in Nevada City"
"Father Death comforted me when my sister died Boston l982"
"I read what he said in a newsmagazine, blew my mind, realized
        others like me out there"
Deaf & Dumb bards with hand signing quick brilliant gestures
Then Journalists, editors's secretaries, agents, portraitists & photo-
        graphy aficionados, rock critics, cultured laborors, cultural
        historians come to witness the historic funeral
Super-fans, poetasters, aging Beatnicks & Deadheads, autograph-
        hunters, distinguished paparazzi, intelligent gawkers
Everyone knew they were part of 'History" except the deceased
who never knew exactly what was happening even when I was alive

                                                February 22, 1997

A small girl sees a doll
Her name is Lucy
It's holding up 3 fingers
Her mother buys it
The girl goes home
She plays with this new doll
She names her Mindy
The girl is called to dinner
She falls asleep soon after
Carried off to bed
The doll is forgotten on the step
The girl hears a noise in the night
"Lucy I'm on the first step"
In a glassy voice
They a thump and a drag
"Lucy I'm on the second step"
Thump, drag
"Lucy I'm on the third step"
Thump, drag
"Lucy I'm on the fourth step"
Thump, drag
"Lucy I'm on the fifth step."
Thump, drag
On until step eighteen
"Lucy I'm at the landing"
Thump, drag, thump, drag
Foot steps towards the door
Thump, drag, thump drag
A soft knock on the door
"Lucy I'm here"
The door creaks open
The footsteps approach
The girl is paralyzed with fear
The comforter at the end of the bed pulls
The doll appears
She crawls across the bed
"Hello Lucy"
She holds up four fingers in a wave
The dolls holds a knife
"Goodnight Lucy"

As close letting
to bending bones
broken,

As wide setting
so mending minds
rhyme,

As We of age,
collateral children
in time will rage

In strapless grown,
in dead damage
razed by wings flown.

Mindy takes a seat opposite me,
as if we're about to engage in some serious conversation.
Christmas carols would make the background stale
if there was no twist to them.
"Thanks for buying the ice cream," she reiterates for the fourth time,
her potential lover-girl Jaclyn repeating the sentiment half-heartedly.

"It's no problem."
I reply with my usual comeback.
"I'm sorry Daniel couldn't come.
He had excuses
akin to my last three boyfriends,
and you know how long those lasted.
It's enough to make me want to go straight."

"I can make you straight."

"What?"

"What?"

And we continue as if nothing happened.
Jaclyn eats her ice cream as Mindy shares hers with me.
It has a twang to it, a strange flavor she made herself
that you wouldn't expect to be so good until you tried it.

Deep in my core, that ice cream sent a chill through my body–
a chill of uncertainness.

Deaths Of 2013

My third year doing this.

Paul Walker, Texas ranger,
driving fast leads to danger.
Matt Osbourne was Doink The Clown,
Paul Bearer always wore a frown.
Dennis Farina and James Gandolfini,
always played a mobster meany.
Peter O'Toole, famous actor,
Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher.
President Nelson Mandela,
Dennis Burkley, was a famous fat actor fella.
Lou Reed, is now on the wild side,
took all the colored girls for a ride.
Conrad Bain and Bonnie Franklin,
tv actors who had white skin.
Paul Blair and Stan The Man,
playing baseball, when they can.
Marcia Wallace and Lisa Robin Kelly,
both had ***** that bounced like jelly.
Tom Clancy wrote famous books,
not much on having good looks.
Cory Montieth and Patti Page,
one died young, other of old age.
Jean Stapleton, was Edith Bunker,
Archie always put her in the dumper.
Pat Summerall and Deacon Jones,
played football and broke some bones.
Dr. Joyce Brothers and Pauline Phillips,
they both gave good and bad tips.
Ray Manzarek, from The Doors,
Jeff Hanneman knew all Slayers chords.
Chrissy Amphlett, liked to touch herself,
Caleb Moore's trophies are on his shelf.
Mindy McCready and George Jones,
both hit those country tones.
Chris Kelly from Kris Kross,
Ed Koch is a New York loss.
David Frost and Roger Ebert,
always had words to insert.
Anneitte Funicello from Mickey Mouse Club,
Eydie Gorme almost got a snub.
Jonathan Winters, was very funny,
to come from Mork's egg, made him money.
If you don't know who these people are,
look them up, internet not very far.
For the ones that I missed,
please don't get to ******.

