I am a compilation
Of dead factions
Mangled selves
Who did not choose the right turn to
Save themselves.

I am a compilation
Of eyes set ablaze
Upon realization
of their unacknowledged
future

We are not alive if we live off lies.
This is the truth
The reason everyone dies.

Greet me
Speak every syllable of my name
In honor of those still inside
Their corpses.

Remember me.
The could have beens,
Which should have been.
What might have been better if they were?

I am filled with death
And with every word,
My every turn,
I only manage to **** more

Sing to the ones inside
The ones left beind
With no chance of being revived,
For none of you ever did exist.

Only to me.

Well, not everone has a mother,
Not everyone has a father,
But im lucky to have both.
And yet have a company of a motherly figure.
Whom I can refer to as a fairy godmother.

My fairy godmother has gone through worse,
She is a perfect example of a strong woman,
Who wants her children to grow into a perfect,
Like every mother,
She has cared too much,
Loved too much,
Worried a little too much
And got hurt too much.

Yet she shines and through her scars you can see the sunshine,
Only she needs to see the shine in her heart,
Her children will do well,
She just needs to let them be,
They will grow into beautiful beings.
And will make her proud.

Things will shape up,
May my fairy godmother be happy,
I may not be near her,
I hope she loves me like her daughter,
And well her daughter is  really sweet,
She will soon love her.
The unconditional love.

On my knees entering in.
I pray my prayers to the Lord above.
Just relying upon him as I've done before.

He's been my shield and my protector.
Who has guided me with unselfish love?

On the church pew I now sit.
Listening to a needed word.
And the message spokes volume to me.
Similar to the scriptures that I read.

My church.
Where tranquility resides?
Where I can always find a peaceful mind?

My church.
Where God welcoming everyone?
No discrimination because you disagree.
Even God has that feeling.
When He ministering to your personal needs.

But, he understands your questioning.
And He guides you accordingly.

Church.
That worshipping place for everone.

Its strange how sound exists,
How silence fits around
The noise that may be far
Or may be near,
Yet always in the gaps
Within the noise
There is the sound
Of nothingness

I am noise and action
An assault upon the senses
Of everone it seems
In earshot or worse yet
Within the range
Of touch or eyes meet,
Close enough to sense
My inner turmoiled demons

Well soon enough,
Albeit not soon enough
For some,
My noise will diminish
My actions still,
And where I once crashed
About there will be purely
Blessed quiet.

Enjoy!

Im sick
Of hiding behind the fence
Of normality
When you get down to reality
Everyone is either slightly closer
To either
Normality
Or
Insanity
Which are you!?
Go by inspirations?
NO **** THAT! HATE YOUR INSPIRATIONS!!
Impire yourself to become an inspiration
And to make other ******* weaklings
to kiss you *** to try to get tips out of you
Amd when that day comes
You simply give them the same tips i gave you
BREAK RULES
GET MAD
GET INPATIENT
DO STUPID MEANINGLESS ****
AND LEARN RATHER THAN FEEL PITY FOR YOUR SELF
FALL
RECOVER
HEAL
LEARN
AND REPEAT
Until the day youre inspired to inspire
The person you are today will ALWAYS know more therefore be wiser THEREFORE be better and closer to perfection than the person you were yesterday
Show people you can
Show people you would
Amd show people you could
So you say to yourself
I will redeem
Redeem i shall
and redeem YOU WILL!
I promise you my fellow freind
Everyone who stood by your redemption
Will love the new you
And everone who left
Will miss the new you
Do NOT invite them back

