Put my name on the deed to a Rolls Royce. See a live elephant, before they all go extinct. Spend a year in New Orleans, with no one else's help. Win an Oscar. Own a Super Bowl Ring. 

Train my husky to walk my Boston terrier. Finally quit cigarettes. Never quit spliffs. Go hiking, every day. Drink less coffee. Get a better job. Get an even better job. Take less bathroom breaks. 

Fall for someone that helps me up. Have a talk with Fiona Apple. Write the screenplay we'd always refused. Ask relevant questions. Give accurate answers. Win a Peabody. Own a football stadium. 

Write the news my now doesn't know yet. Drink bourbon in Kentucky. Learn how to program. Make the best-sellers list. Fill dad with pride. Do laundry this week. 

Go see a chiropractor. Stay off the junk, would ya? Smell less-like I just smoked. Pay back your lenders. Keep close, your real friends. Let someone publish my work. Win a Pulitzer. 

Be punctual. Write something you'll want to read. Clean my room. Lower the volume of my voice (but not really). Earn my P.h.D. Adequately meld the personal and the real, the universally and the delusionally relevant. 

Make them pay me to do what I love. Spend it all on you. Get a bigger ferret cage. Live a greener lifestyle. Trash fewer K-Cups.  Let people be themselves, without worrying if they're sneaking around. Hug Tom Brady. Thank him. Explain what he means. 

Reconcile with the town of Webster. Pay the city of Brookline for those parking fines. Spend time in all 351. Read Infinite Jest, and all of Ulysses. Identify when a work is "Joycean." Interpret it, as such. 

Act. Tell a good joke. Become a falconer. Hug a chimpanzee. Dismantle a hate group. Put them all in their places. Cry easily. Stay happy. 

Revisit Paris. Discover Ireland. Stay awake. Talk to another wolf. Record the perfect song. Compile the perfect playlist. Want to go to work. Enjoy New York City. Maybe live there. 

Inspire society to care about poetry.  Re-certify my black belt. Center my self. Listen to it. Take photos that stop you. Draw pictures worth buying. Keep the gun in your waistband, in the small of your back, and never, ever, pull that **** out. Mean something, when you flash metal. 

Learn photoshop. Laugh at the all-encompassing parody. Love first. Haunt your dreams with a good story. Make you truly regret it. See the ****-good in everyone. Know the past, own the present, visualize the future. Catch a fist, dodge bullets.

Sitting a corner booth by herself,
sipping on a Long Island Iced Tea
and reading Keats.
Hands down, she's the most
captivating person in this bar.

Fingertips calloused, and hands nicked and scraped
like she'd been in a fight with experience
and went down swinging.
Eased into her seat like slipping naked into a hot bath.
Smiled with all her teeth
like no one was looking.

Left her phone at home,
in pieces on the kitchen floor.
Tonight was the night she was going to forget all about the custody battle
the bill collectors
the late night fights about who was right
and who was left in the room with all this shattered glass to clean  up
the long sobbing nights with her pillow and her secret shame
the regret for time poorly spent looking for love in bars and cold blue eyes
the years that separated her from twenty-two –  when she was young and delusionally happy.

With her body language, she unknowingly spoke to me:
Tonight, I came to drink and dance.
Don't bother me with pick up lines.
Pick up artists, go find another canvas.
Mine's been painted over plenty.
I don't have the time to save anymore white knights from their mother's ***.
That fairytale story always ends in Shakespearean tragedy.
Plus, the **** horse leaves scuff marks on the dance floor.

I take one last sip
and slip the bartender an extra twenty-
tonight the nightingale drinks for free.

I leave before she can thank me.

They say
rêverie
made
the human heart.

I say
we first unfolded
our heart
gazing at trees.

Hypnotically
we watch the dancing leaves,
waving green,
flamboyant canvas,
single brown hanging on.

Delusionally,
we learn the longing,
we portrait our storms,
we are taught transitoryness.

Is this not
why, as a child,
we handed leaves
- the most special ones -
to eternity,
in between the pages
of our favourite books?

...and here we go again
picking up the pieces from a different spot
wiping off those tears
overthinking of what not
trying hard to smile
from noon to night
...here we go again
hugging the empty sheets
which once wrapped us together
now just carries the lucent scent of yours
mocking my breath
delusionally breaking me over and over
within the realms of my heart
...here we go again
being sober yet intoxicated in your love
the madness of reality
awake in my sleep dreaming
...here we go again
with more tears flooding my eyes
and numbing my feelings for you
at this moment, I am done thinking
done..thinking about you.


©Seema Sen, 2023

Today the rain pours
As I wait for my shift to begin I sit in my car
My hair is wet, I'm nursing a deep wound
Which will become yet another scar

I cracked open the window to my heart
Ever so slightly
Reluctantly to allow a warm island breeze to roll in
Instead I experienced a turbulent wind

I let my guard down like never before
I opened the door
Thinking we were something more

Now I sit confused and disheveled
Face full of tears
An emotional flood
Perhaps it was I who misunderstood

You see, I took your word as true
Rememer, those three little words you spoke?
"I love you"
Empty now they seem
Extrodinary how a heart changes so quickly
I'd like to make this break clean

The last words spoken by you the other night
Do you remember the ones after the fight?
"This is me giving up for now
I'll talk to you tomorrow babe, I love you
Good night"

Those words gave me false reassurance
As these arguments are a regular occurance
You'd tell me time after time
"Babe we'll be fine"
Why on earth did I believe that line?