I tried to write a lullaby
With a 70's theme of sorts
Kids drinking Sunny "D" in their jammies
Girls in Mindy, Boys in Mork

But that's as far as I could get
This dried up crinkly brain stays in a daze
So I picked up the phone, dialed up some friends
In hopes of a friendly Friday night game of charades

Of course Sylvester brought his Ouija board
He thinks with the other side he's in tune
I hate to break it to Houdini here
But I think he's inhaled to many fumes

My friends say that I'm just paranoid
Like a jester without a court
So I turn and apologize to Sylvester
Okay dude, pull out the board

We place our fingers on the Doohickey
Or is that the Thingamajig
Redrum, Redrum, Redrum, is all that it spells
As Sylvester has a fit

He knocks the game table over
And screams it's that movie, The Shining all over again
This is ****** spelled backwards people
As the smell of the dead blows in on the wind

In all of the dark spirit world excitement
I think I even ***'d myself
I suggest in a manly way with a wet spot on the front of my Bell Bottom jeans
That we put the Ouija board back up on the shelf

I really wasn't expecting an evening
Of doom and gloom and tombs and such
I think I'll go back to writing that 70's lullaby
If you don't mind...thank you very much

A poem remembering Actor Robin Williams of whom he was
The tears behind the smile
At times being serious for awhile
His acting career spans throughout the years
Secretly in Mr. William’s life, there were some fears
Yet throughout his despair, he was able to preserver
Robin Williams brought energy to the television screen
Also new meaning to the stage in being a bling
Mork and Mindy one of the many series he was in
Each passing acting line in begin and continuing until when
Space being ever so far from home
But on Earth it was Mindy who helped Mork roam
Who could forget the feeling Robin Williams brought in that accelerating role
His humor was observe and behold
Robin Williams was his own Entertainment Tonight
His spirit in personality of delight
Robin Williams chosen words in wanting to be heard
His involvement in causes that affected us all
Robin Williams answered to a distant call
The world mourns an actor of talent
In his honor, let's have a code of silent
Robin Williams you will be sadly missed
It’s like a heritage closing school and we are now dismissed
Thanks for making me laugh
Thanks for making me forget being sad
Thanks for helping me to see every day in being glad
Your red carpet is in the Heavenly skies
Your talent has captivated us in being wise
The Heavens adore and its your fans who applaud.

I heard the news on Facebook
I paid my respects on Twitter
you played so many great characters
to many to list them all
but my favorites were
Bicentennial Man
What Dreams May Come
Flubber
Jumanji
Mrs. Doubtfire
Hook
Mork & Mindy

You were truly amazing
one of the greats
the world will not be the same with out you
R.I.P Mr Robin Williams

I was stunned to hear the news that the Great and Loved Comedian had died Robin Williams age 63, I feel at a loss for adequate words.
I never got to meet him face to face, but I had much laughter inspired by his works in films and on TV his face and voice were Familiar to me.
I first discovered him when I was a  mere child when he was on Mork on Mork and Mindy. He played an alien, I bet that role was kind of fun.
I remember seeing him in Good Morning Vietnam, watching it in the Movie theater, via the big movie screen, He seemed somehow Larger than life, but loved the laughter he inspired.
I remember him in Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting to name a few.
I think he gained some more popularity and hilarity in his role in Mrs. Doubtfire .
I Loved watching him in Patch Adams playing a doctor treating people a bit unconventionally.
I remember him as the Voice of genie in Aladdin
I remember him in The Night At the Museum movies  
I feel the loss of him is quite a tragedy
He will be greatly missed
I will remember the laughs his works caused

I love the way she writes her sevens & the way she rolls her eyes at me
She writes all her letters in print except for 'l' and 'e' & her favorite color is lilac
She's insensitive & snappy yet she's sunshine still
I love *** like any man before me but that's not what I want her for
I want her laugh
I want her scowl when I tease her
I want her smile
I want all the times she pretends not to love me
I love how she humbles me, reminding me her options are still open
But I know she'd never leave me
I love to see her vulnerable
To see her unravel
To meet each layer of her that I never knew existed
Each more delicate than the one before
Each sending me into timeless state of Mindy
As sappy as it may be

Whilst perusing the internet
I happened upon a shopping site that
You could order the strangest kind
Of anything you find online

Like...

Dogs that talk
Pigs that fly
Birds that burp
Fish that sigh
Cows that cackle
Giraffes that might
drive your car
if you would like
Orangutans
with manicures
Floating souls
from the underworld
Ginsu knives
that slice and dice
A circus clown
that isn't nice
Chewing gum
that once was chewed
By the infamous
Mr.Magoo
A politician
that tells the truth
that is brand new
never once been used
A mirror that's
already cracked
with only six months
bad luck left
An iPod filled with
Disco tunes
A picture of Sean Penn
shooting the moon
McDonald's fries
with the salt licked off
A brown jar filled with
Whooping cough
A frog that comes
with its own warts
A visit from Mindy
minus Mork
A kite with only
half a tail
Escargot
that's really snail
Shorts once worn
by Daisy Duke
Scores and scores
of 70's Show tunes

Just about anything you would like
I found on this one awesome site
And desperately feeling the need
I ended up ordering one of each

Every Time I Visit "The Lake",
Why It Seems To Me Fake !
.
Is It Some Sorta MIRAGE ?
Or May Be It's Time To Wake !
.
Oh Gotcha , It's Lacking Something ,
The Promise With Someone , I Make !
.
MindY Is So Damnly Confused Now ,...
To Left Him Behind Or Whether To Take !
.
Why Don't You Visit "The Lake" by Yourself ,
Leave Mine Alone For God's Sake !!!

