come at her like
Whats your name?
What you in to?
naw thats not ganna work
got to get those words that ganna get you
Thinkin Thinkin
hold you like the pedals i'll never bruise
Naw to deep thats way to soon
how can i do this
step up to the table like hello my name is Luis  
man im like ***** this
stressing to much thinking to far
gotta act quick before another dude raises the bar
I got it i got it i'll dance for her
naw got to think out the box
done thinkin ... i'll just wright a poem
Send her my thoughts.
End it with XOXO i like you a lot.

My head is full of ****
And my heart is ******* Ill
Your bruisin me your cuttin me your love it ******* kills.
My mind is running fantasies
My hands, a nervous twitch
I try and stay away from you but i cant you ******* *****
It aint right to be so sad
It aint right to be so mad
But if you just dropped dead tonight well Id be ******* glad
And I know that i cant have you
But my chest it ******* heaves
Cause whenever your around me its the way you ******* tease
And if for just one day
That i could hold your hand
Well I just wouldn't care that your boyfriend wants me dead

Just stop teasing me and leading me on and every day im just mopin round im crying i just want my ******* way. Now i know im unappealing and i know i aint too bright but if you would just come to me and cure me of this blight well I'd treat you really well and I'd save you from your hell, but i know that it wont happen so i hope that you can tell that i want you ******* dead and i wish that you were gone cause my love you hurts so bad that im just ganna crawl in a hole and die
Sorry.

I'm ganna rip out my ribs,
and wear as wings
Dead leaves for feathers,
and strung up on strings.

My heads in the clouds,
My boots in the dirt.
I'm stretched thin,
I'm ganna fall an' meet the earth.

And I can't breath
I can't breath
I'm ganna fly.

Now those old robins,
ain't they just like me?
Red chest plumage,
and waitin' for spring.

So I'll shoot through,
that electric blue.
Chest wide open
and bleedin' on you.

*And I can't breath.
I can't breath.
I'm ganna fly.

Went to a party lastnight
It was Ganna be fun
I was with my awesome boyfriend
I really believed he was "the one"

I drank a lot more than I should've
And He had quiet a few too
Couldnt speak the word I should've
I didn't realize what he would do

I woke up to him on top of me.
He penetrated me more than once
When I asked him what was happening
All he could say was what now you wake up?

He kept saying I didnt remember
But actually I remember it all
It was a horrible pain
I ran out the room to call.

But he had hidden my phone.
I locked myself in the bathroom
Somehow he unlocked the door
I tried to leave but there wa no room

There was no exit for me at all

People tell me is wasn't ****.
Because we were dating
But if your too drunk to say no
That's a **** I'm stating.

How can I tell people?
No one will believe me
They didn't believe me the last time
Why waste my time breathing

Should I stay silent
Pretend that I'm ok?
Should I tell the cops?
Should I run away?

The pain I feel
And the despair
I was betrayed
But will anyone care enough
to listen and try to save

...me?

I don't want to stop writing these words
No one might read but I write
because what I feel is too deep
what I feel for you what I feel for them
what I feel for everything
I need to make sense of it
I have to
so I won't stop writing
cause if I do I might drift away and end in a dark place where the people around me feel like that animated caroline movie
where everyone had buttons for eyes
they were made of cloth and strings
And She, she  thought she was going crazy
I might be going crazy
Everything is the same
everyone is the same
and the more I learn about this world the less I understand
And how how could it be that you feel something so strong for someone but it goes away
infact you hate them
I don't want to hate
but I do I hate you
And everyone I knew
cause they keep changing
and I keeping loving hating
loving hating
No constants in my life
Cause they're all made of cloth and buttons
And they have buttons for eyes
I used to know those eyes
lies lies
made your eyes buttons
I feel nothing now
I'm becoming a piece cloth and button
come to think I about it
ha3 I wish
Cause I cry every night
and I laugh all day every day
and I want I analyze  relationships
While u see goals
goals
And I see holes holes
You try to paint a realistic picture
while I drip paint my decisions
my life
And you try to figure me out
you try to understand it
till u get bored and you can't stand it
how can you understand if I myself
keep trying to
Let's just go away
and leave this goals and messs
and stresss
Let's go
to fordham road
that's a bad neighborhood
I would walk and walk till it's night time
That's when all the stars come out
I don't know what it is that I wannna say
I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way
but I'm not ganna do what I hear me say
I'm just ganna walk
I'm ganna walk away