F.C

The wine and Smoke float with perfect balance, Numbing my mind and heart.
JUST KEEP BREATHING... Let it overtake me, far away to a new start or an old. I imagine I'm happy (Shiny pink lip stick makes you seem to be)
JUST KEEP LOOKING PRETTY... I feel like a useless prize! Kept by my master. Smiling, kisssing ***, Keeping His dream alive! When the wine and smoke float in perfect balance, I PRETEND I'M ALIVE!
I am the sexiest in the room. You know it's true. Not beacause it is but because I feel it, I own it and It's not you. My mind is my power, eyes are the weapoon. **** INNOCENCE! You could take notes or search within, everone has it, QUIET CONFIDENCE! Not as hard as it seems. I'M LEARNING TO STROKE MY OWN EGO! Don't really need you!
Is it so bad to want for yourself and hope for another?
THEY HATE WHEN YOU'RE HAPPY! How does one fill their time? Superficial smiles, 'How do you do's" But no one cares how you do. They revel in the sound of their OWN voice. Does the truth really hurt more than years of more mistakes?
JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, OPINIONS TO YOURSELF! How dare you forget for one moment that EGO RULES THE WORLD! So, beat around the bush, grin, nod and regergitate what they want to hear because that's what they like!
Stay in the cushioned cage of your limited mind... I'LL JUST ******' FORGET YOU! Isn't that easier than the truth that I know?!
Because when the wine and smoke float in perfect balance YOU DON'T ******* EXSIST!
Dear LORD keep me STRONG; Temptation for the dramatic endlessly teases the mind...........

I would of loved you *****
But you loved everone else
I watched you day and night
Spreading your legs and letting every man come inside but me
You didn't even look at me
Never even said hello
But I looked at you
I've always looked at you
I couldn't stand to see you violate yourself
For men unworthy

So now your mine
The only man who knows what you want
The one man who knows how you like it
The only man you need to see

Your fighting me now but
you'll like being mine eventually

DEATH OF MAN

Ayad Gharbawi



BOOK ONE
November 25, 2009 - Damascus

So let me speak now on my thoughts that have been gathered from the years of my experiences and from the years of my thinking.
I have come to many conclusions, in a conclusion of my own life.
Let me talk about every subject that concerns you all.
You think of ‘religion’ – and that word has more than one meaning – and I must say that it is not ‘good news’ as so many religious and evangelical people propound.
I tell you my friendless friends that there is NO good news to speak of – at all. It does not exist. That does not mean to say that religious people are lying to you – no, it is just that they are idiots, that’s all.
Why do I say there’s no ‘good news?’ because life is a pile of broken glass, blood, hysteria, panic, depression, failures and ultimate pointlessness.
Let me start from the beginning.
In the beginning, Man was created and he and she are a truly, unbelievably DESPICABLE entity.
That’s my starting point for Man, his History and his so-called Civilisation.
That is my starting point for WHO Man is today as he interacts and talks with other people.
Don’t trust Man!
Don’t believe in Man!
Remember and remember firmly that Man is fundamentally EVIL and you must act accordingly.
If you trusted Man, then you must pay the price.
Why do you then cry?
Didn’t you guess or understand or fathom who this repulsive entity was and is and will be?
Now IF you can actually comprehend that Man is fundamentally evil, then you should be on the Right Path.
Now when I tell YOU that Man is evil, that means that everyone that is around your existence is EVIL.
Your family are evil; your beloved ‘friends’ are evil, your ‘lovers’ are evil, your children are ultimately going to be evil – and this fact particularly HURTS.
The humans in your job are evil. Basically try to understand that EVERONE in your life is evil and act accordingly.
What do these words mean?
These words mean that when your beloved ‘friends’ speak to you then you must pretend and act that you too ‘like’ them. But within your heart, BEAR NO ILLUSIONS! Your ‘friends’ are nothing more than sickening creatures who will one day stab you in your back.
Remember that when humans ‘talk’ to you they do not understand what and why they speak.
Ask your friend this question, ‘Who exactly are you?’
They ought to answer you honestly, ‘I know NOT myself. My Unknown Self’.
ADMIT you humans that you know not who you are!
Think that perhaps you are NOTHING?
Can you understand that question?
Jew Christian Moslem Buddhist Hindu ------- ‘who’ are ‘you’? What is your Self?
What is your Identity?
How can we – we, who do not know you - RECOGNISE you?
And what if we cannot recognise you precisely because your personality is completely unrecognisable?
What if your Self & your Soul are Unrecognisable?
Do you ever – at any flickers of Time – sense & feel that you yourself are Completely Unrecognizable?

