My dear compadre,
We've been through it all,
The trials and tribulations,
Laughter and tears.

You are my brother,
My ally and friend,
The one I can turn to
When the road seems to bend.

Our bond's unbreakable,
Our friendship like no other,
Ever grateful for you,
My dear compadre.

Through thick and thin,
Stood side by side,
Friendship's a beacon
In e'er-changing tide.

Honored to know you,
To call you my own,
My dear compadre,
Never alone.

Verde que te quiero verde.
Verde viento. Verdes ramas.
El barco sobre la mar
y el caballo en la montaña.
Con la sombra en la cintura
ella sueña en su baranda,
verde carne, pelo verde,
con ojos de fría plata.
Verde que te quiero verde.
Bajo la luna gitana,
las cosas le están mirando
y ella no puede mirarlas.
Verde que te quiero verde.
Grandes estrellas de escarcha,
vienen con el pez de sombra
que abre el camino del alba.
La higuera frota su viento
con la lija de sus ramas,
y el monte, gato garduño,
eriza sus pitas agrias.
¿Pero quién vendrá? ¿Y por dónde...?
Ella sigue en su baranda,
verde carne, pelo verde,
soñando en la mar amarga.Compadre, quiero cambiar
mi caballo por su casa,
mi montura por su espejo,
mi cuchillo por su manta.
Compadre, vengo sangrando,
desde los montes de Cabra.
Si yo pudiera, mocito,
ese trato se cerraba.
Pero yo ya no soy yo,
ni mi casa es ya mi casa.
Compadre, quiero morir
decentemente en mi cama.
De acero, si puede ser,
con las sábanas de holanda.
¿No ves la herida que tengo
desde el pecho a la garganta?
Trescientas rosas morenas
lleva tu pechera blanca.
Tu sangre rezuma y huele
alrededor de tu faja.
Pero yo ya no soy yo,
ni mi casa es ya mi casa.
Dejadme subir al menos
hasta las altas barandas,
dejadme subir, dejadme,
hasta las verdes barandas.
Barandales de la luna
por donde retumba el agua.Ya suben los dos compadres
hacia las altas barandas.
Dejando un rastro de sangre.
Dejando un rastro de lágrimas.
Temblaban en los tejados
farolillos de hojalata.
Mil panderos de cristal,
herían la madrugada.Verde que te quiero verde,
verde viento, verdes ramas.
Los dos compadres subieron.
El largo viento, dejaba
en la boca un raro gusto
de hiel, de menta y de albahaca.
¡Compadre! ¿Dónde está, dime?
¿Dónde está mi niña amarga?
¡Cuántas veces te esperó!
¡Cuántas veces te esperara,
cara fresca, ***** pelo,
en esta verde baranda!Sobre el rostro del aljibe
se mecía la gitana.
Verde carne, pelo verde,
con ojos de fría plata.
Un carámbano de luna
la sostiene sobre el agua.
La noche su puso íntima
como una pequeña plaza.
Guardias civiles borrachos,
en la puerta golpeaban.
Verde que te quiero verde.
Verde viento. Verdes ramas.
El barco sobre la mar.
Y el caballo en la montaña.

I continue to be amused &
Captivated by Gabriel García Márquez,
His Love in the Time of Cholera,
Captivating me still.
His simple use of the name
“Bolívar,” por ejemplo.
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There is something uniquely Latin
About life in Latin America,
Once again, stating the obvious
For all the media-slain retards
Hovering around me.
Their never-ending enthrallment
With Strong Men,
Particularly when strength is
A measure of one’s honor,
Hizzoner,
Your honor,
To wit: Honor Killings.
In practice, a sober demonstration
Of the theory as it is practiced.
Americans—with swarthy exceptions—
Do unfavorably view most of us who
Can trace our ancestry to Southern Europe.
“Southern European,”
Itself a vicious racial slur,
And remains so north of Eboli,
No surprise that Christ stopped there,
According to Carlo Levi, writing off the
Il Mezzogiorno, beyond redemption.
Southern European:
Smug words you make them eat,
Throwing Greco-Roman Civilization
Up into their faces.
Athens & Rome--
Epitomes of culture and class--
Patricians, of course, yet
Skifoso bragging rights for all those
***** scratched plebeians of the mob.
But I digress.

Strongman Latino-Americano.
Some Bolívar, some José Martí.
Why not some Fidel?
¿Por Que No?
Tu compadre, Gabo--
Tu Generalissimo Cubano.
How could you miss, Gabo?
Castro lobbying for you, twisting the
Surreal & squirrely qualms
Of Nobel Prize Nabobs.
(SAS: Flights to Sweden, Norway and Denmark - Scandinavian Airlines www.flysas.com/en/us/‎ Welcome to the official SAS US website. Find the best flight bargains from the . . .)
You owe that bearded strong man, Gabo.
Fidel Castro: Maximum Leader to be sure--
Like Omar Torrijos & Noriega--
Panamanian Reds,
Tasmanian Devils!
And Sonny Barger –
Dubbed Maximum Leader,
By Hunter S. Thompson's Hell's Angels:
(The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs RetroBites: Hunter S. Thompson & Hell's Angels (1967) - YouTube ► 6:21► 6:21 www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccyu44rsaZo‎ Jul 7, 2010 - Uploaded by CBCtv Hunter S.Thompson defends his book against an irate Hell's Angels biker.)
Come Perón, come Hugo Chávez.
But, Hark-a-lark,
Let’s wait a sec
Lest we forget
Cristina Fernández de Kirchner,
One tough, Argentine *****,
Illustrating again for all men
The root of all machismo:
La Mujer!
The ***** that bore him;
Nurtured & nursed him.
****** & ****** him.
La Mujer!
(La mujer sin cabeza (2008) - IMDb www.imdb.com/title/ tt1221141/‎ Rating: 6.4/10 - ‎1,815 votes Directed by Lucrecia Martel. With María Onetto, Claudia Cantero, César Bordón, Daniel Genoud. After running into something with her car, Vero experiences a... I get 7 cents for each link, each hit, making poetry pay for once, the savvy poet, a marketer finally figuring out how to avoid death in the gutter, a death penniless, diseased, babbling and insane.)
Yes, the woman,
The woman, who loved him,
That widow who buried him.
The woman—at any particular
Time of life, in his life—
The woman who just happened to be there;
Was just hanging around
During that brief, emphatic,
Conversation lull.
Genesis got it wrong:
Adam was a stiff rib of Eve,
Made from sterner stuff,
A creation conceived in torture,
Reared in disequilibrium.