The Lemon Sister By Jill Shalvis

The Lemon sisters used the be close
They shared everything
But people grow up and grow apart
And lives quickly unstring

An accident left Brooke damaged
With more than visible scars
She left everyone she loved behind
To hide in the city of stars

Mindy, the control freak, is burnt out
But really, can you blame her?
She’s got the - three kids, a shop
And husband who’s a doc - disclaimer

Mindy and Brooke need each other
To face challenges holding them back
Add in second chances at romances
Laughter, healing and a clown attack

This book is an amusing ride
Through living with ghosts of the past
And mending complicated relationships
To find happiness that can last

My family and I just started our after dinner walk on Mother’s day.
All smiles, strolling along our paved road that leads home.
As we were halfway near the highway, telling jokes and giggling over our bloatedness.
I look down to notice our dog panting and barking off into the distance.
Nothing was there. Dogs barking was not something I usually take too much mind to.
We own 3 dogs; Lucy is a male pitbull, Linda is a male yorkie, and Mindy is a female pug.
They all came with us on our walk. Usually they roam free, but today they stuck near.
That didn’t seem to be unusual.

We talk about how everyone is doing and what exactly everyone is up to.
Basically getting caught up since I usually don’t visit often, as i stay with my partner.

All three DOGS walked off into the distance, on there way back. Most likely tired.

All of a sudden my heart skips, my ears pop
increasingly loud ringing..
Confused, I start to panic. Everything seems fine. I can't hear anything.

I look around, finally noticing that my family was gone.
I finger my ears repeatedly. The sun is going down.

Nothing seems to be around, no cars passing, houses in the distance seemingly vacant but cars are parked in front and everybody is most likely inside.
I shrug whatever happened off, I make my way back home. Ears still deaf.

The driveway to my house seemed about a football field away. Every step was disorienting. I could not hear anything, still.
I apparently took an awkward step unknowingly. spraining my ankle and falling into a bush of stickers (this is New Mexico so that’s not uncommon.) It’s dark now. The closest amount of light is coming from my house.
I am yet to be able to hear anything.

The house less than 600 feet away. I yell for help. I can’t hear myself yelling but I know I am. The house has a big window that’s radiating light in my direction. It makes sense that my screaming would get attention. Nothing happens.
Shadows appeared looking out from the window. Feeling a sense of relief, I scream again. Expecting them to take notice, they don’t. They actually stay where they are.
All I can see is familiar silhouettes.

Still screaming, now waving my hands in the air and crying. I still don’t hear anything.
My throat feels as if it were bleeding.
Feeling very helpless and scared.
The silhouettes remain where they were. Frustrated, crying, tired, and in pain.
I close my eyes and throw my head back ..
into black
Like sleep

I wake in the beginning

a last shot into unknown,
dive deep into the soul less ink,
only to impart your own,
perhaps to emerge victorious?

imbue the stale cruelty of the inanimate
with the vivid cruelty of the soul,
bleed unto the mocking desolute canvas,
drawing blood from mindy & body in whole.

a last shot with broken minds,
write words that are not your own
for crazed usbthe hand that the soul hides behind
a battle of thoughts, then all alone.

Was it really anything at all?
These things I write, I can't quite trust them.
Yet I can't trust what I don't write.
It's so easy to get lost
In the _ of  _

my dad did his best to protect me

ya see helped through my problems

he also likes the idea of keeping you safe

as well as being cool

we watched all programs together

like a country practice and mork and mindy

as well as bewitched, which was pretty cool

dad used to call if bewatched

and we used to go on a lot of camping trips

to kiama and bate mans bay

and to a few tent sites, oh yeah oh fiddly dee

i remember when we went to a new years eve party

and me and my brother were at that moment

known as the quiet kids

and i played my dice cricket game and kept my family up

dad made a comment saying how about we turn off the light

and they can appeal for the light

and me and my brother played cricket and football in the front yard

and we played sports shows as well,

i put dad in my football team CCAE

and dad when he joined in at cricket at his big long legs getting in the way

dad wasn’t a scrooge, really he was a father oh yeah mate yeah

he always spent time fixing the pool so we can have a good swim

we used to go to the show to go on the rides and get show bags

and watch the event on the track even the fireworks

dad used to put the easter eggs out at easter while we went to church

and i showed respect for him doing that, yeah that was great

you see i went to the raiders and dad always drove us home

yeah dad, you were a great mate to me

enjoy being betty

dads with barnesy now

I've lost all my hair
I've lost all my teeth
I've lost half of my vision
I've lost my family
I've lost my job
I've lost all my friends
Last month i lost the only companion i had-my dear cat 'Mindy'
I'm stuck in a wheelchair now
The big empty house
It's dark rooms..
..they all haunt me now
..the loneliness just eats me up
All the good memories that i had
Have now become distant dreams
My heart hurts
My soul aches
I cry buckets
And yet week after week
Month after month
Year after year
I keep surviving
I keep fighting
'Coz the only thing i haven't lost is my will to keep on living