Focused
aimed
I'll keep going straight

Side blinded
no time to hate
cause if I let the thought slip for a second
I'll honestly throw all my energy to waste
cause you keep steering up my emotion
I might be exploding
And you might just have a taste

So I'm ganna keep focused
Determined
and going straight

Even though ur right there I'm ganna let it go before it begins let it go before it ends badly . I ain't human for now . I dunno how . But your effect will disappear

and I'mma keep going

There's not a better fealing that  I ever felt I'm dreaming
I believe in forever together
Never ever leaving
There's no one else 2 help me find a better reason how
I found myself under a spell and now I'm reaching out
Yeah... I need a remedy can't reach my destiny
The best in me just lets me see how fast these seconds leave
Baby baby I'm crazy dont hate me take these maybes I keep saying I'm making  day dreams relating I'm fading
My aching bones. pain
Unexplainable brain
Cant take control and the chains are unbreakable flame indulged
Faded soul u keep saying what I hate too know with no place to go
Can't excape the cold when u embrace the hold  
Ice pick thru the heart
Your the reason I'm making art
cant erase those marks
Right from the start I knew this was ganna be hard
Wanna be stars are ganna depart
If u wanna be smart then u gatta recharge .

If I could change one day in my past,
It'd be the day my boots beat the path,
So I wonder, how it could be,
If my gypsy soul never touched my feet.

I had a lady and she loved me so,
But the road you know it owns my soul,
So I wonder, how it i could be,
If my gypsy soul never touched my feet.

Dont fall in love with us travelin' kids
We'll break your heart as we leave with the wind,
So I wonder, how it could be,
If I could love a little longer than the season of spring.

Maybe if I was a better man,
But now I sit here wonderin' if I can go on
Yea I gatta keep on

And you should know I'm the king of bones
I'll rip out your spin so I can stand on my own.
Once I'm in, I'll tear you apart.
Leave you naked, bruised up, cut up, and exposed in the dark.

I've got my cigarettes I've got my ****,
All to keep my feelings under me,
In the mirror I see empty eyes,
So I roll myself a doobie and I look towards the sky.

The consequences of my wanderlust.
Are tears from the faces I have touched,
To my friends, Im sorry I'm gone,
I'm doin well.

If theres a welcome Ive over stayed it,
American dreams are overrated,
Sun sets up on mountain tops
thats where you're ganna find me.

I've got no money got no land to defend.
My journey will never come to an end.
Sun sets up on mountain tops
Thats where you ganna find me.

My gypsy soul and me.

Without a home,
And doomed to roam.

Well I slept through this cold night,
Hell, I've been through worse.
Heard a wicked story,
of Glass and tattered sash.
The fire keeps me friendly,
This fire tells me more,
It's all just ganna burn up
theres nothing else left but ash an Lyme.
That moon is watching; cautious.
It's makin sure I don't break more hearts.
I already feel so guilty,
I don't need this sentinel,
to remind me of my transgressions,
of love fueled aggressions.

So I might choke on this cigarette,
I might drown myself in drink,
You burning oh so bright,
I feel it's warmth from here,
For me its ******' bitter,
For whoelse it's cinnamon treats,
Please dim down your lights,
You make it real hard to ****** sleep.

Did you ever cut your skin? Not just the surface but the layers under nether. The important stuff. Whell if you haven't it's kinda scary. You know it's ganna be bad because it didn't start bleeding yet. I have a stabb wound in the middle of my hand. My whole hand is swollen. I can't move my fingers and inch by inch my pigment is turning black with shades of purple and red. It reminds me of a darkest sunrise, the way the clouds hold liquid colors that no one has been able to recreate such beauty. My hand hurts ... Bad but you know what really hurts haveing someone you thought cared treat you like ****. someone that made you feel like it was ok for once but then turns into pain that doesn't feel like a knife It doesn't feel the a stabb but it feels the the biggest stabb in the back. I'm not the same person you once know there's a lot of **** that has changed and no it's not for the better you should be scared because the stabb wound in my hand hurts but I don't mine it... I can barly move it and it doesn't bother me. I'd rather be stabbed in the hand and take injury to me body than take your ******* **** and a famous pop punk band once said "we are never ganna be the same again, burry me I'm not your friend."