Women create the men they touch.
Strong women.

I would like to think that by the age of 6, i would have turned deaf, from the hands being placed on my ears to escape bullets of words. Shattering around me, i wished to grow up. By the age of 8, i knew my place and, my place knew me. I lived in a minefield, during a war i had not realised was going on. I had unbroken bones which bled from the inside, my mind was torn in to a million pieces and at 10, i didn't know what childhood was, and wished i was alone.

By 16, I fell into a man, a man who's hand it took 2 years to gain from his mother, as she sat there smoking and drinking hot water with lemon to be diet thin. Trimmed the fat a bit when we both left the country, and he got a girl pregnant in India, with twins, which she later aborted; I was in Canada, and 18 when i wished i was blind.

I followed through, travelled the world, til i was 21, became a university student, a best friend, a lesbian, and went to a foreign country were you are forced to use your goodness to be a force of good, which no-one sees as good, but as a hand out, and i lost good friends and saw bad men lose theirs, at 21, I saw the world and i was i was emotionally devoid in a climate of acclaimed peace.

By 26 i was a mother, uncontrollable love and grief flowed through me, like rain is dissolved by the streams in the hills. I picked up my smiling, beautiful child, which had became my night, noon, morning and day, and i wished i could repair the tear within my soul, to encompass all the love i had for my son; and the tear remained patched up with sellotape; I wished I had been a better child.

I lost all consciousness from 27 til 28, love turned to hate, i lost my love, and picked up a young one, if only she was to physically show me what my ex had not been telling me all along; what my ex boyfriends mother made me feel for 2 years, and the way my father left, whilst my mother was pulling me up the stairs, by my hair. At 28 I realised i had made the wrong decision.

From 28, here on out the wind blew, and it blew down to the valleys, and there i found the love of my life. We found and created an indestructible friendship and love, the first only and ever to support me and our goals, she helped me stand up to my father; who then ended our own father/daughter relationship. And not 3 months shy later, when myself and my son mouthed our love and said goodbye. We returned to an empty house. I sacrificed my grief for a small boy who cried for a non-existent person. At 29 my heart was destroyed in a slow burning bonfire.

I replaced the love with the lost, and gladly filled up my tank with lost souls of lost girls, who had lost their souls from some other lost soul, and so the cycle becomes fully reborn. I became someone i knew not of. I had a best friend, who i solely loved because she was the vat of hope i desperately needed in the darkest hour, my biggest cheerleader and my ***** compadre. I remember at 29 celebrating a birthday with 2 friends, and looking at the stars and thinking, is this the meaning of my existence? I remember feeling like the winds were about to change.

30. I had moved house, abandoned my son and old life, for a new job, for new money. I sunk like the titanic who did not see the epic gigantic proportion of iceberg that was about hit the ******* fan. I lost the best friend. Slowly through another relationship did i gleam a sensation of love. It was love, but it was demanding and childish, and i pushed her away before she even asked me to be hers;  in i might add one of the most romantic pursuits ever. She became my sons best friend, my dancing partner, she loved me so very very much, and i hated her for it, i hated her so much for loving me, because i was rightly wrong and she was wrongly right. I just turned 31, and she walked out over an argument over bike helmet. I realised, i was a product of my over endless pursuit of love perfect.

At 32, i am single, broke my back at work, i was then dismissed by that work, moved house, began recovery, had a car accident and here i am beginning again. Yet i am in love now with a man, something i have struggled with for a year, i am at my most humble, deep, profound, sense of being in love, without reciprocation than i have even been, and why........?

Well....

When i was 16 i wanted to be 30, i wanted my life to be over. I wanted the dead years to pass. I wanted the hard work to be gone and done. Not because i didn't want to live, but because i had lived so hard before i was 16, that anything else seemed to exhausting for words to even begin to create.