I don't know how much more I can take. I spend all my days smiling but all my nights crying. Every day it gets harder and harder to mask the pain the wells inside me. I walk around every day like my life is so great when really, I know that I'm just a huge mistake. People yell at everything I do. Everyone pushes me away or pulls themselves away. Everyone walks away from me. I care so much for others and I just get left out in the dust like a piece of trash. I don't even know if it's worth it to stick around anymore. I mean why should I? It's not like anyone would notice if I was gone anyways. I'm "too nice" appearently. Well guess what? I'm the way I am because I never want people to feel the pain that I'm in. I never want anyone to feel left out or unloved the way I do every single **** day of my life. I never want people to feel like they arn't really wanted or appricated. Whether it be in the classroom, on the court, where ever. Everone has a right to know that they are loved and cared about. I walk around all day and my eyes sting because I'm fighting back tears. Yet no one notices. For once it'd be so nice for someone not believe me when I tell them I'm okay. Sometiems I really want to admit it, but I just can't. I don't want to show that I'm weak. I have so many people I have to be strong for. I feel as if the weight of the world is resting on my shoulders and every day it weighs me down more and more. Every day it becomes more and more of a struggle to even get out of bed. Why should I get up to go walk around in a place where I'm not even wanted or appricated? Why do anything at all anymore? Why can't I just...not?

A thought in the mind with an intuition of the soul.
Why?
Why do we write?
What we write.
When we write.
The cause.
The emotion.
The start of it all.
A large door backed up with emerging traffic.
Are you wanting to let others through?
Revealing your mind,
Your ultimate motive.

Was it euphoria?
That feeling when nothing made you feel higher.
No person or thing could take you down from your throne.
For one moment in time you could pass on that stimulation.
By bringing together, pen and paper,
You've began--
No turning back now.
Your mind-set back to that very moment.

Was it anger?
That feeling when nothing has made you feel so irate.
You've reached your boiling point,
Red with fury.
Your brow out of alignment.
Your utensil lashing out on paper as if it were your own mouth.
Screaming to the world at the top of your lungs.
If only they knew.

Was it nervousness?
That feeling when you just want to crawl up in a ball and die,
Hide back in your little corner.
Just writing about it sends beads of sweat down your forehead.
The time the whole world has eyes on you when your fearful eyes are so very blank.

Was it anticipation?
That feeling when you've almost reached the peak of the plot.
You know it's coming.
Chills are sent down your spine,
Wanting to share this excitement with everone surrounding you.

Was it sadness?
The sorrow, pain, and suffering.
You weep and want others to feel as if they were right there with you.
To build a lasting compassion.
To gain a sense of struggle,
A sense of not knowing if it will ever get better.
To feel for you.
Finding the reason for that long face through your writing.

Was it the kind action of lending a hand?
Through your thoughts,
Your voice on paper.
To touch lives.
To embrace a being without a single touch.
To listen without any attention.
To comfort without showing your physical affection.
That passion.
That motivation.
That satisfaction of someone coming up to you and saying, "Thank you."

Was it your mind purely running wild?
Story after story.
Thought after thought.
Creating characters by the hour.
Minute.
Second.
Its racing had reached no end.
One solution,
Slabbing it all on paper.
Who else to listen, but an audience.
Too many thoughs and ideas to keep inside.
Cerebral overload.

Was it simply an experience?
Yearning for the reader to be right there beside you,
At that very moment in time,
At that place,
With that person,
Saying those things,
With that look upon their face.
That feeling,
In your gut,
With that person,
At that place,
At that moment in time.

Was it knowledge?
To inform the reader possible facts.
Statistics.
Dates.
Times.
Your background.
How you became a writer.

