Trust me, I'm not insomniac.
Sleep is gold, but only a layman's dream
The night is the only time I can flee, be free,
Alive.
I can do what I love, not what you want me to.
Can't you just let me
Breathe?

What do you wish? What do you want?
I'm not your genie in a bottle,
I'm tired of playing as your Barbie doll,
I'm telling you– I need space, a place to
Breathe.

Just who are my tears and sweat for?
Who will gain the best at the very end?
A bright future? For whom? For me or...
For you?
Not me, it's not me.
You're choking me, constricting me.
Why don't you let me
Breathe?

October, gradually going to November.
If liquor can erase
my entire hard drive,
then so be it.
But just of you.
Just of…

Just of… who?

October

October. Your birthday.
I was the first to wish you.
You kept it hush– don’t tell anyone,
you said. I obeyed. Like a dog.
When you pat my hair I bared,
but you’re tearing my heart inside.
I’m scared.

October. Smiles and cameras.
If my friends didn’t push me then,
I’ll have no proof you exist.
Will that be better? But I’m happy.
I’m always happy.

October. Studies, studies, studies.
I was drowned in studies. And food.
I thought I forgot about you for good.
Yet amidst equations, you’re there.
How can I ever fare?

October. Memes, dreams…
Dreams. At night, alone, I do feel
a bit lonely. Empty…
Nah. I got my gutsy guitar.
We jammed till daylight.

October thirty-first. Ooh, spooky–
hold my gin, I’m gonna burst–
listened to good ol’ rock as
I drank whiskey on rock, coke– I
had fun of course– without you.
Without you–

October, ending in an hour.
A friend and I in the bus,
We laughed.
My mate returned.
The bed is no longer bare.

October, November. If liquor
can erase my entire hard drive,
then so be it.
But just of you.
Just of…

Just of… who?

That day you left puzzles unsolved,
No one to tell me where to go.
Still wondering
What they really mean
Riddles with no solutions
Mysteries you kept, forever a cold case,
Questions which have no answer.

She may not be the most graceful:
I watched her trip over nothing
And knock over something
Almost everyday.

She may not be the smartest:
I watched her stuDYING, failing math,
And stringing wrong words
Almost every hour.

She may not be the prettiest:
Her hair is a mop, her locks fall
Like willows over her face
Almost every second.

But she is the best
Amongst the rest,
Her smile, her jokes, her zest,
My one and only jest.

I'm not sure if it's the gin
Or your slow, drunken kisses,
But I sure **** know
I'm gonna sleep well tonight.

I could still taste the whiskey
In my mouth, ***-rimmed,
The tang of coke, light gin,
Better than mint,
As my eyes turned three,
Balance broke, but
My mind stayed intact,
So I took my calculator,
Solved calculus in front of you,
Pi r square h, volume of the drink--
Look, Chandrasekhar, Volkoff--
My words are slurred yet clearer
Than ***** neat, more fluent
Than *** slipping in like silk
Into my throat, the blooming
Sweet heat lingers, my
Feet numb, as I walked,
Arm slung over your shoulder,
Laughed, fear clear, stir sears,
I'm not sorry, I'm free, in glee
With you, while the mild aftertaste
Remains, dissipates late, my mate,
Our best most happiest date...

Oh boy.
I may just forget much.
But I won't forget
That you still owe me twenty point four seven five dollars.