Except i lived it.
I learnt that love is not words, love is words.
Love is the words of your favourite song, emblazoned on a 8ft wall, that you come home to, and see as a surprise.
Love is someone letting you read your book.
Love is not the voice, the meaning, the tone, the perception or allegorical meaning.
Love is not the abuse, the abuser, their demons, their guilt or their silence.
Love is the unspoken word, the deep stare, the knowing glance, a tender reassurance, that this is ok.
Love is your hand holding mine. N.B Handholding is underrated.
Love is not possession, greed, want or desire. They are not yours, you are not theirs.
Love is invisible, yes it is, red balloons don't mean **** on one day a year.
Love is not perfect, but imperfect.
Love is ruthless, and cut-throat.
Love will burn you to the very last core of your being because you cannot contain its power.
Love is not lies, deceit, untruths, stories told to the naieve because you cannot be a lover and have to be a storyteller.
Love is truth, truth that so bitterly hurts, that you want to be porcelain and break into a million pieces, from the chest .
Love is walking, talking, and laughing, always laughing; love is a smile on a face.
Love is hard, and intolerable, it is passionate, and persistent and it is consistent. It does not break, it is not flimsly like a kite in a storm.
Love does not take offence to personal battles and rebukes of deadly warfare.
Love does not change its mind, be unsure, lack responsbility, or drinks you dry, til you are dried out and up.
Love is not ***, love is not lust, lust is not 'go on, you know you want to', love is not sorry in the morning.
Love is not the ***** all night *** sessions that keep the neighbours awake, but it is in the glory of two bodies where love can be found.
Love condemns. Love is a silent recommendation from Disney, Cathy and Heathcliffe, and Ring of BrightWater.
Love is a minefield and a forbidden playground; it is a secret garden and a theme park.
Love is not alone, and it is not together; it is not your children, or your childrens, children; It is within them and without them.
Love is not to be found on the praying may, in the clouds, in a the pew, or in the incense.
Love cries, love wails, love beats at your very chest, love is in death, love is in the birth.
Love.
Love.
Aaah, hmmm, Love, is an indeterminable force, by which, because of its very nature, no-one can define by logic, except that they will, because, what they cannot understand, they use perception of their blinded sight, deaf ears, and lost senses to put into words, something their heart cannot.
You have everything and you have no-one.
You have reason and you have none to be afraid of.
You are your past, and unfortunately, you are not.
You are your damage, your hurt and your pain, and hardest, your own responsibility.
You are worthy, and you are worthless, you have been shamed and you have been glorified.
You are your own future, your own today, and the yesterday.
And despite all the crap ******* memes,
Love is you, and you are love.

By 32, i had learnt to love myself. Inbetween the grieving, there is a silent knowledge, that by 32 i am in love, with myself.

*I wrote this as a very open outpouring of grief i am currently going through, and also an open realisation of the love within and for myself. It is one of my most open and explicit short stories of my life, and even within that there is lots that has not been recognised, because it has been shortened and reconsidered somewhere else. Thank you

Pártese el moro Alicante   víspera de San Cebrián;
ocho cabezas llevaba,   todas de hombres de alta sangre.
Sábelo el rey Almanzor,   a recebírselo sale;
aunque perdió muchos moros   piensa en esto bien ganar.
Mandara hacer un tablado   para mejor los mirar;
mandó traer un cristiano   que estaba en captividad,
como ante sí lo trujeron   empezóle de hablar:
díjole: -Gonzalo Gustos,   mira quien conocerás;
que lidiaron mis poderes   en el campo de Almenar,
sacaron ocho cabezas,   todas son de gran linaje.
Respondió Gonzalo Gustos:   -Presto os diré la verdad.
Y limpiándoles la sangre   asaz se fuera a turbar;
dijo llorando agramente:   -¡Conózcolas por mi mal!
La una es de mi carillo;   las otras me duelen más,
de los Infantes de Lara   son, mis hijos naturales.
Así razona con ellas   como si vivos hablasen:
-¡Sálveos Dios, Nuño Salido,   el mi compadre leal!,
¿adónde son los mis hijos   que yo os quise encomendar?
Mas perdonadme, compadre,   no he por qué os demandar,
muerto sois como buen ayo,   como hombre muy de fiar.
Tomara otra cabeza   del hijo mayor de edad:
-¡Oh hijo Diego González,   hombre de muy gran bondad,
del conde Garci Fernández   alférez el principal,
a vos amaba yo mucho,   que me habíades de heredar.
Alimpiándola con lágrimas   volviérala a su lugar.
Y toma la del segundo,   don Martín que se llamaba:
-¡Dios os perdone, el mi hijo,   hijo que mucho preciaba;
jugador de tablas erais   el mejor de toda España;
mesurado caballero,   muy bien hablabais en plaza!
Y dejándola llorando   la del tercero tomaba:
-¡Hijo don Suero González,   todo el mundo os estimaba;
el rey os tuviera en mucho,   sólo para la su caza!
¡Ruy Velázquez, vuestro tío,   malas bodas os depara;
a vos os llevó a la muerte,   a mí en cautivo dejaba!
Y tomando la del cuarto   lasamente la miraba:
-¡Oh, hijo Fernán González,   (nombre del mejor de España,
del buen conde de Castilla,   aquel que vos baptizara),
matador de oso y de puerco,   amigo de gran compaña;
nunca con gente de poco   os vieran en alianza!
Tomó la de Ruy González,   al corazón la abrazaba:
-¡Hijo mío, hijo mío,   quién como vos se hallara;
gran caballero esforzado,   muy buen bracero a ventaja;
vuestro tío Ruy Velázquez   tristes bodas ordenara!
Y tomando otra cabeza,   los cabellos se mesaba:
-¡Oh, hijo Gustios González,   habíades buenas mañas,
no dijérades mentira,   ni por oro ni por plata,
animoso, buen guerrero,   muy gran heridor de espada,
que a quien dábades de lleno   tullido o muerto quedaba!
Tomando la del menor   el dolor se le doblaba:
-¡Hijo Gonzalo González,   los ojos de doña Sancha!
¡Qué nuevas irán a ella   que a vos más que a todos ama!
¡Tan apuesto de persona,   decidor bueno entre damas,
repartidor en su haber,   aventajado en la lanza!
¡Mejor fuera la mi muerte   que ver tan triste jornada!
Al duelo que el viejo hace,   toda Córdoba lloraba.
El rey Almanzor, cuidoso,   consigo se lo llevaba
y mandaba a una morica   lo sirviese muy de gana.
Esta le torna en prisiones   y con amor le curaba;
hermana era del rey,   doncella moza y lozana;
con ésta Gonzalo Gustios   vino a perder la su saña,
que de ella le nació un hijo   que a los hermanos vengara.

