"faultlines" poems
i was reborn, like a phoenix
but without all the glory.
i didn't set the hospital on fire; i struggled
to pull myself from the ashes
of a former prodigy,
one entwined with madness
in all the right ways
laced with misery like a noir heroine,
so sexily depressing-
whereas now i am just empty
i did not emerge unscathed, no,
not like the fledgling, i
am covered in scars and faultlines from where
the sorrow tried rip itself
from my sorry body
and the crimson glue holding me together
replenishes itself more diluted each time
before i died
i swung through technicolor
episodes of scarlet, rose,
ecstatic white, and the
sapphire blue to haunt my dreams
waking and at night
but the color leached away,
the antiseptic began to pervade, refilled my veins
and purged me of everything but grey.
before my death,
i reigned over the darkness, banished it
when it did not suit me,
manipulated reason, lived in a waking dreamland,
in complete control of my life-
but now, when i am fragile as eggshell,
it's the only place i can hide,
a haven where i can act like the lack of light
masks an imagined vivacity and not a skeleton in flat black and white,
disguises and emboldens me,
allows me to be whole again,
to forget the borders, my limitations
indiscernable in dusk
i used to cast my own light-
now i am my own shadow
and in the dark i fumble for
what i used to be,
reconnect myself with the world
throw myself from the cliff
and hope to find my wings again
Oct 9, 2012
Oct 9, 2012 at 3:41 PM UTC
I can't decide if earthquakes are caused by shifting rocks
Or if they are the result of the growing faultlines on my palms.
If the quake I feel is from jolts of energy formed due to the earth's crusts rubbing against each other
Or if the quakes are caused by the friction between my palms and my face
Perhaps earthquakes have nothing to do with the fact you left dragging your suitcase behind you
And perhaps it has no correlation with the rubber soles of my shoes and the cobblestone ground
Maybe earthquakes are screams of, "THIS IS TOO MUCH."
Maybe earthquakes are millions tremors whispering, "I can't take much more of this."
I've been struggling with differentiating equations involving inner shaking and outer breakdowns
But I have come to a conclusion that the probability of earthquakes existing within me is fairly close to one
And that the probability of earthquakes being caused by your hurt is possibly closer to one
Most days earthquakes begin from within -
The place where your hands used to cradle my heart is cold
And the ice is travelling from my arteries to my fingernails
Other days, earthquakes stem from the screams of the masses -
"You don't matter," they say, even though I am very much aware
That a flick of my finger could cause the collapse of a tower worlds away
I can hardly comprehend how sudden releases of pain can cause a rift in time and space
And sometimes earthquakes are the seizures that could keep someone alive and **** them at the same time.
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 2:55 PM UTC
please don't ask
why my words
are so intent on
chaining your heart
to the nightmares I've
stuffed my pillows
full of
with promises rusting
into blackened iron
links and truths that
would shine better as
lies
I never meant
to cage you
in my dreams -
it's just that my
eyelids solder shut
and I cannot pry my silver
eyelashes apart without
cracking at the faultlines
I forget to mention
whenever I wake up
alone
it's just that my
soul needs more
than a little oiling
more than a little
you
to breathe away this
metal corroding its way into my
tear ducts, dripping rust
down my cheeks,
choking on 'blood oxide'
and mechanical residue
buried underneath my
fingernails
it's just that every
******* 'i love you'
is yet another link
around my finger,
wrenching the life out
of me,
blue shadows engraved
on my skin never shine
like silver in the sun
but if this is the
only clanging chain
of heartbeats echoing
in metal boxes
from me to
you;
what can I do?
it's just that there
was a lock somewhere
along this mess of coils
and chinks and mistakes
but oh god,
when did the rust
between you and I
melt into three thousand
miles of mercury trickling thermometer
poison into everything
we say?
