Use the needle and thread to poke holes into my face
To connect the dots, once hollow
Knit that pretty smile on my face
More and more laughs will follow

Dont move my head right and left
Shaking my head no is bad to the crowd
Nod my head yes back and forth
Stitch my lips shut dont wanna be loud

Dont wear this, dont wear that
They'll judge you by your looks
They force you to merge into the perfect image
And strip you of your identity like crooks

You need to be more intelligent
You're a disgrace if you aren't married
If you haven't won medals and trophies
The memory of you is buried

You need a man in your life
You cannot be independent
If you refuse to accept their version of "reality"
You're prone to become emotionally dented

This is what it feels like for us women
We feel like nothing but a liability
So here it is, the horrid truth
About being locked up in the chains of society

of one thing
i am sure
and that is
that i am
unsure of
myself
and it’s funny
how i can’t
sleep but my
chest closes its
eyes and hums
with a heartbeat
that is unsure of
itself, too.
i try to morph
into a body
i don’t feel
belongs to me
just so i can
fit somewhere
fit in somewhere
and i tell so
many stories
about the
universe, it
forever feels
like i am trying
to remain lost.
i am unsure
of myself;
connecting the
moles on my
skin as if they
will spell out
something bigger
so i can feel
like i matter,
at least for
a little while.
i sleep beside
myself, stare at
a reflection
so unfamiliar
i couldn’t even
identify it in
a crowd of
strangers, but
i am trying.
and one day
i’m sure i’ll
be sure
of myself but
until then,
i’ll morph into
someone i can
be proud of
and hope that
the universe
sends me back
to myself.

I wont be able to show
My love to anyone
But people do not respect that
They think i do it just for fun

They think im just hormonal
They believe i am a source of stress
When stress never defined me
That when they say it, i love them less

Maybe i am heartless
Maybe i do burn
So when i fall or stumble
No one ever seems concerned

They say im hard to deal with
They say im a burden too
Like im a heavy weight they carry
That theres nothing they can do

Theyve taken me to doctors
To them, thats so extremely bad
“the others arent like you”
Like im the worst theyve ever had

I live in a puzzle of roses
With the prodigy child, the wise and the sweet
I try to fit myself in the picture
And hopelessly, i drown in defeat

I try to think more about it
Ive read books, been to lectures too
But somehow all that is overlooked
And my anger only grew

They look at me with fear
As if i carry a gun wherever i go
They believe my heart is nothing
But a stone thats as cold as snow

Red velvet, scarlet, ruby
Garnet and cherry red
Colors that overwhelm my brain
Colors i imprint in my head

I never seem to match
A single shade that is close to theirs
I wear a completely different color
With which, they arent willing to bear

In my eyes,
Im as white as an elegant goose
In their eyes, im as dark as ever
To symbolize how “my purity,
Was never mine to lose”

Roses have gorgeous petals
Their appearance always good as new
Although thorns have their good features
They have bad ones too

They bear a weight on their stems
An unwanted feature resting there
although these roses are pretty
That one feature, they hate to wear

The frown i wear on my face these days
Is one i have never worn
Its due to the undebatable fact
That every rose has its thorn

So please call me L.A.W.N
And do not see me as white and pure
For people think im a burden
A disease that has no cure

Cant control this feeling
This fear of drifting away
A feeling i cannot help
But endure every single day

Sleep, always restless
Fake smiles, for you to think I'm ok
A shield, a mask, a boulder
To hide the pain away

I cant seem to close my eyes
Despite the heavy weight
Though i weigh them down, they Never shut
Sleep, they've begun to hate

The feeling of pain is horrible
Especially when no one can see
That i have lost a part of myself
I have lost the elated side of me

no longer am i fond of hugs
No longer am i willing to wait
For someone to find and help me
I believe it's much too late

I cant seem to close my eyes
Too many nightmares, chasing me
No dreams with rainbows and smiles
Only fear to an unimaginable degree

No longer do i believe in love or trust
I can no longer keep my feelings at bay
Can no longer act as well as i used to
I am too tired to shove my feelings away

I am no longer able to breathe right
I am no longer able to define life the right way
I am surrounded by people i no longer love
People to whom i dont know what to say

I cant seem to close my eyes
What else is there to say
Im a girl with chronic insomnia
And the fear doesn't seem to be going away

I have lost the ability to love
Because of people who have turned their backs
And because of that, thanks to them
Ive become an insomniac

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.