1st grade I held your hand
And we became best friends
I would've done anything for you
I fought the boys for you
I came home every day with bruises
You know kids can play harsh sometimes.

Highschool I would've died for you
I ran away from home with you
We were unstoptpable in our heads
The world was ours
It was a matter of time
Till we became heros
Till we became everything we wanted to be

But as an adult now
I get it
Making friends isn't as easy as asking you if you like Britney Spears
People have grown with hate
Blame it on your parents
Blame it on the world
That did you wrong so many times
But that's you now
You've maintained the unstoppable image in your head by losing emotion by bringing hate
It's never ganna be the  same

I get it now
It's never ganna be a ride or die
It's complicated
It's foggy
It's never as pure
It's how the world works

Or is it how the world works
Should I surrender should I be that person
But I can't I physically, anotomically can't
Am I a loser
Or did I win
I don't know anymore

Friends enemies aren't as clear now
We are all an in between

Time is ticking and I'm still here I did not become who I want to be
In fact who I want to be is lost in the clutter of how it's supposed to be
I'm not sure if I know me anymore

I lost my inner circle
I lost a part of my anatomy
Atleast we were lost together
But you're not worth it you were always an enemy
I guess I was just trying to be right
To do what's right
Till I realized there is no right or wrong
But did I win or did I lose everything

I don't know anymore
Friends and enemies do not exist now
We are all in between

Purity lost

.confined to: on the nigh... look... no surd in sight... no white night... do i need to say a certain word? no... but do i need to write it? well... if you want to take an escapade outside of the realm of dyslexia... sure.

i'm a wordsmith,
i tend to listen...
   better written down
than left
to a simple
conversation...

      ******'s aryan...
how else
to fudge so many
extra letters into
the word

          nigerian?

or maybe it has
something to do
with reading a book
review
by trevor phillips...

a book entitled
white fragility...
by robin diangelo...

               akin to that...
ha ha moment...
   when you spot
the vowel-catcher
aspect
of the tetragrammaton
and the, base,
for laughter...

can't seem to hinge
laughter on any other
consonant, other than
the H...

           sure: in hebrew that
amounts to saying
in English: the the the...
point?
    closure...

was i ever wrong in saying,
and abiding by
a non-dialectical
observation:
   a jazz record sounds
best...
   on vinyl...

jazz on a bus...
  a ring to it, doesn't it just
have it, the missing G
in a word like:
the Niger river...

oh right, that song...
not Oliver Costello's
oliver army...
rhymes with trigger...
on 1585AM radio...

they didn't hush
the word...
as would be the case on
FM radio...
i think that's
the right frequency...

i spent an hour sitting
in a car in a car park
outside the vets...
a cat in a car is like
a man about to fly
in a space-shuttle...
   the windows steamed-up
like that *** scene
from the movie Titanic...

billy joels':
we didn't start the fire...
belgians in the congo...
apocalypse now,
             heart of darkness,
joseph conrad...
         more like:
belgians in england...
          these days...
belgians in portugal...
        
the added G...
****... at least i'd be identified
with a Latin word
for black...
flag pole... the north pole...
******: grr...
         just one more word
you can add to speaking
a foreign tongue...

1 hour... sitting in a *******
car...
   can i drive one?
no! but i can ride you a horse...
how's that?

i had to lazily fathom
my... inability to dream,
or feel anything profound...
like making baby-steps
in a ******
that's supposed to be a heart...

well... if everyone is going
to be so ******* honest...
suicidal thoughts?
  oh, plenty of them...
   it's the only way to
contemplate mortality,
overshadowing an aspect
of god to send out Samael...

        well...
seeing how i ate the pain
of the four knuckle burns
from a cigarette
and enjoyed it?
           yeah...
that's weird:
     having the capacity
to enjoy pain...
                 it's like:
i want to feel what these
****-sodden *******
of a 14 year old girl
feel like...
     when cutting....
        the sad truth being:
               burning leaves
       you with tattoos...      