My own stupidity
Has gotten the best of me
As I delusionally imagined how truly loved by you I'd be

As with protocol you told me to go
So I gave you your space
That is our bi-weekly flow
But you changed entirely
You didn't call like you said you would

Colder than the deepest ocean
You tell me now,
"We're not together so what does it matter?"
To this I reply "I love you"
And then your harsh words cut me like a knife
"I don't, we are done"
You love me no longer
The heartless tone said all I need to know

I don't understand what happened but it did
The trust I worked so hard to release to you after months
Is shattered and jagged on the floor

Some people go through lovers like water
But that is not me,
I let people in very selectively
When I love, I love truly and deeply
Sometimes months, even years, go by
Before I'll look a man in the eye

I know with time, I'll be fine
You'll move on and forget my face
Rise to fame and bring pride to your family's name
But I'll always keep my door open just the same

So for now I sit and wipe away my tears
Recounting the steps as I reel from the shock
Of something seemingly small that has ended it all
I have to put on a happy face
As I enter the workplace

A charmer with a soul as dark as ghoul
alluring the strongest smartest, of you.

In a moment of lust.
in a moonless night.
under layers of charcoal thoughts;
whilst the shadows glare and dance-
he'll SWEEP you off your feet!
your own existence, he’ll make you regret.

Ohhh Diablo, Diablo. Who did you sin with?!
WHAT abomination have thee brought on us?
thy hell, thy scalding hell is, heaven compared to his.

Backwards I speak.
in dead languages I breathe.
my bones I break, heal and break
music to his ears
all day, all day
my bones for his entertainment I break
the long nights we await.

Don’t be fooled!
he is a gracious, charmer.
your woes he’ll be inflating
your pride will rip and chew.

The blood drops dripping still.
you see it
he'll say what blood?
I haven't eaten in days, doll.

Drip drop, drip drop.

No exorcism is strong enough.
to free your
he'll know how to ****** the evil-
hidden in the cracks of your soul.

Not looking for subordination
he ain't Lucifer
he is the son
with the 7 sins done
for the 8th looking under the sun.

Together with his doll
the obsidian damp nights floating
in her raven coloured, double laced dress
his mouth with her blood smeared.
mind you the feeding, denying still.

drip drop, drip drop
in pain there was rapture
delusional prey she might be
yet delusionally gleeful
Oh what a doll!

"Oh Father Diabol who have you sinned with?
I am the abomination
dolls I'll be gathering
on the shelf abandoning
our ending in blood I shall be writing"

On the shelf panting woes
listening to the lying tongue
cursed in love
with Lucifer's son

grounded, delusionally,
I can fly occasionally,
like a mythical horse with wings,
when I set my mind to these things

Its 3 am and Im sticking to my phone
There's no one really to call me
But Im still hanging on like a stone

So I ****** thinking and promo
And later Got my MOJO back
Its like I can do it all night with my slow-mo knack

Said she love pearls and 2XL Nexus
****** up, trynna find next exit
Thats too much for love, just some fake velvets

So everyone's got f-ed up, delusionally
Stop the watch and look out at this foolery
Cuz now everyone likes to be fly, prudery

Plus these tipsys don't love me anymore
Ran out as my pants fell down on the floor
So I'll rewind my song like Nazis on the roll

So just **** up and let me get back it
Too much on the line Mr.Pragmatic
What's up, ignore if you are mad at it

Pokerface, no ace but no ripper
Almost passed out as she showed the zipper
Am I overthinking or is it cuz of the liquor

You killed my vibe like you some kendrick
I'll probably do her again even it takes medic
It's like a kamikaze **** without any credit

Shall I tell?
Cause’ never there’s a day;
I wasn’t thinking of this not-so-important thing in mind;
My mind goes crazy;
My heart abnormally beats;
By having hopes that we can be together;
And for life, we can share each other’s shoulder.
I have an incredible imagination, I must say;
So, I’m here trying to stop myself from myself;
But I delusionally look for answers to this question;
Shall I tell?

I really can't manifest you, can I
I guess at some point I should stop trying
I always get what I want
She said delusionally
Staring at an image of Barbados
Pretending she was there
Instead of here
In a river of tears
Dried
From the long standing drought
In doubt

‘Til death do us part
Won’t apply
Because you promised infinity.
No escaping me.
Forever immortal
I am yours and you are mine.

They all say what we have so young
Isn’t real and that I’m delusional.
Well, to contradict reality, sure.
But still, it’s the realest thing I know.

Better fantasy than nothing
Better to believe in something.

We’re in this together
Even if they laugh and call us crazy
You have me.
And at least we will be
“Delusionally” happy
For eternity.

Forever yours, Cassandra