The motivation.
The incentive.
That gut-wrenching feeling,
Deep inside of you,
Screaming to get out.
Pounding the walls of your mind to escape,
To let others in.

What you write.
When you write.
Why you write.
Why?
A thought in your mind with an intuition of your soul.

never again will i let her do it again if she tries this time im stronger and i can fight back she will never hurt me again never again will i let her hurt me like she has she has caused to much pain she will never cause me this much pain again i was hurt by her she doesnt know the pain she has caused and she will never ever lay a hand on me again cause i am strong and she cant take that away from me life for me is pain and never again will i ever let anyone hurt me if they do they will regret it everone has there fears but mine is more than a fear its much more never again

im 13 in get treat like im 4
i am hiding behind all this fear
i put a smile on my face so people don't
think im un happy in everyone all whys calling
me names i wish people could show me love
i am just so tired of hiding behind this fear
i do soooo much for everyone  why cant they see
im a love-able  13 year old girl . but i guse people act like im just invisible
i need to come out of my own fear in tell people im tired of it im only one girl im not anyone slave i am me for how i am in if thwy cant apreshated  that then i dont no what to tell everone then

The inner ciity school was big and noisy.
I remember being scared and ovewhelmed.
When I saw her for the first time
a cornucopia of colors In her flowing sari.
She floated no sound of footsteps.
Her skin perfectly brown
oh she was the most beautiful lady
I had ever seen.
I think she loved teaching more than life.
She would break an adult meetng
to  tend to a childs needs.
.Saying we must reschedule
I have a very important
meeting with my student
I must attend to.
she taught us patience and respect.
To listen to each other and to learn
from each person we spoke with.
she brought animals to the school
and introduced us to new species.
Everone wanted to be with her
when she taught us the class was silent
and every swoosh of her sari could be heard.
she stood by  the open window  of the classroom
Once and said listen can you hear it
I said its just silence Miss
she smiled and said no
it is the most beautiful
sound in the world
it is the sound of learning.
she would ask what new thing we had learned
since last she saw us.
A color a poem a book.
I think I learned how to learn from her.
She basked in her small successes.
Later she told us of the nurses a doctor
schoolteacher author and poet
that had spawned
from her class.
Now when I visit England I always try
to see her in her small retirement flat.
she pours green tea that she says comes from
the foothills of the himalayas still teaching me.
As I recount for her all the new things
I have learned in the years since I saw her last

I forgot to remember to forget you
and today i was left on my own
guess what my mind was first drawn to
on my face, my thoughts were shown
i wish you wereent always there
hiding in the back of my mind
i wish i didnt get that blank stare
as through my life i rewind
but life isnt a wish. its a lesson learned
perhaps you were a blessing in a way
unfortunately everone still seems so concerned
but i will manage to be left alone someday...

it may not seem likely, or be any time soon
but i will overcome, i will heal this wound.


6/1/09

The inner ciity school was big and noisy.
I remember being scared and overwhelmed.
When I saw her for the first time
a cornucopia of colors In her flowing sari.
She floated no sound of footsteps.
Her skin perfectly brown
oh she was the most beautiful lady
I had ever seen.
I think she loved teaching more than life.
She wld break an adult meetng
to tend to a childs needs.
.Saying we must reschedule
I have a very important
meeting with my student
I must attend to.
she taught us patience and respect.
To listen to each other and to learn
from each person we spoke with.
she brought animals to the school
and introduced us to new species.
Everone wanted to be with her
when she taught us the class was silent
and every swoosh of her sari could be heard.
she stood by the open window of the classroom
Once and said listen can you hear it
I said its just silence Miss
she smiled and said no
it is the most beautiful
sound in the world
it is the sound of learning.
she would ask what new thing we had learned
since last she saw us.
A color a poem a book.
I think I learned how to learn from her.
She basked in her small successes.
Later she told us of the nurses a doctor
schoolteacher author and poet
that had spawned
from her class.
Now when I visit England I always try
to see her in her small retirement flat.
she pours green tea that she says comes from
the foothills of the himalayas still teaching me.
As I recount for her all the new things
I have learned in the years since I saw her last.

im happy to day.
its such a beatiful day today '
the sun brings a smile to me .
the world would end up dead if ever one never had a smile .
now if i rains everone is sad cause it gets dark in lonly

My soul keeps wandering these empty halls.
It's lost and have no meaning no path.
Wandering like a ghost haunting me about my past.
My shadow who keep letting these thoughts coming in to my mind.
My mind fille dup with chaos and nonsense.