I've lost my keys;
they had sunk first and
I will sink last
it's just that
the clinking thump thump of your heartbeat
is my lullaby;
it's just that
knowing you breathe warmth is enough
to cool the burning silver in my lungs;
it's just that
close to you is the closest I will ever
feel to 'alive'
it's just that
if I can't keep you -
nobody can
Dec 2, 2014
Dec 2, 2014 at 4:56 AM UTC
awakened cows chewing
a mountain pass
dawn warms their massive eyelash rows
clinging drops of dew
spark in rhythm with the cud
darkness rumbles distant now
clouds dispersed to other nights
while metaphoric bull unhinged resounds
the cosmic rut
must i hide my love for this
unweave my judgment from my sight?
what in me defies all sacred holiness forever sung?
bees will ravish even newly opened buds
who am i to battle with the lightning's surge?
presumtuous coverings
can net me willing lustful
stars i see a field i open fertile
ecstaticly unblessed enough
lost heroic i had thought to know
pretends a second thrum
i see in random eyes the breaking sky
and lightning branches over snaking crevices
a sound of faultlines folding free
tectonic sexplay deep
in lava belly
far behind the summit mount--
there i see the sun a base as well
earthen seedbeds heating heights of life
space is cracked!
vast width enwombs the narrowness i preen
in nervure's shine,
a sponge mycelial with soak of raining
carbon underground
the drumming hoofbeats shake and settle
days dehiscing spinning sun
to somber eve in active rest
dreaming pasture real
within a trailing effort's ease
Oct 1, 2013
Oct 1, 2013 at 9:52 PM UTC
i. (kc) was the catalyst
the first to convince me that I could be loved
and the only one to make me believe I was capable of loving back
...for about two weeks.
ii. then (jt) arrived
popular
suave
and dorkily crushing on the one girl who couldn't return his affections.
but it wasn't until the first time I heard my name and 'beautiful' in the same sentence
that i realized there might be faultlines in my heart
shaking the love out of my body like lunch money from a scrawny kid's pockets.
iii. the first time i broke someone
the process was anything but (sl)ow
and it was then that i realized
i was getting too comfortable sleeping with regret, curled up like a black cat beside me.
iv. fortunately for me
(je) had 20/20 vision.
he saw through the mask, forced me to face myself until i couldn't help but punch my own reflection
and though his words almost convinced me that i could be saved
his empty stare reminded me that i wasn't worth the trouble.
v. looking back, the initials should've warned me
that he would be the (ss) to our sinking ship,
that we were fated to drown.
but he was coldstronghard as metal
and it took me a two years, one month, and one day
to learn that even silver can be tarnished.
vi. the name was fitting, i guess.
(jr) was finer than any greek hero
and were he a god, I would've named the planets after him too.
he was as reckless as the roman empire
scratching himself on the thorns of my soul just to find something worth saving.
was it because of compassion or guilt or shame
that I put Ariadne's string in his hands
so he could navigate his way out
and run for his life.
maybe it was because
I was so used to the echoes in my head
IendeditIendeditIendedit
that through the tears, I still managed to smile at the words
he ended it.
Oct 9, 2014
Oct 9, 2014 at 3:14 AM UTC
in the fog of a cold summer,
you shivered like a seismograph
tremors assaulting your faultlines
and i took you in my arms,
zipped you into my ribcage to keep you warm -
you shivered to the rhythm of my pulse,
hot blood exiling
the summer chill.
from the fog of a cold summer,
i took you into my bed,
plucked your feathers
to keep you with me;
made dreamcatchers from your feathers
to keep the nightmares from your mind.
shivering seismograph,
can't fly with bare wings.
through the fog of a cold summer,
i walked with you,
held your hand
anchoring you to my side,
shackles between us
keeping you safe
[you can't fly in this fog
little seismograph:
the clouds will eat you up
the fog will wrap around you
and dash you against the rocks.
oh, you are beautiful,
but you won't be when you're
bleeding broken on the talus,
your bones escaping your skin.
blood breeds art
but what use is art when you're gone,
when you've found your feathers and flown]
in the fog of a cold summer,
you asked to leave.
i need to fly, you said,
*i need to become lost
in arms of mist
and fog.
your ****** arms aren't enough,
your ****** arms are staining me
corporeal.*
just keep your arms around me,
just remain in my ribs,
just close your eyes
and let me be your
air currents,
lifting you above the talus.
i can fill all your fault lines,
i can ossify
all your fissures.
i'll fill your hollow bones with my
hot
blood
and exile the summer chill.
in the fog of a cold summer,
in the wake of a muscle spasm,
you fell from the sky
and i caught you,
plucked your feathers
so you could never fall again.
little seismograph,
shivering to the rhythm of my pulse,
i will keep you
so warm.
i'll keep you safe
in my cage.
