"dissapointments" poems
we share this space
we share this union
but i cannot be further away from you.
your faults make me cringe
your dependancy on praise exhausts me.
the narcissist is in you
feeds the bitterness in me.
i had hoped that you would come to take me away
and now i am sailing this boat alone.
i hate it when people ask
how i am.
cause i cant tell them,
the infinity of depair
you bring upon me.
they all bask in your glorious smile,
and your casual demeanor.
but they never see
the insecurity
the neediness
the demands
the dissapointments
the sulking
the depression
the anger
the violence
the fear i feel around you.
so i fight against a ghost,
lash out at the wind.
and i grow ever more lonely.
cause you are too stuck in your own pain,
to see me slipping away.
Jan 26, 2010
Jan 26, 2010 at 11:05 PM UTC
We are like an inverted bike tire. Our focus is exernal, yet the meat of us, the essence of us, and our true persona lies on the inside. When we finally stop running from ourselves in the myriad ways in which we do (alcohol, drugs, *** shopping, TV, lying, for example), we come to see ourselves as frightened and lonely children that only wish to be loved. We feel this lack tremendously and we do everything we can to escape the helplessness and rejection. As children, it is difficult to source our love and security from ourselves. We don't know HOW to love. Learning how to love is precisely so; a skill-set and behavior that we emulate and grow to understand. Therefore, it is very hard to self-soothe as children because we lack the experience and the skill. However, as adults, if we've learned from our broken hearts and dissapointments, most of us have learned how to comfort ourselves, even if that is with eleven shots of tequilla. What we hide from is finding the love we seek from within ourselves. How do you DO that? Well, there's the mirror exercise: look at yourself in the mirror naked and say repetitively, "I love myself", with the hopes that one grand day, you will. Sorry folks, that's too simplistic for many. I'm not suggesting a solution to the struggle of learning to love yourself, you just have to organically create it from trial and error. And eventually you will discover your unique way of truly being there for yourself. What helps me is I imagine myself as a child comforting myself with a hug or a pat on the back while I am sad as an adult. It's nothing major, but it really DOES help me! We all can find our own ways. If you find that you run from your pain and seek consummation within the love of your own heart, stop seeking outside of yourself for that wholeness, that completion. Instead, give yourself the warmest, most caring hug you can imagine and see how you feel.
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 3:12 AM UTC
Breathless in the winters ewe,valentines the adolescent passion, smiless like a drought world,tears creating up a dam,heart breakers proccess,pronounce and procceed daily a day to remember,swimming, slimming tear fall.calf love will never take you down,it reaches your beautiful inside,traps and translate you'r kindnes into a devil evil's bin.smash your mind into darknes,calf love is a herd of brocken hearts,dissapointments,it inherite trust and close of honnesty but when u once own it,you will never re think,than to re use.sense the heat of frictional emotional force,calf love bunks,sticks and turn,lean above lime light and its ectacy,charge and interchange nor interacts the internal lies,calf love is a misery of ones soul
May 7, 2011
May 7, 2011 at 5:12 AM UTC
What if your blessings comes through tears.
What if your healing comes through fears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know you're near
Towards nirvana you wanted to feel.
What if trials of this life
are your mercies in disguise
What if greatest dissapointments or achings
is the reavealing of this greater thirst world can't satisfy
What if this trials of life,
The storms
The rains
and
The sleepless nights
Are your Mercies in Disguise
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015 at 7:13 AM UTC
When you've been sick for so long.
That it feels more normal than anything.
A high functioning, hot mess.
As my mind runs in circles, on repeat.
Like a cursed pendulum.
Tomorrow's dissapointments are none of today's business.