The words I make up in my head is like knives in my soul
And when I let them go to me, my herat is puring out
My eyes start pushing sadness trhough my eyes.
My pillow gets mascara marks from my pain.
And outside of these walls everone thinks Im fine.

Take me back to the days
Where the feel of texture and distinguishing colors among Africans didn't matter
Where the only word was black, and not pale or darker
Where the only weapon was loyalty upto royalty actually smarter
Where mother tongue superiority excelled the rest was after.
Where rituals and ceremonies were significant in culture
Where oral traditions activities was a preservation of history.
Where inclusivity wasn't done based on tribe, status or age
Where inspiration and education was passed from generation to generation through storytelling.
Where people performed rather than spoke
Where the media was the speaker's tone, volume, and cadence

Take me back to the days
Where people did not blame nationality, ethnicity,
culture, economics and education
Where there was no colonial *******
Where there was no concept of slavery, racism or discrimination.
Where Africa was rich in culture and not the fallacy of primitive and a backward jungle
Where Africa was peaceful and not a race with guns and violent.
Where shouting am black and proud wasn't important because color didn't matter.
Where respect for elders remained an unbroken cornerstone in african culture
Where birth, marriage and burial rites was honored.

Welcome to today's Africa
Where exporting and importing of cultures have become the trend
Where cultures travel through deserts, cross trade routes and through immigration borders
Where exchange disregards our notions of geography and race.
Where virtues such as hospitality, empathy, courtesy and respect is long gone
Where the only thing left are byproducts of culture.
Where multiculturalism has faded and everone hails on becoming one
The richness is not in Africa looking like Europe
What makes the world beautiful is in the diverse contributions

Welcome to today's Africa
Where culture is paraded on an image of drum beating
Where media's notion is dancing naked or eating bush meat
Where in the midst of it all culture lost its definition
Where there is no importance in defending a territory with no boundaries.
Where technology dominated our land and mind
The struggle lies in reclaiming what is rightfully ours
I refuse to fall and cramble because I'm for the idea of sameness.
In the mind is where it all starts
I put no blame on culture, not my affliction.

The inner city school was big and noisy.
I remember being scared and overwhelmed.
When I saw her for the first time
a cornucopia of colors In her flowing sari.
She floated no sound of footsteps.
Her skin perfectly brown
oh she was the most beautiful lady
I had ever seen.
I think she loved teaching more than life.
She would break an adult meetng
to  tend to a childs needs.
.Saying we must reschedule
I have a very important
meeting with my student
I must attend to.
she taught us patience and respect.
To listen to each other and to learn
from each person we spoke with.
she brought animals to the school
and introduced us to new species.
Everone wanted to be with her
when she taught us the class was silent
and every swoosh of her sari could be heard.
she stood by  the open window  of the classroom
Once and said listen can you hear it
I said its just silence Miss
she smiled and said no
it is the most beautiful
sound in the world
it is the sound of learning.
she would ask
what new thing we had learned
since last she saw us.
A color a poem a book.
I think I learned how to learn from her.
She basked in her small successes.
Later she told us of the nurses a doctor
schoolteacher author and a poet
that had spawned
from her classes.
Now when I visit England I always try
to see her in her small retirement flat.
she pours green tea that she says comes from
the foothills of the himalayas still teaching me.
As I recount for her all the new things
I have learned in the years since I saw her last.

That form of life,
That everyone talks about,
That everone wishes they had.
But they dont know how to get it.

