Why did you do that 5 days after my 19th birthday?

As if waiting until i graduated college
Or walking me down the aisle
Or seeing your grandchildren
Would make the pain any less bareable...

And its the little things that play with my emotions

Like...

Knowing i can never text you again

-Or wait by my window to watch you drive up the driveway because you were the only thing I was looking forward to all week

-Or sitting at an old burger joint discussing the power of the mind when intertwined with spirituality

-Or seeing the look on your face when I chased you around our handmade baseball field in the backyard

Those are the things I would give my own life to get back.

But two suicides dont make a life.
(At least thats what my psychologists say)

But I know if I could see my father again,
I would be taking my life back

When you are afraid
It will masquerade
As smiles and nods
There is no escape

If fear is a lier
Yanking my thinnest wire
I am too trusting
Pouring gasoline on the fire

Now I'm shaking to the bone
My feet are made of stone
I'm surrounded by faces
Yet somehow I'm alone

Why cant you see my frustration
As I pluck out my eyes,
Outstrectch my arms
And cry,
"Please I cant live to see this anymore!"

You just shove them back into my sockets
Grasp the nape of my neck
And shove my face into that black hole of depression.
You scream,

"You are going to watch this happen to you
As we sigh in relief that it's not happening to us!"

How many of us are trapped?
So little are those that make writing
A career
So many of us
Starving
For an opportunity

How many of us are Nurses?
Engineers?
Doctors?
Retail salesmen?
Teachers?
Business people?
Students?

Life is so different outside of
The four corners
Of our screens

But here we are
Forgetting the day-to-day

Embracing
These 5 minutes of
Free
Creative
Salvation

Hellopoetry
Goodbye society

I never knew the best way to initiate *** (or this poem for that matter)
I'm either completely submissive or surprisingly dominant
There's not much in between

I first kiss you slowly
Like an old fashioned movie
Spreading your lips
With my lips
Enter the realm of unknowing

When my tongue embraces yours
My heart beating, uncontrollably
The warmth of you breath
The dampness of your mouth
Positively suffocating

Without another thought
Our clothes begin to come off
Your hands hidden within my hair
We are as we were born
Selfish and bare

Lead me into the darkness
Where the only sense that matters
Is touch
Shield my broken body
Speak unspoken love

Bracing myself
I hold my breath
As I pull your body
Closer
To my chest

Like a well known dance
Your hips move like fire
I melt loudly between the sheets
I am vulnerable
To your desire

Lay rested on your back
For I am protector of the nest
I can hear you breathing
Harder
As sweat trickles down my breast

The time has arrived
I close my tired eyes
Because its darker
And more familiar
As I arch back to grip your thighs

My whole body is shaking
Yours is too
And when it's over
Your breath is softer
My mind is now anew

And when all is done
And we've restored our sight
My closed lips
Kiss your closed lips
And we both respond "goodnight"