You are allowed to believe whatever you want
Believe that rainbows will always double,
That a *** o’ gold awaits you on the other side
Believe that bad men come quickly and go sooner,
That everyone is happy
Every blade of grass hides an Easter egg
Every rock hides a humble, quiet little home
Every river is made of molten chocolate…

Believe that everyone is safe and happy
Believe that people never do intentional wrong,
No such thing as assault, physical, ******, mental, emotional
Psychological…

Just when you do, make sure you open your eyes once in a while
Ignorance could be the death of you
And if you stayed in such a world…
It’s called being delusional.

And I only want the best for you,
So I wish those bad men never arrive
That those rocks remain a hiding place
Those blades of grass contain secrets of happiness
That those double rainbows have a lucky leprechaun skipping across them
That your “*** o’ Gold” shall never empty to gambling or addiction
And that those chocolate rivers never empty
And, most importantly, that such a happy world remains untouched
By reality,
And you, too, remain untouched
So sweet dreams, compadre,
I’ll see you in reality soon.

It started with existence

just a lowly perspective of a mute
time when I was able to
make sense of this pressure
make sense of why
you are now here to guide me now
on this looser journey; a lonely crabapple
still grappling at shriveled skin creating a face
that I still
cannot
distinguish.
With the end of presence as we know it
you have finished, rightly
in my dressing room
bright screen lit up
but only for a moment do I dare look away.

It started with you, and it will end with you

Closed off from me, shortly
your bioluminescence radiant,
your perfection incomplete.
I’ve known you for six straight years
or was it five
just enough
construed construction, a bloated
piece of mind that left me free to wander
aimlessly down I path I cannot recognize.
It was you who caused my blunder,
keeping me awake every night
with your brightness and distraction and amiable personality.
I decorated you with bits of me,
tangled in and out like woven webs of cybernetics
optimal connections, you died twice and I revived you.
But that was in the past
and you still cling on, for how much longer
I shan’t not know.
Only that what it means to exist
when I should be letting go.
I have to face the trust of reality and its weakened points;
that dangerous, well-formed world I find myself in.
I hope you can follow me
as long as you are able,
my clunky plastic compadre
your heart is metal mixed with other
kinds of fragile contraptions.
I know this end to my happiness is not your fault.
You were there when I needed you most,
even if you are a tool of innocence turned foul.
I once learned all of existence from your knowledge,
gleaned myself raw
trying to let you help me
understand myself.
We are not truly over because I am bound to you
somehow
even though I’ve used you for my own gain
abused your trust and have my own heart slain.

All I ask is for you to give me a chance
to make it right

again.

And then I can move on to better things.

And not be obsessed of what you think of me.

And find a way to pull myself together.

Hey kid..

Vulnerability is your access in to what is real,
though  as you know..
not always is it safe to do or be,  in this world..
in fact, there are those who will,  or have..
shown you over and over again,  
that vulnerability of heart with them
will get your sweet little *** slapped down into the dirt..
over and over again..
(as if you did not already know, firsthand).

There are many reasons those people behave that way,
and every single one of them  deal with hurt..  
and hope (when they still had it),  being unfairly
and unkindly stifled back inside of them.  
In hating  and then stomping all over your vulnerability,
they are in truth, hating their own..  
and rightfully so, for what they had to endure..

but until they want to see and change,
they will be the death of you..  
   or at least the death of your awakening heart.


But there are those who thrive on vulnerability
because they have learned to believe  once again..
in the word, Hope..  and when vulnerability  of another
comes towards them,  they cannot help but celebrate it
from the place inside of them  that is overwhelmingly grateful
     that it still exists.

.. When you open up that way, I want to kiss you deeply.

In truth, all vulnerability and authenticity at that level
should always be met with the deepest of kisses.
You have the right idea..  but sometimes with the wrong people.
You've been nearly trampled to death in the process--
starting at such a tremendously tender, young age.

It makes a person edgy..
(and if  extremely brilliant,  in that gorgeous brain of yours..)..  
ya, kid.. sarcastic AF.

That's where you get hurt.
That is where you hurt yourself.
At times when the emotional **** hits the fan,
and everything starts feeling like its all going wrong..
that gorgeous brain separates itself  from that beautiful heart..
making it feel as if it has gone dark..
and then that brain..  thinking that it has been left to its own
survival resources,   turns 'mean' ..
in its own perceived abandonment by the heart.

At those moments, you feel  the horrendously-black
and empty, loss of self..

That is when it all starts compounding, quantitatively
No one understands, and so when you  actually
are needing it the most,
Grace  through understanding, in an instant  gives way
to judgment and ridicule by others..  causing you by necessity,
to retreat further back into yourself..
relying on more and more  of the one time, necessary (when little)
but now so relationally-damaging,  survival skills.

Beautiful girl with beautiful heart  and amazing mind,  
becomes fragmented..   compounded by her own  
now nearly out of control,  age-old tactics and behaviors...

And those that do not understand,  stand back and paint
(and allow to have painted) a view of you..  that in truth,
truly is not you..

but is only self-protection/survival-mode,
but on steroids--

Beautiful heart,  implodes..  
within the loss of its much-needed,  beautiful self.
Brilliant mind goes into hyper-drive,
now left alone to its own, survival-resources--
Hacking it out in the ******-up wilderness,  without  
its much trusted and needed,  Compadre..
     that Beautiful, beautiful heart.

You are not that person, Babe.
You are the owner and possessor of two extremely-gifted organs--
both placed into you  to be in full relationship with each other.
That is who you are.

When they are fragmented  and torn from one-another,
that is not truly the true, you.  But since they are both yours,
you are in the strongest essence, accountable.
Somewhere within all of that,  
guilt and self-condemnation kick in..
and literally beat the living **** out of you.
That brain of yours, Babe..  it is beautifully-brilliant
and also quite the *******.  
You are not "mean".
You are not "unkind"   or "unloving"
(though, in essence-- at those times, you are)

No..