We seek, and demand.
But with no avail,
to the World's plans.
Sometimes soultion in one excpetion.

You cant judge,
You may not ask why or how.
Just know it is because it is.
Not for any other reason.

Not because you wished it,
Not because you created it,
Because it was time for it.
And let that be.

Sometimes you don't deserve,
Those things that happen to you.
Whether they be good or bad.
They are just a part of life.

Be at one with your life,
and live it.
Because its the only one you have.
Until you find the other side.

Justify your being
Your presence
Here you are
Made for a reason

Believe me not
Believe me now

Important you are
Living for someone
Dying for everone
Worth it you are

Push your evil thoughts
Let them not bring you down

Worth it you are

Some distance you can't make up for.
Not far from you is love.
Something that everone seeks.
Even if they in denial of it.

Some fight for it.
Some lose out on it.
While many wait on it.

Just keep in mind.
Not far from you is love.
And those that enjoy it will tell you, it's wonderful.

Those that seeks it.
Have yet to know it.
And those that lost it.
Have come to reget it.

Love is at the center.
Love is at the right.
Love is at the left.
It's surrounding us daily in our life.

We just have to admit truth.
That not from us is love.

I was sick
and not the type where you catch the flu
and within a couple days you feel better thanks to all those antibiotics
but my sickness was something different then the flu
only my flu did not involve my body
more so my brain
that no amount of painkillers could ease my pain

I could picture life
school and everything else continuing on without me
maybe there would be sorrow, maybe even guilt at first
but in my brain everone would be fine
everyone would eventually get over it
everyone would continue on with their lives
and soon enough everyone would have already forgotten,
leave behind the girl who killed herself

because that is the one thing that school does not teach you
they don't teach you that as humans we forget
about how long time passes because we've been too caught
up in everything else to realize that the world around us is still moving
that time doesn't stop for anyone
and that was the reason why I believed everything would be okay
everyone would be fine

Where do you turn when your path is straight?
How do you love when all you get back is hate?
Who do you talk to when everyone leaves?
In the middle of a war, how do you find peace?
Where do you find color, when your surroundings are black?
How do you find happiness when the only feelings you have are sad?
Who do you put your trust in, when everone else has betrayed?
In what do you find comfort in at the end of the day?
All of these questions,
I have yet to find an answer to.
If anyone has an answer,
Please come find me soon.

I'm happy,
as long as I don't think too much
Don't think about my anger or sadness or anything really that reminds me of how life is so tough

Tears of laughter hide tears of pain
I laugh like everone else,
but it's just not the same

My dammed river of emotions is building up again and I think it's gonna burst,
I'm thinking more now,
and I think this new wave of depression will hurt a little worse

I try to see the good in everone but sometimes it's hard when life turns out to be not so fun I hate to see heartache in a child I hate to feel lonesomeness in a womens eyes I hate to know that a man has ben defeated by his pride and it makes me sad that the ones who are old don't get there last rights before they die only god can mend the spirit of man kind many speak the language of words and the mouth is were it starts but I was made from god to speak the language of the heart

You're hurt
You're tired of fending
You have become an introvert
Who's always defending

Tired of always looking for something real
But you can no longer feel
Because everone is trying to steal
You're heart instead of lending
You can no longer heal

You have become weak, Meek
You feel like a freak
You're no longer unique
You no longer seek

Love
God above
A group to be apart of
Any one that gets close you shove

But your not dead
Healing takes time
Move ahead
Life's a mountain that you must climb

Sure your sore
And life's become a chore
But your strong
And life is long
You'll endure
Soon you will restore
And soon will be asking for more