still, lazily budding with
a variant of sado-masochism...
           if there's pleasure
to be gained from...
   over-exposure to
the nerves...
           being recipient
of a...
                        impetus?

the fear of clenching
your teeth before
falling alseep...
in fear of a quasi-epileptic
spasm...
     fun days, and night...

hello the Chernobyl
winds...
             that year...
when the local park
experienced a curiosity...
when an atomic wind
passes?
  strips of trees...
roughly 10 metres
unaffected...
   rought 10 metres
decaying or...
speeding up from spring
into an autumnal
allure...
                  
  and this... this wasn't even
in Ukraine...
     head further,
north, across the border...

why i've come to enjoy
pain?
       a male ****** was
only ever so-so...
          what...
having to pull back
the *******...
   revealing the perfect
*****-****...
         because of two
protruding veins
being the reason for
not being given the:
             snippet treatment?

a hour, sitting in a ******* car...
apparently i gave off
a stench of a brewery...
filled the car with
toxic fumes of
the previous night's
whiskey consumption...

and i look at gambling
and think...
   yeah... i gamble...
i take a liter of whiskey
with me to bed...
chances are: i'll wake up
the next day... 3:1 ratio of me being
right about that...

     so...
   racism... race realism...
   very racist of me,
i somehow managed
to "bribe" a black girl
   with my up-stairs
doing it in the dark
on a leather sofa in a bedroom
while entertaining
a few guests who
managed to bother
a birthday part of me...
"bribed" her by providing
a decent stealth of cocktails
and cedric IM brooks',
notably the song
satta masa ganna...

   i do appreciate that classical
music lasted for
let's figure this out...
Vivaldi (1678)
Bach (1685)...
   vaughn Williams (1872)...
roughly 300 years...
        jazz?
             how long was that?
i'm not going to check,
i want to be guided by
some variant of ignorance
in... making general statements...
50 years?
           nig(g)er dropped
the ******* trumpet!

before it was rap,
it was a rhapsody...
            and i have...
0 colonial ancestry in me...
so... of course i'm not
excused...
         but you're just black,
while i'm a ******* flag pole...
and the people
most acutely aware to
any verbal transgressions?
they're the ones who
have no ******* puddle
for a soul behind the facade
of a smiling face.

racism contra race realism...
hmm...
       sounds like something
from an existentialist menu
that's... *******...
          hot... like a bagel
from a brick lane bakery!

never to be a convert
to rap, 'ere...
                reggae...
anything by culture
or isreal vibration...
who's who and who isn't
culturally appropriating
what?
         bunch of ******* schizos,
trapped on Jamaica,
thinking the Ethopians
are the 13th or is it the 14th
tribe is Juda?

i'm just a ******...
   shying away from
a Germanic heritage...
  ****... i'll just have
to butcher mein deutsche
for the, tickling thrill of it all!
and speak anglo-sax!

fenix feather dipped in blood
signed on the dotted line
see it better quick in love
lied on those songs you write
it must take a lot of effort
too make that texture look fake behind those measures find a treasure you little spine collecter
I'm a guesser not a fortune teller scorpion seller orphan on welfare
torchered in the celler sources developers and I'm always letting her take the best of me story teller my faverite ingredients for the recipy mental telepathy extazy a mess of things letting me keep the key away from reach babygurl your never ganna be set free ****** me gently hurtig me tenderly a blurred memory that make the eckos scream no remedy dead asleep too stressed too keep a smile on go on ahead of me
if I dont respond u know I'm dead too be dont check too see and step beneath the deepst regions I used too believe in freedom like some believe in demons angel holding me while I bleed with weakness agree too see this before its finally gone always sleepless
forced on writing these songs while righting the wrongs
that help me respond and bestrong trying too keep on the right path
like a pesant forced too bites scraps
or the essence that makes you fight back on the right track
if u stay with me gurl ill make the night last
I'm giving you the world before you even had a chance too ask
I just hope u can understand the facts


I dont have let go if your holding my hand

And you wonder why blood was spilt
And about the wars that have killed
There's things in life you can't accept
You would fight till you die
Than stand a day in its mess

And you wonder why blood was spilt
And about the wars that have killed

Freedom has a high price
And it's not given
It's taken by the oppressed

And you dont have to look far
At the world's most horrific tragedies
Look at your own anxieties

When you act like your living
But every vain in your body
Is shivering.

