Mommy...
do you want to play
ponies with me?

Just for a little bit,
maybe,
or all night?

Maybe,
until I get sleepy
then rub my face?

Just until I want you
running fingers
through my hair instead?

I do like when we snuggle,
but maybe,
we can bring my ponies?

Cause they get lonely
sometimes,
like you do.


*© NDHK

I never felt lonely
until I met you
with what's said and done
all else remains untrue
We're so perfectly the same
why can't you see it to?
In my heart I believe
you would if you wanted to
I can't eat, I don't sleep
say you love me too
I am wasting my time
just thinking of you
You make my soul sing
it's all I want to do
I never felt lonely
until I met you

Lonely not lonely or maybe
History, HerStory
Reasons why i Choose alone, but not lonely

Everything is everything
Pretending to feel heavenly
Beautiful disasters
Hearts racing faster
Walls closing in
body feeling drained
Hearts feeling ******
Running outta luck

I'm loney, tired, I have no friends
I'm content, fullfilled, I hate everyone
My eyes bulge out of my head
Refuse to unsee
The molestation outside

I'd rather be wiser than nicer
I'd rather you hated me
Love wrenched is the most painful thing
I have ever felt
I won't do it again

Do I bore you?
Fight me
I'm atlas on this playground
Nobody sees me
I'm only a gamer
On the giving end

The cartoon is a rerun
And I got nothing to laugh at
It's not funny
Not Funny
Funny
No one could make love
To my mind like you

I'm loney, tired, I have no friends
I'm content, fullfilled, I hate everyone
My eyes bulge out of my head
Refuse to unsee
The molestation outside

I'd rather be wiser than nicer
I'd rather you disowned me
Love wrenched is the most painful thing
I have ever felt
I won't do it again

Life passes through when im hear with out you,
I'm on a totaly different side beyond the out,
hearin all the ghetto my new ***** gotta dead bro,
I've bin with all these red rags mind graffiti sketched tags,
So I miss my girl my sister,
My story tellin listener
my main true,
my blessed  boo,
seen my life she has the real clue,
when I got hit right there stuck wit me,
step dad did uncalled for beatin, cant help me gettin eatin
when we got caught callit go book free,
played a role got your back,
look forward. erased the wack.
no mom,
I gotta stoney,
didn't lisson always roming,
growin with my one friend never was a loney
one two I got you,
three four I'm out the door
five six, new home cant fix,
seven eight, I lost my great,      (hailey)
nine ten, I'll be home when?.
when I got In foster so close I could of lost her
your my completion I'm your creation,..
ying to the yang
the big,
the loud,
The shoot the bang.
we never for the reppin but we ain't afraid to steppin,
got our own gang ,
me and hailey togetha daily,
our name no shame same heart from thee start
aimin for big,
bullseye I'm the dart
walk our own way,
head up with no say,
got my noes in the sky cause you know I be high,.
finger In the air for the ******* that stare,
why the ******* stalkin?,
cause you scared to be talkin,...
make out my way before i get cray
best get to walkin before I get sockin.
               whatever I'm a youngin,
I'm blessed that I hung in,

Life passes through when im hear with out you,
I'm on a totaly different side beyond the out,
hearin all the ghetto my new ***** gotta dead bro,
I've bin with all these red rags mind graffiti sketched tags,
So I miss my girl my sister,
My story tellin listener
my main true,
my blessed  boo,
seen my life she has the real clue,
when I got hit right there stuck wit me,
step dad did uncalled for beatin, cant help me gettin eatin
when we got caught callit go book free,
played a role got your back,
look forward. erased the wack.
no mom,
I gotta stoney,
didn't lisson always roming,
growin with my one friend never was a loney
one two I got you,
three four I'm out the door
five six, new home cant fix,
seven eight, I lost my great,      (hailey)
nine ten, I'll be home when?.
when I got In foster so close I could of lost her
your my completion I'm your creation,..
ying to the yang
the big,
the loud,
The shoot the bang.
we never for the reppin but we ain't afraid to steppin,
got our own gang ,
me and hailey togetha daily,
our name no shame same heart from thee start
aimin for big,
bullseye I'm the dart
walk our own way,
head up with no say,
got my noes in the sky cause you know I be high,.
finger In the air for the ******* that stare,
why the ******* stalkin?,
cause you scared to be talkin,...
make out my way before i get cray
best get to walkin before I get sockin.
               whatever I'm a youngin,
I'm blessed that I hung in,