Let us celebrate a day of history
When the separation of a single people
Was a willing act of treason
And an act of chasing freedom
Let us not forget history as it was
Not as how they want it passed down
The blood and stain of shame
Is still buried deep down in the soil
Of a troubled nations ghost
Both past and present
The last empire to commit the near complete genocide of a proud and fierce true native
Then built up a monsterous industrial complex plantation
With workers bound by chain of ignorance and hatred
Men and women and children treated less than animal
Remind me again what am I to be proud of
And some will say we've come so far
Then why are lines still being drawn
Why does the world continue to separate
Why are children still dying in the streets
Why are soldiers coming home without their feet
Why are our mothers still plaqued with grief
Nations still using bullets and bombs
To argue that we are always in threat of harm
From the unknown
And like children afraid of the dark
Everone is trembling under sheets
Afraid of an invisible beast
But fear is still fear
And fear is what betrays us
Keeps us from unity
Keeps us fighting each other
Instead of fighting for each other
You can keep your pride of nation
I will keep my fight
Pushing towards
The union
Of all people

we are all the same no matter what the race
we all have a heart where love it as a place
the color of your skin dosent mean a thing
love is your heart and true love will bring.

its given to us all no matter who we are
love is shared by everone wether near of far.
its a gift thats given to each and everyone
given to the world makes the world go on.

• BUILT YOUR HEART STONGEST AT ANY HOW..OTHERWISE IT's EASY TO BE THE PREY
BY ANYONE's HEART (still my heart is the weakest one):)
•DONT BE EQUAL WITH EVERY ONE..
JUST THINK TWICE WHAT THEY ACTUALLY
DESERVE THEN MAKE YOUR FOOTSTEP!!
(Be aware)
•MAINTAINING YOUR PRIVACY IS IMPORTANT IN EVERONE's PATH OF LIFE..
•MAKE YOUR STUDY AS ONE OF THE PRIORTY COZ U SHOULD KNOW THAT WHEN YOUR DEARIES WILL LEFT YOU ONE OR THE OTHER DAY..THESE KNOWLEDGE WILL BE THE ONLY WAY ON THAT TIME!
•DON'T BE CONCERNED ABOUT ANYONE
TOO MUCH..JUST BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF GOD AND GO ON..
•CONTROL YOUR TEARS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO HARDEN YOUR HEART..
•BE ENGAGE YOURSELF EVERY TIME
SO THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO FEEL WHAT DEPPRESION IS?..
•WHATEVER YOU THINK WILL BE PLEASURE FOR YOUR LIFE DO THAT..AND WHAT YOU THINK RIGHT DO THAT DONT MAKE YOUR BUDDIES WRONG AS YOUR WRONG!
•DARE TO THINK YOURSELF AS USELESS..
YOU ARE THE BEST & YOU CAN DO ALL THE WORK WHICH YOU ARE THINKING IMPOSSIBLE..
• ALWAYS MAKE YOURSELF HUNGRY TO GAIN KNOWLEDGE!
•AND MY MOST IMPORTANT LESSON TILL TODAY IS:BE LIKE THE INNOCENT ANIMALS.
AS THEY USE OTHER ANIMALS AS FOOD..
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN TO HIDE THEM THIS MATTER? NO OFCOURSE NO...
WHEREAS WE SHOW THAT WE HAVE NICE &FRIENDLY RELATIONSHIP BUT THE REALITY IS ABSOLUTELY OPPOSITE &DISGUSTING....
BEING LIKE ANIMALS IN THIS CASE WILL BE WAY TOO FRUITFUL FOR US!!

love between two people is something thats divine
brings you both together makes two hearts entwine
it goes around the world each and every place
no matter what the color no matter what the race

something that you share something that you give
its for everone helps the world to live
a love to last a lifetime for your whole life through
and forever more love is there for you

a very special gift sent from up above
for each and everone to fill your heart with love
it  is there for ever every you and me
there inside your heart love will always be

na biedną nie trafiło:
      it didn't fall upon a poor girl.