Cause you're supressed by capitalism
Working day and night
And your opinion is not for the giving.

Nor are you allowed to be sad
Nor are you allowed to be mad
This is how life is, they tell you
This is how life is, they convience you
Don't be a woss
They tell you
Be strong by following me
While I follow what they want me to be
And they follow what they were taught to be
By people who followed their own misery
Thinking this is how life should be

You don't wonder anymore
When you have tasted it
The depression the pain and the downgradment
It drives you insane

You don't wonder
Why the blood was spilt
And about the wars that have killed

Cause freedom has a high price
And it's not given
Its demanded by the oppressed

So, are you up for the battle
Or your ganna shut up, and cry every night?
Down your pills ?
Roll a blunt ?
Down that drink ?
Then go numb ?
And go with the cattle ?

Theres something in your eyes,
I can't explain it.
I think something you died.
Do you feel unwanted?
Just have another smoke,
It'll make you feel better.
You'll be part of the crowd.
At least for a while.

Ignore the gray skies,
It's a fleeting moment.
Go out for a walk,
your bones are thirsty.
So your drowning in yourself again.
I don't know how you stay afloat,
As hollow as you are,
I know you feel heavy.

I'd say it gets worse before it gets better,
but I know better.
It's ganna stay bad.
So I don't wanna live for long,
Go ahead and keep your Gods,
I'm alright with just fading.

what if I committed
Suicide.
Would you
Care.
Will you miss
Me.
I'm ganna commit
Suicide.
Goodbye

What did I do to make it go bad?
I'm so lonely, no one to call "my girl"
I shouldve held on tighter
I shouldve never let you go
I was stupid i was foolish.
When you left I lost a part of me
Who's ganna take your place?
I guess, this ain't love anymore
All I feel is pain

hey you
are you reading this
what your not
why
this is important
this is life
read it
read it
read it
if you dont
i will find you
and i will take your phone
and throw it in the garbage
then
oh, then
i will find your house
light a match
and throw it into a pool
so just read this
ok
promise me
look me in the eye
will you read this
no!!!
IM GONNA TAKE U AND THROW U IN THE TRASH AND ROLL IT DOWN THE HILL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE EARTH AND TAKE U TA MARS I LIKE SQUARES YOYUR GANNA BE A TRIAN GLS YGAONMKHYU

I'm always in a rush
Cause I don't ever wanna stop
Cause if I stopped I'd realize
How meaningless things are
I like the adrenaline
So why would I stop
Cause all the new people I meet
Are pieces of everyone I knew
And there's a tiny piece of you
I can tell what ya'll ganna do
Repetition
And I hate repetition
Cause I've got too much of an intuition
I can read through you
You hear me but you don't feel me though
I feel you but you don't hear me
So, There's no need to understand nor comprehend
lets just rush things
And never stop
Rush it until the day we drop

If you took away all my sadness
and useless rage.
I'm afraid there wouldn't be
Much left standing.
So I'm not asking for
Your cure.
I just need a few bucks
So I can drink,
With my friends.

So maybe tonight won't be
So God ****** rough.

Music is my medicine
but lately,
It's not workin'
I'm ganna need a double dose,
To feel alright.
So I'll blast crystals to my cranium,
So I don't feel so low.
I'll play my guitar and sing
until my lungs explode.

So maybe tonight won't be
So God ****** rough.

I've wasted enough time on u
I tried hard
It was difficult
But u still wouldn't execpt me
I'm not ganna change myself for u
IN am who I am so get used to it
Ur stuck with me for four years
I don't care anymore
Do u??

I  had a dream,
The Moon enveloped the sky,
Watching me close,
Like a Celestial eye.

Oh a wisp of white smoke,
From a face of rough stone.

I know I'm guilty
No Need to remind,
Oh, you remember what I've done,
But would you still say Good-bye?

Well,

I'm a doctor, I'm the butcher,
Yes, I'm The King of Bones,
I'll harvest your ribcage
an' add it to my throne.