Jan 15, 2017
Jan 15, 2017 at 11:29 PM UTC
Today I live in fear
I woke up afraid of the same pillow that comforted me last night
It felt as if my dreams had been soaked up by it
My thoughts dripping out of my ear, one by one, dampening the cloth with which it's covered
My bed wanted me to stay, to lay away forever
Prevent me from going anywhere, pulling me towards it
I was a discarded piece of metal being pulled by the giant magnet that would take me to the dumpster to be crushed next to my scrap brethren
I am afraid of the wind blown from my fan
The cold on my skin burns as my sheets hold me tightly in place
I'm afraid to get out, to step on the floor, one foot at a time
To sit up and gag
To stand up and throw up all the regret, the unspoken words, the tears I so cowardly saved to myself for all these years
The 9 beers and 1 tequila shot
I'm afraid to text you
I'm afraid there will be no reply, the silence, the distance
What is said and what is not
What I know, what you won't fix
I'm afraid of losing this game
I'm afraid of playing my next hand, to look at the cards I've been dealt and find nothing other than hopelessness at the lack of anything good
I'm afraid to write this poem, to let my words gang up on me, and beat me up mercilessly as I can only type on and cry out your name
I'm afarid I won't be here tomorrow
I'm afraid you won't
I'm afraid to be here right now, as I was afraid yesterday
Afraid of the new year
Afraid of our Christmas dinner
Afraid of us, of everyone, of no one
I'm afraid of being alive, dancing in this graveyard of broken dream, of complaints and looking at the floor unable to gaze upon my very own dissapointments
I'm afraid to admit I am worthless, but also afraid to do anything about it
I'm afraid to be everything you were looking for, and missing the mark completely
I'm afraid that I'll hurt you, and that I commited a sin I don't regret
Like Jesus I hang nailed to my own cross by the acts I commited and ommited, while words spurt out of my wonds and into this text screen, as I terrifyingly try to tell myself, it will be ok
I'm afraid it will be ok
Today I live in fear
But I guess I live
Dec 8, 2017
Dec 8, 2017 at 2:35 PM UTC
I didn't know you'd never fall like you did
feet in the air, palms on the ground
I didn't know you'd never make me feel like a kid
but I wanted to so I ran round and round
up and down, searching for the love I hope you kept hid
between dancing smiles and raining frowns
but it was fourteen plus two and two and two
my will was yet ready to trek to depths of the unending blue
when you pushed, i couldn't believe it to be true
leaving me to drown in the nonexistent idea of me and you
but we snap, flip back, run around the race track
to the same starting point, white flags waving surrender
to contagious conversationalist talking of extraneous happiness
tracing the blank novels of love tales never written
you've always been the captain of this ship
swearing you're too afraid to wreck it
but you sail us into the lands never sailed by experience
just to see the life unseen, im serious
and I have a feeling
we're aimless travelers
I have a feeling
we're destined passengers
I have a feeling
we'd never have a feeling
because we're terrified
of having a feeling
of dissapointments
of having a feeling
of failure
of having a feeling
that feelings could take us over
but we snap, flip back, run around the race track
to the same starting point, white flags waving surrender
to contagious conversationalist talking of extraneous happiness
tracing the blank novels of love tales never written
we could take the long way home
drive a little longer
just don't pull over, we can just roam
pass the passing seasons,
we'll just wander
through songs for all the wrong reasons
between the voices and instruments we can rest
just don't pull over, we have no reason
time is the test, the test is the exit exam
just don't pull over, cause im going to scram
running in the opposite direction
to a world where you can never read my ****** expressions
of pure affection
but we snap, flip back, run around the race track
to the same starting point, white flags waving surrender
to contagious conversationalist talking of extraneous happiness
tracing the blank novels of love tales never written
but it was time, i escaped the coy persuasion
it was mathematics, the perfect equation
of fourteen plus two plus a few and I lost count
and replaced it with a sensation
of unrequited friendship, our own sermon on the mount
a love stronger than I aimed when one met six
of trust bound tighter than welded steel
cause now we just laugh, skip past the oceans filled by hurt feelings
walking on the beach, looking at the beautiful view
of what was once me and you
but we snap, flip back, run around the race track
to the same starting point, white flags waving surrender
to contagious conversationalist talking of extraneous happiness
tracing the blank novels of love tales never written
Jan 2, 2015
Jan 2, 2015 at 5:12 PM UTC
I loved you
Before our eyes met
I loved you
Before our minds spoke
I loved you
Before the storm
Before the dissapointments
Dec 29, 2013
Dec 29, 2013 at 11:35 PM UTC
Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to be fine.
I look at happy people and go like is that real I just don't believe in it.
Dissapointments
Heartbreaks
Betrayal
Lies
Is all I ever got from people.
How do I move on ?
How do I go futher ?
I don't think I will.
I feel a thousand miles from happiness.
I sometimes wanna just open my heart love someone but I can't.
I once gave someone that information of how I felt about them I was left on the cold hard ground.
I'm just lost feeling like its never going to get better.
Tears day after day.
Fake smiles day after day.
Anger is all I carry day after day
There is just this big hole in my soul that seems to get bigger everyday.
And no mater how much I cry.
No mater how much I listen to sad music.
No mater how much I cut myself.
No mater how much I sleep.
It doesn't seem to get filled.
I laugh sometimes but during the laugh I start to cry because I know I'm laughing at my own life its one big joke.