autobiography abstract (abstract
refers to a scientific paper
  synopsis) -

2 flats in st. petersburg,
                        a rich daddy,
and even richer gran-daddy,
a mansion in novosibirsk -
               you know -
  something akin to "new money":
plety of oligarchs in russia...
studied in an english university
in the early 00s...
so i'm guessing paying an
        excess of 20K per year...
so she wasn't exactly a poor
girl...
       we agreed on not using
condoms, well, she suggested
she wanted to feel skin on skin...
and said: i'll take the pill...
she even chose her engagement
ring...
         let's face, boy 21,
girl 18... love is the only madness
that's required to do stupid things...
like, NOT TELLING THE PERSON
******* INTO YOU
THAT YOU DECIDED TO
STOP TAKING THE CONTRACEPTIVE!
that's some whacky-races sort
of love...
                 i guess she really wanted
a part of me, even though
we broke up...
- i think i'm pregnant.
- what? we broke up?
- but i think i'm pregnant.
- listen, i'm an immigrant,
   i have to bust my *** on the construction
   site, and i still want that second
   degree in history from u.c.l.
- so?

if i play detective columbo and have
one lazy eye, and digress and
never mind paying much attention
to "facts", in order to spot the lies,
that was the tactic:
always ask the same question over
and over, at different intervals,
and you'll see the "fact" to be a lie...
thanks columbo:

she does revenge "****":
as far as i can tell, ***** a school fwend
of mine, and, given she
was studying anthropology,
she had insight into amazonian poisons,
so i'm sold this idea of a hallucinogenic
that lasts only 15 minutes
(i didn't want to do l.s.d. with her:
12 hours? **** that!
  she thought we would start
the new doors version of musical
events... no wonder that at school
younger girls asked me what
shampoo i used,
              donning a french braid)...

idiot for a minute: genius in a lifetime
of beating myself about university,
and the "need" to explore regions of "thinking"
akin to huxley on peyote...
stupid me... i thought that western universities
were about all that jazz?
    
mind you: there's that biblical verse:
   and how the people wondered about the beast,
for the mortal wound to the head
was healed...
    all i can say:
an angel shaked me, induced an epileptic
tremous into a haemorrhage stupor...
slobbering to one side, like stephen hawkins
looks most days...

don't worry, you don't have to believe me,
i'm finding it hard to believe it myself...
   but yeah... i'm the guy in the book
of revelations:
              come on...
   i didn't go as far as marylin manson and
his delusional "self" idea -
matching up the book of revelation describing
nebu's dream of a beast with iron teeth...
look at my inverted pockets...
       moths and cobwebs...
the only riches in my possession are the ones
that i make do with my tongue:
   by speaking the truth.

summa summarum?
    if she really was impregnated by me,
and really wanted so bad to keep a part of me,
and then tell fairytales about how his daddy
died a terrible death, being a chemistry, trying
to experiment...
     well... daddy's still here... ******...
with columbo's twitching eye...
   what the **** could be deemed improbable
about this verse?
   people can run 100m in 9.58seconds...
  people went into space and landed on the moon ,
people climbed everest...
    what's delusional about my statements?
              when someone deems
another person, the madman is simply
"man" because the person who deems him "mad"
is just about as annoying as those
monkeys who steal tourists' possession for food,
keep the possessions for random, until they
get their "peanuts"... yes, the bali monkeys,
     the uluwatu temple mafia...
some people have this knack at being,
   simply annoying, rude, and annoying...
then again, some people on these islands
don't have the english knack of being annoyingly
polite... some people really do behave
with their tongues, like they might find annoying
if someone were to shove a handful of red
ants into their underwear;
         can't do anything about these *****:
'cos' they're just *****, plaing and simple...

but it didn't land on a poor girl -
                                       *na biedną nie trafiło,
i washed my hands from the whole affair,
given that i only game *****,
but no signature on a piece of paper...
       i have no legal reasons to give support...
em... am i some foreign aid bank?
                     don't worry,
i made a back-up plan...
                            i already pleaded "insanity",
as everone in this case has pleaded,
  she pleaded schizophrenic, the guy she ******
and asked to **** me pleaded bi-polar...
   welcome to the asylum,
   i hope you enjoy your stay...
   would you like a bathrobe and some slippers?