On my plate is your heart,
With ketchup and cheese.
You know these hearts,
Taste better the more they bleed.

In my goblet of wine,
Your soul Swims and cries.

Oh a wisp of smoke,
From a face of rough stone.

When that blue sky gets dragged, shrieking,
towards oblivion.
The moon comes out to remind.
I know I'm guilty.
Oh you remember what I've done,
Are you still ganna say Good-bye?

Heavy foot steps and lead laeden words.
Trying to create sense of this emergancy of birds.
Predators hiding lurking in the laminate
sealed in with a kiss the layers are feeling permanant.
Clear obsidion mixed with volcanic ash.
Crushing down on me, im gasping for breath.
Shaking like a mountain just before the eruption
trying to remove myself from this plastic corruption.
Daisies die in feilds..
Deers burn as the air horns call out the catastrophy.

You all need to run from me.

Silence in my self, I am no longer seeking
i need to break free and sing just as birds sing.
Calling out the warning; shaking up the evergreens.
its all interconnected.
Hyperspatail turbulance im screaming in my bed
im worried
im afraid
im trying
its working
i think that the plastic might just be burning
the toxic
the posion
its all gassing off from me
dont breath me
i feel like its something.


I could just be werid. Relaxing in turbines, i think im just trying and poems lead to calm minds.

Make sense of me. Make sense of you.
And you.
And you.
Im caought up in the subterfuge.  Capracioisly grapsing
for what im not sure.

Cattawompus canyons are cut into my heart. Im so confused information on piecharts
, the values dont match
the legend is misleading.
God seems to be warrenting this healing.
Kicking in the door
creating a dizzy storm.
Cyclopeon rage
stolen from days of yore..

Its time to let go.
Its time to grow.

Just understand me . just for a breif moment. I am harmless. I am less. I am lost. I need rest..

A bunch more words too honest too painful. I write poems to unleash all that is shameful.

This hurts.

This is needed.

I am bleeding.

Just so I am.

Just living.

Just leaving.

Just kidding.

Just bidding.

Betting.
On when its all ganna explode.
On when the subroutiunes will need a defrag machine when the bios gets corrupted when the system wears down when i will stand in the light looking like a ******* clown.
Because i trusted.

Why is this so hard?
I am 24 years old and cant drive a mother ******* car.
Fear is a disease that i can not squah on my own
a whole battallion of star ships need to warp into my home and disrupt the radio frequencies that speak to me
in dreams the nightmares unending the face grips and rending my cheek bones are tensing my teeth are condensing milkbones and raw tones

This excitment inside me
burns out the live feed
darkness envolopes mailed sent by trumpet
these echos of my thoughts
repeat the words taought
like liar and loser you dumb ******* ****** acomplish not nothing but your something is ******* just so god ****** worthless they all wait for your face to turn to a frowning grimice of you drowning you floundering ****** you sociatial ****** you cautious cat crawling as dogs get the tasties of life while your wasting your time just complainging this echo echo chamber needs to be ******* obliterated. A star dust deconstruction and rebuilding of the most primitive functions.

Take me from my own head.
I made my bed.
Id lie in it. But. Its made of my own meat and guts.

Friends
.. I need your ******* help.

Just.
Be you. Perfect.

I trust you. Despite what these echos say bouncing in my brain.

Just.

This is too much.

Just.

I think im just werid..

Just.

Please dont run.

Nothing stays forever and I'm sick and tired of putting so much effort in trying to weaver our emotions into connections so I can wear our relationship happily knowing that it will get old and it will get cut and it will smell and I won't want to wear it any more.

and now whenever I'm high all I can see is the fall

I can see you becomig busy with others while I find myself some others because I'll be the one you talk to others about saying " ahh l don't feel like doing the effort to hang with her " that is if you still remember me by then .

nothing stays forever

I expect that you won't like me , like I won't like you forever. I expect life to take you away and for me and you to stray but not together.