..You are temporarily detached..   fragmented--
separated from what it is that you so desperately
need the most---    y  o  u.
.. But your own guilt and self-judgment
slap the **** out of yourself
almost as hard (sometimes harder)
than the one who is now pointing their finger at you..

                                                       in all of their hurt.

All you need, is Understanding.
Love cares enough to want to give you that.
Love cares enough to want to take care of its own story

so it can better see and understand
how to help you with yours.


     That is what you need. That is what you deserve.
     That is the kind of love you are worthy of.


You are everything beautiful that I have been saying that you are.
Within your at times,  own Great Divide..
the blackness between the two parts of you  that you need most,
completely blocks out  your own, much-needed view of you.

I see the picture, my Beautiful..
I have a right to speak to you this way.
You took my breath away, right from the get-go.

       The only way I could get even
       was by looking directly at you.

It is your talking and opening up that did it.
What you so often and so rightfully need to run from,
is the very thing that is actually,  most saving you.
To be "seen" is to be understood..
if the one doing the looking
    is doing it for all the right reasons.

       No one has ever understood.
       That is where you get hurt.

And  in the aloneness within it all,
is where you hurt yourself the most.


       Mm.
       This party is far from over, Babe..
       Far from it, beautiful girl.
       ..And so it is with Magic.


       You are beautiful, beyond words.
       ❤️️

The jig is up us, for us who know each dawn delivers
A renewed sense of dread, despair, disillusionment; another day in,
Day out slog, the persistent, insistent fear of, fill in the blank,
An absolute knowing in the end, nothing really matters.

A tranced-out going through the motions at a meaningless job,
The mechanical everything's fine exchange, the pasted on smiles,
The inevitable, "How ya doing, how's it going?",
Muttered absent mindedly on the work-a-day-rat-wheel.

One thought that saves the day; the ride home, the solace of
The burn of the *****, the quick numb out effect straight into the 
Blood brain barrier without a hitch, the fear lifting, down into the dark Chamber of no real care and slowly, surely, relief arrives.

And deep inside this numb town, a desperado appears, calls the shots, Schmoozes slyly, "Hey compadre, give me your fear, and
I give you my self-righteous willfulness in return, and best of all,
I’ll deliver you your very own smothering mother of oblivion."

Awakened, head pound, brain fog, dry as a desert, need water now, And Like clockwork, a barely audible patient inner voice asks,
“Is this the really the life you want?” and without hesitation,
The regular repetitive retort, “Yup, one more day at a time.”

Mi compadre
Mi esse
Mi frijolero
My *******
My ******
My border jumping
My tunnel digging
My river swimming
My orange picking
My lawn mowing
My house building
My taco eating
My Mexican Friend

Una voz ancestral,
un tambor africano
y un verso elemental
peruano.
El ***** en el Perú
actualmente no sufre,
ya no hay esclavitud
ni azufre.
Le dieron tibio baño
en tina de jabón
porque en su ama dio el germen
que no tuvo el patrón.
Del seno de mi abuela
a mi madre brindó,
el hijo del amito
mamó, mamó, mamó.
Y mi abuelo con su amo
en la Casa ´e Jarana
cantujaron de alirio,
cantujaron replana.
Y en la casa ´e jarana
-con el Amito Viejo-
bailaron mis hermanas
zamacueca y festejo.
El padre de mi amito
de mi abuela gustó
y mi abuelo a su amita burló.
Yo le dijera "primo"
a ese blanco travieso
de cabello enrizao
y de labio muy grueso...
El ***** en el Perú
actualmente no sufre,
ya no hay esclavitud
ni azufre.
Más ha sufrido el *****
nuestro hermano de Cuba
descendiente directo
nagó, yoruba.
Más ha sufrido el *****
muerto en Santo Domingo
por los diarios abusos del ******.
Más ha sufrido el *****
cantor de Panamá
que el ***** jaranista
de acá.
Más ha sufrido el *****
labrador de Haití
que el zambo guaragüero
de aquí.
Más ha sufrido el *****
del morro y la favela
que mi padre y mi madre
y mi abuela.
En fin, más sufre el *****
de Harlem a Lousiana
que nuestra gente negra
peruana...
 
Y al "problema del *****"
-segregación racial-
el mundo permanece
neutral.
Quiero aguda mi rima
como ***** de lanza.
Que otra mano la esgrima
si alcanza.
Yo jamás con voz hurgo
perentoria.
Yo ja... ¡Johanesburgo!
¡Pretoria!
Cuando en Johannesburgo
llegue el "Día de Sangre"
yo quiero estar allí,
compadre.
Cuando en Johannesburgo
llegue el "Día de Sangre"
debemos estar todos
¡Hijos de negra madre!
Con la voz ancestral
el machete en la mano
y el verso elemental
hermano.

El agua la manda el cielo,
la tierra la puso dios.
Viene el amo y me la quita,
¡la p...ita que se partió!
A ver, respóndame, hermano:
si esta fue tierra ´e los incas
¿de donde hay dueños de fincas
con títulos en la mano?
Pa mí que al pobre serrano
le vienen tomando el pelo.
Acequia, puquio, riachuelo
todo en títulos se fragua.
¿De ´onde tiene dueño l´agua?
¡el agua la manda el cielo!
Y por último, los incas
no han sido los más primeros;
antes los huancas ´stuvieron
y antes que ellos los mochicas.
Ora hay haciendas tan ricas
pa sólo un dueño o pa dos
y gritan a toda voz
que heredaron de su padre...
¡Que no me vengan, compadre,
la tierra la puso Dios!
Donde no hay minas de gringos
hay tierras de gamonales,
pagan míseros jornales
y te andan a los respingos.
Se trabaja los domingos
Más pior que en tiempo ´e la mita.
Y hasta si tengo cholita
para mi pobre querer,
por el gusto de ...poder
viene el amo y me la quita.
Creo que, ultimadamente,
debiera ser propietario
quien fecunda el suelo agrario
con el sudor de su frente.
Así espera nuestra gente
y así mesmo espero yo.
Y así ha de ser, pues si no
a gringos y gamonales
vamo a recontrasacarle
¡la p... ita que se partió!