Written   By   Jesse   Mckush   Dedicated  For   Hailey   *Haglund

They saw the good in me and plundered my innocence
All run away with a share of a friend only my leaves to dry
They took my kindness for blindness but my cautious stood out
I acted stupid seated on wisdom
And they flame camped on turned a blaze they lighteth their guilt

Who are you
They are the people
To enjoy on your behalf without an attempt to  make you better
Until the bottle is empty the drunkard never stops drinking

They keep coming back, my face keeps the smile as my heart holds the lessons
Karma is sleeping on a rail with an epistle of chuckles for life took him to the streets
Karma put an alarm and only forgot to wake

So then i run a lonely race winning the solo award
One man comes and draws an oversighted victory
With horns they laugh with me but my resilience has no room for hurt
For sweet is the taste of their thorns as my mind made peace with trending pretence
#herdsmanofprogress

people they get lonely fill up with despair

living all alone with no one there to care

no one they can turn to life seems such a mess

just a loney life with nothing but distress.



everyday seems hopeless as they try to cope

giving up on faith giving up on hope

maybe things will change they may find a friend

then there lonely life will will have a happy end

How was school?

My mind starts racing
looking for wrids
horrible
loney depreesing
disheartning
painful
hateble
Embarssing
A costume party

Yet all I say is good

Pian

Pian

The scars on my  wrists are reminders.

The fresh cuts sting and burn, The red of my blood brings me release of pain that I feel inside. The pain of the sharp and the sight of the blood, it reminds me that I’m alive. But now it just there, there is no pain just numb.

Pain

I’m not scared of death.

No on the contrary I invite it with open arms.

No I’m scared of living. The thought of life is what chills me to the bone. That feeling that I don’t live up to society's standards. That I’ll be treated diffrently if I don’t fit the description of a cis girl.

Pain

It comes in the form of a dress, of long hair, of makeup, of *******.

It does not come in the form of a broken limb or a gun wound.

It is not a physical pain. Though it can be more inhabilitating than a broken leg. You no longer have the strength or will to get out of bed. Or even live anymore.

Pain

It comes from those who do not understand

It comes from words spoken about you but not to you. It comes from betrail of the highest form. That of a friend, of a lover, of family. They talk. Thats what gives you the power to take those pills. To bury the knife so deep in your wrist they can’t take it out. To put that rope necklace on and push away the only thing holding you up.

Pain

It is the friends you push away that can’t help you

It’s the feeling of pure depression. It’s not a sickness that you can see. You don’t cough, you don’t have a sniffly nose, you aren’t pale, you don’t have a fever of 127. You are so tierd becuause if you sleep you dream but can’t call it dreaming. It’s only nighmares.

Pain

It’s not what you think it is.

It’s like a friend who never leaves. Deppression lives with you and you can’t escape it. It slowly invades your sleep and every waking second.

Pain

For me my deppression is my body

My skinny waist, big hips, and *******. From my round face to my girly voice. My shortness and my slender hands and tiny feet. My deppression is my Dysphoria. She huants me when I look in the mirror. I see it in the faces of my friends. So I push them away.

Pain

It’s feeling so loney that it feels as tough you can’t go on any more

It’s pushing away your friends when you need them the most becuse you don’t wan to hurt them if you do leave. And you consider making life better for everyone including yourself by ending it all. Those pills, that blade, the knife, or the necklace of rope makes you feel free.

Pain



No more PAIN

No more PAIN

NO MORE PAIN



PAIN

As I look out
At the sight
At night
With its glittering
Lights
I
F e e l loney
For my
Heart aches
For you
Hill

Time is just a struggle to pass away
Minutes turn into hours then into days
Life seems to get in the way of living
Getting ahead just seems to be forbidden
Sometimes you feel you can rule the world
In a flash you can fall into ruins

Get it together, life just falls apart
Get it together, so just play the part

People lie and cheat through life
But I'm not one to cheat and fight
All I ask is to be true and real
I guess no one knows how I feel
I'm so loney and blue
I have no one who is true

Get it together, life just seems to start
Get it together, then life just falls apart

Time is a struggle to pass away
Minutes turn to hours then into days
I have no one to run to
All I've ever had was you
Now my life has gone away
This world i wish not to stay

Get it together, life just seems to start
Get it together, why? It just falls apart

© 2019 Michael Messinger(All rights reserved)

Lonely riders and loney souls
searching for a beggars gold
but not to find what they'd hoped
just an empty *** of stones

One who searches never finds
what was the question in mind
but the hand returns as it began
not empty not full but of a man

A journey that hasn't begun doesn't end
let's not forget we are the ones that live
there is no story better to be told
than the one of ours as it unfolds