Its a dance that walks a song that speaks.
How does one live a life she hates.
I look at my self in the miRror and say I'm goin be fine but I can see through my eyes I dnt evn mean it.
I just feel a thousand miles from happiness
Jan 18, 2015
Jan 18, 2015 at 4:21 PM UTC
why did we want to get older?
thinking there would always be a shoulder
to lean on when things go wrong
but all we do is try to stay strong.
so many dissapointments
and let downs
we just feel like our feelings are being drowned.
only some stay
making things not so gray
our young years brang so much laughter
and happily ever afters
not knowing what was to come
wishing for the past to be back
not expecting this stressful attack
-te
Jul 21, 2013
Jul 21, 2013 at 1:03 AM UTC
Nothing's more mesmerizing than her smile
All clouds are competing to protect her from sunlight's heat
Those eyes are prettier than glittering diamonds
Apparently, she doesn't need anything to prove it
She shines like the sun in summer day
Her presence warms everything around her
And she still thinks that she was nothing.
-
She had some strength on embracing her flaws
Her joy sparks my whole day
Altering my mind to keep growing
For all the things she did, she was good enough
And yet she still thinks that she was nothing.
-
Reasonably, she might experienced a lot of dissapointments
Affecting her view about some things
However, she's still an adorable cinnamon roll
Managing to keep herself stable
Aiming her way to keep surviving
Dealing with constant unfairness for this long
Improving for better days ahead
No one can stop her
And after all, she is something.
Nov 15, 2019
Nov 15, 2019 at 3:18 PM UTC
Amidst of all my oppositions,
My every trouble.
You say I should be still.
Even when my heart's constantly yearning,
to rush to its own way without reasoning
.
Despite the unending dissapointments..
I know I should be still.
Be still my heart,
Wait patiently upon the Lord.
Jul 11, 2015
Jul 11, 2015 at 4:36 PM UTC
Ther are times only when a mothers love can understand our tears
and soothe our bad dissapointments
and calm all our fears but,
Theres times when only a mothers love can share the joy we feel
when something we've dreamed about quite suddenly
is so real but theres times when only a mothers faith can help on lifes way and inspire in us
the confidence we need from day to day
for a mothers heart and a mothers faith
and a mothers steadfast love from god above..........
Apr 21, 2015
Apr 21, 2015 at 11:15 AM UTC
My body Teaser
How I wonder when I'll see you again.
I know you said we'll never meet again.
But I must say I didn't intend to take the bargain.
I deserve to have a taste of you again.
I'm not in love at this point but I want us to have some gain.
Before you I never thought locking lips could be so soothing until yours jammed mine.
It was an accident the first time, then the second, then the third then we lost count.
I find comfort in your arms alone.
As I close my eyes now, I see your lips calling unto mine even from such long miles.
My two rounded milk jars made a wonder by you at each encounter.
How you nimble, how you touch.
how you tease, how you fundle.
how you caress, how you taste those two makes me follow you to the next point.
And your touch - so ecstatic.
Melts me like heat does gold, Like sun does butter.
When you move your fingers downtown
I transcend into the most placid part of my mind
Taking cover from my past pains and dissapointments.
In that minute a thousand thoughts form in my head, yet no word would come to accentuate what I feel.
Slowly you stretch the fingers into my redsea,
Sets me on and on into the lost realms.
I feel the electric waves down my spine that moment
I drip like the juice in a berry.
Ripe and ready to be ****** not to be buried.
Before you I let no tongue down into the sanctuary.
It appears like a defilement to the holy place.
But once a trial with you I know it's never going to stop.
The feel sends me singing,
out and loud my voice ringing as the Harmony of a happy choir.
My own body Teaser,
You still never told me how you do these.
That even in my dreams you hold me still,
Even there you touch me and my moan echoes into the reality.
How you stare, you stare so deep my mind you read.
How you jump with much excitement, holding nothing back as you unwrap me.
In that minute you turn a kid.
An excited kid holding his birthday parcel, fulfilled at it's content.
The next moment you jump on my Honeypot, hungry as you are.
A hungry bear
My own bear
My own body Teaser.
I see you come in person yet never deprive me my coming.
Believe me.
I am not to be owned, I am for no one.
I am me , I am mine.
But with you I experience the reverse, I express the reverse.
I thirst for you, you are water
I hunger for you, you are food
I gasp for you, you are air
I long for you you are my body Teaser.
Apr 25, 2021
Apr 25, 2021 at 9:08 AM UTC