¿Y fue por este río de sueñera y de barro
que las proas vinieron a fundarme la patria?
Irían a los tumbos los barquitos pintados
entre los camalotes de la corriente zaina.
Pensando bien la cosa, supondremos que el río
era azulejo entonces como oriundo del cielo
con su estrellita roja para marcar el sitio
en que ayunó Juan Díaz y los indios comieron.
Lo cierto es que mil hombres y otros mil arribaron
por un mar que tenía cinco lunas de anchura
y aún estaba poblado de sirenas y endriagos
y de piedras imanes que enloquecen la brújula.
Prendieron unos ranchos trémulos en la costa,
durmieron extrañados. Dicen que en el Riachuelo,
pero son embelecos fraguados en la Boca.
Fue una manzana entera y en mi barrio: en Palermo.
Una manzana entera pero en mitá del campo
expuesta a las auroras y lluvias y suestadas.
La manzana pareja que persiste en mi barrio:
Guatemala, Serrano, Paraguay, Gurruchaga.
Un almacén rosado como revés de naipe
brilló y en la trastienda conversaron un truco;
el almacén rosado floreció en un compadre,
ya patrón de la esquina, ya resentido y duro.
El primer organito salvaba el horizonte
con su achacoso porte, su habanera y su ******.
El corralón seguro ya opinaba YRIGOYEN,
algún piano mandaba tangos de Saborido.
Una cigarrería sahumó como una rosa
el desierto. La tarde se había ahondado en ayeres,
los hombres compartieron un pasado ilusorio.
Sólo faltó una cosa: la vereda de enfrente.
A mí se me hace cuento que empezó Buenos Aires:
La juzgo tan eterna como el agua y el aire.

Your lives are much sweeter than mine,
triumphs mixed with parties,
action and crowds.

I can hear it when you speak up
despit your fear, agony, youth, or depression,
at least you drive
finding someone
or you paint your lips with color
smacking them on the cheek of a compadre.

You drink crap beer or wine
maybe you even smoke.
Vices.
Mine are long gone,
sacrificed.

You visit darkend, pulsing clubs
people know you
they even come up
honestly glad to see you,
you are embraced.

Write about love i implore myself
Like a little boy's plea to his father
About the thrills of a plane journey
Neither of them ever had

But how could he **** that zeal
Or dull the shine of those curious eyes
So he spuns a tale with a heart so pale
Reliving his old fantasy as if it were real

Staying put sure is mundane
But not when she's right there
Eyes closed dreaming something insane
Her hair swaying all across her face

Sometimes she would smile
Clutching his pillow tight
Unaware that her Paramour
Is awake and yet asleep by her side

How a gentle kiss on the forehead
Did pacify all his overwhelming emotions
And just one warm hug
comforted her soul ousting fearful notions

When all her silly desires
Were met by words of praise
And all his fears turn into fire
As she whispers "I know you're brave"

How could love be so easy
When life is so **** hard
Truth be told it's selfless and scarred
But In the race for survival
Compadre it's a headstart

At the end of the day
It's up to you what to portray
I say love's like the sun in the snow
But then again how would I know
For I'm just a father doing what's told!

I'm leaving this place,"

Said the smile upon my face,

"I've made you happy for far too long, you dont need me now to make you strong"

"Will I see you again ?, my dear honest compadre, "

No response, gone , not for good though ,

Off to help another with this shambolic show

Its down to me , myself and my strength in the face of the depression that consumes all around

Its down to me, to show humility, have the honour and the compassion to help my life reverberate with a healthy sound

I saw on the news

The smile like a virus had spread to help eradicate the blues

Whole country's now full of elation

Around the world being adopted into folk lore like a long lost relation

I was proud, I stood  to attention, took the salute

My smile was now yours , pain and sorrow replaced by laughter

And like a fairytale , a dream of living happily ever after

Bobbing on the ocean
Thrown to and fro
Always going under and clawing
upward toward the sun
For just one more gasp
I am naked, clothes too heavy
Not to discard
Cold, no warmth of love
Just a sinking feeling
That is becoming like an old friend
Turning their shoulder to you
As they give you an evil eye
That you never thought existed
in any bone or muscle of your beloved gone compadre

Verse 1:
Spending a million days chilling like a baller, but I’m still a bachelor,
I’m the master *****, the funk villian,
Killing these ill feelings, like a *******.
Call me Captain Picard, galaxy speeding.
Bumping to tunes, in my Lincoln Navigator.
Living fate with taro cards, ***** bussing.
Cussing out haters, phonies is paper weight.
Knock ‘em out, let me demonstrate.

Verse 2:
Demonstrating, how to knock ‘em out,
These paperweight phonies, and haters imma cuss em out.
Buss em ****, using taro cards, living out fate,
Navigating while linking my tunes, to start bumping.
Speeding through galaxies, like Captain Picard.
I’m a *******, feelings so ill I could ****.
Got that villain funk, ******* call me master.
Balling like a bachelor, just chilling each day spending millions.

Verse 3:
Game has changed, so has the times.
Instead of writing rhymes, peoples is snorting em.
Deranged turn coats full of phlegm.
Instead of pronouncing vowels, they’s mumbling.
Music has become the chum bucket,
With occasional golden gems.
Shout out Denzel, Joey, Johnson, kaan, and Williams.
And I’ll be ****** like a John ham mad man,
If I start shooting up drugs and end up in neverland.
Flying, off the handle, like a dysfunctional Peter Pan.