Apr 8, 2013
Apr 8, 2013 at 5:48 PM UTC
grasping pen and paper
and begging for some peace
these forked tongue
promises
leave me begging
at your
feet
i'd have fought the fractures
id' have fought the faultlines
all i wanted
was those words
all i wanted was to hear you say
be mine
Feb 9, 2010
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:08 AM UTC
These faultlines we tread:
of island loves, we dread.
On the crests, lie parked our loyalties:
siblings, friends, parents and loves,
every love, bounded by sadnesses;
Faultlines that carry buried
embers under piles of smoke; and then
once a while, a paper wheel that
was still, revolves in the slow wind -
and embers come alive;
Suddenly unrequited attractions flame
over: O the lure of danger-laden
pathways on these faultlines that
we dread, yet love to tread.
How in dark lights, shadows talk and
could-have-been's and how-nice-
it-would-have-been's play out,
lonely paths, where embers
and shadows flutter in the winds, we
walk on. The fair wears out,
the gathering disperses, and
this deja vu cabin flashes
out exactly like those years ago and
hope emerges out into the
renewing fair, with the crest,
in that undivided year
when the sea hadn't reduced this mass
of our loves to these island bits
with these faultlines that we
dread, yet, love to tread
Jan 14, 2013
Jan 14, 2013 at 12:15 PM UTC
I'm the skeleton in the closet no one wants to claim,
Blank stare and empty smile etched into my face
By a distracted artist.
The air is thrumming with the crackle of madness.
The life-blood of cruelty flows out of the mouths of those who refuse to claim me, refusing to meet my eyes.
Such disdain!
It must be the burden I'll shoulder,
Outcast is my name.
Having never been possessed by a demon of my own,
I am different.
Beaten down and battered by demons that reside,
In souls other than my own,
Created for those not me.
No demon has claimed me as their own, though many have drawn my blood by the hands of their hosts.
Twin mirrors shimmer in dark, liquid pools they call my eyes,
Reflecting back onto everyone the ever-growing spiderweb of sins that cover their suffocating souls.
I can trace the faultlines on their skin,
As their sorrows seeps through the core of them,
And they shudder at my whisper-soft touch,
So like the brush of wings.
I am the problem for which there is no solution.
Lock me behind closed doors and whisper behind my back,
Let me fade away from time and memory until there is nothing left;
Not an echo of my stuttering heart beat, nor an imprint of my shattering soul.
I shall disengage entirely from the whole of the world.
Floating in the darkness, alone in the absolute silence,
Until the light flares to life and summons me home once more,
To the core of the universe.
May 10, 2012
May 10, 2012 at 3:14 AM UTC
Let's have a conversation
we've never had before
where I dazzle and surprise you
and you pin me to the floor
and the world falls out of order
in a new and perfect way
and we wake up on the faultlines
of a fascinating day
Well I know you have it in you
for myself I'm not so sure
as my hinges they are rusty
and I can't unlock the door
We have calcified in comfort
we have fossilised in fate
and I want to shake the sureness
before it gets too late
And it's not that I'm not grateful
or would rather be alone
but we owe it to each other
not to cast the world in stone
So let's have a conversation
we've never had before
let's take the wrong road home, love
and remind ourselves there's more.