Because

nothing stays forever

It's so sad that nothing stays forever , but I can't change it , you can't change it , we must understand the reason behind it.
But at the moment I'm just swamped in a pool of feelings behind it.
Reason and logic are upstairs in the lobby drinking some tea it's hot and I like swimming so I don't see myself going to meet them anytime soon I might just drown in this pool.
And never meet my reason and logic .

funny thing is you walk around my pool but you're never in it .
And I'm weaving in a pool and the strings are getting wet and its soo hard and your not helping your just there tanning chilling and the world does not revolve around us.

Agh these thoughts are killing ...

But I'm going down this road whether it's fast or slow we are ganna go .
And I don't even know anymore

Hold on .
While I put on that image

the image of me that doesn't seem to be insecure
The one you want to be

Hold on .
While I fit in
it's just ganna take all my strength created by my weakness and a minute

hold on .
I did this before
it can't be that I can't do it no more

hold on .
I know I'm losing soul
But I know you won't love me for my core
if my image is all over the floor

So hold on .
hold on just a minute
while I pull it together

Hold on .
a hot mess isn't what I'm going to be forever

So Hold on .
while I pull it together

they are saying thers no love now , they're saying the love it's fake , they're saying we can't find love and cares ... but i'm saying right now that i stil  believe in love and i'm ganna wait it until the end , we just have to wait .

He told me he loved me.
I believed him.
But in the end
I dont know what to do.
He tells me everyday
That he loves me.
I feel pathetic.
I love him
More then anything
In the world.
Do i stay?
Or do i go?
He is  my world.
Hea the only one,
Who sees me for who i am
Im ganna stay.
Cuz hes the only,
One who really
Truly loves me.

my windows clean i m out to see
a whispering life i want to live
you walk aside beside of me ..
i looked into the moment
moment of your iris
i felt a sparkle , all across your eyes
i dreamed , always of it on a full moon sky.
whats till the end of it
how we ganna call it the end
is that the ending we look to end it all ..

The media is givin half baked truths and bold faced lies
The children of Israel are terrified of blue skies.
The whole U.S. weeps when one war-hero dies,
How bout a half-mast for the kids we feed to flies.  

Everyone posting bout' equal rights and peace and love,
Did you forget your i-phone 6 was made with blood?
There's a dragon in China and it's forcing slave labor,
With wings made of nets and teeth made of paper.

You're ganna ask me why I'm mad?
Just stop and look around,
The USA is now the NSA
One nation under bigotry
United under hate.

Off the beaten track by the skin of one's breath, bowed down made to last, seaminly lost and gone, containing nothing but shattered peices of broken glass, mind going insane tossing turning, body weak muscles aching possessions held inside giving long, loud, piercing cry or cries expressing extreme emotional pain, I cannot help myself can you hear me screaming I'm afraid I'm ganna die get me out of here, heart is beating faster are you listening, don't leave me alone falling apart from nothingness seems strange I don't want to say goodbye, your ganna have to hear those words I'm broken and lost,
I hear those whispers in dark when darkness comes I feel alone, wanna turn and run it's keeping me down every day I try standing.

And maybe this love
will reach you one day.
But, for tonight with me it's ganna stay.

in terms of ontology: all is permitted,
given that so much is left,
dangling upon a damoclean
                         thread of a single
horse hair...
                            of the unexplored:
ontology is a waiting game,
with what, already is,
   a fixation on the constraints
of: ex simiae:
                       hence my approximation:
**** similis...  
    it's still a desire to preserve
a base, an origin story transfixed by
the use of fungus...
      accidently swallowed a mosquito:
suddenly grew a ******* pinocchio...
and somehow, slyly:
fixating on keep the libido
                                     momentum...
that's crucial, that the momentum is kept...
yet i wonder...
     racism:
                       poland vs. senegal was
the first game when the rams bothered
to clash horns...
       oh i can be crytical when i see it
through a lense of: crypto-nationalism...
unlike the romance of the noble prize
being given to Milosz...
            economic migration background:
i'm not allowed to romance about it...
there's no "grand" furore to mind,
no expectation,
           and certainly no: bending the knee
of the hosts...
  ****! from calling them natives
i'm starting to think in american terms
of hosts...
                  given i'm an alien "body":
                 more or less a thought, prior;
but that was the first instance of
deviating from playing out the sport,
poland vs. senegal...
            ******* europe versus a people
who know of europeans...
                            belgians and the congo...
slim afro beauty that she was...
no wonder...
               could almost say the *******
came when i felt my frontal pelvis
bones was sore after she
                rammed her coccyx onto me...
but outside the realm of serving
seductive cocktails while playing
          cedric 'IM' brooks'
                                     satta masa ganna...
no, i'm just curious about
the dynamic, behind a word such as
racism...
   and language in general...
           who are the people who use
a first tier definition of a word?
          i'm sure language is as loose as
well oiled spaghetti in imitation of
a pit of snakes...
           and yes, the linguistic atomists
(akin to myself) who care to mind
                          diacritical exceptionalism
in uttering a micro-seance
      prior to a syllable... notably via
ü (the classical umlaut)
               and what could become an
applicability of orthography in english:
with, oh so many examples in need of
being addressed:
             namely: from pout,
               came pút,
                                pool
                           ­             (pül),
                and the disguised vowels
of english: putter versus a patter...
  the subtle elongation of the A
  in a: pāt on the shoulder...
i already know that my suggestion is
too impractical to be ascribed
a subsequence with a towed effect
being ascribed...
           but at least there's the observation,
in the open.