Verse 4:
I’ve seen dysfunctional Peter’s, plan not pan out,
So, many times they’s handles have fallen off.
Going off to neverland, because them drugs shoot ‘em up.
**** man these kids madder than John Ham.
Why can’t they be more creative like, Williams, kaan, Johnson, Joey, and Denzel man?
I guess not every gems golden,
Like expecting a bucket of chum producing good music.
With many mumbling vowels, bet they can’t even pronounce phlegm.
Fulls coats turned red, feel betrayed, because the sounds turned deranged.
With rappers snorting lines, instead of writing them.
I guess the times has changed, and I guess so too must the game.

Verse 5:
Asked to choose between a beemer, Benz, or Bentley.
All the same when I’m drinking henny on the highway.
Swerving on them fools, than repent on Sunday.
Attempting not to catch a fine, at least till payday.
Spiralling downhill, mayday mayday.
Declining like the popularity of Spyro.
My internal plains a pyro, La lumbre, lumbre.
Think I need a vk, chilling in the jungle with dk.

Verse 6:
Go bananas in the jungle like Dk,
Just swinging, chilling, relaxing like it’s a vk.
Dancing with La lumbre, lumbre,
No fly zone during the eternal pyro.
**** popularity, imma burn down this ***** like I’m Spyro.
Imma never decline someone screaming, mayday, mayday.
If I did I know that would be a downhill spiral.
Where payday just another day,
But I pretend things are fine,
Attempting smiles, whilst receiving a sundae.
Only fools repent, can’t swerve me compadre.
Doing things my way,
Getting drunk and high,
Addictions are all the same.
Numbing the pain, by paying for fancy cars like Bentley’s, Benz’s, and beemers.
Because to choose between would be insane.

While some be walking on sunshine,
I’ll be walking the fine line,
Between the sublime and a unhinged mind.
Quote the raven never more,
Through space and time.
Wonder if I ever find…
The meaning to the core.
That breeds life,
And seeks death.
And if it matters if I’m a Jedi,
Or become a Sith?
To face judgement in the afterlife,
Even though reality is already a punishment.
It makes no sense!
Should I conform,
Or should I resist?
After all I never chose to exist.
To roll around in this ****,
Like I’m some piglet.
Guess I’ll need some anti-septic.
But perhaps I’m just a cynic,
Who see’s the pathetic as poetic.
And calls it out, regardless of pro-etiquette.
As it’s like trying to live in a room, comfortably with an elephant.
Hold up wait!
I’m in my element.
Our systems a detriment.
To those it deems as a pestilent
So, they develop a regiment.
Oh, Here we go,
Again with that rhetoric.
But **** it,
The world is ****,
And I’m here to better it.
If you want songs that are melancholic,
Or has themes about money, fame, or *******.
Go to your local bargain bin,
And you’ll find a drake CD in it!
Haha.

When it comes to life,
You got two choices.
Laugh or cry!
This is the thesis,
Of a divide,
Between our inner Jekyll & Hyde.

Fighting the voices,
That got me wanting to commit suicide.
Thirsty for death.
Where the formaldehyde?
Shadows always lurking,
Hard to hide,
Even harder to fight!
When you got to pretend,
Like everything’s alright!
After all, fake smiles delight.
Where the drugs at?
Want to get higher than a kite.
In order to numb my plight.
Smash the mirrors that surround me,
Because I can’t stand the sight.
Can’t let people see the demon inside.
That feeds off positivity,
But sadly never satisfies its appetite.
That turns allies to absentees.
With the toxic cycle becoming dynamite.
That leaves fragments to those near the surrounding.
Because, Intergenerational trauma doesn’t discriminate, compadre.
But hopefully we will be able to heal one day!
Till than though…

When it comes to life,
You got two choices,
Laugh or cry!
This is the thesis,
Of a divide,
Between our inner Jekyll and Hyde.

Eating Stale ramen noodles,
Fiending, wish I could make a killing,
Could **** a sain man for his strudel,
Tale as old as Jim Pickens.
Insane man driven and drowning in a **** puddle.
Ugly as a muggle, powerless but ***** it!
I’m high as the ceiling!
What is life? Where is the meaning?
Where innocent lambs are fed to demons!
Tried to go to church, but got ***** by the reverend!
Why should I strive for heaven?
Ramming head on collision, into a dead end.
Like Wile E. Coyote.
Numb the failures with Peyote.
Ain’t had a suite life like Zack & Cody.
Trying to overcome all the barriers that try to stop me.
But can’t escape the serenade of a fourty.
Because it’s the only thing that blows my mind, compadre.

***** you, you don’t know me!
Don’t know… the sacrifices I had to take numpty!
Don’t understand the pain,
Cause the grass is greener on your side Charlie.
So, ***** you, but I wish you the best.
Enjoy your little rest,
Till I put a gun to your chest.
Because where I come from,
It’s the survival of the fittest!

I come from the gutter *****,
Where the **** is!
Eating *****, but not the type you think it is.
***** I’m dangerous!
I make out with chainsaws & smoke roaches.
I’m taking revenge on you!
Because you poached us!
Divided our people like ya was Moses!
& than introduced the fire water,
Man… that **** nearly broke us!
Where desperate chollos, sell ya their daughters!
A slave to vices, that eventually lead to mental disorders!
Land destroyed, divided by borders!
Where once honourable people got turned to *******!
Savages that would do anything to attain the figures!
Designed, desired and owned by the winners!

So again I say…

***** you, you don’t know me!
Don’t know… the sacrifices I had to take numpty!
Don’t understand the pain,
Cause the grass is greener on your side Charlie.
So, ***** you, but I wish you the best.
Enjoy your little rest,
Till I put a gun to your chest.
Because where I come from,
It’s the survival of the fittest!