Sep 4, 2012
Sep 4, 2012 at 3:45 AM UTC
I never understood what people meant when they said you could get lost in someone, but I swear
When you looked at me with those kaleidoscope eyes of yours, containing every colour with tunnel vision straight into the faultlines in my soul
I could scarcely remember my own name
And in that moment between breaths
Looking at each other with the quiet suspense
Of a lethal, lingering kiss
I don't think I would've wanted to
May 31, 2016
May 31, 2016 at 6:15 AM UTC
his chest was the ground caving in
in a matter of seconds;
it was the streets' sudden tremors
the wall cracks
and chipped rocks.
his gaze, hauntingly sad,
it was almost inviting.
and i was a girl,
all white dress and wide eyes
not really knowing any better;
steps, too careful
walks, too slow,
tracing the faultlines
misplaced on his skin;
it was an open field —
an open target for the lightning to strike
and leave its marks
and i was just a girl,
looking for poems
where they shouldn't be found;
on the palm creases,
and the curves of his lips.
i walk,
all tentative tiptoes
and a wrong step;
falling into each hollow,
each crevice,
each slit.
he was an earthquake, waiting to happen
seismic and sudden,
taking everything down.
and i — a nameless girl,
an inkblot for face and limbs
a paramour,
a secret,
all wrapped into one.
i — a doorstep kiss,
an uncertain touch,
a bedpost notch,
all wrapped into one.
and i — a jamais vu,
a face in the crowd,
a nameless casualty,
all wrapped into one.
Nov 1, 2019
Nov 1, 2019 at 7:43 AM UTC
don't blame your mother because she doesn't know what you're in
don't blame your mother because she's frustrated that you haven't said more than a few words and it's her weekend off
don't blame your mother for slamming your door when she enters for the seventh time today and you're still in bed
it's not her fault for the things that you feel and it's not her fault for not being able to understand
but it isn't your fault either
you've been broken ten ways to Sunday and it is a miracle you still have your limbs
you don't have to worry that your extremities are numb and chilled because your heart is doing the best it can
your vocal chords need a rest sometimes and it's not your mother's fault for not understanding
but it's not yours either
Nov 19, 2013
Nov 19, 2013 at 12:29 PM UTC
It is difficult to understand
What separates you and I,
Perhaps you reached, but found no hand,
There must be more than meets the eye.
Deep chasms line the spectrum,
Like cliff faced faultlines of distance where there's none,
One slight of step, a little momentum,
And into an abyss beyond reach of the sun.
By nature, we are much the same,
Despite the nurtured deception,
I refuse the notion that I should shame
Still watered ripples of my reflection.
May 30, 2018
May 30, 2018 at 3:05 PM UTC
We were of the mountain
As far as any flesh can be when flesh is weak and soft
And so imperfect in its subtleties.
The valley takes no shelter here
When we are sand and stone
Formed by the world over; we are not our own.
You can't fight this finality - I can,
But it takes its toll on me as the rivers line my face
And I feel the sea and the moon in their dance.
The Earth adjusts itself to this
And I understand what it means;
That creators are destroyers of the in-betweens.
I see no violent turn in the paths we take,
Just the gentle shift that time will make.
Jul 10, 2014
Jul 10, 2014 at 11:21 AM UTC
When love comes around again
I want to really make it last
And I resolve inside that I won't make the same mistakes
And spoil my new happiness with the faultlines of the past
Being hurt by love at any time is just to hard to mention
But experience has taught me well and when the chance comes
Around again, my changes will be known for that's my intention
And at last, I'll find a new beginning with someone I can trust
And hold out my heart like a cup
To let my new love fill it up
Jan 5, 2016
Jan 5, 2016 at 6:49 PM UTC
you look at me
like i am sunset slipping
away
from your fingers like
silk and satin while
my fingers tremble
and quake and ache to be so far
away
you are still looking at me
my fingers curl into
fists crushing petals that
are never there
don't look at me i know
i left the flowers to rot
and wilt among dusty windows
and picture frames three nights ago
i know you wanted the roses
next to the bed or between us
somewhere to remind me of
things you only say when
your arms become shore and
i cannot breathe
they were such pretty little things
pinks and reds and dawn and dusk
did you know? i cradled your roses
to my chest until the scent of
flowers and you
and sweet and kindness and hope and
love became suffocation and memory
of everything you poured into
my thirsty hands that i did not
deserve
everything i watched rain down
my feet through the faultlines cracking
along my palms the way your
gentle fingers would whisper
against mine as you fell asleep with
your head cradling mine and forever
still on your lips
i look back at you
and my fingers are only my
own again and they were such
pretty little things but i am only
nothing
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 6:04 AM UTC