  with this one particular word,
what is it: from zenith to nadir,
  or from a nadir to a zenith?
    definition 1.
             first, or           definition 3. first?
vocab. inheritance tax...
or just mindless fronting concerning
the affair?
    
is it a priori:
   1. a belief or doctrine that inherent
  differences among the various human
racial groups determine cultural
or individual achievement,
  usually involving the idea that one's
own race is superior and has the right
to dominate others or that a particular
     racial group is inferior to the others

or 3. hatred or intolerance of
               another race or other races                 ?

seems rather contradictory that
there could be such a priori complexity
to begin with, to be inherent...

zenith / nadir
                   a priori / a posteriori
dictum would suggest
  that: definition no. 3 is a priori...

while definition no. 1 is a posteriori...

    which also allows a psychological
dimension and
    the Freudian-Jung dynamism to
"explain" the proton, neutron, electron,
egg shell egg white, yoke,
               sclera, iris and the pupil
dynamic invoked by the psyche-dissection
into compartment
of a consciousness,
                    a sub- and an unconscious...

definition no. 1 can't be a priori:
it's too worded to make sense of
what an a priori statement looks like,
i.e.: 1 + 1 = 2.

an a posteriori statement?
               given that 1 + 1 = 2 is an a priori
statement?
                                    √-1...
   ­  lo and behold!
             you get a letter! as substitute to
the meddling in numbers...
     and then from i, to iota,
                       and the concept of a pronoun
in english (gender neutral) you go...
                              wunderbar!
                ­       ja...
because you can begin with an:
a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i...
                  clearly there's a priori
favour, to subsequently allow
a loss of explanation with a 1 + 1 = 2...
inheret bother:
      because when wasn't
         arithmetic ever akin to spelling?
the frequency of the letter-usage
compared to numbers?
      
              do you call the mann unable
to count or spell:
at the same time blind
            and deaf, synonymous?
what definitions behind a word
do you use?

what tier of a word are you making
                           allowances for?

using tier no. 1?
        or using tier no. 3?
   how can you even allow
an "ambiguity" of secondary tiers
of red...
               given there's no celtic ginger...
and shouldn't tht belong among
painters who can actually
see past the writer's daltonism,
  or x-ray in teutonic schwarz und weiß...

   a sch't'ern tongue:
          among, platzieren ziegel von die rot
                von Marienburg...

what is the dictionary "ambiguity"
of red?
            
            one subsequent definition is:
BLAH!

               so we've established word
that acribe to tickling a thesaurus
ambiguity...
    but sure as **** there are some,
rigid, orthodox, words:
that can be used, un-acriptive
of a challenging authority
wishing upon it a counter-usage...

  i was born a pollack,
i acquired english:
            god forbid i don't die german!
hence all this crypto-nationalism
*******...
      i am a crypto-nationalist,
given that a nation is a cryptic,
quasi-noun suffragette...

             ich, werden sterben ˈjərmən!
point being: i'm hardly welcome...
        but death is hardly
a grieving mother,
               rather, a welcoming *****.

i've "said" enough,
  question is...
                                 have i drunk enough?