Would you believe?
What I’ve seen, what I’ve seen!
What do you need?
To believe, to believe?

From living on welfare to living fairly well.
Grew up in church like kapowski,
Guess we were both saved by the bell.
I can guarantee there’s a God compadre,
cause I’ve been through hell.
But I refuse to drag my *** on the pavement,
Even if that **** does sell.
Cause imma true rebel,
And only time will tell.
If I succeed of fail.
So, You see, pray tell, I hope you listen closely, listen well.
Gotta keep one’s intents not stuck on your pretence.
I relent that fact that **** can get intense in an instance.
Enough to make one dive in a pool filled with incense.
Offend the masses with insensitivity,
Yet Treating it like a **** trapped within tents.
No place to run when incensed, at least until one pays them in cents.
Cause that makes sense, doesn’t it?
At least to the insensible next generations,
That needs to be carried like a decimal.
But is that truly justice at all?
Uh..

Would you believe?
What I’ve seen, what I’ve seen!
What do you need?
To believe, to believe?

They tell me to be quiet, bruh I don’t buy it.
They call me a savage, yet I’m not the one who’s violent.
So, I’m not about to dial it down for you clowns that grow silent.
When I reveal the truth once denied and paid off with benevolent funds.
Which loaded the bullets for tiny Tim’s gun.
Cause we’re only good when we’re gone!
I am second to none, go ahead buy my merch.
Than Get told off for wearing a cap in the church, must be capping, cause they ain’t humble enough to get off their perch.
God don’t care about appearances, he cares for the hurt, so before you judge us at least do your research!
Uh…
I ain’t a republican, a democrat, or a conspiracy theorist.
I simply don’t trust politicians, aristocrats, or  cbc journalists.
I trust in the alpha and omega, the OG purist.
That’s why I support Israel and not barbaric Hamas terrorists!
Yes sir!

Would you believe?
What I’ve seen, what I’ve seen!
What do you need?
To believe, to believe?

Everything at your age is Magic and horror
Everything at my age is Horror and magic
or perhaps I have that backwards
I drool to be your compadre
in awkward discovery
of skin and within
and without

leave this
space open for lack
of reason and treasonous
impulses gouging in to sheets
of future expansion into some now
your smile comes and goes often down
get your thoughts lined up and shot through

Excusing yourself as if...
going to the bidet,
an immense water closet
(perhaps the size of
Mar A Lago type getup),

sans human waste
(after flushing hearing
heavenly suctioned whoosh)
empties into prez Donald's bay,
where one *** wrapped aforementioned
toilet finely (and finally) enthrones

derriere exquisitely, and, delicately
intricately, chiseled wrought with cloisonné
ah...enjoying simple pleasure a$$ I say
sipping one after another Red Bull, whence
with one final trumpet of the **** -

(as acknowledgment to angry 1%),
though quite reluctantly did pay -
hitting the custom built in combination
handsome replica Taj Mahal fountainhead golf
course made from clay

baked Adobe bathroom links
(whew...long Atlas) shrugging off
responsibilities, escorted
by migrant compadre
Russian Putin lookalike uncannily

also resembles plucked Kernel Sanders
advocating consuming buttered Thomas
English muffins with oreos can delay,
tending to government, who successfully
playfully, melodiously preaches, sermonizes

and absolute zero values benefits burning
off calories, where couples sashay,
asper square and/or contra dancing,
where the caller hollers hip hip hooray
barely audible above

noisy fracas and fray
of crowded house,
avast throng of village people stomp
louder than a quiet
riot global military foray

anathema to dogma,
karma, persona... of
Jacques Cousteau, or green like
minded millennials and/or gray
bearded whelk homed by elasmobranchii.

It started with existence

just a lowly perspective of a mute
time when I was able to
make sense of this pressure
make sense of why
you are now here to guide me now
on this looser journey; a lonely crabapple
still grappling at shriveled skin creating a face
that I still
cannot
distinguish.
With the end of presence as we know it
you have finished, rightly
in my dressing room
bright screen lit up
but only for a moment do I dare look away.

It started with you, and it will end with you

Closed off from me, shortly
your bioluminescence radiant,
your perfection incomplete.
I’ve known you for six straight years
or was it five
just enough
construed construction, a bloated
piece of mind that left me free to wander
aimlessly down I path I cannot recognize.
It was you who caused my blunder,
keeping me awake every night
with your brightness and distraction and amiable personality.
I decorated you with bits of me,
tangled in and out like woven webs of cybernetics
optimal connections, you died twice and I revived you.
But that was in the past
and you still cling on, for how much longer
I shan’t not know.
Only that what it means to exist
when I should be letting go.
I have to face the trust of reality and its weakened points;
that dangerous, well-formed world I find myself in.
I hope you can follow me
as long as you are able,
my clunky plastic compadre
your heart is metal mixed with other
kinds of fragile contraptions.
I know this end to my happiness is not your fault.
You were there when I needed you most,
even if you are a tool of innocence turned foul.
I once learned all of existence from your knowledge,
gleaned myself raw
trying to let you help me
understand myself.
We are not truly over because I am bound to you
somehow
even though I’ve used you for my own gain
abused your trust and have my own heart slain.

All I ask is for you to give me a chance
to make it right

again.

And then I can move on to better things.

And not be obsessed of what you think of me.

And find a way to pull myself together.

"watch out, slow down, what the ****"
that’s my reaction to some truly appalling driving
from my compadre the duke
this would be years ago
he turned to me, smiled and said
“the difference between you and me
is you’re afraid to die"
"no," i said, "the difference between you and me
is i don’t WANT to die"
now i’m an old coot
and the duke never made it to 30
i called that one
but he was a star